Qualiter pueri ad omnes homines se debeant habere.
The Rule of Love and Reverence
Boys must learn to conduct themselves toward superiors, equals, and inferiors, guided by Hugh of Saint Victor's teaching that love follows merit while reverence follows age and office.
Finally, boys should be taught how to conduct themselves toward all people and how to live among them — that is to say, how to act toward superiors, how to act toward those below them, and how to act toward their equals. Hugh of Saint Victor teaches this in his book on the formation of novices: 'The discernment of persons,' he says, 'as far as it pertains to love, should be exercised according to merit; but as far as it pertains to reverence, according to age and office.'1 Indeed, we ought to love those who are better and honor those who are above us, because it is equally stubborn insolence either to look down on virtue in a person because of their lower rank, or to despise a higher rank because of a lower standard of life.2 To the former, therefore, let honor be given; to the latter, let love be shown — yet in such a way that the honor given to the one group is freely offered and the love shown to the other is worthy of reverence.3 Reverence without love, you see, is more like servility, and love without reverence ought to be judged childish.4 . .
Conduct Toward Superiors, Equals, and Inferiors
The distinction of persons is drawn according to dignity and conduct, prescribing obedience and veneration toward superiors, peace and mutual deference among equals, and kind governance without pride toward those below.
From these six ways, then, we gather that the distinction of persons is to be observed: three according to dignity and three according to conduct. . . According to dignity. . . To those above us we ought to show obedience, respect, deference, and veneration; with those who are our equals, we should maintain peace and harmony, anticipating one another through deference, kindness, and honor. In every action and word, give them the higher place; and if perhaps you are ever compelled to go before them in some matter, do what must be done not with all humility and reverence — not by commanding but by showing the way. And if it happens that you must take the lead, do so with eagerness and devotion, as though out of a subject's duty to obey. To those below you, always extend kindness and help; never reproach them. Correct without insult, govern without pride, discipline without cruelty, and nurture with tenderness. Do not demand their veneration, but love their company and equality. Subject yourself to your elders through fear, comply with your equals through love, and make yourself equal to those younger through humility. Be ready for those who give orders, modest toward those who obey, silent before those who speak ill, and humble before those who praise.5
Imitating Virtue and Shunning Harmful Company
Toward superiors one must silently imitate virtue, yet avoid the company of those whose pursuits are blameworthy, fleeing their works without presuming to judge their hearts, since ignorance or weakness may excuse in them what would not excuse in us.
Likewise, according to conduct: . . Toward superiors, then, in every place and in every work or conversation, let us strive to show respect, and whatever they may have done, wherever they may be, . . let us, in a certain sense, silently imitate the example of virtue. . . Still, we should never presume to seek out the company of those who take part in such things. . . In fact, especially when someone's work or pursuits seem blameworthy, we must steer clear of them with such care that we both avoid what they do and yet don't presume to judge who they are. Let's remember that in such cases an example is set for us, but judgment is not ours to make—because perhaps ignorance or weakness excuses in them what would find no excuse if we did it ourselves. . .
Preserving Peace and Brotherhood Among Equals
Among equals, boys must guard brotherly love with the greatest care, bearing troubles calmly, yielding willingly, and resisting the perverse rivalry that so easily arises when status is level.
With those who are our equals and peers, . . We should take such great care to preserve peace and harmony that, as far as it depends on us, brotherly love is never disturbed in any matter. Let us be eager never to cause them any trouble or annoyance, but when trouble comes, to bear it calmly for the sake of brotherly charity, to act toward them with nothing contentious or arrogant, and to be always ready in every task to yield to those who persist and willingly come to the aid of those who struggle. And since among equals a certain perverse rivalry is sometimes accustomed to arise, . .
Humility in Helping and the Counsel of the Wise
Help must be offered to equals with such humility that it serves the labor rather than displays excellence, and Seneca's counsel reminds us that living rightly makes all people our equals.
Our effort. . . Let's not force our help on those who don't want it, nor withhold it from those who ask, because in either case there can be a suspicion of envy. If we ever wish to bring help to those struggling in some matter, it must be done with such great humility and gentleness that it's clear to them we're not seeking to show off the excellence of the work but to share in the labor. Hugh [says] this. Seneca also speaks about this in his book on the four virtues. 'You will have made everyone your equal,' he says, 'if you neither look down on those below you through pride, nor fear those above you by living rightly.'
A Mirror of Daily Conduct
A series of counsels teaches boys to be kind without flattery, fair without envy, generous in sharing knowledge, and honest about their ignorance.
Be kind to everyone, flattering to no one, familiar with few, fair to all. Be more severe in judgment than in speech, in your life than in your expression. . . Neither spread rumors about your own good reputation, nor be envious of another's. . . What you know, share with the one who asks, without arrogance; but what you do not know, ask to be taught, without hiding your ignorance.
Guarding the Heart in Community
Boys are admonished not to mourn over their own affairs or marvel at others', to avoid arrogance and recklessness, to submit without self-debasement, and to admonish gladly while rebuking patiently.
. . And don't mourn over your own affairs, and don't marvel at those of others. . . Don't be arrogant, don't be reckless. Submit yourself — but don't debase yourself, keeping your dignity intact.6 Admonish gladly, rebuke patiently.
Listening, Correcting, and Yielding
One must not pry into others' faults or correct with harshness, but rather be a silent listener, answer readily, and yield readily to those who push back.
. . Don't be a nosy investigator of other people's faults, or a harsh critic, or a corrector who leads with reproach — correct in such a way that you get ahead of the need to warn by being cheerful. . . So when someone is speaking, be a silent listener. . .
Conclusion and Return to Reverence
The chapter closes with Seneca's final counsels, a reminder that the full teaching on reverence was treated earlier in the work, and a summary statement that the instruction given here suffices for the formation of boys.
Answer the one who asks you readily; yield to the one who pushes back readily. These things [are from] Seneca. Moreover, concerning the reverence and honor owed to persons — which, according to law and reason, whether on account of nature, age, office, or the holiness of character and life, ought to be shown to them by everyone — this has been treated more fully above in the second book of this work, where the reverence of God was discussed. Therefore, let what has been said here suffice for now concerning the instruction of children, which is especially to be practiced in the age of boyhood.
Read the original Latin
Denique docendi sunt pueri, qualiter ad omnes homines habere se debeant et inter eos conuersari, videl. qualiter ad superiores, qualiter ad inferiores et qualiter ad pares. Quod sic docet hugo de sancto victore in libro de nouiciorum institucione: ‘Discrecio,’ inquit, ‘personarum, quantum pertinet ad dilectionem, habenda est secundum meritum, quantum uero ad uenerationem, secundum etatem et officium. Meliores siquidem diligere, superiores debemus honorare, quia par est contumacia siue in eo, qui propter inferiorem gradum in homine virtutem despicit, siue in eo, qui propter inferiorem uitam superiorem gradum contempnit. Istis igitur honor, illis impendatur amor, sic tamen, ut honor istorum sit voluntarius et illorum amor venerandus. Reuerencia enim sine amore magis seruilis est et amor sine reuerencia puerilis iudicari debet . . .
Sex denique modis discretionem personarum habendam ex hiis colligimus: tribus secundum dignitatem et tribus secundum conuersacionem . . . Secundum dignitatem . . . superioribus obedienciam, timorem, obsequium et venerationem debemus exhibere, cum equalibus pacem et concordiam custodire, inuicem obsequio, beneficio et honore preuenire. In omni actione et uerbo superiorem locum eis tribuere et si quando fortassis in aliquo negocio eos preire cogamur, cum omni humilitate et reuerencia, que facienda sunt, non precipere sed demonstrare et si eos contigerit precedere, cum alacritate et deuocione quasi ex necessitate subiecti obedire, inferioribus semper beneficium et auxilium impendere, nunquam improperare, sine contumelia corripere, sine superbia gubernare, sine crudelitate castigare, cum pietate fouere, veneracionem non exigere, societatem et equalitatem amare, maioribus per timorem subdi, equalibus per caritatem obsequi, minoribus per humilitatem coequari, precipientibus parati, obedientibus modesti, maledicentibus taciti, laudantibus uerecundi.
Item secundum conuersacionem . . . superioribus quidem in omni loco et in omni (o)pere uel sermone studeamus reuerenciam exhibere et quicquid egerint aut ubicunque fuerint . . . virtutis exemplum imitemur quodam modo taciti . .
. tamen consorcium cooperandi nunquam presumamus expetere . . . Negligentes vero et maxime illos, quorum opera uel studia reprehensione digna apparent, tali nos cautela declinare oportet, ut et fugiamus, quod faciunt, et tamen iudicare non presumamus, quod sunt. Cogitemus in eiusmodi nobis atque dari exemplum neque permitti iudicium, quia hoc fortassis in eis ignorancia siue infirmitas excusat, quod si a nobis fieret, excusationem non haberet . . .
Cum mediis et equalibus . . . tanta nobis pacis et concordie seruande diligencia sit, ut in nullo umquam negocio, quantum in nobis est fraterna dilectio, perturbetur. Studeamus eis nunquam aut molestiam inferre, illatam vero propter amorem fraterne caritatis equo animo sustinere, nichil contentiose uel arroganter erga eos agere, sed parati semper in omni opere et pertinaciter insistentibus cadere et laborantibus libenter subuenire. Et quoniam inter pares nonnunquam peruersa quedam emulacio esse solet . . .
operam nostram . . . neque ingeramus nolentibus neque petentibus subtrahamus, quia in utroque liuoris suspicio esse potest. Si quando autem in aliquo forte negocio laborantibus opem ferre cupimus, tanta hoc humilitate et mansuetudine faciendum est, ut hiisdem ipsis manifestum sit, quod non excellenciam operis sed consorcium queramus laboris.’ Hec hugo. De hoc eciam seneca loquitur in libro de quatuor virtutibus. ‘Omnes,’ inquit, ‘pares tibi feceris: si nec inferiores superbiendo contempnas, nec superiores recte viuendo timeas.
Cunctis esto benignus, nemini blandus, paucis familiaris, omnibus equus. Seuerior esto iudicio quam sermone, vita quam vultu . . . Nec tue bone fame seminator sis nec inuidus aliene . . . Que nosti, sine arrogancia postulanti imparcias, que autem nescis, sine occultatione ignorancie tibi postula impartiri .
. . Ceterum nec tua defleas, nec aliena mireris . . . Non sis arrogans, non audax. Submittas te, non proicias grauitate seruata. Admone libenter, reprehende pacienter .
. . alienorum viciorum nec curiosus indagator sis nec acerbus reprehensor nec cum exprobracione corrector, ita ut admonitionem hylaritate preuenias . . . Dicenti ergo esto tacitus auditor . . .
requirenti facile responde, contendenti facile cede.’ Hec seneca. Ceterum de personarum reuerencia et honore, qui secundum legem et racionem siue propter naturam siue propter etatem siue propter officium siue propter mores aut vite sanctitatem debet illis ab omnibus exhiberi, plenius dictum est superius in secundo huius operis libro, ubi actum est de reuerencia dei. Hec igitur ad presens dicta sufficiant de paruulorum eruditione, que maxime excercenda est in puerili etate .
Notes
- 1 ↩dilectio rendered as 'love' per lexeme policy; could also carry the sense of 'affection' in this context of interpersonal discernment.
- 2 ↩contumacia rendered as 'stubborn insolence' to capture both the willful defiance and the social impropriety; the term carries a strong moral charge in monastic usage.
- 3 ↩istis/illis refer back to meliores/superiores respectively; the pronoun reference is rendered contextually as 'the former' and 'the latter' for clarity.
- 4 ↩enim rendered as 'you see' to capture its explanatory force in a natural contemporary register rather than the stiffer 'for' or 'indeed'.
- 5 ↩The phrase 'quasi ex necessitate subiecti obedire' is rendered to capture the sense of acting from a subject's felt obligation to obey, even when in a position of authority.
- 6 ↩grauitate seruata: ablative absolute ('with dignity preserved') or ablative of means ('by means of preserved dignity'). The ablative absolute reading is more natural and is followed here, yielding 'keeping your dignity intact' as an attendant circumstance to the prohibition.
De eruditione filiorum nobilium (On the Education of Noble Children) companion
Formation starts with the parents' own practice
Model a daily devotional habit your children can see — Chosen Portion makes it a free 10-minute routine.
Vincent taught that children are formed by the daily practices of their household; Chosen Portion gives parents the daily devotional practice that anchors that household rhythm.
- A short daily devotional you can read before the kids wake up
- Family-friendly portions from the same historic tradition Vincent drew on
- Build a visible 30-day habit your children can imitate