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Chapter 62Ansl.1.62

ORATIO LXIV [ol. LXIII]. AD SANCTUM PETRUM APOSTOLUM. Cum lamentabili deploratione peccatorum.

The Sinner's Cry Before Peter

The speaker humbles himself before Saint Peter, acknowledging his own spiritual weakness and inability to adequately express his need.

Holy and most kind Peter, faithful shepherd of the sheep of God, ruler of the apostles, ruler of so many rulers—you bind and loose what you will, you heal and raise up whomever you will, you give the kingdom of heaven to whomever you will: great Peter, great, endowed with so many and such great gifts, exalted with so many and such great dignities—here I am, a most poor and lowest little person, surrounded by many and heavy hardships and distresses, miserably in need of the help of your great power: yet my mouth does not have words to express my need as it truly is, nor does my heart have the devotion to reach from so low a place to your so great sublimity. Again and again I try to rouse my sluggish mind and to rein in my attention, which has been scattered through empty things: but with all my strength gathered, it cannot break through the darkness of its own torpor, which it has contracted from the filth of its own sins, and it is no longer strong enough to stand firm in the same resolve. Alas, most wretched me! Yes, so it is, it is not pretense; so it truly is.

The Sick Sheep Returns to the Shepherd

The speaker pleads for Peter's compassion, casting himself as a sick and wandering sheep returning to its shepherd, confessing wounds and begging mercy.

So who will come to help this wretched one, who can neither give voice to his suffering nor express what grieves him? O great Peter, if the cry of my suffering does not reach you, let the gaze of your compassion reach me; let it break through my hardness, pierce my darkness, and look upon my afflictions.1 Look upon the sheep of the flock entrusted to you, kind shepherd, and have mercy on it as it labors miserably — not as much as its own evils demand, but as much as the one praying will allow.2 For behold, before the faithful shepherd lies the sick sheep, groaning before the Lord — Lord of both shepherd and sheep.3 The fugitive returns, seeking pardon for her error and disobedience.✦4 To the pious physician and shepherd she reveals the bites of wolves and the gashes of wounds she received while wandering, and the ulcers that long neglect has fed; and while she still draws breath, she pleads for mercy — winning more by laying out her misery before the merciful shepherd than by begging.5

The Soul's Wounds Laid Bare

The speaker describes the soul's dire condition—disease, festering sores, demonic threats—and urges Peter to recognize the sheep entrusted to him by Christ.

Good shepherd Peter, don't be hard to reach in my struggle, don't turn your merciful eyes away; look on me, I beg you — don't cast the penitent one aside, don't put off hearing the one who pleads. Because she scorned the healing pastures, she's weak from lack of strength; because she gave in to what was poisonous, she's tormented by the touch of disease. Festering sores and bruised wounds, made worse by rotting, are quickly dragging her down to death. Wolves, now that they've tasted her blood, are lurking in ambush, waiting for her to be cast down. The enemy, like a roaring lion, prowls around looking for her, ready to devour her.✦ Faithful shepherd, turn your eyes toward her and recognize the one entrusted to you. Even if she has gone astray, she hasn't denied the Lord and shepherd. Look on her face and mark the sign of your Lord and his own.

Peter's Commission and the Voice of Confession

The speaker invokes Christ's threefold charge to Peter (John 21) and argues that the penitent soul, though defiled, belongs to Christ and must not be despised by his shepherd.

If, beneath all this filth, you cannot recognize the face that was washed and made white in the font of Christ, then recognize instead the voice of confession spoken in the name of Christ — Christ who three times asked whether you loved him.✦ To you, confessing three times, he said: Feed my sheep.✦ Surely this sheep is a lover, who before her commendation thus examines the shepherd's love. Look — you confess yourself his lover, and she confesses herself his sheep. Why, then, do you despise the sheep of Christ, you his shepherd? Peter, shepherd of Christ, gather up the sheep of Christ. Your Lord placed her on his own shoulders, rejoicing that she was sought and found — do not drive her away as she returns and pleads. The Lord bought her with his own blood before she was even born; you his shepherd, do not despise her now reborn and so diligently commended to you.✦ Alas!

The Soul's Unhealed Anguish

A brief, anguished cry that the soul does not yet feel received, healed, or restored.

As long as she doesn't feel herself received, healed, and restored to life.6

The Soul as Rational Spirit Under Demonic Assault

The speaker renews his plea, clarifying that the soul's wounds are spiritual, its hunger is of the mind, and its predators are demons, presenting his baptized soul before Peter as doorkeeper of heaven.

Holy Peter, if the name of shepherd and sheep doesn't move you, let the name of apostle move you — the name of the prince of the apostles, and the name of a Christian soul. Surely this is the sheep offered to you by me — my soul, reborn through the baptism of Christ. These wounds I've spoken of, these sores, these tears — they are not the wounds of a flesh-and-blood sheep, but those of a rational spirit. This hunger, these failures of strength, these torments — they are not the cravings of an animal's belly, but those of a human mind. These wolves and these lions are not four-footed beasts — they are demons. These great evils — they are the poverty of virtues, and sins heaped up.7 Because I don't yet feel that I've been heard — with difficulties pressing in on me — I'll take up my account again from the beginning, and I'll multiply my prayer. I will set before the doorkeeper of the kingdom of heaven and the prince of the apostles a faithful, wretched soul — under the reign of sinners, yearning toward the kingdom of heaven — and for this reason calling upon Peter, the doorkeeper of the kingdom of heaven and the prince of the apostles.8

Misery Set Before Mercy

The speaker lays his soul's full ruin before Peter and God, contrasting misery with mercy and asking whether divine compassion can truly overlook such a soul.

So look, merciful Peter: before you I lay out my soul, its sinews of virtue unbound, bound in chains of vice, weighed down by the weight of sins, defiled by the filth of my offenses, torn open by the wounds of demons, rotting and foul with the ulcers of my crimes. By these and other grave evils — which you see better than I do — my soul is buried, crushed, hemmed in, and enveloped, stripped of every relief from any good, as you can see. Look at this wretched soul, and the merciful apostle Peter, before the merciful God — who gave mercy to the apostle Peter and commanded him to show it, and gave him the power to do so. Here is misery, and here is mercy. The mercy of God and of Peter his apostle; the misery of a soul confessing God, and calling on both God and Peter. Will misery press down any longer on a soul that looks toward God and Peter — and will the mercy of God and Peter not see this?

Can Mercy Be Exceeded by Sin?

The speaker presses God and Peter with anguished questions: can the enormity of his sin truly surpass the immensity of divine mercy, or is the problem his own insufficient confession and satisfaction?

O God, and you, greatest of his apostles, what is this enormity of my misery, if the immensity of your mercy cannot stand against it? Or if it can but does not will — what is this enormity of my faults that exceeds the multitude of your compassions? Or is it because I do not confess all the things I have sinned? Look, I confess that all the things you know I have done wrong are true. Or is it because I do not make satisfaction, either by repenting sufficiently or by repaying good for the evils I have done? Certainly it is so, I admit; but this is the very misery by which I am tormented. So the more severely misery constrains, the more sluggish will mercy be? O unheard-of word, from one who is merciful, against a suppliant!

Justice Answered, Yet Mercy Still Sought

The speaker acknowledges that God's justice is rightly against him, yet still begs for the bread of mercy, crying out against the crushing weight of divine judgment.

But I understand, righteous God — I understand what you answer to my soul: she suffers deservedly what she willingly underwent, and she is rightly not heard, because she did not obey. Alas! Bitterness of despair! I acknowledge it — yes, I acknowledge that this sentence is one of justice, not of mercy. Who has called justice into court against me? When speech was addressed to me with mercy, it was not with mercy that I responded. In my hardship, my troubled soul begs for the bread of mercy from you, God. Why do you shatter her bones with a stone of justice?

Final Intercession and Doxology

The speaker concludes by asking God, through Peter's merits and intercession, to forgive the soul's sins, and calls upon Peter to loose its bonds and lead it into the kingdom of heaven.

Your mercy, merciful God — through the merits and intercession of blessed Peter, your apostle — may it hasten to her and rescue her by forgiving her sins. Holy Peter, prince of the apostles — through the mercy shown to you and the power given to you — loose the bonds of her, heal the wounds of her.✦ Free her from the misery of the kingdom of sins, and lead her into the blessedness of the kingdom of heaven, so that rejoicing with you, giving thanks, she may praise God forever and ever. Amen.

Read the original Latin

Sancte et benignissime Petre, fidelis pastor ovium Dei, princeps apostolorum, princeps tantorum principum, qui ligas et solvis quod vis, qui sanas et resuscitas quem vis, qui das regnum coelorum cui vis: magne Petre, magne, tot et tantis donis ditate, tot et tantis dignitatibus sublimate; ecce ego pauperrimus et infimus homuncio, multis et gravibus aerumnarum circumdatus angustiis, miserabiliter indigeo auxilio tuae magnae potentiae: sed nec os meum habet verba, quibus necessitatem meam, sicut ipsa est, exprimat, nec cor meum habet devotionem quae de tam infimo ad tuam tantam sublimitatem attingat. Iterum atque iterum conor mentem meam torpentem concitare, et dissolutam per inania restringere: sed omnibus viribus collectis, nec torporis sui tenebras, quas contraxit de sordibus peccatorum suorum, potest dirumpere, nec in eadem intentione diutius valet consistere. Heu me miserrime miserum! Ita quippe est, non est simulatio; ita est.

Quis ergo subveniet misero, qui nec valet exhibere tribulati vocem, nec dolentis mentem? O magne Petre, si clamor tribulationis meae non ascendit usque ad te; respectus tuae pietatis descendat usque ad me, dirumpat duritiam meam, scindat tenebras meas, circumspiciat aerumnas meas. Respice, benigne pastor, commissi tibi gregis ovem, et miserere miserabiliter laborantem, et, non quantum sua mala exigunt, sed quantum permittunt, orantem. Ecce enim ante fidelem pastorem jacet et gemit morbida ovis coram Domino pastoris et ovis. Fugitiva redit, erroris et inobedientiae veniam petit. Pio medico et pastori morsus luporum et scissuras vulnerum, quae errando incurrit, et ulcera quae longa incuria nutrivit, revelat, et misereri sibi dum adhuc spiritum trahit, plus miseriam suam coram misericorde pastore expandendo quam obsecrando, exorat.

Pastor bone Petre, ne sis exoratu difficilis, ne avertas misericordes oculos; respice, precor ne abjicias poenitentem, ne differas exaudire supplicantem. Quia enim fastidivit salutifera pascua, languet defectu virium; quia indulsit pestiferis, torquetur attactu morborum. Adulta ulcera, et illisa vulnera putrescendo pejorata cito eam trahunt ad mortem. Lupi jam gustato ejus sanguine, exspectantes abjiciendam in insidiis latent. Inimicus ejus, tanquam leo rugiens, circuit quaerens eam ut devoret. Pastor fidelis, converte oculos tuos ad eam, et recognosce tibi commissam. Si enim erravit, tamen Dominum et pastorem non negavit. Inspice in faciem ejus, et adverte signum Domini tui et ejus.

Si sub tanto squalore non agnoscis faciem lotam et candidatam in fonte Christi, agnosce vocem confessionis sub nomine Christi, qui ter interrogans utrum eum amares. tibi ter confitenti dixit: Pasce oves meas. Certe amator est ovis, qui ante commendationem sic discutit amorem pastoris. En confiteris te amatorem ejus, et haec confitetur se ovem ejus. Cur ergo spernis ovem Christi, pastor ejus? Petre, pastor Christi, recollige ovem Christi. Dominus tuus imposuit in humeros suos gaudens quaesitam et inventam, ne repellas eam redeuntem et supplicantem; Dominus emit eam sanguine suo nondum natam, pastor ejus ne vilipendas jam renatam, et tam diligenter tibi commendatam. Heu!

quandiu non sentiet se receptam, curatam et refocillatam.

O sancte Petre, si te non movet nomen pastoris et ovis, moveat te nomen apostoli, principis apostolorum, et nomen Christianae animae. Nempe haec est ovis a me tibi oblata, anima mea, baptismo Christi regenerata. Haec vulnera, quae dixi, haec ulcera, hae scissurae non sunt ovinae carnis, sed sunt spiritus rationalis. Haec fames, hi defectus virium, hae torsiones non sunt pecorini ventris, sed sunt humanae mentis. Hi lupi et hi leones non sunt quadrupedes, sed daemones. Haec tanta mala, paupertas est virtutum, et coacervata peccata. Quia igitur nondum sentio me exauditum, urgentibus angustiis, a principio repetam narrationem meam, et multiplicabo orationem meam. Exponam coram janitore regni coelorum et principe apostolorum fidelem animam miseram sub regno peccatorum, ad regnum coelorum inhiantem, et ob hoc Petrum janitorem regni coelorum et principem apostolorum invocantem.

Ecce ergo, misericors Petre, coram te exhibeo animam meam nervis virtutum dissolutam, catenis vitiorum ligatam, pondere peccatorum aggravatam, delictorum sordibus foedatam, discissam vulneribus daemonum, putridam et fetidam ulceribus criminum. His et aliis gravibus malis, quae melius me vides, obrutam, oppressam, circumdatam, obvolutam, bonorum omnium relevamine, ut cernis, destitutam. Ecce miseram animam, et misericordem apostolum Petrum, coram misericorde Deo, qui apostolo Petro misericordiam fecit et facere praecepit, et faciendi potestatem dedit. Ecce miseria, et ecce misericordia. Misericordia Dei, et Petri apostoli ejus; miseria animae Deum confitentis, et Deum et Petrum invocantis. Ergo miseria premet diutius animam ad Deum et Petrum respicientem, et videbit hoc misericordia Dei et Petri?

O Deus, et tu major, apostolorum ejus, quae est haec miseriae meae immanitas, si non potest adversus eam misericordiae vestrae immensitas? Aut si potest, sed non vult, quae est haec enormitas culparum mearum, quae excedit multitudinem miserationum vestrarum? An quia cuncta, quae peccavi, non confiteor! en cuncta quae scitis me peccasse, vera esse confiteor. An quia nec sufficienter poenitendo, nec malis bona rependendo, satisfacio? Utique sic est, fateor; sed haec est ipsa miseria qua torqueor. Ergo quo plus coarctat miseria, plus lenta erit misericordia? O inauditum verbum a misericorde in supplicantem!

Sed intelligo, juste Deus, intelligo quid respondeas animae meae: Merito patitur quod sponte subiit, et digne non exauditur quae non obedivit. Heu! desperationis amaritudo? Agnosco certe, agnosco hanc sententiam esse justitiae, non misericordiae. Quis vocavit justitiam in causam meam? Cum misericordia sermo mihi erat, non cum ea. Panem misericordiae mendicat a te, Deus, in tribulatione aerumnosa anima mea. Cur lapide justitiae perfringis ossa ejus?

Misericordia tua, misericors Deus, per merita et intercessionem beati Petri apostoli tui, acceleret et eruat eam dimittendo peccata ejus. Sancte Petre, princeps apostolorum, per misericordiam tibi factam et potestatem tibi datam, solve vincula ejus, sana vulnera ejus. Libera eam de miseria regni peccatorum; et introduc eam in beatitudinem regni coelorum, ut tecum gaudens, gratias agens, laudet Deum in saecula saeculorum. Amen.

Scripture echoes

  1. ↩Luke.15.4-Luke.15.6 — Which one of you, having a hundred sheep and losing one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness and go after the lost one until he finds it? Luke.15.5 — And when he finds it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. Luke.15.6 — And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, 'Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.'
  2. ↩1Pet.5.8 — Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
  3. ↩John.21.15-John.21.17 — When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?" He said, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." Jesus said to him, "Feed my lambs." John.21.16 — He said to him again a second time, 'Simon, son of John, do you love me?' He said to him, 'Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.' He said to him, 'Tend my sheep.' John.21.17 — He said to him the third time, 'Simon son of John, do you love me?' Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, 'Do you love me?' and he said to him, 'Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.' Jesus said to him, 'Feed my sheep.'
  4. ↩John.21.17 — He said to him the third time, 'Simon son of John, do you love me?' Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, 'Do you love me?' and he said to him, 'Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.' Jesus said to him, 'Feed my sheep.'
  5. ↩Luke.15.5 — And when he finds it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing.
  6. ↩Matt.16.19 — I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

Notes

  1. 1 ↩pietas rendered as 'compassion' here in the sense of tender mercy/steadfast love directed downward, not merely pity
  2. 2 ↩The final clause 'quantum permittunt orantem' is syntactically compressed: the prayer itself sets the limit on how much mercy is sought, i.e., the suppliant does not presume to dictate terms to God's justice
  3. 3 ↩Domino pastoris et ovis: the genitive construction identifies Christ as Lord who is simultaneously the shepherd (pastor) and the sheep (ovis), i.e., the one who shepherds and the one offered — a compressed Christological image
  4. 4 ↩fugitiva is feminine, continuing the sheep (ovis) metaphor as a female sheep who wandered and now returns — echoing the prodigal and lost-sheep parables
  5. 5 ↩The comparison plus...quam (more by spreading out than by begging) presents the medieval devotional idea that honest self-exposure before God is more effective than rhetorical supplication
  6. 6 ↩refocillatam is a rare form (possibly unique); rendered 'restored to life' on the assumed lemma refocillo, but the identification is uncertain.
  7. 7 ↩paupertas est virtutum: metaphorical predication — the 'poverty' or 'destitution' of virtues, meaning their complete absence, is itself the sum of these evils.
  8. 8 ↩janitore regni coelorum: Peter as 'doorkeeper' of the kingdom of heaven, an allusion to the keys of the kingdom (Matthew 16:19). The title is rendered literally to preserve the architectural metaphor.

Orationes sive Meditationes — Collection for Princess Adeliza of Normandy companion

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