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← Orationes sive Meditationes — Collection for Princess Adeliza of Normandy/Book 1 · Orationes sive Meditationes
Chapter 63Ansl.1.63

ORATIO LXV [ol. LXXII]. AD SANCTUM PAULUM APOSTOLUM. Cum terrore judicii extremi et peccatorum.

The Apostle's Glory and the Sinner's Need

The prayer opens by exalting Saint Paul's apostolic greatness and mystical raptures, then turns to the sinner's overwhelming awareness of guilt before God, who stands as both Judge and accuser, with all creation joining in condemnation.

Holy Paul, great Paul — one of God's great apostles, you who have surpassed all others in the time you spent following him, in labor, and in fruitfulness in God's work. You who, still weighed down by mortal life, were caught up to the third heaven, caught up into paradise, and heard things no human being is permitted to speak. You who among Christians are not only like a nurse cherishing her own children but who, with the remarkable devotion of your affection, are in labor again to bring forth your children. You, I say, have become all things to all people, so that you might win them all over. To you, Lord — known to the world by these and many other words and deeds, known before God as one of great power and immense love toward humanity — to you there comes one who is certainly a terrible sinner, one deeply entangled before God, that powerful and strict Judge: not with one offense, not a few, but with countless crimes; not only small ones, but enormous ones; not doubtful ones, but certain ones; not a short list of charges, but one as long as his whole life; not just one accuser, but as many as know his sins. For that Judge himself is my strict accuser, and I stand before him as an open sinner. All spirits too, both good and evil, accuse me before God along with him: the good, because they owe justice to God; the evil, because they preserve my wickedness; the good, because they bear witness to the truth they see; the evil, because they seek the punishment they desire for me. They themselves also pass judgment on my wickedness in this, because they know that I deserve to be condemned according to justice.

The Wretchedness of Standing Alone Before God

The sinner laments the terrifying multitude of accusers and judges arrayed against him, finding no defender and no intercessor, until his own conscience condemns him and he confesses that he deserves severe judgment.

Alas! So many judges, so many accusers — all against one wretched man! How harsh toward the weak! How strict with the one whose guilt is plain! Alas! Who will come to his defense when God himself is his accuser? Who — even one person — will intercede for him, if everyone is his accuser and judge? But I myself, compelled by my own conscience, am my own accuser and judge. I confess that I have sinned too much, and therefore I have deserved severe condemnation.

Shame Before Creation and the Flood of Evils

The sinner recognizes that all creation should put him to shame because he sinned against his Maker, and he laments how his sins have unleashed a torrent of evils that drive away defenders, provoke the avenger, and cut off all hope—yet his heart remains numb to what his reason knows to be true.

O, even things without reason or feeling — if I am not without feeling — put me to shame. I understand that before every creature I ought to blush, because against him I have sinned — he who is so powerful that he could act, and so good that he would want to make amends.1 I am confounded even by myself, because I too was made by him. Alas — why do so many and such great evils rush in, overwhelming this wretched soul? My sins are evils — from you they flow into me, all these evils. You draw accusers near, you push defenders away, you bring the judge upon me; you shut out the one who intercedes, you provoke the avenger, you turn the pardoner aside, you lead your own understanding into fear and confusion, you cut off hope and consolation from him, you drive me toward eternal destruction, you repel every help. And to make whatever you do to me more wretched, you add this besides to heap up my misery — so that although the truth of the matter really is this, yet for me it is as though it were not.2 Thus the truth shows that it is so — and yet my heart does not feel it.3

The Paralysis of a Heart That Cannot Grieve

Reason teaches the sinner his miserable condition, yet his heart feels no proportional grief; without tears there can be no hope, without hope no prayer, and without prayer no obtaining of mercy.

That's what reason teaches, and yet my heart doesn't grieve. I see it's true — it really is so — and, alas! I can't be wholly dissolved into tears, because that's how things are. If I could do this, perhaps I would hope; by hoping, I would pray; by praying, I would obtain. But since there's no feeling or grief in me proportionate to my afflictions, how can I hope? How can I pray without hope? What will I obtain without prayer?

The Collapse of Presumption into Despair

The sinner confesses that his prayer began in presumptive confidence but was met by the crushing weight of truth, leading to despair; if Creator and creature alike condemn him, nothing remains but to languish in hopeless misery.

Wretched little man, what has your prayer come to? Where has your hope vanished, and your confidence? I had begun to pray with the confidence of presumption, and despair met me from an understanding of the truth, and my prayer failed from the despair of any compassion toward me.4 For if whatever exists is justly set against me, whose compassion is with me? If all things that exist are rightly set against me, whose pity will be turned toward me? If Creator and creature rightly look down on me, whose gaze watches over me? Wretched sinner, if this is so, nothing remains for you except to languish in hope, and to fall silent in prayer, and so to lie forever in your misery. Certainly, you who willingly made yourself wretched must rightly always be wretched.

The Deceptive Cruelty of Sin

The sinner addresses his own sins directly, describing how they lure with sweetness, then overwhelm with bitterness, blinding and hardening the soul until it lies numb and forgotten, awaiting delivery to the merchants of the underworld.

Truly wretched sins — this is how you repay your promises. While you draw them in, you make sweet promises; but once you've pulled them over, you drench what you've claimed with bitterness. While you persuade, you anoint; but once you've won them over, you sting them all the way to the death of the soul. While you call them into your pit, you point to what looks like an easy return through the pain of repentance; but once you've thrown them over the edge, you overwhelm the fallen one, blind the overwhelmed one, harden the blinded one, and wall up every way out for the hardened one. And so you make your wretched, deceived, captive, bound one despair, fall silent, and lie there numb — like someone lost to God and forgotten by God — until you sell him to the merchants of the underworld, who are hauling their goods into the pit of death. You have done all this to me; I have experienced every bit of it — except that I haven't yet been handed over to those merchants. And yet this is what I too await — miserably, in fear — while they lie in wait, rejoicing in malice.

Cry to God: Where Shall Hope Be Found?

Amid despair and futile crying out, the sinner appeals to God's inexhaustible goodness, mercy, knowledge, and power, begging the Lord to teach him where to place his hope so that he can pray, since ignorance, hardness of heart, and wickedness hold him back.

Alas! How terrible it is to despair like this, to fall silent like this, to lie prostrate like this! And alas! How empty it is to cry out without hope, to strive without hope!5 God, whose goodness is never exhausted, whose mercy is never emptied out, whose knowledge never fails, whose power accomplishes whatever it wills — how can I ever breathe again, when I am driven to despair like this because of my sins?67 For even if you are angry with sinners, you are still accustomed, kind Lord, to give counsel to those who ask; teach me, Lord, where I should place my hope, so that I can pray.8 I do want to pray to you — but I don't know how, because of my ignorance, and I can't, because of my hardness of heart, and I'm held back by despair, because of my wickedness.910 I'm looking for something that might excuse me, and there is nothing that doesn't accuse me.

No Intercessor Found—All Things Accuse

The sinner searches for someone to pray for him and for someone to pity his wretchedness, but finds only universal opposition—everything that knows his condition stands against him.

I look for someone to pray for me, and all I find is everything arrayed against me. I search for someone who will pity my wretchedness, and everything that weighs against the wretched stands opposed to me.11

Hope Born from Christ's Coming and Paul's Teaching

The sinner asks why Christ came from heaven and gave himself to death—surely to save sinners—and recalls Paul's teaching that invites sinners to this one safe refuge; grounded in this faith, the sinner entrusts himself to Christ and the apostle.

Jesus, good Lord, why did you come from heaven? What did you accomplish in the world? Why did you give yourself to death, except to save sinners? Holy Paul, what else did you teach as you journeyed through the world? To this faith he himself and his apostles invite us sinners — and you especially — and you show us this one safe refuge. How, then, shall I not hope, if I believe this, and in this faith make my petition? Or how will this hope disappoint me, if the faith from which it is born does not deceive me? Jesus my God, and you his apostle — as a sinner I entrust myself to this faith at your urging. I cast myself upon it; indeed, I already cast myself upon it long ago.

Wrapped in Faith, the Sinner Prays for Mercy

Clothed in faith, the sinner comes to ask, seek, and knock for mercy, wrapping himself in this faith as a hiding place to escape both the searchers of his sins and the stroke of God's strict judgment.

Clothed in this faith, I have come to you to pray. In this faith I ask, in this faith I seek, in this faith I knock — have mercy on a sinner! You by sparing, you by interceding; you by saving, you by praying.✦ With this faith I wrap myself before you, so that I may escape both the searchers and the exactors of my sins — and the stroke of your strict judgment, O God. This is the hiding place your counsel provides — a sinner begs it of you: do not let him be betrayed by your judgment to condemnation.

The Crisis of Dead Faith Without Works

The sinner discovers a new and terrible evil: he thought he was clothed in faith but finds himself stripped of it, for faith without works is dead, and his abundance of evil works and barrenness of good works prove that he lacks true faith.

But alas! And behold, another serious evil presents itself. I was hoping to obtain faith and hope, and behold — I see that I don't even hold on to faith. I thought I was wrapped in this faith, and I recognize that I've been stripped of it.12 I was trusting in it to hide myself, and I feel myself exiled from it; for faith without works is dead — and dead faith is no faith at all.✦13 Whoever therefore has dead faith has no faith. Woe! An abundance of evil works kept me from having hope, and a barrenness of good works proves that I lack faith.

The Death of the Soul Worse Than the Body's Death

The sinner laments the double woe of doing evil and neglecting good, then meditates at length on the death of the soul as far worse than bodily death: the soul that dies in sin may never rise again, and the one who lives in the worthless part of himself while dying in the better part is more dead than alive.

Woe to the one who does evil! Woe to the one who neglects good! For just as it is necessary to displease God by evil works, so it is impossible to please God without faith — which, without good works, is nothing.✦ Indeed, if the just person lives by faith, whoever has no faith is dead. But if someone barren of good is dead, how much more dead is someone fertile in evil? For if a tree that doesn't produce good fruit is cut down as something dry, one that produces evil fruit will certainly be uprooted as something harmful. This death is not the death of the flesh, but of the soul. How much more, and how much worse, is the death of the one who dies this death than of the one who dies the death of the flesh. For all human flesh, once dead, will rise again, but not every dead soul will rise again. And that death destroys even more, which takes away a life that may never return, than the one that takes away a life that by necessity will someday return. And worse still is the death of the one who loses the life of righteousness—through which one loses the blessed life—than of the one who loses this wretched life. Finally, how much greater and more miserable is the ruin of the one who lets go of the life which, had it preserved and restored the lost life of the body to something better, would have made it better never to have been born at all — than the ruin of the one who abandons that life without which nothing keeps the soul from being blessed.1415 This wretched life I live, and from that blessed life I am dead.16 In what is more worthless about me I live; in what is better I am dead. I am more dead than alive, and I am worse dead than I would be dying in the flesh. That death will not be bad for me, except because this death already precedes it.17

Coming to Paul as a Dead Man Needing Life

The sinner addresses Saint Paul directly, confessing that he came as an accused person needing an intercessor but was found to be spiritually dead and in need of resurrection; though not yet in the prison of torments, he is already shut in the pit of sins.

Holy Paul, I've come to you as a sinner in need of reconciliation, and here I am — found by you, dead and in need of being raised to life. I've come as one accused, in need of an intercessor, and I've been found — badly dead, in need of someone to raise me up. I came wretched, and I found myself most wretched of all. I approached as though alive and accused, and here before you I stand — dead and condemned. For though I haven't yet been handed over to death in its tormenting grip, I've already been surrendered to death in its drawing power. For though I haven't yet been thrust into the prison of torments, I'm already shut up in the pit of sins. For though I haven't yet been buried in hell, I'm already wrapped in my sins as one about to be buried. This was certainly the reason: I could neither pray nor did I know how to.

Dead in Reason's Knowledge, Numb in Feeling

The sinner confesses that he understood his accursed condition through natural reason but felt no grief because of the numbness that spiritual death brings; he was dead when he came and so found himself dead.

This was truly the reason: I understood myself to be accursed in every respect, and yet, as though I were insensible, I felt no grief. I grasped it through the reason nature gave me, but I did not feel it through the numbness that death brings.18 Truly I was dead, and dead I came, and so I found myself dead.

Prayer for the Dead: Lord, Come Down

The sinner cries out for someone to pray for this dead man, begs Paul not to turn away, and invokes the examples of Elijah and Elisha who raised the dead by joining their living bodies to dead ones; he then pleads with the Lord to stretch himself out over this dead man and let him grow warm with life through divine compassion.

O God, who will pray for this dead man? Holy Paul, I brought him to you; do not turn away from him; pray for him. Lord, in order that Elijah and Elisha might raise the dead, they joined themselves to the dead, and fitted living limbs to dead ones, limb for limb. Lord, the living gave life to the dead they touched, and the dead brought nothing to the living except glory. Lord, you also say that you have become all things to all people, in order that you might win them all. Friend of God, the examples of others make me dare to hope, and your words encourage me to trust. Therefore I will say, Lord — I will say: Lord, Lord, come down to this dead man; stretch yourself out over this dead man; show yourself not dead, but as one who is dead. Let this dead man grow warm, pierced by the touch of your compassion; let this dead man come back to life by the power of your working, so that alive he may glorify God — and you, this dead man.

God's Grace Is Sufficient: The Ground of Trust

The sinner declares that God is not powerless to raise the dead, for God's grace was sufficient for Paul on earth and has not failed him in heaven; citing God's promise to Paul and Paul's own words about becoming all things to all people, the sinner affirms that the dead one hopes and waits for the fulfillment of these words.

Lord, you are not powerless to raise this dead person, because — as God himself is witness — the grace of God is sufficient for you.✦19 For if grace was sufficient for you while you dwelt on earth, surely it has not failed you now that you remain in heaven.20 Why, Lord, should the dead one offered to you any longer lie without life, since God bears witness to your power, and you yourself bear witness to your own devotion?2122 Lord God, you say to Paul: "My grace is sufficient for you."✦23 Holy Paul, you say to us: "I have become all things to all people."✦24 And behold — the dead one awaits the fulfillment of your words, brought to you in this hope.25 You speak, and the dead one, hearing, hopes. You promise, and the dead one, praying, waits.

The Dead One Offered and Brought Back

The sinner begs God to let him feel in his heart the joy that comes through Paul's intercession, arguing that if God does not deny what he has spoken, he should not refuse its fulfillment to one who asks; the dead one is safest when offered by God and brought back by God himself.

You speak, and from you the word has gone out — I beg you, let me feel in my heart that the world rejoices because through you it has been made known. If you don't deny what you've said, why do you refuse to fulfill it for someone who asks? Or to whom is the dead person more safely carried for resurrection, if having been offered by you, by you the dead one is brought back? Where do you send him, if you dismiss him in this condition? Where will he go, if he departs from you? O God, who raises the dead — if God doesn't raise them, who does? From whom is hope to be expected, if hope is despaired of from God? From whom is lost life received back, unless it is first received from that same one?

Who Will Be Merciful If Paul Is Harsh?

The sinner challenges Paul: if the apostle who promises to be weak with the weak refuses mercy, who will be merciful? If the one for whom God's grace is sufficient is not heard, who will be heard? Yet the repentant soul still prays.

Holy Paul, who will be merciful to the one in need and the one in grief, if that one who promises to be weakened with the weak will be harsh?✦ Who deigns to pray for the wretched one, if the one who declares himself to have become all things to all people refuses to?✦ Or who is even heard, if the one for whom the grace of God is sufficient is not heard out?✦ Or do piety or power fail the one for whom the grace of God is sufficient?✦ O you two, what moves you, if these things do not? Where shall I take up anything, if not from you, to set before you for the arousing of your mercy? What plea will a dead soul put forward about itself, except that it is a sinner and wretched? Nevertheless, the one who repents and grieves still prays.

Far Be It: Mercy Cannot Be Denied the Penitent

The sinner argues vehemently that if Christ, who came to call sinners to repentance, and Paul, who labored for that purpose more than anyone, should scorn a repentant soul, then compassion and mercy themselves would perish—which cannot be.

Oh, if the One who came from heaven to call sinners to repentance, and the One who labored for that same purpose more than anyone — if they should scorn a repentant soul because it is sinful!✦ If the One who came forth from the Father's side to bear our sorrows, and the One who says he is weak with the weak — if for that reason they despise the one who grieves, how wretched she is!✦✦ If the One who made himself dead so that he might raise dead souls to life, and the One who declares he has become all things to all people — if on this account they reject the one who prays, because she is dead!✦ Not so, God — let it not be so! Far from it! Let it not be so. If it is so, compassion has perished. If that is the case, mercy itself is dead.

Return to Persistent Prayer: Paul the Nursing Mother

The cast-out soul is told to return to persistent prayer, for God seeks those who are stubborn in wretchedness and unceasing in mourning; the sinner then calls upon Paul as the renowned nurse and tender mother who gives birth to her children again in Christ.

Soul cast out and rejected — cast out when you sinned, rejected when you beg for mercy — where will you turn? Turn back to persistent prayer.✦ They seek one who is deep in suffering, one who is stubborn in wretchedness, one who mourns without ceasing. So keep seeking in them what you can lay before him without tiring. O holy Paul, where is that renowned nurse of the faithful, nurturing her own children? Where is that tender mother, who everywhere proclaims she is giving birth to her children again?✦ Sweet nurse, sweet mother — the children you give birth to or nurse, are they not the ones you beget and raise, teaching them in the faith of Christ? What Christian since your time has not been born and strengthened in the faith by your teaching?

Paul, Mother of the Faithful, Recognize Your Dead Son

The sinner declares that Paul is even more a mother to the faithful than the other apostles because he labored most in teaching the faith; he then pleads with this holy mother to recognize her dead son by the voice of his confession and to offer him to Christ, who raised his own by his death, so that this dead son may be restored to life.

For even though this blessed faith was born and nourished for us by the other apostles as well, it certainly came from you more, because you labored more than anyone in this and brought it about. Since they are therefore mothers to us, you are even more our mother. Therefore, holy Paul, this son of yours is dead. Mother, this dead man is surely your son. Sweet mother, recognize your son by the voice of his confession; let him recognize his mother by the tenderness of compassion. Recognize your son from the confession of Christianity; let him recognize his mother from the sweetness of devotion. Offer, mother — you who are once again bringing forth your sons — offer your dead son to the one who raised your servants from death by his own death, to be raised again. Offer, mother, to the one who recalled his own guilty ones from the death they deserved by his undeserved death — offer him your son, so that he may restore to him his lost life.26

From Baptismal Life Back to Death: A Mother's Plea

The sinner recalls that through baptism his son was led out of death but through barrenness and depravity has fallen back into death; he begs Paul, as mother, to let her son feel a mother's tender mercies and to present him to the one who raised her from the dead, praying for him both as God's servant and as her own son.

Through baptism he was led out of death; through barrenness and depravity he has been brought back into death.27 Mother of that infamous passion, let your son feel the tender mercies of a mother's love.28 Present him to the one who raised you from the dead and kept you alive. Pray to him for your son, because he is his servant; pray to him for his servant, because he is your son.

Jesus the Mother Hen: Greater Even Than Paul

The sinner turns to Jesus and asks: are you not also a mother? Citing the image of the hen gathering her chicks under her wings, he declares that Christ is truly a mother who labored in birth by dying and brought forth children by his death, while the apostles served as ministers of the life Christ authored.

But you too, Jesus, good Lord — aren't you also a mother? Are you not a mother? You are like a hen who gathers her chicks under her wings.✦ Truly, Lord, you are also a mother. For what others labored to bring forth and gave birth to, they received from you. You first, for their sake — and for those they gave birth to — died in the labor of bringing forth, and by dying you brought them to birth. For unless you had labored in birth, you would not have died; and unless you had died, you would not have given birth. For in your desire to beget children unto life, you tasted death, and by dying you brought them forth. You by your own power; they by your command and helped by you.29

Both Are Mothers: Christ and Paul United in Love

The sinner declares that both Christ and Paul are mothers—Christ as the author of rebirth to life, Paul through affection, kindness, and compassion—united in will and intention even if unequal in the measure of their kindness.

You are the author; they are the ministers. Therefore you, Lord God, are more a mother. So both are mothers. For even if they are fathers, they are mothers as well. For you have brought it about — you through yourself, you through him — that we who were born to death might be reborn to life.30 You are fathers through accomplishment, mothers through affection; fathers through authority, mothers through kindness; fathers through protection, mothers through compassion. Therefore you too are a mother, and you too are a mother; even if unequal in the measure of affection, yet not unlike in its quality. Even if you do not match in the greatness of kindness, yet you are united in will; even if you do not come together in the fullness of compassion, yet in intention you are not at variance.

Confessing Motherhood, Casting the Dead into Christ's Bosom

The sinner declares that both Christ and Paul have made him a Christian and are therefore his mothers; he thanks them for begetting him in the faith and urges Paul to cast her dead son rather into the bosom of Christ's tender mercy, for Christ is even more a mother than Paul.

Why should I stay silent about the things you speak of? What good does it do me to conceal what you yourselves betray? Why should I hide what you yourselves do openly? You are mothers — you make it public; I confess myself your son. I give thanks: you have borne me as your son, since you made me a Christian — you, through your very self, and you, through that same one himself; you, through the teaching fashioned by you, and you, through the teaching inspired in you; you, through the grace granted to me by you, and you, through the grace received from him. Paul, you are a mother — and he himself bore you. Place your dead son, then, at the feet of Christ your mother, because he is Christ's son. No — cast him rather into the bosom of Christ's tender mercy, because Christ is even more a mother than you are.

Paul, Pray That Christ Your Mother May Give Life

The sinner urges Paul to pray that Christ may raise his own son to life, acting as the mother of his soul just as an earthly mother would act for her child—pressing on without stopping until the dead soul that was once born alive is restored to life.

Pray that he'll raise your dead son back to life — no, that he'll raise his own son. Pray for your son, because you are a mother, that he'll give life to his son, because he is a mother. Act, mother of my soul, as the mother of my flesh would act. If she had hope, she would pray as much as she could, and she wouldn't stop until she obtained what she asked for, if she could. Certainly, if you're willing, you can't despair; and if you pray, you can obtain what you ask for. So press on, so that the dead soul — the one you bore alive — may be restored to life; and don't stop until she's given back to you alive.

Run Under the Wings of Jesus Your Mother

The sinner exhorts his own dead soul to run under the wings of Jesus the mother, to pour out sorrows beneath his feathers, to ask him to cherish its wounds so that life may return; he calls upon Christ to recognize his dead son by the sign of the cross and to cherish, raise, and justify him.

You too, soul dead through your own doing, run under the wings of Jesus your mother, and pour out your sorrows beneath his feathers. Ask him to cherish your wounds, and that, once they are tended, life may return to you. Christ our mother, you who gather your chicks under your wings — this dead chick of yours lays itself down under your wings.✦ For by your gentleness the terrified are cherished, by your fragrance the despairing are made new. Your warmth gives life to the dead; your touch justifies sinners. Recognize, O mother, your dead son — either by the sign of your cross, or by the voice of your confession. Cherish your chick again, raise up your dead one, justify your sinner. Let your terrified one be comforted by you, let your despairing one be strengthened by you — and through you be restored to your grace, whole and unbreakable.

Doxology: From You Flows All Consolation

The prayer concludes with a doxology praising God as the source of all consolation for the wretched, blessed world without end. Amen.

From you flows comfort for the wretched — blessed are you, world without end.✦ Amen.

Read the original Latin

Sancte Paule, tu magne Paule, tu ille qui unus ex magnis apostolis Dei, omnes alios tempore sequens, labore et efficacia praecessisti in agricultura Dei. Tu qui adhuc mortalitate gravis raptus es usque ad tertium coelum, et raptus in paradisum, audisti quae non licet homini loqui. Tu inter Christianos non solum tanquam nutrix fovens filios suos, sed et sollicitudine mirabilis affectus iterum parturiens filios tuos. Tu, inquam, omnibus omnia factus, ut omnes lucrifaceres. Ad te, domine, ad te his et aliis multis dictis et factis mundo cognitum apud Deum esse magnae potestatis, et erga homines immensae pietatis, ad te venit unus certe nimis peccator, unus nimis accustus apud potentem et districtum judicem Deum, non uno, non paucis, sed innumeris criminibus; non solum parvis, sed et immensis; non dubiis, sed certis; non brevi accusatione, sed tam longa quam longa est vita ejus; non uno accusatore, sed tot quot sciunt delicta ejus. Nam ipse judex est districtus accusator meus, et ego sum manifestus peccator eius. Omnes etiam spiritus boni et mali coram Deo accusant me cum eo: boni, quia Deo debent aequitatem; mali, quia meam servant iniquitatem: boni, quia testantur veritatem quam considerant; mali, quia quaerunt poenam meam quam desiderant. Ipsi quoque judicant in hoc meam nequitiam, quia sciunt me debere damnari secundum justitiam.

Heu! quot judices, quot accusatores super unum miserum! quam graves super imbecillem! quam districti super manifestum! Heu! quem habebit excusantem, qui Deum habet accusantem? Quis vel unus erit intercessor ejus, si omnes sunt accusatores et judices ejus? Sed et ego ipse, conscientia cogente, sum accusator et judex meus.

Fateor enim me nimium deliquisse, et ideo gravem damnationem meruisse.

O ipsa etiam irrationalia et insensibilia, si non sum insensibilis, me confundunt. Intelligo enim coram omni creatura me debere erubescere, quia in illum peccavi qui tam potens est ut posset, et tam bonus ut vellet eam facere. Confundor et a meipso, quia et ego factus sum ab ipso. Vae, unde tot et tanta mala irruunt, quae sic miserum istum obruunt? Peccata mea mala, de vobis in me fluunt haec omnia mala. Vos attrahitis accusatores, vos removetis excusatores, vos damnatorem adducitis; vos intercessorem excluditis, vos provocatis ultorem, vos avertitis indultorem, vos intellectum vestram inducitis in timorem et confusionem, vos ab illo abscinditis spem et consolationem, vos in aeternum interitum impellitis, vos auxilium omne repellitis. Et ut miserius sit quidquid mihi misere facitis, hoc insuper ad cumulandam miseriam additis, ut cum vere res ita sit, sic mihi sit quasi non ita sit. Sic enim esse veritas ostendit, et tamen affectus non sentit.

Sic ratio docet, et cor non dolet. Sic video quia est, et, heu! nequeo liquefieri totus in lacrymas, quia sic est. Si hoc possem, forsitan sperarem, sperando orarem, orando impetrarem. Cum vero sensus et dolor in me secundum aerumnas meas non sit, qualiter sperabo? quomodo sine spe orabo? quid sine oratione impetrabo?

Infelix homuncio, ad quid devenit oratio tua? quo evanuit spes et fiducia tua? Incoeperam orare cum fiducia temeritatis, et occurrit desperatio ex intellectu veritatis, et deficit oratio ex desperatione alicujus erga me pietatis. Si enim quidquid est, juste contra me est, cujus pietas mecum est? Si omnia quae sunt, recte mihi sunt adversa, cujus miseratio ad me erit conversa? Si Creator et creatura merito me despicit, cujus aspectus me respicit? Miser peccator, si sic est, nihil tibi remanet, nisi a spe torpere, et ab oratione tacere, et sic semper in miseria tua jacere. Utique qui te sponte fecisti miserum, juste necesse est semper te esse miserum.

Utique misera delicta, sic redditis vestra promissa. Dum attrahitis, dulcia promittitis; cum pertrahitis, possessum vestrum amaritudine perfunditis. Dum suadetis, ungitis; postquam persuadetis, usque ad mortem animae pungitis. Dum vocatis in foveam vestram, quasi facilem reditum per poenitentiae dolorem monstratis; cum vero praecipitatis, praecipitatum obruitis, obrutum obcaecatis, obcaecatum obduratis, obdurato omnem exitum obturatis. Et sic miserum vestrum deceptum, captivatum, ligatum facitis desperare, tacere, et insensibilem, velut perditum Dei et oblitum Dei jacere, donec illum vendatis mercatoribus inferni, qui merces suas comportant in lacum mortis. Hoc totum de me fecistis, haec omnia expertus sum, nisi quia nondum mercatoribus illis traditus sum. Quod tamen et ego exspecto misere timendo, et illi praestolantur maligne gaudendo.

Heu! quam malum est sic desperare, sic tacere, sic jacere! Et heu! quam vanum est sine spe clamare, sine spe conari! Deus, cujus bonitas non exhauritur, cujus misericordia non exinanitur, cujus scientia non deficit, cujus potestas quod vult efficit, unde potero respirare qui sic ob peccata mea cogor desperare? Nam etsi irascaris peccantibus, soles tamen, benigne Domine, dare consilium petentibus; doce me, Domine, unde debeam sperare ut possim orare. Orare namque te volo; sed nec scio, propter ignorantiam meam, nec possum, propter duritiam meam, et prohibeor desperatione, propter iniquitatem meam. Quaero aliquid quod me excuset, et nihil est quod me non accuset.

Quaero qui oret pro me, et invenio quidquid est esse contra me. Quaero qui miseri misereatur, et omne quod est misero adversatur.

Jesu, bone Domine, cur de coelo venisti? Quid in mundo fecisti? Ad quid te morti dedisti, nisi ut peccatores salvares? Sancte Paule, quid aliud mundum perambulando docuisti? Ad hanc fidem ipse et apostoli ejus, et tu maxime nos peccatores invitatis, hoc solum tutum refugium nobis monstratis. Quomodo ergo non sperabo, si hoc credo, et in hac fide peto? Aut quomodo me frustrabitur spes ista, si de qua nascitur, non me fallit fides ista? Jesu Deus, et tu apostole ejus, huic fidei peccator me vestro monitu credo, in hanc me jacto, imo jam olim jactavi.

Hac inductui accessi vos oraturus. In hac peto, in hac quaero, in hac pulso, ut peccatori miseramini; tu parcendo, tu intercedendo; tu salvando, tu orando. Hac fide coram vobis me obvolvo, ut possim latere inquisitores et exactores peccatorum meorum, et tui, Deus, districti judicii percussionem. Hanc petit vestro consilio peccator absconsionem; obsecro, ne prodatur judicio vestro ad damnationem.

Sed heu! ecce occurrit et aliud grave malum. Sperabam me per fidem spem obtinere, et ecce video nec fidem me tenere. Putabam me in hac fide esse obvolutum, et cognosco ab illa me exutum. Confidebam me in illa latitare, et sentio me ab illa exsulare; fides enim sine operibus mortua est; fides vero mortua, fides non est. Qui ergo mortuam fidem habet, fidem non habet. Vae! fecunditas malorum operum prohibebat me spem habere, et sterilitas bonorum operum probat me fide carere.

Vae male agenti! vae bona negligenti! sicut enim necesse est in malis operibus Deo displicere, ita impossibile est sine fide, quae bonis operibus nulla est, Deo placere.

Imo si justus ex fide vivit, qui fidem non habet, mortuus est. Sed si sterilis bonorum mortuus est, fertilis malorum quanto magis mortuus est? Nam si arbor, quae non facit fructum bonum, excidit ut arida, quae facit fructum malum, utique eradicatur ut noxia. Mors haec non carnis est, sed animae. Quam magis, et quam pejus moritur qui hac morte moritur, quam qui carnis morte moritur. Omnis enim humana caro mortua aliquando resurgit, sed non omnis anima mortua resurgit. Et magis perimit mors illa, quae aufert vitam forsitan nunquam reversuram, quam quae tollit vitam ex necessitate quandoque redituram. Et pejus moritur qui perdit vitam justitiae, per quod perdit vitam beatam, quam qui amittit istam miseram vitam.

Denique valde magis et miserius interit qui dimittit vitam, quae servata et amissam corporis vitam meliorem restituit, et sine qua expedit nec natum esse, quam qui deserit illam, sine qua nihil prohibet animam beatam esse. Haee misera vita vivo, et ab hac beata vita mortuus sum. In eo vivo quod de me vilius est; in eo mortuus sum quod melius est. Plus ergo mortuus sum quam vivus; et deterius mortuus sum quam carne moriturus sum. Non enim mors illa mala mihi erit, nisi quia ista jam praecedit.

Sancte Paule, veni ad te ut peccator reconciliandus, et ecce inventus sum coram te mortuus resuscitandus. Veni ut reus opus habens intercessore, et inventus sum male mortuus, indigens resuscitatore. Ut miser veni, et miserrimum me inveni. Accessi velut vivus accusatus, et ecce coram te sum mortuus damnatus. Nam etsi nondum sum traditus morti torquenti, jam tamen dimissus sum morti illam attrahenti. Nam licet nondum sim detrusus in carcerem tormentorum, tamen jam sum conclusus in fovea peccatorum. Quamvis enim non sum adhuc in inferno sepultus, jam sum tamen ut sepeliendus, delictis obvolutus. Hoc erat certe, quod orare nec poteram nec sciebam.

Hoc erat vere, quia me omni rei exsecrabilem intelligebam, et velut insensibilis non dolebam. Intelligebam per naturae rationalitatem, non sentiebam per mortis insensibilitatem. Vere mortuus eram, et mortuus veni, et ideo me mortuum inveni.

O Deus, quis orabit pro mortuo isto? Sancte Paule, tibi attuli eum; ne avertaris eum; ora pro eo. Domine, Elias et Eliseus, ut mortuos suscitarent, mortuis se junxerunt, et membra membris, viva mortuis coaptaverunt. Domine, vivi mortuos attactos vivificaverunt, et mortui vivis nihil nisi gloriam intulerunt. Domine, tu quoque dicis teipsum omnia omnibus factum, ut omnes lucrifacias. Amice Dei, exempla aliorum me faciunt praesumere, dicta tua me hortantur confidere. Dicam ergo, domine, dicam; domine, domine, descende ad mortuum istum, expande te super mortuum istum, fac te non mortuum, sed tanquam mortuum istum. Calefiat confotus tuae compassionis attactu mortuus iste, revivat tuae potestatis effectu mortuus iste, ut vivus glorificet Deum et te mortuus iste.

Domine, non es impotens hunc mortuum suscitare, quia teste Deo sufficit tibi gratia Dei. Nam si in terra degenti tibi suffecit, utique in coelo manenti non defecit. Cur, domine, diutius jacebit oblatus tibi mortuus sine vita, cum Deus testetur tuam potentiam, et tu testeris ipse tuam pietatem? Domine Deus, tu dicis Paulo: Sufficit tibi gratia mea. Sancte Paule, tu dicis nobis: Omnibus omnia sum factus. Et ecce verborum vestrorum effectum exspectat mortuus, hac spe vobis allatus. Vos dicitis, et mortuus audiens sperat. Vos promittitis, et mortuus orans exspectat.

Vos dicitis, et a vobis est prolatum, obsecro, sentiam affectu quod mundus gaudet per vos esse propalatum. Si a vobis dictum non negatis, cur poscenti effectum denegatis? aut cui securius mortuus resuscitandus portatur, si a vobis oblatus, a vobis mortuus reportatur? Quo illum mittitis, si sic eum dimittitis? Quo ibit, si a vobis abibit? O Deus, quis resuscitat, si Deus non resuscitat? A quo speratur, si a Deo desperatur? A quo amissa vita recipitur, nisi a quo prius accipitur?

Sancte Paule, quis indigenti et dolenti pius erit, si ille, qui cum infirmantibus infirmari se promittit, durus erit? Quis orare pro misero dignatur, si ille, qui se omnibus omnia factum publicat, dedignatur? Aut quis vel auditur, si ille, cui gratia Dei sufficit, non exauditur? An illi pietas vel potestas deficit, cui gratia Dei sufficit? O vos ambo, quid vos movet, si haec non movent? Unde assumam, nisi de vobis, quod ad excitandam misericordiam vestram obtendam vobis? Mortua anima quid obtendet de se, nisi quia peccatrix et misera est? Poenitens tamen et dolens orat.

O si ille qui de coelo venit vocare peccatores in poenitentiam, et ille qui post eum ad hoc ipsum plus omnibus laboravit, si ideo contemnent poenitentem animam quia peccatrix est! Si ille, qui de sinu Patris exivit portare dolores nostros, et ille, qui se cum infirmantibus dicit infirmari, si idcirco despiciunt dolentem, quin misera est! Si ille, qui ut mortuas animas suscitaret, mortuum se fecit, et ille qui se omnibus omnia factum perhibet, si ob hoc rejiciunt orantem, quia mortua est! Non ita Deus, non ita sit: Absit! non ita sit. Si ita est, periit compassio. Si sic est, mortua est miseratio.

Anima projecta et rejecta, cum peccasti projecta, cum supplicas rejecta, quo te convertes? Converte te ad importunitatem. Importunum dolentem quaerunt, pertinacem miserum volunt, incessantem lugentem amant. Quaere ergo adhuc in eis quod infatigabilis objicias ei. O sancte Paule, ubi est illa nominata nutrix fidelium, fovens filios suos? Quae est illa affectuosa mater, quae se ubique praedicat filios suos iterum parturire? Dulcis nutrix, dulcis mater, quos filios parturis aut nutris, nisi quos in fide Christi docens gignis et erudis? Aut quis Christianus post te doctrina tua non est in fide natus et confirmatus?

Nam etsi benedicta fides ista ab aliis quoque apostolis nobis sit nata et nutrita, utique magis a te, quia plus omnibus in hoc laborasti et effecisti. Cum ergo illi sint nobis matres, tu magis nostra mater. Ergo, sancte Paule, filius tuus est mortuus iste. Mater, mortuus iste certe filius tuus est. Dulcis mater, recognosce filium tuum ex voce confessionis, recognoscat ille matrem suam ex affectu compassionis. Recognosce filium ex confessione Christianitatis; recognoscat ille matrem ex dulcedine pietatis. Offer, mater, tu quae iterum parturis filios tuos, offer mortuum filium tuum iterum resuscitandum illi qui morte sua resuscitavit servos tuos. Offer, mater, illi qui morte sua indebita revocavit reos suos a morte debita, offer illi filium tuum, ut revocet ei vitam perditam.

Per baptismum enim eductus a morte, per sterilitatem et pravitatem reductus est in mortem. Mater famosi affectus, sentiat filius tuus viscera maternae pietatis. Exhibe eum illi qui te resuscitavit, et viventem servavit. Ora eum pro filio tuo, quia servus ejus est; ora eum pro servo suo, quia filius tuus est.

Sed et tu, Jesu, bone Domine, nonne et tu mater? Annon es mater; qui tanquam gallina quae congregat sub alas pullos suos? Vere, Domine, et tu mater. Nam quod alii parturierunt et pepererunt, a te acceperunt. Tu prius propter illos, et quos pepererunt, parturiendo mortuus es, et moriendo peperisti. Nam nisi parturiisses, mortuus non esses; et nisi mortuus esses, non peperisses. Desiderio enim gignendi filios ad vitam, mortem gustasti, et moriens genuisti. Tu per te, illi jussi et adjuti a te.

Tu ut auctor, illi ut ministri. Ergo tu, Domine Deus, magis mater. Ambo ergo matres. Nam etsi patres, tamen et matres. Vos enim effecistis, tu per te, tu per illum, ut nati ad mortem renasceremur ad vitam. Patres igitur estis per effectum, matres per affectum; patres per auctoritatem, matres per benignitatem; patres per tuitionem, matres per miserationem. Ergo et tu mater, et tu mater; etsi quantitate affectus impares, in qualitate tamen non dissimiles. Quamvis magnitudine benignitatis non coaequantes, voluntate tamen concordantes; licet plenitudine miserationis non convenientes, intentione tamen non disconvenientes.

Cur taceam quae dicitis? Ad quid celem quod proditis? Cur abscondo quod facitis. Matres vos divulgatis, filium me fateor. Gratias ago; filium me genuistis cum Christianum me fecistis; tu per teipsum, et tu per eumdem ipsum; tu per doctrinam a te factam, et tu per doctrinam tibi inspiratam; tu per gratiam a te mihi concessam, et tu per gratiam ab illo acceptam. Paule mater, et te ipse genuit. Pone ergo filium tuum mortuum ante pedes Christi matris tuae, quia filius ejus est. Imo jacta illum in sinum pietatis ejus, quia plus ipse mater est.

Ora ut resuscitet mortuum filium, non tam tuum, quam suum. Ora pro filio tuo quia mater es, ut vivificet filium suum, quia mater est. Fac, mater animae meae, quod faceret mater carnis meae. Utique si speraret, oraret quantum posset, nec cessaret donec impetraret si posset. Certe si vis, non potes desperare; et si oras, potes impetrare. Insta ergo ut anima mortua, quam tu vivam peperisti, vitae restituatur; nec cesses donec tibi viva reddatur.

Tu quoque, anima mortua per teipsam, curre sub alas Jesu matris tuae, et conquerere sub pennis ejus dolores tuos. Postula ut plagas tuas confoveat, et ut confotis vita redeat. Christe mater, qui congregas sub alas pullos tuos, mortuus hic pullus tuus subjicit se sub alas tuas. Nam lenitate tua exterriti confoventur, odore tuo desperantes reformantur. Calor tuus mortuos vivificat, attactus tuus peccatores justificat. Agnosce, mater, filium tuum mortuum, vel per signum crucis tuae, vel per vocem confessionis tuae. Refove pullum tuum, resuscita mortuum tuum, justifica peccatorem tuum. Exterritus tuus a te consoletur, a se desperans a te confortetur, et in integram et inseparabilem gratiam tuam per te reformetur.

A te namque fluit consolatio miserorum, qui sis benedictus in saecula saeculorum. Amen.

Scripture echoes

  1. ↩Matt.7.7 — Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
  2. ↩Jas.2.26 — For just as the body apart from the spirit is dead, so also faith apart from works is dead.
  3. ↩Jas.2.26 — For just as the body apart from the spirit is dead, so also faith apart from works is dead.
  4. ↩2Cor.12.9 — And he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." So most gladly I will rather boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
  5. ↩2Cor.12.9 — And he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." So most gladly I will rather boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
  6. ↩1Cor.9.22 — To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that I might by all means save some.
  7. ↩1Cor.9.22 — To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that I might by all means save some.
  8. ↩1Cor.9.22 — To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that I might by all means save some.
  9. ↩2Cor.12.9 — And he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." So most gladly I will rather boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
  10. ↩2Cor.12.9 — And he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." So most gladly I will rather boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
  11. ↩Luke.5.32 — I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.
  12. ↩John.1.18;Isa.53.4 — No one has ever seen God; the only-begotten God, who is in the bosom of the Father, that one has made him known. Isa.53.4 — And Surely he carried our sicknesses and bore our pains, yet we considered him stricken, struck by God, and afflicted.
  13. ↩1Cor.9.22 — To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that I might by all means save some.
  14. ↩1Cor.9.22 — To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that I might by all means save some.
  15. ↩Luke.18.1-Luke.18.8 — Then he told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart. Luke.18.2 — He said, "There was a judge in a certain city who did not fear God and did not respect people. Luke.18.3 — A widow was in that city, and she kept coming to him, saying, 'Grant me justice against my adversary.' Luke.18.4 — And for a while she was unwilling, but afterward she said to herself, 'Even though I do not fear God nor respect anyone,' Luke.18.5 — because this widow keeps bothering me, I will vindicate her, so that she does not come and wear me out in the end. Luke.18.6 — And the Lord said, "Listen to what the unrighteous judge says. Luke.18.7 — And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? And yet he is patient with them. Luke.18.8 — I tell you, he will bring about justice for them quickly. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?
  16. ↩Gal.4.19 — My children, for whom I am again in labor pains until Christ is formed in you—
  17. ↩Matt.23.37;Luke.13.34 — Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those who are sent to you — how often I desired to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing. Luke.13.34 — O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to her! How often I desired to gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing!
  18. ↩Matt.23.37 — Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those who are sent to you — how often I desired to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing.
  19. ↩Rom.16.27;Eph.3.21;1Tim.1.17 — to the only wise God, through Jesus Christ, be glory forever. Amen. Eph.3.21 — To him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. 1Tim.1.17 — Now to the King of the ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.

Notes

  1. 1 ↩eam facere is ambiguous: it could mean 'make it' (the creature) or 'make something of it.' Rendered as 'make amends' to capture the sense of God's restorative power, but 'make something of it' is also possible.
  2. 2 ↩The final clause (sic mihi sit quasi non ita sit) is dense: it expresses the soul's inability to feel the truth it knows. Rendered as 'as though it were not' to capture the experiential denial of what the mind affirms.
  3. 3 ↩affectus rendered as 'heart' per lexeme policy (cor/affectus → heart for inner feeling). The contrast is between intellectual knowledge (veritas ostendit) and felt experience (affectus non sentit).
  4. 4 ↩temeritatis rendered 'presumption' rather than 'rashness' to capture the theological nuance of misguided boldness before God.
  5. 5 ↩Vanum rendered 'empty' rather than 'vain' to capture the existential futility the speaker feels, not the moral category of vanity.
  6. 6 ↩Misericordia rendered 'mercy' per lexeme policy. Scientia rendered 'knowledge' to preserve the sense of God's omniscience rather than mere information.
  7. 7 ↩Qui at the end of the sentence is ambiguous — it could be interrogative ('how?') or relative/exclamatory. Rendered as an exclamatory question to preserve the emotional force of the prayer.
  8. 8 ↩Consilium rendered 'counsel' — carrying both the sense of advice and the deeper spiritual guidance the speaker seeks.
  9. 9 ↩Duritia rendered 'hardness of heart' rather than mere 'hardness' to capture the spiritual insensitivity the speaker confesses.
  10. 10 ↩Iniquitas rendered 'wickedness' to convey the moral gravity the speaker attributes to their own condition.
  11. 11 ↩The parallel structure intensifies the sense of universal opposition: every source of mercy is matched by an equal weight of adversity. The repetition of miser/misero underscores the speaker's self-understanding as abandoned to judgment.
  12. 12 ↩obvolutum/exutum: rare forms translated as 'wrapped' and 'stripped' to preserve the clothing metaphor contrast.
  13. 13 ↩fides sine operibus mortua est: strong echo of James 2:26 (fides sine operibus mortua est). Candidate allusion flagged for Moses resolution.
  14. 14 ↩servata: parsed as ablative absolute ('having been preserved') modifying the relative clause; the sense is concessive-conditional: 'which, if it had been preserved, would have restored the lost bodily life to something better.'
  15. 15 ↩nec natum esse: nec negates the infinitive clause, yielding 'it is better not to have been born' — a strong comparative construction.
  16. 16 ↩Haee: scribal variant of haec; translated as 'this' (feminine singular agreeing with vita).
  17. 17 ↩illa mors = bodily death (future); ista mors = spiritual death (already present). The speaker says bodily death is not the real evil — the evil is that spiritual death has already come first.
  18. 18 ↩Per naturae rationalitatem rendered as 'through the reason nature gave me' to convey the natural faculty of rational understanding; per mortis insensibilitatem as 'through the numbness that death brings' to capture the spiritual deadness that blocks felt sorrow.
  19. 19 ↩The causal quia links the claim of sufficiency directly to God's testimony, grounding the argument in divine witness rather than human confidence.
  20. 20 ↩Nam introduces an explanatory expansion of s1's claim, grounding the argument in Paul's earthly experience as proof of heavenly sufficiency.
  21. 21 ↩Cum here is causal ('since'), reinforced by the parallel et linking God's testimony to Paul's own. The rhetorical question presses the urgency of the petition.
  22. 22 ↩Pietas rendered as 'devotion' to capture the sense of faithful, loving duty — both toward God and toward those entrusted to Paul's care.
  23. 23 ↩Direct quotation of 2 Cor 12:9 (Vulgate). The speaker addresses God, reminding him of his own words to Paul.
  24. 24 ↩Quotation of 1 Cor 9:22 (Vulgate: Omnibus omnia factus sum). Paul's self-description is turned into a direct address to the apostle.
  25. 25 ↩Et opens the sentence with a shift to dramatic present-tense appeal; ecce ('behold') heightens the urgency, drawing attention to the dead person as present evidence.
  26. 26 ↩The contrast morte sua indebita / morte debita is theologically dense: Christ's death was 'undeserved' (he was innocent), while the sinners' death was 'owed' (the just consequence of sin). The Latin plays on the debit-/indebit- root pair to hold both truths in parallel.
  27. 27 ↩The sentence sets up a stark contrast: baptism delivers from spiritual death, but barrenness and depravity drag the soul back into it. 'Barrenness' (sterilitas) likely refers to spiritual fruitlessness, and 'depravity' (pravitas) to moral corruption.
  28. 28 ↩Mater famosi affectus is addressed to Paul — the 'mother' of the shameful suffering (his passion of persecution and conversion). Viscera maternae pietatis uses the visceral, bodily language of tender compassion (cf. Paul's own use of maternal imagery in Gal. 4:19, 1 Thess. 2:7).
  29. 29 ↩The form jussi is ambiguous between 1st singular perfect active ('I commanded') and a perfect passive participle. The context favors the active reading: Christ commanded and they obeyed.
  30. 30 ↩The ut clause is rendered as result ('that we might be reborn') following the gloss's preference, though purpose is also possible.

Orationes sive Meditationes — Collection for Princess Adeliza of Normandy companion

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