De cavenda nimia familiaritate.

Guarding the Heart in Human Company

The soul is counseled to reserve its inner life for the wise and God-fearing, to avoid worldly entanglements, and to seek intimacy with God rather than with people.

Don't reveal your heart to everyone, but only with the wise and God-fearing should you discuss your affairs. With young people and strangers, keep your distance. With the rich, don't flatter. And before the powerful, don't be eager to show yourself. Keep company with the humble and sincere, with the devout and obedient, and let your conversation be about what builds up.^✦ Don't become intimate with any particular woman, but in general commend all good women to God. Desire intimacy with God and His angels alone, and avoid the acquaintance of people.

The Limits of Familiarity and the Danger of Illusion

Universal love must be tempered by discernment, since reputation often exceeds reality and our own self-deception blinds us to the true character of those we admire.

Love must be extended to all, but close familiarity isn't always wise. Sometimes it happens that an unknown person shines in the light of a good reputation, but when they actually appear, their presence dazzles and disappoints the eyes of those looking on.¹ We think we're pleasing others on the strength of our own conviction, and then we start to displease them all the more once the depravity of their character has been observed in our dealings with them.²³

Read the original Latin

Non omni homini reveles cor tuum, sed cum sapiente, et timente Deum age causam tuam. Cum juvenibus et extraneis rarus esto, cum divitibus noli blandiri, et coram magnatis non libenter appareas. Cum humilibus et simplicibus, cum devotis et morigeratis sociare, et quæ ædificationis sunt pertracta. Non sis familiaris alicui mulieri, sed in communi omnes bonas mulieres Deo commenda. Soli Deo et Angelis ejus opta familiaris esse, et hominum notitiam devita.

Charitas est habenda ad omnes, sed familiaritas non expedit. Quandoque accidit ut persona ignota ex bona fama lucescit, tum præsentia oculos intuentium offuscat. Putamus aliis placere ex convictione nostra, et incipimus magis displicere morum improbitate in nobis considerata.

Scripture echoes

↩1Thess.5.11 — Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, even as you are doing.

Notes

1 ↩offuscat can mean 'dazzles,' 'obscures,' or 'darkens.' The sense here is that the reality of the person's presence overwhelms or blinds the observer's expectations, falling short of the reputation.
2 ↩convictione can mean 'proof,' 'evidence,' or 'conviction.' Here it likely means 'from the evidence of our own conduct' or 'from our own persuasion of ourselves.' Rendered as 'on the strength of our own conviction' to capture the self-assuredness Thomas is warning against.
3 ↩improbitate morum: 'the depravity/wickedness of character.' The ablative absolute considerata ('having been observed/considered') modifies the whole clause — once their moral failings become visible through closer contact.