Anniversaria.
A Father's Memory and God's Fatherhood
A prayer reflecting on the death of the author's father and seeking God's continued paternal grace.
O Eternal God and merciful Father, with whom the souls of those who die in your faith and favor find rest: Have mercy upon me, and grant that my life may be a preparation for death, and my death an entrance to life with you. On this day, it pleased you to take my dear Father to your mercy, while I was still young. O Lord, he was your meek, humble, and faithful servant; I am confident he is at rest, in light, and in blessedness. Lord, while I am here on my pilgrimage, pour your grace upon me. You have been more than a Father to me; you didn't let me lack a Father, even when you took him from me. O please continue to be a Father, and by your grace keep me within the bounds of a son’s obedience. You have given me temporal blessings beyond what I deserve or hope for; please be gracious and bestow spiritual blessings upon me, so that I may grow in faith, obedience, and thankfulness to you, and find joy in fulfilling my duty to you. And after my painful life has ended, I ask you to bring me to your joys, to your glory, and to yourself: so that I and my parents, along with all your saints and servants who have departed this life, may meet in a blessed and glorious resurrection, forever to sing praises and honor to you, in and through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Confession and Compunction
A deep confession of personal failure and a plea for mercy in the face of past sins.
O my God, look upon your servant and have mercy on me according to the abundance of your compassion. Look, I have become a scandal to your name, while I serve my own ambition and the sins of others. In fact, even though I acted under the influence of others, my conscience still accuses me. I beseech you, Lord, by the mercies of Jesus, do not let me come into judgment with your servant, but hear the blood of your Son pleading for me: may this union not be a separation of my soul from your embrace. O how much better it would have been if I had been mindful of this day, suffering martyrdom with your first martyr, rather than denying what was urged upon me, or being unfaithful or insufficiently devoted by my friends. I have promised myself to remain in the darkness of this sin, but behold, it has quickly flown away, and there is no light more open than I who have done this. Indeed, you have willed, Lord, out of your great mercy, to fill my face with shame, so that I might learn to seek your name. O Lord, how heavy is the memory of this sin even today, as I pour out so many repeated prayers from my sad and confused soul before you. O Lord, have mercy; hear the prayers of your very humble and depressed servant. Have mercy, Lord, and forgive the sins that have led to this sin and followed it. For I confess, Lord, that again on this same day of the turning year, I haven't been sufficiently cautious or humble, and I've fallen into another serious sin; I've been stoned again, not for, but from sin. Now fully awaken me, Lord, so that I don't die any longer in my sins; but grant that I may live, and living, rejoice in you, through the merits and mercies of Jesus Christ our Savior. Amen.
Deliverance from Folly and Fire
A reflection on wandering from God and a narrow escape from a fire, leading to a renewed commitment to repentance.
O merciful God, you have shown me much mercy and done great things for me; yet as I was returning, instead of being thankful, I wandered away from you into a foul and strange path. There you made me see both my folly and my weakness; Lord, help me to always see them and to be truly sorry for them. O Lord, for my Savior's sake, forgive my folly and strengthen me against my weakness forever. Lord, forgive all my sins and this; and make me, by your grace, your most true, humble, and faithful servant all the days of my life, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. O merciful Father, where can I turn? For I have sinned against you in going out and returning. I went away with the Prodigal into a distant land. I squandered my substance luxuriously. It was there I first realized I had used up everything and was worth no more than the company of swine; yet neither that unclean life nor the hunger for grace made me think of returning to a better harvest. Now that I have turned back from my ill-fated journey, look, your judgments, Lord, pursue me. The fire consumes the roofs under which I am; for God saw, and did not delay much, but the fire was kindled in Jacob, and anger rose in Israel. And my sins—I have no doubt—threatened to set the whole College ablaze, and me along with it. For while I was more intent on extinguishing the fire, I barely escaped being consumed by it. Oh, how great is your mercy, Lord, that I was barely saved from the flames! For while a friendly hand was somehow moving me away, at that very moment, from the very place where I had decided to set my foot, the fire broke out, and the flames surged up, and if I had been there, I would have perished. Oh, my sins, I can never lament you enough! Oh, your mercy, Lord, can never be praised enough! Oh, repentance, I need you now more than ever! Oh, your grace, Lord, I humbly and continually implore! I rise, O Lord Father, and look, I am coming; slowly and unsteadily, but I am coming, and I confess: I have sinned against heaven and against you, and I am not worthy to be called your son. Yes, Lord, what would you have me do? Wash away my sins in the blood of your Son, so that I may be yours. And I ask you, grant that just as the terror was then, so may the memory of this fire daily burn away all the dross and remnants of my sins, so that I may be made more cautious and ignited by a better fire of love and devotion for you and hatred of sin, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Walking in God's Ways
A prayer regarding physical infirmity and the desire to walk straight in God's commandments.
O merciful Lord, may your most blessed name be glorified: Behold, for I, while I follow the King for my duty, and forgetful of you and human affairs, trusting in myself, have fallen into a treacherous way in this faithless land, and I have broken my tendon. I was lifted up to the court, and I arrived at Hampton. The pain was such as the nerves usually feel. Indeed, I would have fallen into a more intense fever; the anguish would have overwhelmed me if a great outpouring of blood hadn't freed me from that fear. I have labored under great infirmity, and for almost two years I have walked with a limp. I still feel some weakness, but, O most blessed Trinity, you have given me a sufficiently perfect use of my legs and have strengthened my steps beyond all expectation. Direct them now, O Lord, in the ways of your commandments so that I may never limp between you and false worship, or between you and the world; but let me walk straight, and run the path of your testimonies when you have enlarged my heart. I pray, therefore, that you do not delay either the enlargement of my heart or the strengthening of my feet in the paths of your justifications, through and because of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Deliverance from Public Strife
A prayer of thanksgiving for protection against an angry mob and a plea for continued safety.
O Eternal God, my most merciful Father, today the fury of the angry crowd was fierce against me and my house, seeking to destroy me and plunder it; yet in Your mercy, You chose to preserve both me and my home, and to bring some of them to shame and punishment. I have sinned in many ways against You, O Lord, and this was a loud call from You, mercifully bringing me to repentance; I beseech You to give me the grace to hear and obey. But I don't know what I've done to hurt or offend them that should stir up this rage against me. Lord, in Your mercy, look down upon me; fill my heart with thankfulness for this great deliverance, and do not let me forget it, or the examination I took of myself upon it. And as for them and their kind, let them not have their desire, O Lord; let not their mischievous imaginations prosper against me, nor their fury lay hold upon me; lest they become too proud, and lest I end my weary days in misery. Yet forgive them, O Lord, for they don't know why they did it. And according to Your usual mercy, preserve me to serve You, and let the same watchful protection that now defended me guard me through the remainder of my life. And this for Your own goodness' sake, and for the merits of my Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.
Trials and Steadfastness
A series of prayers for patience and integrity during the author's long imprisonment and legal trials.
O Eternal God and merciful Father, I humbly beseech you to look down upon me in this time of my great and grievous affliction. Lord, if it is your blessed will, make my innocence clear, and free both me and my profession from all the scandal raised against me. And however it may be, if you are pleased to test me to the utmost, I humbly ask you to give me full patience, proportionate comfort, and contentment with whatever you send, and a heart ready to die for your honor, the happiness of kings, and the preservation of your Church. And my zeal for these is the only sin (except for human frailty) that I know of in this matter for which I suffer. Lord, look upon me in mercy, and for the merits of Jesus Christ, pardon all my many and great sins, which have drawn down this judgment upon me; and then in all things do with me as seems best in your own eyes. Make me not only patient under it, but thankful for whatever you do, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer. Amen. O Eternal God and merciful Father, after long imprisonment I am now at last called to answer; I most humbly beseech you to strengthen me through this trial, to preserve the patience with which you have hitherto blessed me through this affliction. Don't allow any coarse language or other provocation to make me speak or do anything that might misrepresent my character, my age, my calling, or my current situation. And Lord, I beseech you, make me able to clear to the world that innocence which is in my heart concerning this charge laid against me. Grant this, O Lord, for the sake of Jesus Christ. Amen. O merciful Lord, I have been through a long and tedious trial, and I offer you my humble and heartfelt thanks for the wonderful strength I have received from you to endure my weakness. Lord, continue all your mercies towards me, for the storm is gathering and growing dark above me, and what it threatens is best known to you. After a long trial, I am called to answer in the House of Commons—not to provide evidence, but to respond to one man's report of evidence, given without an oath. You also know what this may produce now or in the future. O Lord, grant me patience and true Christian wisdom and courage to withstand this trial, and do not let your storms beat upon me as well; but look kindly upon me to my end, in and through the merits of Jesus Christ my Lord and only Savior. Amen.
Read the original Latin
O Eternal God and merciful Father, with whom do rest the souls of them that die in thy faith and favour: Have mercy upon me, and grant that my life may be a preparation to die, and my death an entrance to life with thee. As upon this day it pleased thee to take my dear Father to thy mercy, whe…I was yet young. O Lord, he was …servant, thy meek, humble, fai…hful servant: and I assure my self he is in rest, and light, and blessedness. Lord, while I am here behind in my pilgrimage, showre down thy grace upon me. Thou hast been more then a Father to me: thou hast not suffered me to want a Father; no, not when thou hadst taken him from me. O be pleased to be a Father still, and by thy grace to keep me within the bounds of a Sons obedience. Thou hast given me temporal blessings beyond desert or hope; O be graciously pleased to heap spiritual blessings on me, that I may grow in faith, obedience, and thankfulness to thee; that I may make it my joy to perform duty to thee. And after my painful life ended, bring me, I beseech thee, to thy joyes, to thy glory, to thy self: that I and my Parents, with all thy Saints and Servants departed this life, may meet in a blessed glorious resurrection, ever to sing praises and honour to thee, in and through Iesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.
O Deus meus, respice servum tuum, & miserere mei secundum viscera misericordiae tuae. Scandalum ecce factus sum Nomini tuo, dum ambitioni meae & aliorum peccatis servio. Quin & hoc licet aliorum suasu, oblatrante tamen Conscientia perpetravi. Obsecro, Domine, per misericordias Jesu, ne intres in judicium cum servo tuo, sed exaudi sanguinem ejus pro me perorantem: nec hoc Conjugium sit animae meae Divortium a sinu tuo. O quanto satius f…isset si vel hujus diei satis memor, Martyrium cum Proto-martyre tuo potius perpessus essem, negando quod urgebant, aut non satis fidi, aut non satis pii amici mei. Pollicitus sum mihi tenebras peccato huic, sed ecce statim evolavit, nec lux magis aperta, quam ego qui feci. Ita voluisti Domine prae nimia misericordia tua implere ignominia faciem meam, ut discerem quaerere Nomen tuum. O Domine, quam gravis adhuc est memoria peccati hujus etiam hodie, etiam p…st tot & toties repetitas preces a tristi & confusa anima mea coram te profusas.
O Domine miserere; exaudi preces depressi & humiliati valde servi tui. Parce, Domine, et remitte peccata, quae peccatum hoc & induxerunt & sequuta sunt. Nam confiteor, Domine, iterum & eodem die revolventis anni, nec satis adhuc cautus, aut satis humilis factus in aliud grave peccatum incidi; lapidatus iterum non pro, sed a peccato. Nunc plene suscita me, Domine, ne moriar ultra in peccatis meis; sed des ut vivam, & vivens gaudeam in te, per merita & miserationes Jesu Christi Salvatoris nostri. Amen.
O merciful God, thou hast shewed me much mercy, and done great things for me; and as I was returning, instead of thankfulness, I wandred out of my way from thee, into a foul and a strange path. There thou madest me see both my folly & my weakness; Lord, make me ever see them, ever sorry for them. O Lord, for my Saviours sake forgive me the folly, and strengthen me against the weakness for ever. Lord, forgive all my sins, and this; and make me by thy grace, thy most true; humble, and faithful servant all the daies of my life, through Iesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
O misericors Pater, quo me vertam? Qui & exeundo & revertendo peccavi contra te. Abii cum Prodigo p…digus in longinquam regionem. Dissipavi substantiam meam, tuam luxuriose. Ibi primum sensi omnia consumpta, & me dignum non meliori quam porcorum consortio: Nec tamen aut vita illa immunda, aut fames gratiae, de reditu ad meliorem frugem vel cogitare fecit. Reversum jam ab itinere infausto ecce judicia tua, Domine, insequuntur me. Ignis corripit tecta sub quibus sum; vidit enim Deus, nec multum distulit, sed ignis accensus est in Jacob, & ira ascendit in Israel. Et scelera (non dubito) mea conflagrationem Collegio minitabantur, & mihi.
Nam dum igni extinguendo intentior sum, parum abfuit, quin ab igne extinguerer. Quam ecce misericordia tua, Domine, vix sine miraculo me flammis …puit. Nam dum amica manus astantis me vi quadam amovit, eodem instanti ex eodem loco, ubi pedem figere decrevi, prorupit inclusus ignis, in flammas subsidunt gradus, & ego, st ibi invenisset incendium, una periissem. O peccata mea nunquam satis deflenda! O misericordia tua, Domine, nunquam satis praedicanda! O poenitentia nunquam mihi magis necessaria! O gratia tua, Domine, humillime & jugiter imploranda! Surgo, ô Domine Pater, & ecce venio; lento quidem & instabili gressu, sed venio, & confiteor: peccavi enim in coelum & contra te, nec dignus sum vocarifilius tuus.
Sim, ô Domine, quid vis, modo tuus. Ablue peccata mea in sanguine Filii tui, ut sim tuus. Et concede obsecro, ut sicut tum terror, ita quotidie memoria ignis hujus exurat faeces omnes & reliquias peccatorum meorum: ut me cautiore factum melior ignis charitatis & devotionis in amorem tui & in odium peccati accendat, per Jesum Christum Dominum nostrum. Amen.
O Domine misericors, glorificetur beatissimum nomen tuum: Ecce enim ego, dum pro Officio Regem sequor, & tui, & humanorum casuum immemor, & mihi praefidens, infausto in via saltu in terram infidam incidi, & Tendonem fregi. Levatus in curtum, Hamptoniam perveni. Cruciatus talis fuit, qualem nervi sentire solent. Et certe in febrem ferventiorem ipse angor conjecisset, nisi ingens defluxus sanguinis me ab illo metu liberasset. Magna infirmitate laboravi, et fere per biennium claudus incessi. Infirmitatem aliquam adhuc sentio, sed, gratiae immortales tibi, O beatissima Trinitas, usum satis perfectum Crurium dedisti mihi, & confirmasti praeter omnium expectationem, gressus meos. Dirigas nunc eos, O Domine, in viis mandatorum tuorum ut nunquam vel inter te & falsum cultum, vel inter te & mundum claudicem; sed recta pergam, & viam testimoniorum tuorum curram, quum dilatasti cor meum. Oro ita que ne differas vel dilatationem cordis, vel confirmationem pedum in semitis justificationum tuarum, per & propter Jesum Christum Dominum nostrum.
Amen.
O Eternal God, and my most merciful Father, as this day the fury of the enraged multitude was fierce upon me and my house, to destroy me and to pillage it, it pleased thee in mercy to preserve both, and bring some of them to shame and punishment. I have sinned many ways against thee, O Lord, and this was a loud call of thine and a merciful to bring me to repentance, which I beseech thee give me grace to hear and obey. But what I have done to hurt or offend them, that should stir up this rage against me, I know not. Lord, in thy mercy look down upon me; fill my heart with thankfulness for this great deliverance, and suffer me not to forget it, or the Examination which I took of my self upon it. And as for them and their like, let them not have their desire, O Lord, let not their mischievous imaginations prosper against me, nor their fury lay hold upon me; lest they be too proud, and lest I end my wearie days in misery. Yet forgive them, O Lord, for they know not why they did it. And according to thy wonted mercy preserve me to serve thee, and let the same watchful Protection which now defended me, guard me through the remainder of my life. And this for thine own goodness sake, and the merits of my Saviour Iesus Christ.
Amen.
O Eternal God and merciful Father, I humbly beseech thee look down upon me in this time of my great and grievous affliction. Lord (if it be thy blessed will) make mine Innocency appear, and free both me and my Profession from all scandal thus raised on me. And howsoever, if thou be pleased to trie me to the uttermost; I humbly beseech thee, give me full patience, proportionable comfort, contentment with whatsoever thou sendest, and an heart ready to die for thy Honour, the Kings Happiness, and this Churches Preservation. And my zeal to these is all the sin (humane frailty excepted) which is yet known to me in this particular, for which I thus suffer. Lord, look upon me in mercy, and for the merits of Iesus Christ pardon all my sins many and great, which have drawn down this Judgment upon me, and then in all things do with me as seems best in thine own eyes: and make me not only patient under, but thankful for whatsoever thou dost, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer. Amen.
O Eternal God and merciful Father, after long imprisonment I am now at last called to answer; I most humbly …eseech thee to strengthen me through this Tryal, to preserve the patience with which thou hast hitherto blessed me through this affliction. Suffer no course language, or other provocation to make me speak or do any thing that may mis-become my person, mine age, my calling, or my present condition. And Lord, I beseech thee, make me able to clear to the world that Innocency which is in my heart concerning this Charge laid against me. Grant this, O Lord, for Iesus Christ his sake. Amen.
O merciful Lord, I have had a long and a tedious Tryal: And I give thee humble and hearty thanks for the wonderful strength that I have received from thee in the bearing up of my weakness. Lord, continue all thy mercies towards me, for the storm gathers and grows black upon me, and what it threatens is best known to thee. After a long Tryal I am called to answer in the House of Commons; and that not to Evidence, but to one single man's report of Evidence, and that made without Oath. What this may produce in present or in future, thou knowest also. O Lord, furnish me with patience and true Christian wisdom and courage, to bear up against this drift, and send not out thy storms to beat upon me also; but look comfortably upon me to my End, in and through the merits of Iesus Christ my Lord and only Saviour. Amen.
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