ORATIO LXII [ol. LXIII]. AD SANCTUM JOANNEM BAPTISTAM. Cum recordatione peccatorum.
The Saint Who Knew God Before the World
The prayer opens by magnifying John the Baptist's unique holiness and God's praise of him, then turns the penitent's fearful, self-accusing approach to so great an intercessor, pleading that grace which raised John can also lift the sinner.
Holy John, you are that John who baptized God — you who were praised by the archangel before you were begotten by your father; filled with God before you came from your mother; knowing God before you were known in the world; you who showed the pregnant Mother of God to your mother before your own mother was pregnant with you, so that you might be called what you are. Of you God said: "Among those born of women there has not risen anyone greater."✦ To you, Lord — so great, so holy, so blessed — to you there comes a wicked worm, a wretched little creature, now with feeling so dead he can barely grieve for himself, but with his soul dead to himself, a sinner who ought to grieve all the more. To you, so great a friend of God, he comes fearing deeply, doubtful about his salvation — because he is certain of his great guilt, but hoping in your greater grace. Greater, indeed, is your grace, Lord, than my guilt — because before God you can do more than blot out my sins. To you, therefore, Lord — you whom grace made so great a friend of God — the anxious one flees; you whom wickedness made so guilty before God; you whom grace made so blessed — and I, whom wickedness made so wretched. Truly, Lord, I confess: my wickedness made me what I am. But you — what you are, you owe not to yourself, but to the grace of God with you. Remember, therefore, Lord: just as the grace of God raised you on high, so let your mercy lift up the one his guilt has brought so low.
Lament Over What Sin Has Made of Me
A broken confession of personal sinfulness from conception onward, contrasting God's merciful gifts at birth with the penitent's willful defilement and reversal of that grace.
Alas — what have I made of myself? What kind of person was I? God, what kind of person did You make me, and what kind have I made of myself all over again? I was conceived and born in sin; but You washed me, You made me holy, and I have defiled myself with worse. I was born then into what I could not avoid; now I am wallowing in what I choose. In those things I was conceived without knowing; in these I am full and covered, willing. From those I was mercifully led out by You; into these I was miserably led by myself. From those I was piously redeemed; in these I am impiously destroyed.123 O God, You mercifully healed the soul wounded by my parents; I, the godless one, killed the soul You had made whole.4 Merciful Lord, You stripped off the old garments of original sin and clothed me in the robe of innocence, promising yet another garment of incorruption; and I, having rejected the one You gave, covered myself in the filth of wickedness — having scorned the one You promised, I chose instead the pains of eternal misery.567 You made me a son of Your wrath a son of Your grace; and I, having scorned that grace, made myself a son of Your hatred.✦89
The Defaced Image and the Horror of Sin
The penitent mourns the defacement of God's image by sin, expressing shame, self-accusation, and horror at having willingly imitated the devil despite knowing his fall.
You reformed in me your lovely image, and I stamped over it a hateful one. Alas, alas! Whose? Whose? — wretched and mad little man that I am — whose image have I stamped over the image of God? Oh, why was I not even ashamed to do what I now shudder even to speak of? Oh, why did I not hate the imitation of him whose very name I shudder at? He fell willingly; I willingly made myself filthy. But he sinned in pride, with no punishment for crime preceding; I, having seen his penalty, scorning it, hastened to sin.
Hardened Against a Pursuing God
A sharp contrast is drawn between Adam's abandonment of a promising God and the penitent's flight from a God who pursues and dies for sinners.
He was once established in innocence, but I, though restored; he against the one who made himself and brings himself back, he abandoned a God who was making promises to him, while I fled from a God who was pursuing me; he persists in wickedness with God rejecting him, while I ran straight into that same wickedness with God calling me back; he, hardened, against the one who punishes, and I, hardened, against the one who coaxes me with kindness. Though we are both against God — he against one who is not even seeking him, and I against one who is dying for me.✦
The Unbearable Weight of Self-Knowledge
The penitent despairs of escaping his own horrifying self, warning that numbness to sin is not strength but spiritual dullness and hardened iniquity.
O unhappy — and all too unhappy — poor little creature, if in fact no trace of humanity remains where such monstrous wickedness has taken hold! See — I used to shudder at the horror of that image, yet in many ways I now see myself as something far more horrifying. Flee, flee from yourself — you horrible, unnameable thing — flee from yourself, terrified as you are of your own self. But — alas — you cannot flee from yourself. So do not look at yourself — because you cannot bear what you are. For if you can endure this without the pain of horror, then do not endure it — precisely because you can. For the more you can endure this, the more you resemble the first sinner — and the more intolerable you are to God. For this is not strength of mind but dullness of spirit; this is not health but hardened iniquity; this is not born of consolation but of damnation.
Caught Between Terror and Deception
Unable to flee himself and unable to look at himself without terror, the penitent finds that not looking brings self-deception, making the anguish unbearable.
So don't endure the horror of your inner face without the anguished cry of your heart. Since you can't flee from yourself, then, don't look at yourself either — because you can't bear yourself. But behold — it is worse if I do not look at myself; for I deceive myself.
Evil on Every Side
A series of anguished antitheses expresses the torment of a conscience that cannot flee itself and the greater wretchedness of awaiting damnation.
O, how unbearably heavy this anguish! If I look at myself, I can't bear what I see; if I don't look, I don't even know who I am. If I examine myself, my own face terrifies me; if I don't examine myself, my damnation deceives me. If I see myself, the horror is unendurable; if I don't see myself, death is unavoidable. Evil on this side, worse on that — evil on every side. But too much evil here, too much worse there, and too much evil everywhere. Truly wretched is the person whom his own conscience torments — and whom he cannot flee. Still more wretched is the person whom his own damnation awaits — and which he cannot avoid.
The Wretchedness of Sin and Its Consequences
The penitent declares sin bitter and wretched, then escalates from self-loathing to the terror of eternal torments for iniquity.
Too wretched is the person who is a horror to himself. Far more wretched is the one for whom death will be an everlasting reality felt to the full. Too full of misery is the person whom constant horrors terrify on account of his own foulness. Still more wretched is the one whom eternal torments will rack on account of his own iniquity. This is evil, and this is evil; but this is too much, and this is too much.
The Bitterness of Sin and the Call to Return
Sin is declared easy to fall into and bitter to abandon; sinners are urged to stop and return, with the penitent testifying from experience that abandoning the Lord is truly evil.
To sin — what a wretched and bitter thing you are! Sins — how easy they are to fall into, how hard to get out of!10 Sinners, where are you letting yourselves be led? Behind what bars are you locking yourselves in?11 Understand, understand how evil and how bitter it is to have abandoned the Lord. You who have sinned, return; you who want to sin, stop. Stop, I tell you — stop. It is truly evil and bitter — I know from experience; I am in the very midst of it.12
Judgment, Justice, and the Plea for Renewal
Acknowledging the justice of God's judgment, the penitent begs deliverance from evil, pleads for mercy, and asks that baptismal grace be renewed through the Baptist's merits.
Either continual pains will torment my repentant life, or eternal torments will vex my soul that deserves punishment. Surely each is both evil and bitter. And rightly the one accused by God is tormented between evil and worse — too wicked, set between what is too evil and what is too much worse. It is just, it is right — my judge is just; but you yourself are God and Lord and Creator. Remove, therefore, Creator — remove such great evil from your creature, if it gives thanks that it is your handiwork. Rescue, Lord — rescue your servant from such great evils, if he rejoices to confess you as his Lord. Spare, God — spare your sinner, if he does not despair of your goodness; for even if I should judge that I have sinned more wickedly than that first sinner, I do not hate you as he did, nor do I detest your goodness. Renew, then, through the merits of your great Baptist — renew in me the grace of your baptism.
Take Away My Sins
A sustained petition that God would take away the sins of the world and the penitent's own sins, appealing to baptismal grace and the testimony of John the Baptist.
Your grace goes before me; let your mercy follow. Through the lament of repentance, give what you gave through the Sacrament of baptism. Grant to the one who asks what you granted to the one who didn't even know to ask. Reform the face I defiled; restore the innocence I violated. You who took away the sins I brought into the world by being born, take away the sins I contracted by the way I've lived. Take away — you who take away the sins of the world — because these are the sins of the world that I carry from my life in the world.✦ Take away — you who take away the sins of the world — through the merits of the one who showed you to the world with this testimony: take away the sins I contracted in the world.✦ Take away from me what does not come from you, because I hate what comes from myself, and I still place my hope in you.
The Physician, the Witness, and the Sick Soul
The penitent asks John to intercede, appeals to Christ as the Lamb who takes away sins, and presents himself as a sick soul begging healing from both the physician and his truthful witness.
And you, holy John, who revealed to the world the one who takes away its sins, through the grace given to you, grant me this mercy: that he may take away my sins.✦ You, God, take away the sins of the world; you, his friend, say: 'This one takes away the sins of the world.'✦ See, I stand before you, burdened with the sins of the world. You take them away, and you say: 'See, here am I, the one for whom you take away what you declare.' Here is the physician, and his witness; and here is the sick one, the physician's servant, and his work — asking the physician and his witness. Truly a physician — I beg you, heal me. Truthful witness that he is — I pray you, pray for me. Prove yourself to me in me — you, your own deed; you, your own word.
Let the Word Be Fulfilled in Me
The prayer asks that Christ's healing work and John's testimony be fulfilled in the penitent, closing with a doxological confession of Christ's power and goodness as God and friend of the merciful God.
I will experience what I hear, and feel what I believe. Jesus, good Lord, if you are doing what John testified to, let your work be done in me. John, the one who showed forth God, if you bear witness to what Christ does, let your word be fulfilled in me. Heal me, Lord — you, whose very nature it is to heal. Obtain this for me, Lord — you who have the power to obtain it. For you are a great Lord, and you are great in the Lord's presence. You are supremely powerful in yourself, and you are very powerful with him. You are the supremely good God, and you are the very good friend of him who is forever merciful and blessed God.
Amen
The prayer concludes with a single word of affirmation and consent.
Amen.
Read the original Latin
Sancte Joannes, tu ille Joannes, qui Deum baptizasti, tu prius ab archangelo laudatus quam genitus a patre; prius plenus Deo quam ex matre; prius noscens Deum, quam notus in mundo, tu ante monstrans matri gravidam Matrem Dei, quam gravida mater tua te dici: tu es de quo dixit Deus: Inter natos mulierum non surrexit major. Ad te, domine, tam magnum, tam sanctum, tam beatum, ad te venit scelerosus vermis, aerumnosus homuncio, jam emortuo sensu vix se dolens, sed mortua anima sibi nimis dolendus peccator. Ad te, tam magne amice Dei, valde timens venit dubius de salute sua, quia certus de magna culpa sua, sed sperans de majori gratia tua. Major enim est gratia tua, domine, quam culpa mea, quia plus potes apud Deum quam delere scelera mea. Ad te ergo, domine, quem gratia fecit tam amicum Dei, ad te fugit anxius, quem iniquitas fecit tam reum Dei; ad te, quem tam beatum fecit gratia, ego quem tam miserum fecit nequitia. Vere, domine, fateor, iniquitas mea me fecit talem; sed te talem, non tu, sed gratia Dei tecum. Memento ergo, domine, ut sicut gratia Dei te sic sublimavit, sic misericordia tua erigat quem culpa sua sic humiliavit.
Heu me, qualem me feci? qualis eram? Deus, qualem me fecisti, et qualem me iterum feci? In peccatis eram conceptus et natus; sed abluisti me, sed sanctificasti me, et ego pejoribus sordidavi me. In necessariis eram tunc natus, nunc sum in spontaneis volutatus; in illis nesciens conceptus, istis volens plenus et opertus; ex illis misericorditer a te eductus, in haec misere a me inductus; ab illis pie redemptus, in istis impie peremptus. Sanaveras, pie Deus, animam a parentibus vulneratam, ego impius interfeci sanatam. Exueras, misericors Domine, vetustis pannis originalis peccati, et indueras me veste innocentiae, promittens alteram incorruptibilitatis, et ego, illa rejecta quam dedisti, operui me sordibus nequitiae; illa despecta quam promisisti plus elegi dolores aeternae miseriae. Filium irae tuae fecisti filium gratiae tuae; et ego, illa contempta, feci me filium odi tui.
Reformasti in me amabilem imaginem tuam, et ego superimpressi odibilem imaginem. Heu, heu! cujus? Cujus, miser et demens homuncio, cujus imaginem superimpressi super imaginem Dei? O cur vel non puduit facere quod sic expavesco dicere? O cur non odi ejus imitationem, cujus sic horreo nomen? Ille sponte cecidit, ego volens sordui. Sed ille, nulla praecedente delicti vindicta, superbiens peccavit; ego, visa ejus poena, contemnens ad peccatum properavi.
Ille semel in innocentia constitutus, ego restitutus; ille contra eum, qui se fecit et referit, ille dereliquit Deum promittentem, ego fugi Deum prosequentem; ille perstat in malitia Deo reprobante, ego in illam cucurri Deo revocante; ille obduratus ad punientem, ego obduratus ad blandientem. Etsi ambo contra Deum, ille contra nec requirentem se, ego contra pro me morientem.
O infelix et nimis infelix homuncio, si tamen non omnis recessit humanitas ubi tanta malitiae incessit immanitas! Ecce cujus imaginis horrebam horrorem, in multis aspicio me horribiliorem. Fuge, fuge, tu, horribilis nescio quae substantia, fuge teipsam exterrita a teipsa. Sed, vae, fugere te non potes. Ne ergo aspicias te, quia non toleras te. Nam si tolerare potes sine doloris horrore, hoc ipsum ne toleres, quia tolerare potes. Quanto enim hoc potes, tanto primo peccatori similior, et Deo es intolerabilior. Non enim est fortitudo, sed mentis hebetudo, non est sanitas, sed obdurata iniquitas; non est ex consolatione, sed ex damnatione.
Ne ergo sine inani rugitu cordis tui toleres horrorem interioris vultus tui. Quia ergo fugere te non potes, vel te non aspicias, quia te non toleras. Sed ecce pejus, si non aspicio me; nam egomet fallo me.
O nimis gravis angustia! si me inspicio, non tolero meipsum; si non inspicio, nescio meipsum. Si me considero, terret me facies mea; si non considero, fallit me damnatio mea. Si me video, horror est intolerabilis; si non video, mors est inevitabilis. Malum hinc, pejus inde; malum undique. Sed nimis malum hinc, nimis pejus inde, et nimis malum undique. Nimis enim miser, quem torquet conscientia sua quam fugere non potest. Nimis miserior quem exspectat damnatio sua, quam vitare non potest.
Nimis infelix qui ipse sibi est horribilis. Nimis infelicior, cui mors erit aeterna sensibilis. Nimis aerumnosus, quem terrent continui de sua foeditate horrores. Nimis aerumnosior, quem torquebunt aeterni pro sua iniquitate dolores. Malum hoc, et malum hoc; sed nimis hoc, et nimis hoc.
Peccare, quam mala et quam amara res es! peccata, quam faciles aditus, quam difficiles exitus habetis! Peccatores, quo vos inducitis? Intra quos vectes vos includitis? Intelligite, intelligite quam malum et quam amarum est reliquisse Dominum. Qui peccastis, reddite; volentes peccare, nolite. Nolite, inquam, nolite. Vere malum et amarum est, expertus sum; in hoc ipso sum.
Aut enim continui dolores torquebunt poenitentem vitam meam, aut aeterni cruciatus vexabunt puniendam animam meam. Utique est malum et amarum utrumque. Et certe juste angitur reus Dei inter malum et pejus; nimis malus, inter nimis malum, et nimis pejus. Juste fit, recte fit, juste judex meus; sed utique tu es ipse Deus et Dominus et Creator meus. Tolle ergo, Creator, tolle tantum malum de creatura tua, si gratias agit quia est factura tua. Erue, Domine, erue de tantis malis servum tuum, si gaudet fateri te Dominum suum. Parce, Deus, parce peccatori tuo, si non desperat de bonitate tua; nam etsi judicem sic me nequius illo primo peccatore deliquisse, non odi te ut ille, nec detestor bonitatem tuam. Renova ergo per merita magni baptistae tui, renova in me gratiam baptismi tui.
Praevenit me gratia tua, subsequatur me misericordia tua. Da per poenitentiae lamentum quod dedisti per baptismi sacramentum. Dona petenti quod donasti nescienti. Reforma faciem quam foedavi, restaura innocentiam quam violavi. Qui abstulisti peccata quae attuli nascendo, tolle peccata quae contraxi vivendo. Tolle, qui tollis peccata mundi, quia ista sunt peccata mundi, quae porto de conversatione mundi. Tolle, qui tollis peccata mundi, per merita illius qui hoc testimonio te ostendit mundo, tolle peccata quae contraxi in mundo. Tolle de me quod non est ex te, quia odi quod est a me, et adhuc spero de te.
Et tu, sancte Joannes, qui ostendisti mundo tollentem peccata sua, per gratiam tibi datam, fac mihi hanc misericordiam ut tollat peccata mea. Tu, Deus, tollis peccata mundi; tu, amice ejus, dicis: Hic tollit peccata mundi. Ecce ante vos onustus peccatis mundi. Tu tollis, et tu dicis: Ecce me cui tu tollas, quod tu dicis. Ecce medicus, et testis ejus; et ecce aeger, servus medici, et opus ejus, rogans medicum et testem ejus. Vere medice, oro te, sana me. Verax testis ejus, precor te ora pro me. Proba te mihi in me, tu actum tuum, tu dictum tuum.
Experiar quod audio, sentiam quod credo. Jesu, bone Domine, si tu operaris quod ille testatur, fiat in me opus tuum. Joannes monstrator Dei, si tu testaris quod ille operatur, fiat in me verbum tuum. Sana me, Domine, tu cujus est sanare. Impetra mihi hoc, domine, tu qui potes impetrare. Tu enim es magnus Dominus, et tu coram Domino magnus. Tu summe potens per teipsum, et tu valde potens apud ipsum. Tu summe bonus Deus, et tu valde bonus amicus ejus, qui est in aeternum misericors et benedictus Deus.
Amen.
Scripture echoes
- ↩Matt.11.11 — Truly I tell you, among those born of women no one has arisen greater than John the Baptist; yet the least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he.
- ↩Eph.2.3 — Among them we too all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the flesh and the thoughts, and we were by nature children of wrath, just like the rest.
- ↩Rom.5.8 — But God demonstrates his own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
- ↩John.1.29 — The next day he sees Jesus coming toward him and says, "Look, the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!"
- ↩John.1.29 — The next day he sees Jesus coming toward him and says, "Look, the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!"
- ↩John.1.29 — The next day he sees Jesus coming toward him and says, "Look, the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!"
- ↩John.1.29 — The next day he sees Jesus coming toward him and says, "Look, the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!"
Notes
- 1 ↩necessariis/spontaneis contrasts the unavoidable conditions of human nature (original sin, mortality) with the voluntary sins the speaker now chooses. Rendered as 'what I could not avoid' / 'what I choose' to preserve that theological contrast in plain English.
- 2 ↩volutatus (from volutor) carries the sense of wallowing or rolling about; 'wallowing' captures the degrading, self-chosen quality.
- 3 ↩peremptus (from perimo) is stronger than merely 'lost'; it conveys being destroyed or done away with. Rendered as 'destroyed' to preserve the gravity.
- 4 ↩a parentibus vulneratam refers to the wound of original sin transmitted through the parents. Rendered as 'wounded by my parents' to keep the theological point clear without over-explaining.
- 5 ↩vetustis pannis originalis peccati — 'old garments of original sin' preserves the clothing metaphor central to baptismal theology.
- 6 ↩alteram incorruptibilitatis — 'yet another garment of incorruption' refers to the promised glorified body or eschatological incorruption.
- 7 ↩plus elegi — 'I chose rather' or 'I chose instead'; rendered as 'I chose instead' to capture the deliberate preference for misery over promised glory.
- 8 ↩filium irae tuae — 'a son of Your wrath' echoes the Pauline language of children of wrath (Eph. 2:3). The contrast with filium gratiae is the theological core of the sentence.
- 9 ↩filium odi tui — 'a son of Your hatred' is the speaker's self-condemnation: by scorning grace, he has made himself an object of divine displeasure.
- 10 ↩aditus/exitus rendered as 'to fall into / to get out of' to capture the metaphor of entrances and exits naturally in English.
- 11 ↩vectes (bars/bolts) rendered as 'bars' to convey the image of self-imposed imprisonment.
- 12 ↩expertus sum rendered as 'I know from experience' to capture the force of having personally undergone what is described.
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