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Chapter 4Ansl.1.4

ORATIO IV Cum peccator de iniquitatibus suis multum est anxius, easque coram Deo, omni postposita verecundia, expandit.

Confession Before the Searcher of Hearts

The sinner confesses the multitude of his sins before God, who already knows them all, and acknowledges his guilt and just desert of eternal punishment.

Most High, most gentle lover of humanity—God, Creator and ruler of all creatures—to your immense goodness I confess all my sins: whatever I have done, in whatever way, from the hour I first had the ability to sin right up to this very hour in which, through your mercy, you still allow me to live. But I truly cannot call them all to mind, because they are many and cannot easily be counted. But you, most devout and most merciful God—to whom all things are known before they come to pass, who are the true searcher of thoughts and the most just examiner of the heart and the inner self—you know all my sins: whatever I have committed, or am still committing, whether inwardly in my soul through hidden thoughts, or outwardly through open deeds.✦1 And therefore, because you truly understand that I have done all these things against your will, I confess before your majesty and before all your holy ones that I am guilty and blameworthy; and unless your most merciful mercy comes to my aid first, after the death of the flesh I deserve eternal death and to be tormented forever by everlasting torments.2

Created to Love, Led Astray by Pride

Reflecting on God's self-sufficient goodness and the purpose of his creation, the sinner confesses how pride has driven him to despise his Creator and chase after vanity.

I know, sweetest God, I know that you created me, and having created me you loved me with mercy, and that for this purpose you created me: so that I too might love you, my Creator, as was right, and might be obedient to your commands in all things. And all this you did for my good, not so that through me you might be better or richer in any way. For you lack no good, because you are essentially the Good itself, and from you comes every good person, whoever is good.3 And therefore you cannot be better or richer; and this is not through any false weakness, but through true power that you cannot.4 For whoever can do evil and does it, can do it and does it to his own harm, because through this power he is not raised upward to the heights in happiness, but is drawn downward to the depths in misery. By this power — or rather, by this weakness — I have been miserably led astray, and like a swelling bladder vainly inflated, placed outside all reason, and made like a foolish beast of burden, struck down and laid low by the dart of pride: I despised you, my Creator and most merciful Lord, in your commands, which you gave me for my good, had I kept them. And so despising you, like a man who has lost his mind, while I am carried here and there as if in pride, with true solidity lost I run into the ways of destruction and death, and I foolishly and senselessly chase after vanity and the wind of empty elation.56

The Hidden Depths of Pride

The sinner exposes the subtle, inward pride that torments him even when he appears humble, and begs God to shatter this malice by his mercy.

I confess, most merciful God, I confess before your omnipotence that I am excessively proud, vain, and full of every kind of elation. And I think that if I had any power in this world, no one could endure my pride. But even that pride by which I am so heavily tormented before others — though it is detestable and exceedingly dangerous — there is yet another pride by which, when I examine the secret depths of my mind without flattering myself, my unhappy soul is not a little tormented and torn apart.7 Sometimes, indeed — if it happens (though it rarely does) that I, unhappy wretch, do something that by the estimation of others seems to bear some likeness to good — I am not a little proud even of that very thing. And if no one speaks well of me, or takes any care to praise me in some way, I despise that person as if he were a fool who knows nothing; or even if, as though I didn't care, I flee the vain and useless praise of others, I still glory no little in my innermost self — where alone God sees — and, remarkably, the more I avoid praise, the more eagerly I seek praise and empty glory.8 Behold, my God and my Creator, behold — you see me acting this way, living this way, and wasting my whole life; behold, you see it and you detest it, and for such a life you promise nothing but punishments and torments. Come to my aid, then, my Creator — come to my aid, my helper, in times of need; come to my aid and help my soul, and through your ineffable mercy destroy and shatter my pride. Behold, my God and my Lord, behold — I confess to your immense goodness that the poison of this malice has left me wholly infected, corrupted, and destroyed, and now, unless your mercy comes to my aid, I am reduced to almost nothing.

A Catalogue of Vices and the Plague of the Soul

The sinner acknowledges his guilt before God and confesses the many vices that spring from the root of pride, which tear his unhappy soul apart.

But before your majesty I recognize my guilt — I stand guilty and culpable — and I ask you for pardon and indulgence in this matter and in all my sins, merciful Creator, you who do not desire the death of the sinner, nor take joy in the perdition of those who are dying.✦9 There are also many other things that spring up from the root of this plague — things I confess I have, and by whose annoyances I am not a little disturbed and very often worn down. And likewise I seek pardon and indulgence for all these as well. These are the following: anger, impatience, discord — hostile to God and hateful to all the saints — indignation, rancor of mind, weariness of spirit, voracity of throat, murmuring, avarice, rapacity, and many things similar to these, by which I see my unhappy soul vexed and afflicted, torn apart and ripped to shreds.10

The Lifelong Storm of Carnal Desire

The sinner confesses the persistent evil of fleshly lust that has tormented him from childhood and continues to defile his soul through both his own acts and the foul recollections of others' sins.

And beyond all these things, there is one evil above every other evil — the evil by which I perceive my soul torn and afflicted all the more grievously and miserably, the more closely it has been with me from the very cradle, growing up with me, clinging to me always in infancy, in adolescence, in youth, and even now, in my old age, with my limbs failing, it still does not abandon me. Now this evil is the desire for pleasure, the delight of the flesh, the storm of lust — which has tormented my unhappy soul in many and various ways, has dissolved it, and has rendered it stripped of every virtue, empty and weak. I confess, most sweet and most gentle God — I confess before your omnipotence that I have often been polluted by this wicked deed, stained by the foul recollections of this wicked act, inflamed, and made to suffer immoderate and dishonorable burnings; and not only have the evil memories of my own delights and my foolish recollections harmed me, but also the misdeeds of others recounted to me and brought back to memory through foul recollections have stained my heart with no small blemish of iniquity.

Mercy, Pardon, and the Hope of Heaven

Having laid bare his wounds before God, the sinner pleads for mercy, confesses that no one can endure judgment without it, and looks forward to praising God forever in the heavenly kingdom.

Behold, my God, most devout and most merciful Lord — though I have not suffered a small shame — I have laid open my iniquities before you; I have shown my wounds and my sins; I have shown my soul stained by evil works, infected with the pleasures of evil deeds, defiled by the recollections of wicked desires. My God, my mercy — look upon my repentance, look upon your own lovingkindness; receive my confession, and deal with me according to your mercy. If you should mark iniquities, Lord — Lord, who will endure it?✦ Or again — who by their own justice, without your mercy, can be set free? Be propitious to me, Lord; be propitious to me, a sinner. Spare me my sins and iniquities, so that through your mercy, cleansed and purified of all vices, and mercifully absolved of all sins, when this temporal life is ended, I may deserve to be led to the kingdoms of heaven, where with all the holy ones I may be able to praise you, and bless you, and glorify you, forever and ever.✦ Amen.

Read the original Latin

Altissime, et mitissime amator hominum Deus, Creator et gubernator omnium creaturarum, immensae bonitati tuae confiteor omnia peccata mea quaecunque quocunque modo feci, ex ea hora ex qua peccare potui usque ad hanc horam in qua adhuc per misericordiam tuam me vivere pateris. Omnium vero non possum esse memor, quia multa sunt, et facile enumerari non possunt. Sed tu, piissime et misericordissime Deus, cui nota sunt omnia antequam fiant, qui verus inspector es cogitationum, et justissimus scrutator cordis et renum, tu nosti omnia peccata mea, quaecunque egi, vel adhuc ago, vel intus in anima mea per occultas cogitationes, vel foris per apertas operationes. Et propterea, quia veraciter haec omnia me fecisse contra voluntatem tuam intelligis, coram majestate tua, et coram omnibus sanctis tuis, me reum et culpabilem esse confiteor, et nisi indulgentissima misericordia tua prius subveniat, post mortem carnis aeterna morte esse damnandum, aeternisque tormentis aeternaliter esse torquendum.

Scio, dulcissime Deus, scio quia me creasti, et creatum misericorditer dilexisti, et quia ad hoc me creasti, ut et ego quoque te Creatorem meum, sicut dignum esset, diligerem, tuisque praeceptis per omnia obediens essem. Et hoc totum ad bonum meum fecisti, non ut tu per me vel melior esses, vel in aliquo ditior existeres. Tu enim nullo bono eges, quia tu essentialiter es ipsum bonum, et a te est omnis bonus, quicunque bonus est. Et ideo non potes esse vel melior, vel ditior; et hoc non per falsam impotentiam, sed per veram potentiam non potes. Qui enim malum potest et facit, malo suo hoc potest et facit, quia per hanc potentiam non sursum ad excelsa erigitur feliciter, sed deorsum ad ima attrahitur infeliciter. Hac potentia, vel potius impotentia miserabiliter seductus, et quasi vesica turgens inaniter inflatus, extra rationem positus, et quasi jumento insipienti similis factus, telo superbiae miserrime percussus et prostratus te Creatorem meum et misericordissimum Dominum in tuis praeceptis contempsi, quae mihi ad bonum meum, si observassem, dedisti, contemnens, et veluti mente perditus, dum huc illucque quasi superbe feror, vera soliditate perdita vias perditionis et mortis incurro, ac vanitatem, vanaeque elationis ventum stulte et insipienter sequor.

Fateor, clementissime Deus, fateor coram omnipotentia tua me nimis esse superbum, vanum et omni genere elationis plenum. Et puto quia, si in hoc saeculo aliquam haberem potentiam, nullus posset sufferre meam superbiam. Sed et ista superbia qua coram hominibus tam graviter vexor, quamvis sit exsecrabilis et nimis periculosa, est tamen alia superbia, qua, cum diligenter secretum mentis meae non mihi blandiens inquiro, non parum vexatur et dissipatur infelix anima mea. Aliquando vero si contingat (quod tamen raro accidit) infelix aliquid me facere, quod secundum aestimationem hominum videatur aliqua similitudo boni, non parum de hoc ipso superbio. Et si nemo inde loquitur, vel aliquo modo me laudare curat, eum, quasi stultum et nihil scientem, despicio, vel etiamsi, quasi non curans, laudationem hominum vanam et inutilem fugio, non parum in ipsis interioribus meis, ubi solus Deus videt, inde glorior, et mirum in modum, dum laudationem vito, eo amplius laudationem et vanam gloriam appeto. Ecce, Deus meus, et Creator meus, ecce vides me ita facere, ita vivere, et totum quod vivo perdere; ecce vides et exsecraris, et pro tali vita nonnisi poenas et tormenta promittis. Subveni ergo, Creator meus, subveni adjutor in opportunitatibus, subveni et adjuva animam meam, et per ineffabilem misericordiam tuam destrue et confunde superbiam meam. Ecce, Deus meus et Dominus meus, ecce confiteor immensae bonitati tuae veneno hujus malitiae me totum esse infectum, corruptum et destructum, et jam fere nisi misericordia tua subveniat ad nihilum redactum.

Sed coram majestate tua culpam meam recognosco, reus et culpabilis veniam et indulgentiam de hoc et de omnibus peccatis meis a te, misericors Creator, peto, qui non vis mortem peccatoris, nec laetaris in perditione morientium. Sunt et alia multa quae de radice hujus pestis exoriuntur, quae me habere et eorum molestiis non parum inquietari et saepissime atteri similiter confiteor. Et similiter de his omnibus veniam et indulgentiam requiro. Sunt autem haec, videlicet ira, impatientia, inimica Deo et omnibus sanctis odiosa discordia, indignatio, rancor animi, taedium mentis, voracitas gulae, murmuratio, avaritia, rapacitas et multa his similia, quibus vexari et affici, lacerari et discerpi infeliciter animam meam conspicio.

Est et praeter haec, unum malum super omnia mala malum, quo tanto gravius et miserabilius laceratum et afflictum animum meum sentio, quanto et ab ipsis cunabulis semper mecum fuit, mecum crevit, in infantia, in adolescentia, in juventute mihi semper adhaesit, nec adhuc jam prae senectute membris deficientibus me deserit. Est autem hoc malum, desiderium voluptatis, delectatio carnis, tempestas libidinis, quae multis et variis modis infelicem animam meam maceravit, dissolvit et omni virtute destitutam inanem et debilem reddidit. Fateor, dulcissime et mitissime Deus, fateor coram omnipotentia tua me hujus nefario opere hujus operis nefarii immundis recordationibus saepe esse pollutum, incensum, ardores non modicos et inhonestos passum, et non solum mearum delectationum malas memorias et stultas recordationes mihi nocere; sed etiam aliorum malefacta mihi narrata, et per recordationes sordidas ad memoriam reducta, cor meum non parvo naevo iniquitatis maculare.

Ecce, Deus meus, piissime et misericordissime Dominus meus, quamvis non parvam verecundiam passus, expandi coram te iniquitates meas, ostendi vulnera et peccata mea, ostendi animam meam malis operibus maculatam, malorum operum delectationibus infectam, malarum delectationum recordationibus foedatam. Deus meus misericordia mea, respice ad poenitentiam meam, respice ad pietatem tuam; suscipe confessionem meam, et fac mecum secundum misericordiam tuam. Si iniquitates observaveris, Domine; Domine, quis sustinebit? vel etiam quis justitia sua sine misericordia tua poterit liberari? Propitius esto mihi, Domine, propitius esto mihi peccatori; parce peccatis et iniquitatibus meis, ut per tuam misericordiam ab omnibus vitiis mundatus ac purgatus, et ab omnibus peccatis clementer absolutus, finita temporali conversatione, perduci merear ad regna coelorum, ubi cum sanctis omnibus te laudare, et benedicere et glorificare valeam in saecula saeculorum. Amen.

Scripture echoes

  1. ↩Jer.17.10 — I, the LORD, search the heart, test the kidneys, and give to each person according to their ways, according to the fruit of their deeds.
  2. ↩Ezek.33.11 — Say to them, 'As I live, declares the Lord GOD, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that the wicked turn from his way and live. Turn, turn from your evil ways! For why should you die, O house of Israel?'
  3. ↩Ps.130.3 — If you kept watch over iniquities, O LORD, who could stand?
  4. ↩Ps.51.1 — To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David.

Notes

  1. 1 ↩Cordis et renum ('heart and kidneys') is a Hebraic idiom for the deepest interior self; rendered as 'heart and the inner self' to preserve the scriptural resonance without the unfamiliar anatomical term.
  2. 2 ↩The double expression 'aeterna morte…aeternisque tormentis aeternaliter' stacks three forms of 'eternal' for rhetorical and eschatological emphasis. The translation preserves this weight without adding words not in the Latin.
  3. 3 ↩ipsum bonum rendered as 'the Good itself' to preserve the metaphysical force of God as the essential Good.
  4. 4 ↩The paradox of 'true power' (vera potentia) by which God 'cannot' be improved is rendered to preserve the theological point: God's perfection is not a limitation but the fullness of power.
  5. 5 ↩Hac potentia, vel potius impotentia: the paradox that what seems like power is really impotence is rendered explicitly with 'or rather, by this weakness' to preserve the rhetorical contrast.
  6. 6 ↩vanaeque elationis ventum rendered as 'the wind of empty elation' to preserve the biblical resonance of vanity/wind imagery (cf. vanitas vanitatum traditions).
  7. 7 ↩The Latin distinguishes two species of superbia: one displayed coram hominibus (before others) and one hidden in the secretum mentis (secret of the mind). The translation preserves this distinction.
  8. 8 ↩The paradox dum laudationem vito, eo amplius laudationem appeto captures the self-deceptive spiral of pride: avoiding outward praise while craving it inwardly.
  9. 9 ↩The clause 'you who do not desire the death of the sinner' echoes Ezekiel 33:11 ('As I live, declares the Lord God, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked'). Candidate allusion pending Moses resolution.
  10. 10 ↩Voracitas gulae rendered as 'voracity of throat' to preserve the concrete bodily image of gluttony; could also be rendered 'greed of the gullet' or 'insatiable appetite.'

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