Liber II, Pars I — Qualiter omnes cives, et maxime reges et principes ad suas coniuges debeant debite se habere. Cap. XX.

Liber II, Pars I — Qualiter omnes cives, et maxime reges et principes ad suas coniuges debeant debite se habere. Cap. XX.

It's not enough to know how kings and princes, and indeed all citizens, should govern their wives and what good qualities they should encourage in them; one must also understand how they ought to conduct themselves toward them. However, there are three things that must be carefully considered regarding how men should properly relate to their wives. First, they should use them moderately and discreetly. Second, they should treat them honorably. Third, they should maintain a proper relationship with them. For it is fitting for them to use their wives moderately and discreetly, because excessive indulgence in sexual relations destroys the body, depresses the mind, and leads to uncontrolled desires, making their wives intemperate. Indeed, the body of a man is weakened and debilitated if he excessively devotes himself to marital relations, for the generative power becomes corrupted. 3. Ethics. The appetite for desire is insatiable. Therefore, for the most part, a person desires more than nature requires. If, therefore, someone were to pursue desire without restraint and did not moderate the longing for marital union, they would act beyond what nature requires and beyond what is sufficient for restoration. This cannot happen without the weakening of one's own body. Thus, the brain, the sight, and other noble members are weakened by excessive union. Secondly, excessive use not only weakens the body but also suppresses the mind. For the body is like an instrument of the soul; just as a hammer is an instrument of the craftsman, when the hammer is weakened, the craftsman's actions are weakened: so, when the brain and other noble members are weakened, the soul is hindered from the use of reason, so that it cannot consider sufficiently. Therefore, it was previously established by the authority of philosophers that such things, if they are intense, strike at reason. Thirdly, such excessive use stains desire and makes spouses intemperate. For as much as more is given to sexual acts, so much more desire is incited to be intemperate, and to act sexually, as the philosopher says. Ethics. Because of this, the brutish thought of some who say, 'I will satisfy my desire now, and later I will abstain from it,' is eliminated. For any carnal use of sexual union incites further use: and the more one uses it, the more one is incited to use it, and one becomes ever more intemperate. Therefore, it is fitting for citizens to use the marital union moderately, and all the more so for kings and princes, since it is more indecent for them to have a weakened body, a depressed mind, and an intemperate desire because of such acts. It is not enough for them to use such a union temperately unless they use it discreetly. In all things, discretion must be applied so that they are done at the right time, in the right place, and in the right manner. For there are some times that are inappropriate for the aforementioned actions. For during times when one should be devoted to prayer, it is fitting to abstain from such things; likewise, during times when harm could arise to offspring, it is appropriate to refrain from such unions. Therefore, it is necessary to observe the appropriate time. It is also necessary to observe the appropriate place and manner, so that there is not only delightful friendship between spouses, but also honorable. Having established how men should moderately and discreetly engage with their wives, it remains to show how they should treat them honorably. Every man should honorably retain his wife according to his means, providing her with the necessary support. For since a wife is a person very closely united to her husband, the honor given to her reflects back on the husband himself. Rather, since it has been shown that a husband should not treat his wife as a servant, but as a partner, each man ought to honorably treat his own wife according to her status. Having shown how men should use moderation and discretion with their wives, it remains to demonstrate how they ought to interact with them honorably. Then, a man's interaction with his wife is appropriate if he shows her the proper signs of affection and instructs her with suitable guidance. However, it is impossible to declare what the proper signs of affection are and what suitable guidance should be given without considering the diversity of circumstances and the conditions of individuals: men must carefully observe whether their wives are proud or humble, whether they are wise or foolish. For it is necessary to interact with wives in such a way that more signs of affection should be shown to those who are humble than to those who are proud: for proud women become so elevated by the many signs of affection shown to them that they even wish to dominate their husbands. Again, the way to interact with them should differ: wise women should be instructed differently than foolish ones. For gentle words and kind remarks suffice for the wise, but a harsher reprimand should be applied to the foolish. Therefore, it is fitting for every man, considering his own situation and the conditions of the individuals involved, to show his wife the proper signs of affection and to instruct her (as is appropriate) through suitable guidance.