Quomodo invicem frui debeamus
Enjoying One Another in the Lord
To enjoy a friend rightly is to enjoy them in the Lord—that is, in wisdom, sanctification, and righteousness—so that love flows from a pure heart, a good conscience, and unfeigned faith.
So then, whoever finds it sweet to enjoy a friend, let them see to it that they enjoy them in the Lord, not in the world, not in fleshly pleasure, but also in spiritual delight. But you ask, what does it mean to enjoy someone in the Lord? The Apostle speaks of the Lord: 'He was made for us by God as wisdom and righteousness and sanctification' (1 Cor.✦ 1). Since, then, the Lord is wisdom, sanctification, and righteousness, to enjoy someone in the Lord is to enjoy them in wisdom, in sanctification, and in righteousness. By wisdom, worldly vanity is shut out; by sanctification, the filth of the flesh is cut away; by righteousness, all flattery and sycophancy are held in check. For then there is love, if it is, as the Apostle says, 'from a pure heart, and a good conscience, and unfeigned faith' (1 Tim.✦ 1).
Three Ways We Fail to Enjoy in the Lord
Bernard diagnoses three disordered modes of fellowship—worldly vanity, fleshly indulgence, and flattering complicity—and calls instead for conversation shaped by Scripture, shared lament, holy hope, and bodily sanctification.
The heart takes in too little wisdom; modesty clears the conscience; unfeigned faith adorns justice. There are some who enjoy themselves in vain and frivolous things, in the pomp and spectacle of the world, in the pursuit of vanity and the joy of falsehood. These do not enjoy themselves in wisdom, and therefore not in him who is the power of God, the wisdom of God.✦ Others, though certainly not worse, are at least more sordid, for whom there is almost nothing left of the human person, whom obscene shamefulness has transformed into beasts, who enjoy themselves in lavish feasts and unclean desires, because they do not enjoy themselves in sanctification, which consists in the sweetness of chastity — and so they certainly do not enjoy themselves in the Lord, who was made for us by God as our sanctification.✦1 But those who enjoy each other flatteringly, stroking one another, agreeing with one another — who, while they avoid offending each other, bring mutual ruin upon themselves — do not enjoy themselves in the Lord, because they do not enjoy themselves in the freedom of justice. So if the mutual exchange of words delights you, let your conversation be about conduct, let it be about the Scriptures. Let us now lament together over the miseries of this life; let us now rejoice together in the hope of the good things to come; let us now be refreshed by the mutual revelation of what is hidden in each other; let us now together sigh toward that blessed vision of Jesus and the blessings of heaven. But if — as is sometimes useful — we should relax our strained mind toward certain lower and pleasant things, let those very relaxations be full of honesty, free from lightness, even if they lack edification. Let us enjoy each other in sanctification, so that each one may know how to possess his own vessel — that is, his own body — in sanctification and honor, not in the passion of desire.✦2
Enjoying One Another in Justice
True fellowship in justice means the freedom to encourage and rebuke one another, preferring a friend's faithful wound to an enemy's deceitful kiss.
Let us enjoy one another in justice, so that in a spirit of freedom we may encourage one another and rebuke one another, knowing that a friend's wounds are better than an enemy's deceitful kisses (Prov.✦ xxvii).
Read the original Latin
Qui igitur amico frui dulce habet, videat ut fruatur in Domino, non in saeculo : non in carnis voluptate, sed etiam in spiritus jucunditate. Sed quaeris, quid sit frui in Domino? Dicit de Domino Apostolus : Qui factus est nobis a Deo sapientia, et justitia, et sanctificatio (I Cor. i). Cum igitur Dominus sapientia sit, sanctificatio, et justitia : in Domino frui, est frui in sapientia, frui in sanctificatione, frui in justitia. Sapientia vanitas saecularis excluditur, sanctificatione spurcitia carnis abscinditur, justitia assentatio omnis, adulatioque compescitur. Tunc enim charitas est, si sit, ut ait Apostolus, de corde puro, et conscientia bona, et fide non ficta (I Tim. i).
Parum cor suscipit sapientiam, pudicitia serenat conscientiam, fides non ficta exornat justitiam. Sunt qui se fruuntur, in vanis et ludicris, in saeculi pompis et mundi spectaculis, in studio vanitatis et gaudio falsitatis. Hi non se fruuntur in sapientia, ac proinde non in illo, qui Dei virtus est, Dei sapientia. Alii etsi non deteriores, certe sordidiores, quibus pene de homine nihil est, quos obscena turpitudo transformavit in bestias; qui se in luxuriosis conviviis, et immundis fruuntur desideriis, quia se non in sanctificatione, quae in castitatis suavitate consistit, fruuntur, utique in Domino, qui factus est nobis a Deo sanctificatio, non fruuntur. At hi qui se assentatorie fruuntur, invicem palpantes, invicem consentientes, qui dum alterutram cavent offensionem, mutuam incurrunt perniciem, quia non se in libertate fruuntur justitiae, in Domino non fruuntur. Ergo si mutua delectat verborum collatio, sit sermo de moribus, sit sermo de Scripturis : nunc de miseriis hujus vitae congemiscamus ; nunc in spe futurorum bonorum congaudeamus; nunc mutui secreti revelatione recreemur ; nunc simul ad illam beatam visionem Jesu, ac bona coelestia suspiremus. Si vero, quod nonnunquam utile est, tensum animum ad inferiora quaedam ac jucunda laxemus, sint laxamenta ipsa plena honestatis, vacua levitatis, etsi careant aedificatione. Fruamur invicem in sanctificatione, ut sciat unusquisque vas suum possidere, id est proprium corpus in sanctificatione et honore, non in passione desiderii.
Fruamur in justitia, ut in spiritu libertatis mutuo cohortemur, mutuo corripiamus, scientes quia meliora sunt amici vulnera, quam fraudulenta inimici oscula (Prov. xxvii).
Scripture echoes
- ↩1Cor.1.30 — But from him you are in Christ Jesus, who became wisdom for us from God—both righteousness and sanctification and redemption.
- ↩1Tim.1.5 — But the goal of the commandment is love from a pure heart, and a good conscience, and sincere faith.
- ↩1Cor.1.24 — but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God.
- ↩1Cor.1.30 — But from him you are in Christ Jesus, who became wisdom for us from God—both righteousness and sanctification and redemption.
- ↩1Thess.4.4 — that each one of you know how to control your own vessel in sanctification and honor
- ↩Prov.27.6 — Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.
Notes
- 1 ↩The threefold use of fruuntur in this sentence (enjoying in feasts/desires, enjoying in sanctification, enjoying in the Lord) traces a descending scale of false enjoyment; the final clause echoes 1 Cor 1:30.
- 2 ↩Vas suum (his own vessel) echoes 1 Thess 4:4, where the vessel is the body held in sanctification and honor. The contrast with passione desiderii frames chastity as the proper mode of bodily self-possession.
Speculum caritatis (The Mirror of Charity) companion
Reorder one love at a time, daily
Use the study map with the free Chosen Portion app's daily readings to work through Aelred at a sustainable pace.
Aelred wrote the Mirror as a rule for daily interior discipline in community, and Chosen Portion carries that discipline forward as a short ordered reading each day.
- All 3 books and 102 chapters mapped into 4 weekly themes with page-level pointers
- Aelred's choice-motion-fruit test, turned into a one-page self-examination worksheet
- 16 discussion questions ready for personal journaling or a 4-session small group