Quomodo et quanto tempore prouectus est ad uitam solitariam, amoris iubilum, et de locorum mutacione

Quomodo et quanto tempore prouectus est ad uitam solitariam, amoris iubilum, et de locorum mutacione

When I was unfortunately flourishing and my youthful, watchful adolescence had already arrived, the grace of the Creator was present, who restrained the folly of temporal form and turned me toward the desired embrace of the incorporeal, lifting my soul from the depths and transporting it to the heights, so that I might burn more intensely for the eternal beauty than I ever had before in any carnal embrace or even in worldly softness that had delighted me. If I want to speak about the process, I must declare that I need to preach a solitary life, for my spirit, breathing towards this goal, was intent on achieving and loving it; and from then on, according to the measure of my weakness, I tried to lead my life in that direction. I remained, however, among those who flourished in worldly matters, and I received from them nourishment and flattery, which often comes from renowned warriors. I heard that they could draw from the heights to the depths. But because of this, my mind, having turned away from one thing, was lifted up to the love of the Author, and longing to delight in eternal sweetness, I gave my soul to love Christ in devotion, which surely was received by the one beloved, so that now the sweetest solitude may appear to him, and all the comforts that abound from human error may be counted as nothing. I used to seek quietness, even though I would move from one place to another. It's not wrong for hermits to leave their cells for a reasonable cause, and if it seems fitting, they can return to the same place; some of the holy fathers did this, even if they had to endure the murmurs of people (not to mention the good ones). The wicked speak evil, and they would do the same if they remained there, because it has become customary for them. When the lid of the latrine is removed, it only gives off a stench. And evil speakers talk from the abundance of the heart, in which the poison of asps lies hidden. I realized that the more people raged against me with slanderous words, the more I grew in my spiritual progress. For I had some very bad detractors, whom I had previously thought were loyal friends. Finally, I didn't stop pursuing those things that were beneficial for my soul because of their words; rather, I devoted myself to study and always found God favoring me. I remembered what is written: They will curse, but you will bless. And through the passage of time, I was granted progress in spiritual joys. From the beginning of the changes in my life and mind until the revelation of the heavenly vision, so that the unveiled face of the heart might contemplate the divine, and see how it longed for its beloved, and yearn for Him continually, three years passed, excluding three or four months. While the door was kept open, there was a time when I truly felt the warmth of eternal love in my heart, and almost a year passed by. I was sitting in a certain chapel, and while I was greatly delighted by the sweetness of prayer or meditation, I suddenly felt an unusual and joyful warmth within me. But when I first doubted who it was, I experienced for a long time that it was not from a creature but from the Creator. Because I found it to be more fervent and more joyful. However, feeling that intense warmth, which is inexpressibly sweet, leads to an infusion and perception of the heavenly or spiritual sound that pertains to the eternal song of praise and the sweetness of an invisible melody, which cannot be known or heard except by the one who receives it, and who must be cleansed and separated from the earth; half a year, three months, and several weeks have passed. While I was sitting in the same chapel, I sang psalms as best I could the night before dinner, listening to what seemed like the sound of singing above me, as if it were the ringing of voices or perhaps more like a choir. As I prayed with all my heart to the heavenly beings, I don't know how, but I soon felt within me the harmony of songs, and I received a most delightful celestial melody that remained with me in my mind. For my thoughts were constantly turning into a song of praise, and I seemed to have hymns in my meditation, as well as in my prayers and the psalms, which maintained the same sound as those previously arranged, lasting until the end. Yet this does not advance much; rather, it does not rise to another state; it remains hidden. Consumed, he rests; thanks be to God, praises incessantly, amen. I have given birth. From then on, until I began to sing what I had said before, I burst forth with an inner abundance of sweetness, secretly indeed, because only before my Creator. I was not known by those who were surrounding me, so that if they had recognized me, they would have honored me excessively, and in that way, I would have lost my part of the flower's beauty. Truly, I would have fallen into desolation. Meanwhile, I was struck with wonder because I had been brought to such great joy while I was an exile, and because God had given me gifts that I didn't even know to ask for, nor did I think I would receive anything so holy in this life. Therefore, I believe this has not been given to anyone's mind, but freely to whoever Christ wishes. I believe that no one will accept this unless they particularly love the name of Jesus and honor it so much that they never allow themselves to forget it, except in sleep. I believe that whoever is given the ability to do this will also achieve that. From the beginning, my mind was transformed until I reached the highest degree of Christ's love, which I was able to attain by God's grace, in which state I would sing divine praises with joyful song: I had this for four years and about three months. This state, indeed, remains unchanged from the beginning until the end. Indeed, even after death, one will be more perfect, because here the joy of love and the fire of charity begin, and in the heavenly kingdom, one will receive the most glorious fulfillment. Indeed, in this life, established in these stages, one makes not a small amount of progress, but does not ascend to another state; rather, as if confirmed in grace, one rests as a mortal can. Therefore, I constantly desire to give thanks to God and to praise Him: He who grants me comfort in my troubles and afflictions, and makes me wait securely for the eternal crown amid prosperity and pleasures. Therefore, to you, Jesus, I continually offer joyful praises, for you have deemed it fitting to mingle me, the least and most miserable, with sweet ministers who bring forth melodies from the Spirit, but whose songs emanate from the heavenly realm. I will continually give thanks with joy, because you have made me conform to those who sing beautifully through the clarity of conscience, in a soul burning with eternal love, while it loves and is stirred by a seated fire, with a mind transformed, and with a heat that is fervently expanded by a longing desire. And true beauty of admirable virtue flourishes without fault in the sight of the Creator; thus, joy enters in, delighting the weary and relieving their burdens with a joyful song. There are many wonderful and great gifts, but none of them are such as to confirm hope in the invisible life of the loving soul, which is so rare among the gifts of life, or that sweetly console and uplift the one who sits in contemplation, leading them to the heights of contemplation or to the harmony of angelic praise. Behold, brothers, I have told you how I came to the fire of love: not so that you would praise me, but so that you would glorify my God, from whom I received whatever good I have, so that you, reflecting on the fact that everything under the sun is vanity, may be inspired to imitate, not to detract.