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Chapter 47Erud.1.47

De puella nuptui tradenda.

Lawful Marriage and Its Chief Ends

Parents may lawfully give marriageable daughters in marriage with consent and just cause, chiefly for procreation and the avoidance of fornication, both confirmed by divine Scripture.

When girls reach marriageable age, their parents or guardians can lawfully give them in marriage — with their consent — provided a legitimate reason exists. I say 'provided a legitimate reason exists' because there are several reasons for contracting marriage, namely: the procreation of children, the avoidance of fornication, the reconciliation of enemies, the settling of wars, and any similar reasons. Among these, the two foremost are approved by divine Scripture. For regarding the first, it is said in Genesis 1: 'Increase and multiply and fill the earth.'✦ This was the first institution of marriage. Regarding the second, the Apostle says in 1 Corinthians. Chapter 7: 'Because of fornications, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.'✦

The Necessity of the Girl's Consent

Marriage requires the girl's consent, as shown by the example of Rebekah and qualified by patristic counsel on virginal modesty.

For this reason I say that marriage requires their consent, because without consent there is no marriage at all. Marriages entered into unwillingly also tend to have a bad outcome. So after Abraham's messenger Eliezer, as it is read in Genesis 24, had already obtained the consent of Laban and of Rebekah's mother, in order to bring Rebekah his sister to Isaac as a wife — with Isaac himself willing to depart — her mother and brother said: 'Let us call the girl and ask her will.'1 And when she had been called and came, they inquired, saying: 'Do you wish to go with this man?' And she answered: 'I will go.' And then they sent her away, along with her nurse, praying for good things for her. On this point, however, Ambrose says in his book On Holy Abraham: 'The girl is consulted,' he says, 'not about the betrothal itself; for she awaits the judgment of her parents regarding that.'2 For it is not a mark of virginal modesty to choose a husband; but once she is already betrothed to a man, she is consulted about the day of departure.

Marriage Is Lawful and Sometimes Good

Although continence is a greater good, marriage is not a sin but can be useful and meritorious when rightly intended.

Furthermore, I said it is lawful, because although it is a great good and better to remain continent, it is not a sin to marry, but sometimes it is good and useful. Whence the Apostle, where he wrote above: 'Even if a virgin marries, she has not sinned.'✦3 And a little further on: 'If anyone feels he is acting improperly — that is, negligently — toward his virgin, if she is past marriageable age and so it must be, since one of the aforementioned reasons presents itself, let him do as he wishes; he does not sin if she marries,' that is to say.✦45 The virgin herself. But neither is the one who lawfully gives her to a husband held culpable; on the contrary, by the goodness of his intention and his action he deserves merit. For in such a case one understands what is read in Ecclesiasticus chapter seven: 'Hand over your daughter,' that is to say.6 In marriage, 'and you will have done a great work,' that is, a useful one, namely.7 On account of avoiding fornication, or on account of the good of offspring.

Marriage as a Sacred and Indissoluble Bond

Marriage figures Christ and the Church, is a great sacrament, and forms an inseparable bond that must be entered with much deliberation.

And that other saying of the apostle, noted above: 'He who joins his own virgin in marriage does well.'✦ For this reason he also says that giving a daughter in marriage can be a great work, because marriage is the figure of a great reality — namely,8 the union of Christ and the Church.✦ Hence the apostle says in Ephesians 5: 'This is a great Sacrament' — but I am speaking of Christ and the Church.✦9 Moreover, because lawful marriage preserves an inseparable and indivisible bond of life together — according to the word of Matthew 19: 'What God has joined together, let no one separate' — this step must therefore be taken with great deliberation, lest one come to regret what cannot be undone.✦10 Hence in the proverbs of the wise it is written: 'That which is to be arranged only once must be deliberated over a long time.' And this is a great disadvantage of marriages, as Theophrastus says: there is no choosing or testing of a wife — whatever sort comes your way, she must be accepted and kept.11 'The horse,' he says, 'and the donkey and the ox and the dog, the cheapest slaves, clothes too, and cauldrons and cup and jug — all these are tested first and then purchased.

The Risks and Disadvantages of Marriage

Citing Theophrastus and Jerome, the text warns that spouses cannot be tested beforehand and married life can quickly turn to discord.

A wife alone is not put on display, lest she be found displeasing before she is married. And so if she is quick-tempered, if foolish, if misshapen, if proud, and if foul-smelling, after the wedding whatever is wrong with her is only then spoken of. These are the words of Theophrastus — and so forth.12 Jerome cites his words against Jovinian. And what he says about the wife is to be understood the same way about the husband — namely.13 Because the bride is not permitted to test him before marriage. And as Ovid says in the second book of the Remedies: It's a shameful thing: a man and woman, just joined together, and at once they are enemies.14

Choosing a Suitable Husband

A husband should be suitable in age and stature, so that physical mismatch does not weaken the marriage or hinder its fruit.

So far as can be judged from obvious signs, then, a man who is sufficient and suitable is to be chosen for the girl. And first of all, he should match her in age and stature, so that in conjugal relations no mismatch in physical strength breaks down the other's vigor or even hinders the fruit of marriage.15 For as Ovid says in his Book of Letters: Just as mismatched young bulls come badly to the plows, so too is a younger bride weighed down by a much older husband.

Virtue and Character to Be Preferred to Wealth

Wisdom and virtue are to be preferred to riches in choosing a husband, supported by Scripture, classical example, and Jerome.

From this point, care must also be taken that he be wise and virtuous, because wisdom and virtue are to be preferred to riches, bodily beauty, and all gifts of this kind. For this reason, after the father is advised in Ecclesiasticus to give his daughter in marriage, the text adds: 'And give her to a sensible man,' that is, to one who is prudent and vigorous rather than to a rich or refined fool.16 What good are riches, unless their owner knows how both to keep them and to manage them well? Valerius Maximus reports in book seven that a certain father of an only daughter consulted Themistocles on whether he should marry her off to a poor man who was distinguished in character — or to a wealthy man of insufficiently proven character.17 To whom Themistocles replied: 'I prefer a man who lacks money to money that lacks a man.'18 So far Valerius. Jerome also reports, against Jovinian, that Marcia, Cato's younger daughter, when asked by her why she did not remarry after losing her husband, replied that she could not find a man who would want her more than he would want her possessions.

Filial Obedience and Purity of Intention

Jerome rebukes greed in matchmaking and warns the daughter to marry from obedience and purity, not lust, following Tobias and Tobit.

With this remark he makes it clear that people more often choose wealth in a wife than chastity, and that many pick a wife not with their eyes but with their fingers. These are Jerome's words. And he adds with irony: 'A truly excellent thing that greed arranges.' When she is given to a husband, she must first be warned that she should consent not out of lustful desire but out of filial obedience or the wish to have children. For so did Sarah, daughter of Raguel, who says of herself in Tobit 3: 'You know, Lord, that I have kept my soul pure from every desire.' 'But I consented to take a husband with fear of you, not with my own lust.' So also the angel Raphael says to Tobias, as is read in the same place, chapter 7: 'Those who enter marriage in such a way as to shut God out from themselves and from their own mind, and who give themselves over to their lust like a horse or a mule, which have no understanding — over these the devil has power.'✦

Read the original Latin

Cum autem ad etatem nubilem puelle deuenerint, parentes earum uel custodes, si causa legittima subest, licite possunt eas de consensu illarum tradere nuptui. Ideo dico, si causa legittima subest, quia plures sunt cause matrimonium contrahendi, videl. liberorum procreacio, fornicacionis euitacio, inimicorum reconciliacio, bellorum sedacio et si que sunt similes. Inter quas potissime sunt due prime diuinis scripturis approbate. Nam de prima dicitur in genesi i: ‘Crescite et multiplicamini et replete terram.’ Hec fuit prima coniugij institucio. De secunda dicit apostolus in Ia ad cor. vii: ‘propter fornicaciones unusquisque uxorem suam habeat et unaqueque uirum suum.’

Ideo uero dico de consensu illarum, quia sine consensu nullum est matrimonium. Inuite quoque nupcie solent malum habere prouentum. unde postquam elyezer nuncius abrahe, sicut legitur in genesi xxiiii, iam optinuerat consensum laban et matris ipsius, ut rebeccam sororem ipsius adduceret ysaac in uxorem, ipso uolente recedere dixerunt mater illius et frater: ‘vocemus puellam et queramus ipsius uoluntatem.’ Cumque uocata uenisset, sciscitati sunt dicentes: ‘vis ire cum homine isto?’ Que respondit: ‘uadam.’ Et tunc dimiserunt eam et nutricem eius, imprecantes ei prospera. Super hoc tamen dicit ambrosius in libro de sancto abraham: ‘Consulitur,’ inquit, ‘puella non de sponsalibus; illa enim iudicium exspectat parentum. Non enim eligere maritum est uirginalis pudoris, sed iam uiro desponsata consulitur de die profectionis.’

porro ideo dixi licite, quia licet magnum bonum et melius sit continere, non tamen peccatum est nubere, sed aliquando bonum et utile. unde apostolus, ubi supra: ‘Si etiam nupserit uirgo, non peccauit.’ Et paulo post: ‘Siquis autem turpem,’ id est negligentem, ‘se uideri existimat super uirgine sua, quod sit superadulta et ita oportet fieri’ eo quod aliqua predictarum causarum occurrat, ‘quod uult faciat; non peccat si nubat,’ sc. ipsa uirgo. Sed nec ille qui tradit eam uiro legittime, culpabilis tenetur, quin pocius ex intencionis et operis bonitate meretur. Nam in tali casu accipitur quod in ecclesiastico vii legitur: ‘Trade filiam,’ sc. nuptui, ‘et grande opus feceris,’ id est utile, sc. propter uitacionem fornicacionis uel propter bonum prolis.

Et illud apostoli, ubi supra: ‘Qui matrimonio iungit uirginem suam benefacit.’ Ideo quoque dicit potest opus grande filiam tradere nuptui, quia matrimonium est figura grandis rei, sc. coniunctionis christi et ecclesie. unde apostolus ad ephesios v, ‘Sacramentum,’ inquit, ‘hoc magnum est; ego autem dico in christo et ecclesia.’ Porro, quia matrimonium legittimum inseparabilem et indiuiduam uite consuetudinem retinet, iuxta illud Mathei xix: ‘Quod deus coniunxit, homo non separet,’ ideo cum magna deliberacione hoc fieri oportet, ne postea contingat penitere de hoc quod non possit remedium habere. unde in prouerbiis sapientum legitur: ‘Diu deliberandum est quod semel tantum instruendum est.’ Et hoc est magnum, ut dicit theophrastus, incommodum nupciarum quod nulla est uxoris electio siue probacio, sed qualiscumque obuenerit, habenda est ac retinenda. ‘Equs,’ inquit, ‘et asinus et bos et canis et vilissima mancipia, vestes quoque ac lebetes et calix et urceolus prius probantur et sic emuntur.

Sola uxor non ostenditur, ne ante displiceat quam ducatur. Itaque si iracunda, si fatua, si deformis, si superba, et si fetida est, post nupcias dicitur quicquid in ea uiciosum est.’ Hec theophrastus, que, sc. eius uerba, contra iouinianum recitat Jeronimus. Et quod dicit de uxore, idem intelligendum est de uiro, sc. quod sponse non licet eum ante coniugium probare. Et ut dicit ouidius in libro de remediis iio:

turpe uir et mulier modo iuncti protinus hostes.

Ideo quantum ex manifestis perpendi potest, puelle uir sufficiens et ydoneus eligendus est. Et primo quidem, ut etati, stature illius congruat, ne in opere coniugali disconueniencia in huiusmodi uires alterius frangat uel eciam coniugij fructum impediat. ut enim dicit ouidius in libro epistolarum:

quam male inequales ueniunt ad aratra iuuenci, tam premitur magno coniuge nupta minor.

De hinc etiam prouidendum est, ut sit sapiens ac uirtuosus, quia diuiciis ac pulcritudini corporis et omnibus huiusmodi donis preferenda est sapiencia et uirtus. unde, postquam in ecclesiastico monetur pater nuptui tradere filiam, adiungitur: ‘Et homini sensato da illam,’ id est prudenti ac strenuo pocius quam diuiti uel eleganti fatuo. Quid enim prosunt diuicie, nisi possessor eas sciat et seruare et dispensare? unde refert ualerius maximus libro vii, quod ‘quidam unice filie pater themistoclem consulit, utrum eam pauperi sed ornato,’ sc. moribus, ‘aut loqupleti parum probato collocaret. Cui ille, “Malo,” inquit, “uirum pecunia quam pecuniam viro indigentem.” ’ Hec valerius. Refert etiam Jeronimus contra Jouinianum, quod ‘marcia, catonis filia minor, cum ab ea quereretur cur post amissum maritum denuo non nuberet, respondit se non inuenire uirum qui se magis quam sua uellet.

Quo dicto eleganter ostendit diuicias magis in uxoribus quam pudiciciam eligi solere, multosque non oculis sed digitis uxores ducere.’ Hec Jeronimus. Et subdit yronice: ‘Obtima sane res quam auaricia conciliat.’ Cum autem uiro traditur, admonenda est primitus, ut consenciat non amore libidinis, sed obediencie filialis uel desiderio prolis. Sic enim fecit sara filia raguelis, que de se ipsa dicit in thobia iii: ‘Tu scis domine quod mundam seruaui animam meam ab omni concupiscencia. virum autem cum timore tuo consensi suscipere, non cum libidine mea.’ Sic etiam dicit angelus raphael tobie, ut legitur ibidem vii: ‘Hi qui coniugium ita suscipiunt, ut deum a se et a sua mente excludant et sue libidini ita uacent sicut equus et mulus quibus non est intellectus, super eos habet potestatem demonium.’

Scripture echoes

  1. ↩Gen.1.28 — And God blessed them, and God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.'
  2. ↩1Cor.7.2 — But because of sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.
  3. ↩1Cor.7.28 — But even if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such people will have trouble in the flesh, and I would spare you that.
  4. ↩1Cor.7.36-1Cor.7.37 — But if anyone thinks he is behaving improperly toward his virgin, and if she is past her youth, and if it must be so, let him do as he wishes; he does not sin; let them marry. 1Cor.7.37 — But the one who stands firm in his heart, having no necessity but has authority over his own will, and has decided in his own heart to keep his own virgin daughter, will do well.
  5. ↩1Cor.7.38 — So then, the one who gives his daughter in marriage does well, and the one who does not give her in marriage does even better.
  6. ↩Eph.5.32 — This mystery is profound—and I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
  7. ↩Eph.5.32 — This mystery is profound—and I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
  8. ↩Matt.19.6 — So then, they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.
  9. ↩Ps.32.9 — Do not be like a horse or a mule, without understanding, whose temper must be curbed with bit and bridle — or it will not come near you.

Notes

  1. 1 ↩Genesis 24; the Vulgate narrative of Eliezer, Laban, Rebekah, and Isaac.
  2. 2 ↩Ambrose, De beato Abraham; the distinction is between consulting the girl about departure and leaving the betrothal decision to parental judgment.
  3. 3 ↩Quotation attributed to the Apostle (Paul), likely 1 Corinthians 7:28 or 7:36. Final resolution pending Moses verification.
  4. 4 ↩Extended Pauline quotation, likely 1 Corinthians 7:36–37. Final resolution pending Moses verification.
  5. 5 ↩'Turpem' glossed as 'negligentem' in the source text itself (id est negligentem), suggesting the author reads the Pauline 'turpis' as referring to negligent conduct rather than moral disgrace.
  6. 6 ↩Quotation from Ecclesiasticus (Sirach) 7:23 or nearby. The deuterocanonical source is absent from Moses; preserved without quotation marks per deuterocanonical policy. Final resolution pending Moses verification.
  7. 7 ↩Continuation of the Ecclesiasticus quotation. Final resolution pending Moses verification.
  8. 8 ↩res grandis ('great thing/reality') points to the Christ–Church mystery explained in the next sentence; rendered as 'great reality' to preserve the sacramental typology.
  9. 9 ↩Sacramentum capitalized and rendered as 'Sacrament' to preserve the Pauline theological weight of the term in Eph 5:32, not merely 'mystery.'
  10. 10 ↩consuetudinem rendered as 'bond of life together' to capture the relational and permanent quality of the marriage bond.
  11. 11 ↩Theophrastus is the classical author (via Jerome's Adversus Jovinianum), not a Church Father; the citation is used here to underscore the irrevocability of marriage.
  12. 12 ↩The abbreviation sc. (scilicet) is rendered loosely as 'and so forth' to preserve the author's trailing-off effect.
  13. 13 ↩sc. (scilicet) rendered as 'namely' to mark the author's parenthetical clarification.
  14. 14 ↩modo can mean 'just now' (temporal) or 'only/mere' (limiting); the temporal sense fits the context of newlyweds turning hostile immediately after union.
  15. 15 ↩Fructum coniugij likely refers to offspring, though it could also encompass the broader goods of marriage.
  16. 16 ↩The quotation 'Et homini sensato da illam' is attributed to Ecclesiasticus (Sirach). Exact chapter and verse pending Moses resolution.
  17. 17 ↩'loqupleti' is likely a scribal variant or corruption of 'locupleti' (wealthy). Translated on that assumption.
  18. 18 ↩The Latin wordplay on 'uirum pecunia' / 'pecuniam uiro indigentem' is preserved as closely as English allows: 'a man who lacks money' / 'money that lacks a man.'

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