MEDITATIO II. De terrore judicii, ad excitandum in se timorem.
A Life Laid Bare
The speaker examines his life and finds it wholly sinful or barren, sustained only by God's patient mercy.
My life terrifies me, because when I look at it closely, my whole life seems to be either sin or almost entirely barren; and if any fruit does appear, it's either pretended, or imperfect, or somehow corrupted — so that it either can't please God or actually displeases him. So then, sinner — your life now is not merely almost wholly sinful, but certainly wholly so: either it is steeped in sin and damnable, or it is unfruitful and contemptible. But why do I separate the unfruitful from the damnable? Surely if it is unfruitful, it is also damnable. It is well established — and it is true — what Truth itself said: 'Every tree that does not bear good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire.'✦ After all, if I do anything useful, it by no means makes up for the food I consume for my body — the nourishment I use up. But who feeds a beast that doesn't give back as much as it eats up? And yet — you, God, more kindly — you nourish and wait for your useless worm, your stinking sinner.✦
The Sinner's Degradation
The soul is shown to be more loathsome than any creature, trapped between shame of life and terror of death, and summoned to total weeping.
How much more tolerable a rotting dog's stink is to people than a sinful soul is to God — how much more wretched that soul is to God than that dog is to people! Alas — not a human being, but a disgrace among humans, cheaper than livestock, worse than a corpse. I'm sick of my own life — I'm ashamed to live, and I'm terrified to die. So what's left to you, sinner, except to weep over your whole life through, so that your whole life itself may weep over itself completely?
The Sleeping Soul and the Coming Day
The numb soul is rebuked for its lukewarm sleep as the terrifying day of the Lord is proclaimed in scriptural language.
Yet there's something else remarkable about my soul, and remarkably miserable: it doesn't grieve nearly as much as it knows it should, but stays numb and unbothered, as if it had no idea what it's suffering. Barren soul, what are you doing? Why are you numb, sinful soul? The day of judgment is coming; the great day of the Lord is near, swift and rushing past; that day of wrath, the day of trouble and distress, the day of ruin and misery, the day of darkness and deep gloom, the day of cloud and storm, the day of the trumpet and the blast. O, the bitter voice of the day of the Lord! Why are you sleeping, lukewarm soul, fit only to be vomited out? Why are you sleeping? Whoever doesn't wake up, whoever doesn't tremble at such thunder — that person isn't just asleep; he's dead.
The Unfruitful Tree
The sinner is addressed as a fruitless tree fit for fire, and his sins as thorns that repentance alone can shatter.
Unfruitful tree, where are your fruits?✦✦ A tree fit for the axe and for fire, fit to be cut down and burned — where are your fruits?✦✦ Indeed, sharp thorns and bitter sins — would that they might so prick you by repentance that they would be shattered, and so turn bitter that they would vanish entirely.✦✦
No Small Offense Against God
Every sin dishonors God and cannot be called small, and the sinner will answer for every moment, thought, and idle word at judgment.
Perhaps you think some sin is a small thing — but would that the strict Judge considered any sin small! But — alas for me! Doesn't every sin, through transgression, dishonor God? What then? Will a sinner dare to call any sin small? For how could dishonoring God ever be a small thing? O dry and useless wood, worthy of eternal fires — what will you answer on that day, when in the blink of an eye, every moment of your life given to you will be demanded from you, and how it was spent?✦ Then indeed whatever is found in you — whether work or idleness, speech or silence, down to the very least thought — yes, even the fact that you have lived at all, will be condemned if it was not directed to the will of God.
Hidden Sins Unmasked
Sins now unseen or deemed good will rush forth at judgment, when mercy and repentance are no longer available.
Woe! How many sins will rush forth there unexpectedly, as if from ambushes lying in wait — sins you don't see now? Certainly more — and perhaps more terrible than the ones you see now. How many things that you don't consider to be wrong? How many things that you now believe to be good will appear there, with face laid bare, as the blackest sins? There, beyond any doubt, you will receive according to how you conducted yourself in the body — then, when there will no longer be a time for mercy; then, when repentance will not be accepted, when amendment will not be promised.
The Weight of the Reckoning
The sinner is urged to weigh his deeds, but finds his heart too hard, too numb, and too lethargic to respond even to the thunder of judgment.
Here, consider what you have done, and what you must receive in return. If you have many good deeds and few evil ones, rejoice greatly; if many evil deeds and few good ones, mourn greatly. O useless sinner! Are these things not enough to make you cry out in anguish? Are they not enough to draw blood and marrow out of you and into tears? Alas, what astonishing hardness of heart — to break it, even the heaviest hammers seem too light! O numb insensibility — to rouse it, even the sharpest stings seem dull! Alas, what lethal sleep — to wake it, even the terrifying thunder of judgment sounds hoarse and feeble!
Terrors Piled on Terrors
The speaker resolves to contemplate the full weight of coming misery, piling terror on terror as he faces the Judge who was patient but will then be severe.
Useless sinner, these things ought to be enough for you to keep your grief going: they can suffice to swallow you in endless tears. But why should I stay silent about the weight and magnitude of the misery that threatens, hiding anything from the eyes of my soul — or is it so that sudden pains will rush in unexpectedly, so that an intolerable storm will break upon me all at once? Surely this is not what's good for the sinner. But even if I say everything I can think of, it still won't come close to what the thing really is. So let my eyes draw down tears day and night, and let them not be silent.✦ Increase, then, sinner — increase the weight of your past troubles; pile terror on terror, howling on howling. For he himself will judge you — he whose affront is seen in whatever the disobedient one or the transgressor sins against God, who rendered me good for evil, and to whom I rendered evil for good. He who is now most patient will then be most severe; most merciful now, most just then.✦✦
Woe Against the Almighty
The speaker cries out in anguish against his sin against God and begs that the wrath of the Almighty not rush upon him.
Alas, woe is me! Alas, woe is me! Against whom have I sinned? I have dishonored God; I have provoked the Almighty. Sinner that I am, what have I done? Whom have I wronged? How terribly have I acted! Woe, woe!✦ O wrath of the Almighty, do not rush upon me!✦
No Place to Hide
The sinner is hemmed in on every side by accusing sins, terrifying justice, hell below, an angry Judge above, burning conscience, and a world ablaze.
The wrath of the Almighty — where can it be contained in me? There is nothing in me that could endure you. O narrow straits: on this side, sins bringing their accusations; on that side, justice striking terror; below, the gaping, dreadful chaos of hell; above, an angry judge; within, a conscience on fire; without, a world ablaze. The just man will scarcely be saved; and the sinner, caught like this — to which side will he turn? Hemmed in — where will I hide? How will I appear? To hide will be impossible; to appear, intolerable. That I will long for, and it will be nowhere; this I will curse, and it will be everywhere.
Who Will Rescue Me?
The sinner despairs of rescue or counsel, then names Jesus as the Angel of Great Counsel and trembles before him as Judge.
What then — what then? What will become of me then? Who will rescue me from the hands of God? Where will I find counsel? Where is salvation?✦ Who is this who is called the Angel of Great Counsel, who is called the Savior — that I might cry out his name?✦ Now he is here — now he is here: Jesus. He himself is the judge before whose hands I tremble.
Flee to the One You Feared
The sinner is urged to turn to Jesus, to call on his sweet name, and to plead that God's own goodness not be ruined by human wickedness.
Breathe again now, sinner, breathe again; do not despair, put your hope in the one you fear. Flee to the one from whom you fled. Call upon him persistently, the one you arrogantly provoked. Jesus, Jesus, for the sake of this name of yours, do for me according to this name of yours. Jesus, Jesus, forget the proud one who provoked you; look upon the wretched one who calls upon your name — the sweet name, the delightful name, the name that strengthens the sinner, and of blessed hope. For what is Jesus, if not Savior? Therefore, Jesus, for your own sake be Jesus to me — you who formed me, so I may not perish; you who redeemed me, so you may not condemn me; you who created me by your goodness, so your work may not be ruined by my wickedness. I beg you, most devout one, do not let my wickedness destroy what your almighty goodness has done.
Welcome Me, O Longed-For Jesus
The meditation closes with a plea for mercy in the time of mercy, a longing to praise Jesus among the elect, and a doxology to the Trinity.
Recognize, most gracious one, what is yours, and wipe away what is foreign. Jesus, Jesus, have mercy, while there is still time to show mercy, so that you do not condemn me when the time comes to judge. What good is my blood to you, if I descend into eternal destruction? The dead will not praise you, Lord, nor will all who go down to the grave.✦ If you take me into the widest embrace of your mercy, Lord, it will not be made any narrower on my account. So welcome me, O most longed-for Jesus, welcome me into the company of your chosen ones, so that with them I may praise you, enjoy you, and glory in you among all who love your name. Who, with the Father and the Holy Spirit, are glorified through endless ages. Amen.
Read the original Latin
Terret me vita mea, quia diligenter discussa, apparet mihi tota aut peccatum, aut sterilitas fere tota vita mea, et si quid fructus in ea videtur, sic est aut simulatum, aut imperfectum, aut aliquo modo corruptum, ut possit aut non placere, aut displicere Deo. Ergo, o peccator, vita tua jam non fere tota, sed certe tota aut in peccato est, et damnabilis; aut infructuosa, et contemptibilis. Sed quid separo infructuosam a damnabili? Utique, si est infructuosa, est et damnabilis. Constat enim et verum est quod Veritas dixit: Omnis arbor, quae non facit fructum bonum, excidetur, et in ignem mittetur. Denique, si quid ago utile, prorsus nullatenus illud compenso alimentis corporis, quibus abutor. Sed quis pascit pecus, quod nec tantum prodest, quantum consumit? et tamen tu benignius Deus, tu nutris, et exspectas tuum inutilem vermem, et fetentem peccatorem.
Quam tolerabilius canis putris fetet hominibus, quam anima peccatrix Deo; quam infelicius ista Deo, quam ille hominibus! Heu non hominem, sed opprobrium hominum, vilius pecore, pejus cadavere. Taedet animam meam vitae meae; vivere erubesco, mori pertimesco. Quid ergo restat tibi, o peccator, nisi ut in tota vita tua plores totam vitam tuam, ut ipsa tota se ploret totam?
Sed est in hoc quoque anima mea miserabiliter mirabilis et mirabiliter miserabilis, quia non tantum dolet quantum se noscit; sed sic secura torpet, velut quid patiatur ignoret. O anima sterilis, quid agis? quid torpes, anima peccatrix? Dies judicii venit, juxta est dies Domini magnus, juxta et velox nimis, dies irae dies illa, dies tribulationis et angustiae, dies calamitatis et miseriae, dies tenebrarum et caliginis, dies nebulae et turbinis, dies tubae et clangoris. O vox diei Domini amara! Quid dormitas, anima tepida et digna evomi? quid dormitas? qui non expergiscitur, qui non tremit ad tantum tonitruum, non dormit, sed mortuus est.
Arbor infructuosa, ubi sunt fructus tui? arbor digna securi et igne, digna succidi et succendi, qui sunt fructus tui? Utique spinae pungentes et amara peccata; quae utinam sic te poenitendo pungerent ut confringerentur: sic amarescerent ut evanescerent.
Forsan parvum quid putas aliquod peccatum: utinam districtus judex parvum existimaret aliquod peccatum. Sed heu me! nonne omne peccatum per praevaricationem Deum exhonorat? Quid ergo? peccatum peccator audebit dicere parvum? Deum enim exhonorare, quando parvum est? O lignum aridum, et inutile, aeternis ignibus dignum, quid respondebis in illa die, cum exigetur a te usque ad ictum oculi, omne tempus vivendi tibi impensum, qualiter fuerit a te expensum? Tunc quippe condemnabitur quidquid fuerit inventum in te operis vel otii, sermonis et silentii, usque ad minimam cogitationem, etiam quod vixisti, si non fuerit ad Dei voluntatem directum.
Vae! quot peccata ibi proruent ex improviso, quasi ex insidiis, quae modo non vides? Certe plura, et fortassis terribiliora his quae nunc vides. Quot, quae non esse mala putas? quot, quae nunc esse bona credis, nudata facie apparebunt ibi nigerrima peccata? Ibi procul dubio recipies prout gessisti in corpore; tunc, cum jam non erit tempus misericordiae; tunc, cum poenitentia non recipietur, cum emendatio non promittetur.
Hic cogita quid gessisti, quid oporteat te recipere. Si multa bona, pauca mala; multum gaude: si multa mala, pauca bona; multum luge. O inutilis peccator! an non sufficiunt tibi haec ad immanem rugitum? an non sufficiunt ad eliciendum sanguinem et medullas in lacrymas. Vae mirabilis duritia, ad quam confringendam leves sunt tam graves mallei! O insensibilis torpor, ad quem excitandum sunt obtusi tam acuti aculei! Proh lethalis sopor, ad quem excitandum raucum est tam terrificum tonitruum!
Peccator inutilis, satis haec tibi debent esse ad continuandum luctum: sufficere tibi possunt ad sorbendas juges lacrymas. Sed cur debeo de gravedine, de magnitudine imminentis miseriae quidquam dissimulando tacere, et oculis animae meae furari: an ut improvise irruant repentini dolores, ut subito ingruat intolerabilis tempestas? Certe non sic expedit peccatori. Si autem dixero, quidquid potero excogitare, nondum ad id quod res est, poterit comparari. Igitur deducant oculi mei lacrymas per diem et noctem, et non taceant. Auge ergo, peccator, auge superioribus aerumnis pondus; adde terrorem super terrorem, ululatum super ululatum: nam ipse te judicabit, ad cujus contumeliam spectat quidquid inobediens Deo, aut praevaricator peccat qui mihi bonum pro malo reddidit, cui ego malum pro bono, qui nunc patientissimus, tunc districtissimus; clementissimus nunc, justissimus tunc.
Heu me, heu me! cui peccavi? Deum inhonoravi, Omnipotentem provocavi. Peccator, quid feci? cui feci? quam male feci? Vae, vae! ira Omnipotentis, ne irruas super me.
Ira Omnipotentis, ubi poteris capi in me? Non est quod te possit tolerare in toto me. O angustiae: hinc erunt accusantia peccata, inde terrens justitia; subtus patens horridum chaos inferni, desuper iratus judex; intus urens conscientia, foris ardens mundus. Justus vix salvabitur; peccator sic deprehensus in quam partem se premet? Constrictus ubi latebo? quomodo parebo? Latere erit impossibile, apparere intolerabile. Illud desiderabo, et nusquam erit: istud exsecrabor, et ubique erit.
Quid quid tunc? quid erit tunc? quis eruet me de manibus Dei? unde mihi consilium? unde salus? Quis est, qui dicitur magni consilii angelus, qui dicitur Salvator, ut nomen ejus vociferer? Jam ipse est, jam ipse est Jesus, ipse idem est judex, inter cujus manus tremo.
Respira jam, o peccator, respira; ne desperes, spera in eo quem times. Affuge ad eum, a quo aufugisti. Invoca importune, quem superbe provocasti. Jesu, Jesu, propter hoc nomen tuum, fac mihi secundum hoc nomen tuum. Jesu, Jesu, obliviscere superbum provocantem, respice miserum invocantem nomen dulce, nomen delectabile, nomen confortans peccatorem, et beatae spei. Quid est enim Jesus, nisi Salvator? Ergo Jesu, propter temetipsum esto mihi Jesus, qui me plasmasti, ne peream; qui me redemisti, ne condemnes; qui me creasti tua bonitate, ne pereat opus tuum mea iniquitate. Rogo, piissime, ne perdat mea iniquitas quod fecit tua omnipotens bonitas.
Recognosce, benignissime, quod tuum est; et absterge quod alienum est. Jesu, Jesu, miserere, dum tempus est miserendi, ne damnes in tempore judicandi. Quae namque tibi utilitas in sanguine meo, si descendero in aeternam corruptionem? Neque enim mortui laudabunt te, Domine, neque omnes qui descendunt in infernum. Si me admiseris intra latissimum tuae misericordiae sinum, non erit augustior propter me, Domine. Admitte ergo, o desideratissime Jesu, admitte me intra numerum electorum tuorum, ut cum illis te laudem, te perfruar, et glorier in te inter omnes qui diligunt nomen tuum. Qui cum Patre et Spiritu sancto gloriaris per interminata saecula. Amen.
Scripture echoes
- ↩Matt.7.19 — Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.
- ↩Ps.22.6 — To you they cried out and were saved; in you they trusted and were not put to shame.
- ↩Matt.7.17-Matt.7.19 — So every good tree produces good fruit, but the bad tree produces bad fruit. Matt.7.18 — A good tree cannot produce evil fruit, nor can a rotten tree produce good fruit. Matt.7.19 — Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.
- ↩Luke.13.6-Luke.13.9 — He also told this parable: "A man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard, and he came looking for fruit on it and found none. Luke.13.7 — 'And he said to the vineyard worker, "Look, for three years I have come seeking fruit on this fig tree and have found none. Cut it down. Why should it also waste the ground?"' This smooths tense sequence and avoids over-punctuating the command. Luke.13.8 — And he answered and said to him, 'Lord, let it alone this year also, until I dig around it and put on manure; Luke.13.9 — If it bears fruit next year, fine; if not, you can cut it down.
- ↩Matt.3.10 — So already the axe is laid at the root of the trees. Therefore every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.
- ↩Matt.7.19 — Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.
- ↩Heb.6.8 — but if it produces thorns and thistles, it is worthless and near to a curse—its end is burning.
- ↩Gen.3.18 — And thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you, and you shall eat the plants of the field.
- ↩1Cor.15.52 — in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet—for the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed.
- ↩Ps.41.4;Ps.43.3 — The LORD sustains him on his bed of illness; you turn all his lying down in his sickness. Ps.43.3 — Send out your light and your truth; let them lead me, let them bring me to your holy mountain, to your dwelling places.
- ↩Ps.34.12;Ps.36.12 — Come, children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD. Ps.36.12 — There the proud have set their feet, and the wicked have made their stand; do not let them drive me away.
- ↩2Sam.16.12 — Perhaps the LORD will see my affliction, and the LORD will repay me good for his cursing this day.
- ↩Rev.8.13 — And I looked, and I heard one eagle flying in midheaven, saying with a loud voice, 'Woe! Woe! Woe to those who dwell on the earth, because of the remaining blasts of the trumpets of the three angels who are about to sound!'
- ↩Rom.1.18 — For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of people who suppress the truth by unrighteousness.
- ↩Ps.130.7 — O Israel, hope in the LORD; for with the LORD there is steadfast love, and with him is plentiful redemption.
- ↩Isa.9.6 — For the increase of his government and for peace there will be no end, upon the throne of David and over his kingdom, to establish it and to uphold it with justice and with righteousness from this time forth and forevermore. The zeal of the LORD of hosts will do this.
- ↩Ps.6.6 — For there is no remembrance of you in death; in Sheol, who can give you thanks?
Orationes sive Meditationes — Collection for Princess Adeliza of Normandy companion
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