SR
Chapter 20Ansl.1.20

ORATIO XX. AD CHRISTUM. Ad accendendum in se amorem Dei, et Christi desiderium.

Praise Born of Inadequacy

The soul offers praise and thanks to Christ despite its lukewarmness, acknowledging that even the desire to love God is itself a gift of grace that must be brought to completion.

Lord Jesus Christ, my redemption, my mercy, my salvation, I praise you, I give you thanks — though I am utterly unequal to your gifts, though I am far from the devotion I ought to have, though my praise is too meager for the richness of your sweetest love — nevertheless, whatever praise and thanks I can offer, not such as I know I owe, but only as my soul is able to strive, I render to you. You are the hope of my heart, the strength of my soul, the help in my weakness — may your most powerful goodness bring to completion what my feeble lukewarmness strives for. You are my life, the goal of my purpose. And if I have not yet earned the right to love you as much as I owe — for I am deeply in your debt — at the very least I desire to love you as much as I should. You are my light; you see my conscience. For, Lord, every desire of mine lies open before you, and you grant whatever my soul truly wills for good. If what you inspire is good, Lord — nay, because it is indeed good that I should desire to love you — grant what you cause me to will. Grant that I may deserve to love you as much as you command. I offer you praise and thanks for the desire you have inspired. I offer praise and prayers, lest the gift you freely gave me bear no fruit.

The Long Patience of God

The soul asks God to complete the work of love He began, recalling His creative, baptismal, and sustaining mercies, and joins its own waiting to God's patient waiting for its repentance.

Bring to completion what you began, and grant what you generously went before me to make me, though undeserving, desire. Turn me, most gracious one, and change my lukewarmness into the most burning love of you. This is the aim of my prayer, most merciful one—this remembrance and meditation on your kindnesses—so that you may kindle love of you in me. Your goodness created me, Lord; your mercy cleansed me, once created, from original sin; your patience—after that cleansing of baptism, though I had wallowed in other stains of sin—has endured me until now, has nourished me, and has waited for me. You wait, good Lord, for my amendment; my soul waits for sufficient repentance, and for living well—for the inspiration of your grace.

Thirst for the Absent Lord

The soul expresses intense longing for Christ, meditating on His Passion with grief that it could not suffer alongside Him, especially at the piercing of His side and the drinking of gall.

My God, my Creator, my sustainer and nourisher, be my helper. I thirst for you, I hunger for you, I desire you, I sigh for you, I long for you. And just as a child bereaved of its most kind father, weeping and wailing, embraces the beloved face of the absent one with all his heart — so I, not as much as I ought but as much as I can, mindful of your Passion, mindful of the blows you received, mindful of the scourgings, mindful of the cross, mindful of your wounds, mindful of how you were slain for me, how you were laid to rest, how you were buried — mindful at the same time of your glorious resurrection and wondrous ascension: all this I hold with unwavering faith. I weep over the hardships of my exile. I hope for your coming as my only consolation. I burn for the glorious contemplation of your face.1 Alas for me, who was not able to see the Lord of angels humbled to the condition of men, so that he might exalt men to the condition of angels — when God, though offended, willingly died so that a sinner might live.2 Alas for me, who did not deserve to stand present and be struck with awe at so wondrous, so immeasurable an act of love.3 Why, O my soul, did the sharpest sword of grief not pierce you when you were there — since you could not bear to see the side of your Savior wounded by the lance, since you could not bear to see the hands and feet of your Creator torn by nails, since you shuddered to see the blood of your Redeemer poured out?45 Why are you not drunk with the bitterness of tears, when he was made to drink the bitterness of gall?6 Why have you not suffered alongside the most chaste Virgin, his most worthy mother, your most kind Lady?

The Sorrow of Our Lady

The soul turns to the Blessed Virgin, imagining her tears at the crucifixion, her torment at the cross-word entrusting her to the disciple, and her grief at the burial, lamenting that it could not share in these moments.

My most merciful Lady, what fountains can I say burst forth from your most pure eyes, when you watched your only-begotten Son, the innocent one, bound, scourged, and slain before you? What tears can I believe drenched your most holy face, when you witnessed that same Son of yours — God and your Lord — stretched out on the cross without guilt, and His flesh torn cruelly from your flesh by the wicked? With what sobs do I reckon your purest heart was tormented, when you heard: 'Woman, behold your son' — and the disciple: 'Behold, your mother'? When you received the disciple as a son in place of your Master, a servant in place of your Lord? If only, with blessed Joseph, I had taken my Lord down from the cross, embalmed Him with spices, and laid Him in the tomb — or at least, if only I had followed along, so that some act of my devotion would not have been lacking from so great a burial! If only I had been with the holy women, struck with the dazzling vision of angels, and heard the announcement of the Lord's resurrection — the announcement of my consolation, the announcement so long awaited, the announcement so deeply desired! If only — I say again — I had heard from the angel's mouth: 'Do not be afraid; you seek Jesus, the crucified. He has risen; He is not here!'

Exile from the Risen and Ascended Christ

The soul mourns its absence from the risen Christ's wounded body, His farewell blessing, His ascension, and the angelic promise of return, unable to be consoled while still a pilgrim.

Most kind, most gentle, most serene one, when will you restore yourself to me? — because I have not seen that blessed incorruption of your flesh; because I have not kissed the places of your wounds and the piercings of the nails; because I have not sprinkled with tears of joy the scars that bear witness to your true body. Wonderful, priceless, matchless one — when will you console me and hold back my grief? My grief cannot contain me, as long as I am a pilgrim away from my Lord. Alas for me, Lord — alas for my soul! You have gone away, consoler of my life — you have said these things to me as a farewell. As you set out on your way, you blessed your own — and I was not there. With hands raised, you were taken up from the cloud into heaven — and I did not see it. The angels promised you would return — and I did not hear it.

The Wasting of Love-Sickness

The soul cries out in helplessness, asking what to do and where to find the Beloved, confessing that joy has turned to grief, yet ending with a cry of faith: God is its portion forever.

What should I say? What should I do? Where should I go? Where can I look for him, or when will I find him? Whom should I ask? Who will tell the one I love, since I'm wasting away with love? The joy of my heart has failed; my laughter has turned into grief. My body and my heart are failing — God of my heart, my portion, God forever.

Nothing But You

The soul declares that nothing in heaven or earth can console it but God alone, echoing the psalmist's cry of seeking God's face and begging Him not to turn away.

My soul refuses to be consoled by anything but you, my sweetness. What is there in heaven for me, and what have I desired on earth apart from you?7 You I want, you I hope for, you I seek — my heart has said to you: I have sought your face; your face, Lord, I will seek. Do not turn your face away from me.89

The Orphan's Cry for the Bridegroom

The soul, as a bereaved orphan and widow, begs Christ to show His face, to reveal His glory, to come as Comforter and Bridegrom, feeding it with tears and sobs until the day of His return, closing with doxological praise.

Most kind lover of humanity, a poor person has been abandoned to you; you will be the orphan's helper. My advocate, most sure of refuge, have mercy on me, a bereaved orphan; I have been made a ward without a father; my soul is like a widow. Look upon the tears of my bereavement and my widowhood, which I offer to you, until you return. Come now, Lord, appear to me, and I will be comforted; show me your face, and I will be safe.10 Show me your presence, and I will have obtained my heart's desire. Reveal your glory, and my joy will be complete. My soul has thirsted for you — and in how many ways has my flesh thirsted for you.11 My soul has thirsted for God, the living fountain; when will I come and appear before the face of the Lord?12 When will you come, my Comforter, the one I'm waiting for? Oh, if only I could see the joy I long for! Oh, if only I would be satisfied when your glory appears — the glory I hunger for. Oh, if only I would be overwhelmed by the abundance of your house — the house I sigh for! If only you would let me drink from the torrent of your delight — the delight I thirst for. Lord, let my tears be my bread day and night, until I am told, 'Behold your God,' until I hear, 'Soul, behold your Bridegroom.' Meanwhile, feed me with my sobs; give me my tears to drink; revive me with my sorrows. Meanwhile, perhaps my Redeemer will come — because he is good; nor will he delay — because he is merciful. To him be glory forever and ever. Amen.

Read the original Latin

Domine Jesu Christe, redemptio mea, misericordia mea, salus mea, te laudo, tibi gratias ago, quamvis valde impares tuis beneficiis, quamvis multum expertes dignae devotionis, quamvis nimis macras a desiderata pinguedine dulcissimi tui affectus, tamen qualescanque laudes, qualescunque gratias, non quales scio me debere; sed sicut potest conari, tibi persolvit anima mea. Spes cordi mei, virtus animae meae, auxilium infirmitatis meae, compleat tua potentissima benignitas quod conatur mea tepidissima imbecillitas. Vita mea, finis intentionis meae, et si nondum merui te tantum, quantum debitor sum, amare; utique saltem desidero te tantum amare quantum debeo. Illuminatio mea, tu vides conscientiam meam; quia, Domine, ante te omne desiderium meum, et tu donas, si quid bene vult anima mea. Si bonum est, Domine, quod inspiras, imo quia bonum est ut te velim amare, da quod me facis velle. Da ut quantum jubes, tantum te merear amare. Laudes et gratias tibi ago pro desiderio quod inspirasti. Laudes et preces offero, ne sit mihi donum tuum infructuosum, quod tua sponte dedisti.

Perfice quod incoepisti, et dona quod me benigne praeveniendo immeritum desiderare fecisti Converte, benignissime, meum teporem in ferventissimum tui amorem. Ad hoc, clementissime, tendit haec oratio mea, haec memoria et meditatio beneficiorum tuorum, ut accendas in me tui amorem. Tua me, Domine, bonitas creavit, tua misericordia creatum ab originali peccato mundavit; tua patientia post illam emundationem baptismi, in aliis peccatorum sordibus volutatum hactenus toleravit, nutrivit et exspectavit. Exspectas tu, bone Domine, meam correctionem; exspectat anima mea ad sufficienter poenitendum, et ad bene vivendum, tuae gratiae inspirationem.

Deus meus, Creator meus, tolerator et nutritor meus, esto adjutor meus, te sitio, te esurio, te desidero, ad te suspiro, te concupisco. Et sicut pupillus benignissimi patris orbatus praesentia, flens et ejulans incessanter ejus dilectam faciem toto corde amplectitur: sic et ego non quantum debeo, sed quantum queo, memor passionis tuae, memor alaparum tuarum, memor flagellorum, memor crucis, memor vulnerum tuorum, memor qualiter pro me occisus es, qualiter conditus, qualiter sepultus, simul memor tuae gloriosae resurrectionis et admirabilis ascensionis: haec indubitata fide teneo, exsilii mei aerumnas defleo, spero tui adventus solam consolationem, ardeo tui vultus gloriosam contemplationem. Heu mihi, qui videre non potui Dominum angelorum humiliatum ad conversationem hominum, ut homines exaltaret ad conversationem angelorum, cum Deus offensus sponte moriebatur ut peccator viveret. Heu mihi qui tam admirabili, tam inaestimabili pietati praesens obstupescere non merui! Cur, o anima mea, te praesentem non transfixit gladius doloris acutissimi; cum ferre non posses vulnerari lancea latus tui Salvatoris, cum videre nequires violari clavis manus et pedes tui plasmatoris, cum horreres effundi sanguinem tui Redemptoris? Cur non es inebriata lacrymarum amaritudine, cum ille potaretur amaritudine fellis? Cur non es compassa castissimae Virgini, dignissimae matri ejus benignissimae Dominae tuae.

Domina mea misericordissima, quos fontes dicam erupisse de tuis pudicissimis oculis, cum attenderes unicum filium tuum innocentem coram te ligari, flagellari et mactari? Quos fletus credam perfudisse piissimum tuum vultum, cum susciperes eumdem filium tuum Deum et Dominum tuum in cruce sine culpa extendi, et carnem de carne tua ab impiis crudeliter dissecari? Quibus singultibus aestimabo purissimum pectus tuum vexatum esse, cum tu audires: Mulier, ecce filius tuus; et discipulus: Ecce mater tua? Cum acciperes in filium discipulum pro magistro, servum pro Domino? Utinam cum felice Joseph Dominum meum de cruce deposuissem, aromatibus condivissem, in sepulcro collocassem, aut saltem, prosecutus essem, ut tanto funeri non deesset aliquid mei obsequii! Utinam cum beatis mulieribus corusca visione angelorum essem territus, et audiissem nuntium Dominicae resurrectionis, nuntium meae consolationis, nuntium tam exspectatum, nuntium tam desideratum! Utinam, inquam, audiissem ex ore angeli: Nolite timere, vos: Jesum quaeritis crucifixum, surrexit, non est hic!

Benignissime, suavissime, serenissime, quando restaurabis mihi, quia non vidi illam beatam tuae carnis incorruptionem; quia non fui deosculatus loca vulnerum, et fixuras clavorum; quia non respersi lacrymis gaudii cicatrices testes veri corporis? Admirabilis, inaestimabilis, incomparabilis, quando consolaberis, et compesces me a dolore meo? Non enim capit in me dolor meus, quandiu peregrinus sum a Domino meo. Heu mihi, Domine, heu animae meae! Recessisti, consolator vitae meae, hec valedixisti mihi. Ingrediens vias tuas benedixisti tuis, nec adfui. Elevatis manibus a nube susceptus es in coelum, nec vidi. Angeli promiserunt te rediturum, nec audivi.

Quid dicam? quid faciam? quo vadam? ubi eum quaeram; ubi vel quando inveniam? Quem rogabo? quis nuntiabit dilecto quia amore langueo? Defecit gaudium cordis mei; versus est in luctum risus meus. Defecit caro mea, et cor meum; Deus cordis mei, et pars mea Deus in aeternum.

Renuit consolari anima mea nisi de te dulcedo mea. Quid enim mihi est in coelo, et a te quid volui super terram? Te volo, te spero, te quaero, tibi dixit cor meum: Quaesivi vultum, vultum tuum, Domine, requiram; ne avertas faciem tuam a me.

Amator hominum benignissime, tibi derelictus est pauper, orphano tu eris adjutor. Mi advocate tutissime, miserere mei orphani derelicti; pupillus factus sum absque patre; anima mea quasi vidua. Respice orbitatis et viduitatis meae lacrymas; quas tibi offero, donec redeas. Eia jam, Domine, eia appare mihi, et consolatus ero; ostende mihi faciem tuam, et salvus ero. Exhibe praesentiam tuam, et consecutus ero desiderium meum. Revela gloriam tuam, et erit perfectum gaudium meum. Sitivit in te anima mea, quam multipliciter tibi caro mea. Sitivit anima mea ad Deum, fontem vivum; quando veniam, et apparebo ante faciem Domini?

Quando venies, consolator meus, quem exspecto? O si quando videbo gaudium meum, quod desidero. O si satiabor cum apparuerit gloria tua, quam esurio. O si inebriabor ab ubertate domus tuae ad quam suspiro: si potabis me torrente voluptatis tuae quam sitio. Sint mihi, Domine, interim lacrymae meae panes die ac nocte, donec dicatur mihi: Ecce Deus tuus; donec audiam: Anima, ecce sponsus tuus. Pasce interim me singultibus meis, pota me interim fletibus meis, refocilla me doloribus meis. Veniet interea fortasse Redemptor meus, quia bonus est; nec tardabit, quia pius est: ipsi gloria in saecula saeculorum. Amen.

Scripture echoes

  1. Matt.27.34They gave him wine to drink mixed with gall; and when he tasted it, he was not willing to drink.
  2. John.19.25-John.19.27Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. John.19.26 — When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, "Woman, behold, your son." John.19.27 — Then he said to the disciple, 'Behold, your mother.' And from that hour the disciple took her into his own home.
  3. John.19.26-John.19.27When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, "Woman, behold, your son." John.19.27 — Then he said to the disciple, 'Behold, your mother.' And from that hour the disciple took her into his own home.
  4. John.19.26-John.19.27When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, "Woman, behold, your son." John.19.27 — Then he said to the disciple, 'Behold, your mother.' And from that hour the disciple took her into his own home.
  5. John.19.38-John.19.42After these things, Joseph of Arimathea, who was a disciple of Jesus—but secretly, for fear of the Jews—asked Pilate that he might take away the body of Jesus. And Pilate granted permission. So he came and took away his body. John.19.39 — Nicodemus also came—the one who had come to him by night at first—bringing a mixture of myrrh and aloes, about a hundred litras in weight. John.19.40 — So they took the body of Jesus and bound it in linen cloths with the spices, as is the burial custom of the Jews. John.19.41 — Now in the place where he was crucified there was a garden, and in the garden a new tomb in which no one had yet been laid. John.19.42 — There therefore, because of the Jewish day of preparation—since the tomb was nearby—they laid Jesus.
  6. Matt.28.1-Matt.28.7;Mark.16.1-Mark.16.8;Luke.24.1-Luke.24.8Now after the Sabbath, as the first day of the week was dawning, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to see the tomb. Matt.28.2 — And behold, a great earthquake occurred, for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven, came forward, rolled away the stone, and sat on it. Matt.28.3 — And his appearance was like lightning, and his clothing was white as snow. Matt.28.4 — And for fear of him, the guards trembled and became like dead men. Matt.28.5 — But the angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are seeking Jesus, the one who was crucified." Matt.28.6 — He is not here, for he has been raised, just as he said. Come, see the place where he was lying. Matt.28.7 — And go quickly and tell his disciples that he has been raised from the dead. And behold, he is going ahead of you into Galilee; there you will see him. Behold, I have told you. Mark.16.1 — And when the Sabbath was past, Mary Magdalene, and Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices, so that they might come and anoint him. Mark.16.2 — And very early on the first day of the week, they come to the tomb when the sun has risen. Mark.16.3 — And they were saying to one another, "Who will roll away the stone for us from the entrance of the tomb?" Mark.16.4 — And looking up, they saw that the stone had been rolled away, for it was extremely large." Use one clean sentence so the causal "for" carries the surprise without visual interruption. Mark.16.5 — And entering the tomb, they saw a young man sitting on the right, dressed in a white robe, and they were alarmed. Mark.16.6 — But he said to them, "Do not be alarmed. You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him." Mark.16.7 — But go, tell his disciples and Peter that he is going ahead of you to Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you. Mark.16.8 — And going out, they fled from the tomb, for trembling and astonishment had seized them, and they said nothing to anyone, for they were afraid. Luke.24.1 — Now on the first day of the week, at early dawn, they came to the tomb, bringing the spices they had prepared. Luke.24.2 — But they found the stone rolled away from the tomb. Luke.24.3 — But when they went in, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. Luke.24.4 — And it happened that while they were perplexed about this, behold, two men stood beside them in dazzling apparel. Luke.24.5 — And when the women were terrified and bowed their faces to the ground, the men said to them, 'Why do you seek the Living One among the dead?' Luke.24.6 — He is not here, but has been raised. Remember how he spoke to you while he was still in Galilee, Luke.24.7 — saying that the Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, and be crucified, and on the third day rise again. Luke.24.8 — and they remembered his words
  7. Matt.28.5-Matt.28.6But the angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are seeking Jesus, the one who was crucified." Matt.28.6 — He is not here, for he has been raised, just as he said. Come, see the place where he was lying.
  8. John.20.24-John.20.29Thomas, one of the Twelve, called Didymus, was not with them when Jesus came. John.20.25 — So the other disciples told him, 'We have seen the Lord.' But he said to them, 'Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and put my finger into the mark of the nails, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.' John.20.26 — And after eight days his disciples were again inside, and Thomas was with them. Jesus came, the doors being locked, and he stood in the midst and said, 'Peace be to you.' John.20.27 — Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it into my side; and do not be unbelieving, but believing." John.20.28 — Thomas answered him, 'My Lord and my God!' John.20.29 — Jesus said to him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."
  9. Ps.119.5Oh that my ways were established to keep your statutes!
  10. Acts.1.9-Acts.1.11And after he said these things, as they were watching, he was lifted up, and a cloud took him from their sight. Acts.1.10 — And as they were looking intently into the sky as he was going, behold, two men stood beside them in white garments. Acts.1.11 — Men of Galilee, why do you stand looking into heaven? This Jesus, who was taken up from you into heaven, will come in the same way you saw him go into heaven.
  11. Acts.1.11Men of Galilee, why do you stand looking into heaven? This Jesus, who was taken up from you into heaven, will come in the same way you saw him go into heaven.
  12. Ps.26.8-Ps.26.9LORD, I love the dwelling place of your house, and the place where your glory dwells. Ps.26.9 — Do not gather my soul with sinners, nor my life with bloodthirsty men.
  13. Ps.39.8And now, what do I wait for, O Lord? My hope is in you.
  14. Ps.41.3The LORD will keep him alive and preserve him; he will be called blessed in the land. Do not give him over to the will of his enemies.
  15. Ps.41.3-Ps.41.4The LORD will keep him alive and preserve him; he will be called blessed in the land. Do not give him over to the will of his enemies. Ps.41.4 — The LORD sustains him on his bed of illness; you turn all his lying down in his sickness.
  16. Ps.35.9Then my soul will rejoice in the LORD; it will exult in his salvation.
  17. Matt.25.6But at midnight a cry has gone out: 'Look! The bridegroom! Come out to meet him.'

Notes

  1. 1Conditus rendered 'laid to rest' rather than 'embalmed' or 'spiced' to preserve the burial sense alongside sepultus in the next clause.
  2. 2Conversatio rendered 'condition' (i.e., manner of life) rather than 'conversation' to capture the sense of a way of living.
  3. 3Pietas rendered 'love' here in the sense of divine loving-kindness/devotion rather than 'piety' in the modern English sense.
  4. 4Cum clauses rendered with causal force ('since') rather than purely temporal ('when') to match the rhetorical question's logic.
  5. 5Plasmator rendered 'Creator' to preserve the theological weight of the maker-creature relationship.
  6. 6Inebriata rendered 'drunk' to preserve the vivid image of being overwhelmed by sorrow, echoing the biblical cup of suffering.
  7. 7Strong echo of Psalm 72:25 Vulg. (Quid est mihi in caelo et a te quid volui super terram). Candidate allusion pending Moses resolution.
  8. 8Quaesivi vultum tuum, vultum tuum, Domine, requiram; ne avertas faciem tuam a me echoes Psalm 26:8–9 Vulg. (Vultum tuum, Domine, requiram; ne avertas faciem tuam a me). Candidate allusion pending Moses resolution.
  9. 9requiram rendered as future indicative ('I will seek') following the gloss note; could also be read as deliberative subjunctive. The future indicative reading aligns with the Psalm echo.
  10. 10The closing clause echoes Psalm 39:8 (Vulgate) / Psalm 40:7 — 'ostende mihi faciem tuam, et salvus ero' — a direct scriptural petition.
  11. 11The opening clause echoes Psalm 41:3 (Vulgate) / Psalm 42:2 — 'sitivit anima mea ad Deum' — though here the address is to Christ directly ('in te').
  12. 12Direct quotation of Psalm 41:3–4 (Vulgate) / Psalm 42:2–3 — 'sitivit anima mea ad Deum, fontem vivum; quando veniam et apparebo ante faciem Domini?'

Orationes sive Meditationes — Collection for Princess Adeliza of Normandy companion

There are 90 more prayers where these came from

Chosen Portion delivers the full Anselm collection — and the wider royal devotional archive — one daily prayer at a time, free.

Anselm told Adeliza to take these prayers a little at a time, and Chosen Portion does exactly that — serving the collection as paced daily portions rather than a book to skim.

  • Pray through all 97 of Anselm's prayers and meditations, one portion each day
  • Each prayer is broken into short sections so a 100-sentence meditation fits a 10-minute sitting
  • Morning reminder at your chosen time, so the day starts with a written prayer instead of a blank
Chosen Portion — Daily Prayer (free iOS app)