De concordia sociorum et stabilitate.
The Three Pillars of Harmony
Companions preserve harmony through humility, silence, and mutual discretion, drawing on Cato and proverbial wisdom.
Furthermore, about the harmony that is needed in preserving a community, you should know that companions keep their harmony through three things. First, through humility—1 so that each one would at some point rather trust or yield to a companion than insist on his own way, following that saying of Cato's: When you can win, sometimes yield to your companion. For this, patience is necessary — and Gregory, in his *Moralia*, has this to say about patience: "True patience is that which loves even the one it endures." On the other hand, Plautus says in the *Aulularia*: "It is a remarkably rare thing — a man who can bear an equal without impatience." Then, too, through silence — that is, through holding one's tongue — — so as not to say anything that ought to burden one's companion, in accord with that same author's words: When something would bring shame on your companions, a wise person takes care to keep it hidden. A companion is judged to be a bad one if he is quick to bring charges against his fellow companions. And so the accuser of the brethren — that is, the devil — was cast out by the Lord, as it is read in the twelfth chapter of the Apocalypse. And in truth, a boy's accusation sometimes carries greater weight than an adult's, according to that saying of Seneca in the fifth book of his Declamations: 'Nothing,' he says, 'is more reliable than a boy as witness, when he has reached the age to understand, and not the age to fabricate.'2 And for this reason also — namely, the silence of keeping secrets —3 Cato speaks of concealing secrets:4 Entrust your secret counsel to a companion who knows how to keep silent.
Conforming Customs Without Losing Virtue
True harmony requires adapting to others' customs while preserving one's own virtue, guided by Augustine, Scripture, and Seneca.
Thirdly, through conformity of customs, following that saying of Varro to his Athenian reader: 'Customs nourish harmony, shaping the minds of those who live together.' But, as Ennodius says, 'No one embraces the customs of another unless he has first formed those same customs in himself.' In this respect too the rule must be observed. Now this virtue, by which customs are shaped to the minds of those who live together, is called morality, which is described as follows: 'Morality is adapting oneself justly and piously to the life of others, while preserving one's own virtue intact.' Here two things must be noted, namely:5 both that one conform oneself to the customs of others, and that one not deviate from one's own virtue. Therefore, I say, let one conform to others, because, as Augustine says in the book of Confessions, 'Every part that does not fit its whole is ugly.' For this same reason he also writes to Januarius in book ten: 'When I come to Rome,' he says, 'I, Ambrose, fast on the Sabbath; when I am here, I do not fast.'6 So too, whatever church you happen to visit, follow its custom — if you do not want to be a stumbling block to anyone or have anyone become one to you. Now the reason I said not to turn aside from your own virtue is this: even if the likeness of virtue is corrupted in someone, corrupt ways are still not to be imitated in any degree — as it says in Exodus 23: 'You shall not follow a crowd to do evil.'✦7 Hence the saying in Jeremiah 15: 'They will return to you, but you shall not return to them.'✦ For this reason it is said in the proverbs of the wise: 'Inside, let all things be different, but let our outward appearance befit the people' — that is, our exterior modesty.8 In the same way we understand that saying of the Apostle in 1 Corinthians 9: 'I have become all things to all people, etc.'✦ Hence too Seneca, in his letter to Lucilius (letter 5): 'Among good people,' he says, 'let life be tempered to public morals' — that is, to commonly accepted standards.9 so that it is neither too severe nor too lax. This much on preserving harmony.
Steadfastness in Companionship
Loyalty in friendship is proven through constancy over time, mutual correction, and love that grows like aging wine, as Boethius teaches.
On steadfastness and constancy in remaining, Sidonius says in his fourth book of letters: 'You will never find old companions tiresome through the novelty of frequent company.' Otherwise you will seem to treat your friends like flowers — only while they are fresh. This also agrees with that passage from Sirach chapter nine: 'Do not abandon your old friend, for a new one will not be like him.' New wine, new friend — let it age, and you will drink it with pleasure. In this connection, Suetonius reports in his second book on Augustus Caesar that 'he was not quick to form friendships, but once made, he held onto them with the greatest constancy.' And so, on choosing such a companion, growing together with them, and persevering, Boethius says in his book on scholarly discipline: 'A wise student should always delight in having some companion to whom they can reveal their own conscience — someone who can clear away the clouds.' . . Let fortune come to their aid with diligence. . . Let them delight in their little books, taking turns; in their little complaints, competing with one another; in commendable recollection, step by step; in the happiness of correction, by turns. . . And so let the wholeness of mutual love remain among them — like the dew of early time instilling itself at the start, overflowing in the middle, and at the end, truly, intoxicating them. These things [are from] Boethius.
Guarding Youth from Corrupting Influences
Young people must be protected from harmful company and servants, for excessive familiarity breeds contempt and immoderate affection leads to lust.
Boys must be guarded not only from harmful company but also from pernicious servants. Hence Boethius himself says in the same passage: 'Washerwomen and elderly women too must be removed with the greatest urgency.'10 . . Lest, when the time comes, he suggest something corrupt or draw out from a servant something thoroughly softened and weakened — because among servants clemency is rarely found, and constancy in trial even more rarely.1112 Or if a servant who is leading the boy astray — one in whom the master places complete and utter trust —13 . . A two-tongued slave must be driven far away, and as soon as his wickedness threatens, he must be removed — even if he is close by blood. For we have seen many come to ruin through the cruelty of slaves. That is what he says. But in social life, excessive familiarity and immoderate affection are to be guarded against. Familiarity — I mean, according to the philosopher who says that 'excessive familiarity breeds contempt.' That is why Plautus says, as noted above: 'You should make yourself too much a companion to no one,' and Apuleius in his book On the God of Socrates: 'Familiarity breeds contempt; rarity wins admiration.' Affection nourishes — but if it is immoderate, it degenerates into lust. Whence Augustine says in Book II of his Confessions about himself: 'Once, when I was young,' he says, 'to love and to be loved was sweet to me.'
The Peril of Natural Friendship
Friendship rooted in fleshly desire clouds the soul and defiles true companionship unless bound by the Holy Spirit, as Augustine confesses.
But the measure was not kept from mind all the way to mind, as bright as the boundary of friendship is. For mists were rising from the slimy concupiscence of the flesh and the spring of puberty, and they clouded everything over.14 . . so that the clarity of love could not be distinguished from the darkness of lust. Both were seething in confusion, no doubt, and snatching my weak youth away through sheer drops of desire and plunging it into a whirlpool of shameful acts.15 Your wrath had grown strong over me, Lord, and I did not know it. The same author, in book four: 'I was defiling the vein of friendship with the filth of concupiscence, and I was clouding its brightness with the darkness of lust.' Then in the third book he gives a clear example about a certain companion and friend of his who was excessively beloved by him, saying: 'I had gained a friend, through our shared studies, exceedingly dear to me, a contemporary my own age and blooming with the flower of youth.' . . But he was not yet such a friend. . . For true friendship is just as it is — it isn't true unless you, Lord, bind together those who are united with each other by love through the Holy Spirit poured out into their hearts.✦ .
Grief Over a Lost Friend
The death of a beloved friend plunges the soul into darkness, revealing the misery of loving mortal things as though they were immortal.
. And yet it was all too sweet, burned hot by an equal fervor of shared study. . . And look — you, God of mercy and of vengeance both, stand watch over the backs of your fugitives, and by wondrous means you turn us back to yourself. Look — you took him from this life when he had barely completed even a year of friendship with me. . . My heart was darkened by that grief. . . And my homeland had become a place of torment for me. . . And whatever I had shared with him, without him had turned into unbearable torment. . . And my tears alone were sweet to me, and weeping had taken my friend's place among the delights of my soul. . . And so I was wretched — and wretched is every soul bound by friendship with mortal things — and it is torn apart when it loses them, and then it perceives the misery by which it was wretched even before it lost them. . . So I had remained a place of misery for myself, where I could neither stay nor withdraw from it.
The Sweetness and Danger of Earthly Friendship
Friendship's joys—shared laughter, study, and affection—can become a corrupting falsehood when not ordered toward God, leading to bitter grief at death.
. . And how had that grief so easily and so deeply pierced me, unless I had set my heart on sand, loving someone who was about to die as though they were not about to die?✦ They especially were restoring me — . . the consolations of other friends, with whom I was in love because I was not in love for your sake. And this was a huge tale and a long falsehood, by whose counterfeit rubbing our mind was being corrupted. . . And there were other things that seized the mind even more in friendships, namely: To talk together and laugh with each other, to take turns obliging one another graciously, to read pleasant books side by side, to joke together and honor each other at the same time, and now and then to disagree without hatred. . . And by the rarest disagreement to build up very many agreements, to teach something to each other or to learn from each other, to long for absent friends with modesty, and to welcome those who come with joy. By these and like signs flowing out from the hearts of those who love and love in return — through the mouth, through the tongue, through the eyes, and through a thousand most pleasing gestures — they set souls ablaze as if with tinder, and out of many they make one. . . This is what is loved in friends. And so a person is loved in such a way that one's own human conscience stands guilty before oneself, if one has not loved the other in return, seeking nothing from that person's body except signs of goodwill. From this comes that grief, if someone dies and the darkness of sorrows follows. . . From the lost life of those who are dying.
Loving Friends in God Alone
True blessedness belongs to the one who loves God first, loving both friend and enemy in Him, so that no loss can truly harm the soul.
But truly blessed is the one who loves you, and who loves the friend in you and the enemy for your sake.✦ For the one person alone loses nothing dear, for whom all people are dear in him — the one who is not lost.✦ Augustine says this.
Read the original Latin
Porro de concordia, que in seruanda societate est necessaria, sciendum, quod inter socios seruatur concordia per tria. Primum quidem per humilitatem, sc. ut quilibet aliquando malit credere uel acquiescere socio quam sibi, iuxta illud apud catonem:
vincere cum possis, interdum cede sodali.
Ad hoc necessaria est paciencia, de qua gregorius in moralibus, ‘paciencia,’ inquit, ‘uera est, que ipsum eciam amat, quem tolerat.’ Econtra uero dicit plautus in aulularia: ‘Res nimium singularis est homo parem ferre non paciens.’ Deinde uero per taciturnitatem, sc. ut nichil dicat, quod grauare debeat comitem, iuxta illud eiusdem:
Quod pudeat socios, prudens celare memento.
Malus enim iudicatur socius, qui ad sociorum accusationem est pronus. unde et proiectus est accusator fratrum, id est dyabolus a domino, sicut legitur in apocalipsi xii. Et reuera accusatio pueri quandoque maioris est ponderis quam adulti, iuxta illud senece in declamationibus libro vo : ‘Nichil est,’ inquit, ‘puero teste cercius, quando ad eos annos peruenit, ut intelligat, et non ad eos, quibus fingat.’ Et propter hanc eciam taciturnitatem, sc. secreta celandi dicit cato:
Consilium archanum tacito conmitte sodali.
Tercio per morum conformitatem, iuxta illud uarronis ad atheniensem auditorem: ‘Alit concordiam mores ad cohabitancium animos formare.’ verum, ut ennodius ait, ‘nemo in altero mores amplexatur nisi quos in se formauerit.’ In hoc eciam modum seruari opportet. Hec autem virtus, qua mores ad cohabitancium animos formantur, moralitas vocatur, que sic describitur: ‘Moralitas est seruata propria virtute iuste ac pie aliorum uite se contemperare.’ ubi notanda sunt duo, sc. ut et aliorum moribus se conformet et a uirtute propria non declinet. Ideo, inquam, aliis se conformet, quia, sicut dicit augustinus in libro confessionum, ‘turpis est omnis pars uniuerso suo non congruens.’ propter hoc eciam idem dicit ad ianuarium libro io: ‘Cum romam,’ inquit, ‘ambrosius, venio, ieiuno sabbato; cum hic sum, non ieiuno.
Sic et tu, ad quam fortassis ecclesiam ueneris, eius morem custodi, si non uis cuiquam esse scandalo nec quemquam tibi.’ Ideo autem dixi, ne a uirtute propria declinet, quia et si similitudo corrupta sit in aliquo, nec sic eciam mali mores aliquatenus sunt imitandi, iuxta illud exodi xxiii: ‘Non sequeris turbam ad faciendum malum.’ unde dicitur ieremie xv: ‘Conuertentur ipsi ad te et tu non conuerteris ad eos.’ Ideo dicitur in prouerbiis sapientum: ‘Intus omnia sint dissimilia, sed populo conueniat frons nostra,’ id est exterior modestia. Sic eciam intelligitur illud apostoli Ia ad corinthios ix: ‘Omnibus omnia factus sum etc.’ Hinc eciam seneca ad lucilium epistola va, ‘Inter bonos,’ inquit, ‘et publicos mores temperetur vita,’ sc. ut nec nimis sit seuera nec nimis remissa. Hec de concordia in seruando.
De stabilitate uero siue constancia in permanendo dicit sydonius in epistolari suo libro iiiio: ‘Sodales uetustos nunquam per frequencium nouitate fastidias. Aliter enim videberis sic amicis uti quasi floribus quamdiu gratis.’ Huic eciam consonat illud ecclesiastici ixo: ‘Ne derelinquas amicum tuum antiquum, nouus enim non erit similis illi. vinum nouum, amicus nouus ueterescat et cum suauitate bibes illud.’ Hinc refert suetonius in libro iio de augusto cesare, quod ‘amicicias quidem non facile admisit, sed constantissime retinuit.’ Itaque de tali socio sic eligendo et cum eo proficiendo ac perseuerando dicit boecius in libro de scolastica disciplina: ‘prudens discipulus semper aliquo consorte gaudeat, cui propriam conscienciam detegere valeat, qui nubila . . .
fortuna diligenter subueniat . . . libellis gaudeant permutatim, questiunculis certatim, conmendabili recordacione gradatim, castigationis felicitate conuersim . . . Et sic inter eos mutue dilectionis integritas permaneat, primeui temporis ros instillans, in medio inundans, in fine uero inebrians existat.’ Hec boecius.
Non solum cauendum est pueris a noxio comitatu sed etiam a pernicioso famulatu. unde idem quoque boecius ibidem: ‘lotricis etiam,’ inquit, ‘ac uetularum remocio summopere captanda est . . . ne dum venerit, aliquid suggerat inquinatum uel a mancipio extrahat permollitum, quia mancipiorum rara reperitur clemencia, rariorque in agone constancia. ve autem seducenti mancipio, in qua confidit dominantis plenaria dilectio . . .
Seruus bilinguis procul expellatur et ipsius imminente nequicia statim deponatur, licet consanguinitate proximus existat. seruorum quippe crudelitate multos vidimus iacturam incurrere.’ Hec ille. cauenda est autem in sociali vita et familiaritas nimia et affectio immoderata. Familiaritas, inquam, iuxta philosophum dicentem quod ‘familiaritas nimia parit contemptum.’ Ideo dicit plautus ubi supra: ‘Nemini te nimis sodalem feceris,’ et apuleius in libro de deo socratis: ‘parit conuersacio contemptum, raritas conciliat admiracionem.’ Affectio alit, que si est immoderata, degenerat in libidinem. unde augustinus in libro confessionum iio dicit de seipso: ‘Olim,’ inquit, ‘dum essem iuuenis, amare et amari erat michi dulce.
sed non tenebatur modus ab animo usque ad animum, quatenus est luminosus limes amicicie. Nam exhalabant nebule de limosa concupiscencia carnis et scatebra pubertatis et obnubilabant . . . cor meum, ut non discerneretur serenitas dilectionis a caligine libidinis. utrumque nimirum in confuso estuabat et imbecillem etatem rapiebat per abrupta cupiditatum atque mersabat gurgite flagiciorum. Inualuerat super me, domine, ira tua et nesciebam.’ Idem in libro iiio : ‘Venam amicicie coinquinabam sordibus concupiscencie, candoreque illius obnubilabam tartaro libidinis.’
Deinde in libro iiio ponit expressum exemplum de quodam socio et amico suo immoderate a se dilecto, dicens: ‘Comparaueram amicum societate studiorum nimis carum michi coeuum et conflorentem flore adolescencie . . . Sed nondum sic amicus erat . . . sicut est amicicia vera, quia non est vera, nisi cum eam tu, domine, agglutinas inter coherentes sibi caritate per spiritum sanctum in cordibus diffusa . .
. Sed tamen dulcis erat nimium cocta feruore parilium studiorum . . . Et ecce tu imminens dorso fugitiuorum tuorum, deus ulcionum simul et fons misericordiarum, qui nos miris modis ad te conuertis. Ecce abstulisti eum de hac vita, cum vix explesset annum eciam amicicia mea . . .
Quo dolore contenebratum est cor meum . . . eratque michi patria supplicium . . . et quicquid cum illo conmunicaueram, sine illo in immanem uerterat cruciatum . .
. Solusque fletus erat dulcis michi et successerat amico meo in deliciis animi mei . . . Itaque miser eram et miser est omnis animus uinctus amicicia rerum mortalium et dilaniatur, cum eas amittit, ac tunc miseriam, qua miser erat, etiam antequam amitteret illas, sentit . . . Sic ego michi locus infelix remanseram, ubi nec esse nec inde recedere possem .
. . Et unde me facillime et intime penetrauerat dolor ille, nisi quia fundaueram in harena cor meum diligendo moriturum quasi non moriturum? Maxime quippe me recuperabant . . . aliorum amicorum solacia, cum quibus amabam quod non pro te amabam. Et hoc erat ingens fabula et longum mendacium, cuius adulterina confricacione corrumpebatur mens nostra .
. . Erant et alia, que in amicis amplius capiebant animum, videl. colloqui et conridere, vicissim obsequi beniuole, simul libros dulciloquos legere, pariter nugari et simul honestari, interdum sine odio dissentire . . . ipsaque rarissima dissencione consensiones plurimas condire, docere aliquid inuicem aut discere ab inuicem, absentes cum modestia desiderare, venientes cum leticia suscipere. Hiis et huiusmodi signis a cordibus amantium et redamancium procedentibus per os, per linguam, per oculos ac mille motus gratissimos quasi fomitibus animos conflare et ex pluribus unum facere .
. . hoc est quod diligitur in amicis. Sicque diligitur, ut rea sibi humana consciencia sit, si amantem non redamauerit, nichil querens ex eius corpore preter indicia beniuolencie. Hinc luctus ille, si quis moriatur ac tenebre dolorum . . . ex amissa uita morientium.
At uero beatus, qui amat te et amicum in te et inimicum propter te. Nullum enim carum solus amittit, cui omnes in illo cari sunt, qui non amittitur.’ Hec augustinus.
Scripture echoes
- ↩Exod.23.2 — You shall not follow a crowd to do evil, and you shall not bear witness in a lawsuit, turning aside after a crowd to pervert justice.
- ↩Jer.15.19 — Therefore, thus says the Lord: If you return, I will restore you; you shall stand before me. If you utter what is precious and not what is worthless, you shall be as my mouth. They shall turn back to you, but you shall not turn back to them.
- ↩1Cor.9.22 — To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that I might by all means save some.
- ↩Rom.5.5 — And hope does not put us to shame, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
- ↩Matt.7.24-Matt.7.27 — Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. Matt.7.25 — And the rain came down, and the rivers rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock. Matt.7.26 — And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be compared to a foolish man who built his house upon the sand. Matt.7.27 — And the rain fell, and the rivers came, and the winds blew and struck that house, and it fell — and its collapse was great.
- ↩Matt.5.44 — But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
- ↩John.10.28-John.10.29 — I give them eternal life, and they will never perish — not forever — and no one will snatch them out of my hand. John.10.29 — My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand.
Notes
- 1 ↩The source text reads 'sc.' (abbreviation for scilicet, 'namely'), which appears to be an incomplete sentence fragment. The translation preserves the break as given.
- 2 ↩The Seneca quotation is rendered with 'fabricate' for fingat to capture the sense of making up or inventing testimony, fitting the context of a boy too young to dissemble.
- 3 ↩The abbreviation 'sc.' (scilicet) is rendered as 'namely' to clarify the appositive function. The sentence is incomplete in the source, leading into the next sentence.
- 4 ↩This sentence introduces a quotation from Cato. The colon indicates the quotation follows in the next section.
- 5 ↩'sc.' is an abbreviation of 'scilicet' (namely/that is); the sentence is left incomplete in the source, likely to be followed by an enumeration.
- 6 ↩'libro io' renders the Roman numeral X (10). The quotation is attributed to Ambrose in a letter to Januarius, referencing the differing fasting customs between Rome and Milan.
- 7 ↩similitudo corrupta: the 'likeness' of virtue that is corrupted — i.e., a distorted or counterfeit appearance of virtue in another person.
- 8 ↩The proverb 'Intus omnia sint dissimilia, sed populo conueniat frons nostra' is attributed to 'the proverbs of the wise' (prouerbiis sapientum) but does not correspond to a standard biblical text. It may be a sententia from a wisdom collection.
- 9 ↩sc. (= scilicet) is rendered as 'that is' to clarify the explanatory force. 'Publicos mores' refers to the customs or standards of the community.
- 10 ↩lotricis: lemma uncertain; rendered as 'washerwomen' following the candidate gloss, though the broader sense may be 'women of low or disreputable character.'
- 11 ↩permollitum: rare form, rendered as 'thoroughly softened and weakened' to capture the sense of moral enervation.
- 12 ↩agone: lemma uncertain; rendered as 'trial' in the sense of spiritual struggle or contest.
- 13 ↩The sentence appears to be a fragment or the beginning of a clause that continues in the next section. The sense is: a seductive servant in whom the master reposes full confidence.
- 14 ↩scatebra (rare word) rendered 'spring' as the bubbling up of youthful desire; sense is uncertain and could also denote a gushing forth or festering.
- 15 ↩abrupta rendered 'sheer drops' (substantive neuter plural); sense is uncertain and could also mean 'precipitous places' or 'steep descents'.
De eruditione filiorum nobilium (On the Education of Noble Children) companion
Formation starts with the parents' own practice
Model a daily devotional habit your children can see — Chosen Portion makes it a free 10-minute routine.
Vincent taught that children are formed by the daily practices of their household; Chosen Portion gives parents the daily devotional practice that anchors that household rhythm.
- A short daily devotional you can read before the kids wake up
- Family-friendly portions from the same historic tradition Vincent drew on
- Build a visible 30-day habit your children can imitate