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Chapter 5Ansl.1.5

ORATIO V. AD DEUM. Ad obtinendam cordis compunctionem in oratione.

The Sinner's Lament Before God

The speaker confesses his unworthiness and inability to approach God with proper contrition, marveling at the terror of God's presence.

Forgive me, Lord — forgive me with mercy, forgive and have mercy — spare my ignorance and my many imperfections. Don't reject me as though I were reckless — I who dare to approach you, a servant who wishes he were good, and not also useless and wicked, and therefore deeply wicked, because I praise you, bless you, and adore you — you, the almighty God, our God, terrible and exceedingly to be feared — without contrition of heart, without a fountain of tears, without due reverence and trembling.1 If the angels, adoring and praising you, tremble — filled with wonderful exultation — then why, when I, a sinner, stand before you, speak your praises, and offer sacrifice, do I not tremble in my heart, grow pale in my countenance, quiver in my lips, shudder in my whole body, and so, with tears welled up, mourn before you without ceasing?2 I want to, but I can't — because I'm unable to do what I desire. This is why I marvel deeply within myself: because with the eyes of faith I perceive you as exceedingly terrible.

A Cry for Mercy and the Gift of Tears

The speaker laments his hardened heart and senseless soul, begging God for the grace to weep and serve Him worthily.

But who can do this without the help of your grace? For our entire salvation rests on your great mercy. Wretched me — how has my soul grown so senseless that it is not struck with awe by excessive terror, while it stands before God and sings its praises to him?3 Wretched me — how has my heart so hardened that my eyes never produce rivers of tears, while a fellow servant converses before his Lord — a human being with God, the creature with the Creator, one made from clay with the One who made all things from nothing?✦✦4 Look. Lord, I place myself before you, and what I feel about myself in my inmost places I do not keep silent from your fatherly ears. You who are rich in mercy and generous in rewards, grant me from your good things, so that through them I may serve you. For we can neither serve you nor please you except from your own gift.

Pierced with Fear, Fed with Blessing

The speaker begs God to pierce him with holy fear and grant tears, a pure heart, and a joyful mind, closing with a cascade of scriptural beatitudes.

Pierce my flesh, I beg you, with your fear, so that my heart may rejoice and may fear your name. Would that my sinful soul might fear you like that holy man who said, 'For I have always feared God like waves surging over me.'5 God, giver of every good thing, grant me, as I praise you, a fountain of tears together with a pure heart and a joyful mind, so that, loving you perfectly and praising you worthily, I may perceive with the very palate of my heart, and taste and savor how sweet and pleasant you are, Lord, as it is written: 'Taste and see that the Lord is pleasant.'✦6 Blessed is the one who hopes in him.✦ Blessed are the people who know jubilation.✦ Blessed is the one whose help comes from you; who has set ascents in his heart in the valley of tears, in the place appointed.✦ Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.✦ Blessed are those who dwell in your house, Lord; they will praise you forever and ever.✦

Read the original Latin

Ignosce, Domine, ignosce pie, ignosce et miserere, parce ignorantiae meae et multae imperfectioni meae. Noli me tanquam temerarium reprobare, quod audeam servus, utinam vel bonus et non etiam inutilis et malus, et ideo valde malus quia te omnipotentem Deum nostrum terribilem et nimis metuendum sine cordis contritione et lacrymarum fonte, sine reverentia debita et tremore laudo, benedico, atque adoro. Si enim angeli te adorantes et laudantes tremunt mira exsultatione repleti, ego peccator, dum tibi assisto, laudes dico, sacrificium offero; cur non corde paveo, vultu palleo, labiis tremo, toto corpore inhorresco, sicque obortis lacrymis coram te indesinenter lugeo? Volo, sed non valeo, quia nequeo quod desidero. Hinc enim mecum vehementer admiror, dum te nimis terribilem oculis fidei cerno.

Sed quis hoc sine ope gratiae tuae? Universa enim salus nostra magna misericordia tua. Miserum me, quomodo sic insensata facta est anima mea ut non terreatur terrore nimio, dum stat ante Deum, et suas illi laudes decantat? Miserum me, quomodo sic induruit cor meum ut oculi mei indesinenter non producant flumina lacrymarum, dum conservus sermocinatur coram Domino suo, homo cum Deo, creatura cum Creatore, qui factus est ex limo cum eo qui omnia fecit ex nihilo? Ecce. Domine, pono me ante te, et quid in secretis de me sentio, paternis auribus non taceo. Tu dives in misericordia, et largus in praemiis, da mihi de bonis tuis, ut ex eis serviam tibi. Non enim aliunde possumus tibi servire neque placere nisi de tuo munere.

Confige, quaeso, timore tuo carnes meas; laetetur cor meum, ut timeat nomen tuum. Utinam sic te timeret peccatrix anima mea, quomodo ille vir sanctus qui dixit: Semper enim quasi tumentes super me fluctus timui Deum. Dator enim omnium bonorum Deus, da mihi inter laudes tuas fontem lacrymarum simul cum cordis puritate et mentis jubilatione; ut perfecte te diligens, et digne te laudans, ipso cordis palato sentiam, gustem, et sapiam quam dulcis et suavis es, Domine, sicut scriptum est: Gustate et videte quoniam suavis est Dominus. Beatus vir qui sperat in eo. Beatus populus qui scit jubilationem. Beatus vir cujus est auxilium abs te, ascensiones in corde suo disposuit, in valle lacrymarum, in loco quem posuit. Beati mundo corde, quoniam ipsi Deum videbunt. Beati qui habitant in domo tua, Domine, in saecula saeculorum laudabunt te.

Scripture echoes

  1. ↩Gen.2.7 — Then the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.
  2. ↩Gen.1.1 — In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
  3. ↩Ps.33.9;Ps.35.9 — For he spoke, and it came to be; he commanded, and it stood firm. Ps.35.9 — Then my soul will rejoice in the LORD; it will exult in his salvation.
  4. ↩Ps.83.6;Ps.85.5 — For they have taken counsel together with one heart; against you they cut a covenant. Ps.85.5 — Restore us, O God of our salvation, and break off your anger against us.
  5. ↩Ps.88.16;Ps.90.15 — I am afflicted and dying from my youth; I have borne your terrors — I am numb. Ps.90.15 — Make us glad according to the days you afflicted us, the years we saw calamity.
  6. ↩Ps.83.6-Ps.83.8;Ps.85.5-Ps.85.7 — For they have taken counsel together with one heart; against you they cut a covenant. Ps.83.7 — the tents of Edom and the Ishmaelites, Moab and the Hagrites, Ps.83.8 — Gebal and Ammon and Amalek, Philistia with the inhabitants of Tyre Ps.85.5 — Restore us, O God of our salvation, and break off your anger against us. Ps.85.6 — Will you be angry with us forever? Will you draw out your anger to all generations? Ps.85.7 — Will you not revive us again, that your people may rejoice in you?
  7. ↩Matt.5.8 — Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
  8. ↩Ps.83.5;Ps.85.4 — They said, 'Come, let us wipe them out as a nation, so that the name of Israel will be remembered no more.' Ps.85.4 — Turn away all your wrath; turn back from the fury of your anger.

Notes

  1. 1 ↩The string of self-accusations (inutilis, malus, valde malus) builds a rhetorical crescendo of unworthiness before God; the translation preserves the escalating force.
  2. 2 ↩The contrast between angelic trembling and the speaker's lack of bodily compunction is the rhetorical heart of the sentence. The string of bodily verbs (paveo, palleo, tremo, inhorresco, lugeo) is rendered with distinct English equivalents to preserve the physical vividness.
  3. 3 ↩terrore nimio rendered as 'excessive terror' to capture the overwhelming dread the speaker expects to feel; terreatur (passive) rendered actively as 'is struck with awe' to convey the intended emotional force in natural English.
  4. 4 ↩producant (form uncertain, possibly 3pl subjunctive) rendered as 'produce' following the normalized reading.
  5. 5 ↩The embedded quotation ('Semper enim quasi tumentes super me fluctus timui Deum') is a candidate scriptural echo, likely from a psalm; final source resolution belongs to a later stage.
  6. 6 ↩The closing quotation ('Gustate et videte quoniam suavis est Dominus') is a candidate scriptural echo, likely from Psalm 33:9 (Vulg.) / Psalm 34:9 (Heb.); final source resolution belongs to a later stage.

Orationes sive Meditationes — Collection for Princess Adeliza of Normandy companion

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