SR
← Speculum caritatis (The Mirror of Charity)/Book 3 · Speculum caritatis — Liber III
Chapter 37SpCar.3.37

Quid homo sibi, quid proximo debeat, ostenditur, et utrum se proximo, an proximum sibi praeferre debeat, declaratur

The Order of Love in Community

Having outlined the steps and ranks by which one presses toward the Beloved, Bernard turns to the practical ordering of love within community, showing how superiors, equals, and inferiors must relate to one another with discernment, and how the command to love the neighbor as oneself sets a measure that must not be exceeded.

These things have been said about the manner of observing individual steps and ranks — by which, as we press toward him whom we recognize is to be loved above all, we look after the salvation of the soul and grant to the body what is due to nature. Since, however, divine authority hands down that the neighbor is to be loved by us equally as ourselves, it is necessary first that it not escape our understanding which order applies to each person; then one must strive with the greatest care that no one in any rank exceed the prescribed manner of living. But because it is clear that some are to be in charge, some to be subject, and some to stand alongside — since the legitimate measure is transgressed by any one of these — the inferior ought indeed to suggest to the superior; an equal ought to rebuke an equal; and the superior ought to compel the inferior as well, if it is necessary. Indeed, suggestion itself, whether rebuke or compulsion, should be tempered according to the character of individuals, so that in suggestion there is subjection, in rebuke there is gathering in, and in compulsion compassion is felt. Whoever is legitimately engaged in a lower rank can be warned so as to ascend to higher things; he cannot, however, be compelled. Whoever has submitted himself of his own accord to a superior ought to be treated according to the manner of his profession; he ought not, however, to be compelled to stricter things by the superior's unadvised will. Let him, then, be diligent about love of the neighbor, whom he ought to love as himself — but let him not exceed the measure of love by which he ought to love himself. This happens when the one he ought to love above himself is neglected. Nor, for that matter, should those be listened to who think that what is said — 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself' — is to be taken in such a way (Matt.

The Soul Cannot Be Traded for the World

Bernard refutes the erroneous view that one should will one's own destruction for the sake of others, arguing from Christ's own words that no exchange can be made for the soul, and that love of neighbor beyond the proper measure actually diminishes love of God.

[22] that each one ought to love his neighbor as himself — two, however, or several, above himself — and therefore ought to will his own destruction more than that of others.✦ But what exchange will a man give for his soul?✦ What good is it to him if he gains the whole world — even for the salvation of his soul — yet suffers loss in his own soul?✦ (Matthew 16.) It must also be noted that whatever is added to fraternal love beyond the measure already stated is, without question, subtracted from love of God. For the love of oneself is measured by the standard with which one loves God: only then does one love oneself less, when one loves God less. Furthermore, who loves himself and does not spare himself from destruction?

Paul's Longing: Feeling and Reason Together

Bernard interprets Paul's wish to be cut off from Christ for his brothers as an expression of deep feeling rather than rational counsel, and shows how Christ himself experienced natural affection yet submitted to the higher counsel of reason.

So how can someone love another as himself when he doesn't even love himself? For when the Apostle said, I sometimes wished I could be cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers in the flesh (Rom.✦1 ix); to draw them to salvation by holding before them his extraordinary love, he revealed his feeling but didn't spell out his reasoning. Yet how different are the impulses that stir alongside reason within a single mind — we've shown this clearly enough above. So when the Apostle said, I wished I could be cut off from Christ for my brothers, he spoke truthfully, because he was expressing the feeling he experienced.✦ If he had gone on to say, I'd rather the whole world perish than I alone be separated from Christ, he would still have been speaking truthfully, because he would have been revealing reason's counsel. For the Savior himself, moved by a feeling — no one has ever held hatred toward his own flesh (Ephes.✦2 v), willingly took up from us and for us what he desired, so that the hour of his suffering might come — as he himself says (Matth.✦3

Loving Oneself in the Right Order

Bernard clarifies that Scripture prescribes the manner, not the quantity, of neighbor-love, and teaches that one must first attend to the salvation of one's own soul, then care for the body, and from this rightly ordered self-love extend care to the neighbor.

xxvi); but by the counsel of reason, he himself brought it about that he should not cross over.✦ And Scripture, speaking with deliberate care, does not say, 'You shall love your neighbor as much as yourself,' but 'as yourself' (Matt.✦ xxii). So the manner of loving has been prescribed, but the quantity has not been specified. In this way, then, let love be directed toward oneself: first, let one attend to the salvation of one's own soul, which is the better part of oneself; and then, to the body, for its needs. But if the need should sometimes arise to neglect another — even to the point of suffering the body's destruction — let that be endured, provided the soul sustains no harm. This is not to hate the body, but to prefer the soul to the body in the order of love.✦ From this love of oneself, then, let one never depart; but holding fast to it steadfastly and perseveringly, let one approach the care of one's neighbor with a clear mind.

The Limits of Self-Sacrifice for Others

Bernard sets careful boundaries on self-sacrifice: one may allow a brother's body to perish to save his soul, but no one is compelled to gain a brother's salvation at the cost of their own soul's destruction, since laying down one's life refers to contempt of life, not harm to the soul.

Let him measure his care for others by the standard he uses in caring for himself. Let him deal with his neighbor as much as he can, so that he may be safe in body and sound in mind. For if he neglects either of these, he certainly does not love his neighbor, who consists of both. But if the neighbor is such that he cannot be helped toward the salvation of his soul without some harm to oneself, then with a measure of compassion and heartfelt grief over his fleshly ruin, let us allow his body to perish, so that his spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord.4 By no reasoning or precept is anyone compelled to gain the salvation of a brother's soul at the cost of their own soul's destruction, nor to ward off the bodily destruction of a brother at the cost of their own body's destruction. For when we are commanded to lay down our lives for our brothers (1 John✦ 3:16), it pertains to the contempt of life, not to the harm of the soul. For in this way it is laid down not toward destruction, but rather toward salvation.

When Laying Down One's Life Serves the Soul

Bernard explains that laying down one's life rightly means seeking the soul's true good, examines the motives behind dying for others, and teaches that while bodily disciplines may be set aside for a brother's salvation, one must never withdraw from the love of God.

So from this, laying down one's soul means looking out for its true good. Further, those who ward off the temporal death of their own temporal lords by means of their own temporal death — those who do this rightly are doing it not so much for the safety of another's body as for the salvation of their own soul. For their conscience is shaped this way: that faithfulness must be kept toward their own lords, so that in such danger they consider their own life the one to be preserved. But those who do this not to preserve faithfulness but to gain glory and avoid disgrace — they certainly do this foolishly; and yet they do it not for another's body but at the cost of their own reputation. But this much can perhaps be done laudably: that out of sheer love someone throw his own body in the way of another's. But that someone should endure the loss of his own soul — I don't say for the salvation of one other soul, but even for the salvation of the whole world — while preserving the order of true love, that cannot be done. For it is a loss of the soul to withdraw from the love of the One who is to be loved above all. Who would say that this could ever be done laudably, or even without blame? One withdraws from the love of God, truly, when either something worthy of damnation is committed, or something without which there is salvation is left undone. Besides, there are certain middle things — reading, meditation, bodily labor, fasting, the sweetness of prayer, and others like these — all of which, for a brother's salvation, are to be adjusted, varied, changed, and sometimes even set aside.

Paul's Willing Separation from Contemplation

Bernard draws on Paul's words in Philippians, 1 Corinthians, and Romans to show that the Apostle's desire to be cut off from Christ for his brothers can be understood as a willingness to leave the sweetness of contemplation and descend into the noise of the world for the sake of others' salvation.

On this the Apostle says: "Not looking to their own interests," he says, "but to the interests of others" (Phil.✦ 2). And likewise: "Just as I try to please everyone in everything I do, not seeking my own advantage, but that of many, so that they may be saved" (1 Cor.✦ 10). And finally, what he says: "I could wish myself accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers" (Rom.✦5 9), so too it can be understood — not inappropriately — that from that hidden place of his prayers, where he rested sweetly in the embrace of Jesus; from that unutterable height of contemplation, by which he surveyed the secrets of heavenly mysteries with the purest eyes; from that sweetness of most gracious compunction, which bathed that soul — thirsting for heavenly things — with the most tender drops of spiritual affections: for the sake of his brothers' salvation he desired to be called forth into the noise of the world.6 This calling-forth he does not hesitate to call a separation from Christ — this person who, according to his own measure, has leisure and tastes how sweet the Lord is (Psal.✦7 33); "How blessed is everyone who hopes in him."✦

Guarding the Inner Life While Serving Others

Bernard concludes by cautioning that one who is called forth from contemplation for the sake of others must guard against losing interior sweetness, and teaches that the same flexibility shown in prayer and reading must also govern bodily needs and the body itself for the neighbor's salvation.

Furthermore, the one who has chosen to be separated from Christ in this way—moved by fraternal love, or compelled by the authority of superiors and consenting to it—must take care for himself, lest this necessity overwhelm him and that sweetness perish.8 But what we have said about reading or prayer should also be understood to apply to the needs of the body—indeed, to the body itself: whatever he has seen should be despised, given up, or adjusted for his own salvation, he should recognize must also be done for the salvation of his neighbor toward that person.910

Read the original Latin

Haec de modo in singulis servando gradibus dicta sunt; quo ad eum quem summe diligendum cernimus, contendentes, et animae saluti consulimus, et corpori debita naturae concedimus. Quoniam autem proximum aeque ut nos ipsos a nobis diligi divina tradit auctoritas; primo necesse est, ut cui quis ordo conveniat, intelligentiam nostram non lateat ; deinde summopere elaborandum, ne quis in quolibet ordine praescriptum vivendi modum excedat. Sed quia quosdam praeesse, quosdam subesse, quosdam coesse, manifestum est ; cum a quolibet horum legitima mensura transgreditur, debet quidem inferior superiori suggerere ; par parem corripere ; superior inferiorem etiam, si sit necesse, compellere. Ipsa sane suggestio, sive correptio, sive compulsio, secundum qualitatem singulorum temperetur, ut et in suggestione subjectio, et in correptione collectio, et in compulsione sentiatur compassio. Qui in inferiori ordine legitime obversatur, ut ad superiora conscendat moneri potest; cogi autem non potest. Qui superiori sua se sponte submisit secundum professionis suae modum tractari debet; ad arctiora vero compelli ejus inconsulta voluntate non debet. Ita sane sit de proximi dilectione sollicitus, quem diligere debet sicut se ipsum ; ne modum dilectionis excedat, qua diligere debet se ipsum : quod tunc fit, cum ipse negligitur quem diligere debet supra se ipsum. Neque enim audiendi sunt, qui sic arbitrantur accipiendum quod dicitur, diliges proximum tuum sicut te ipsum (Matth.

xxii), ut unumquemlibet diligere debeat tanquam se ipsum, duos autem aut plures supra se ipsum; ideoque magis suam, quam aliorum debeat velle perditionem. Sed quam dabit homo commutationem pro anima sua? Quid prodest ei si lucretur universum mundum, etiam ad salutem, animae autem suae detrimentum patiatur? (Matth. xvi.) Animadvertendum quoque est, quia quidquid praemissa ratione fraternae dilectioni adjicitur, totum profecto divinae dilectioni subtrahitur. Cum enim secundum modum quo Deum diligit, sui dilectio metiatur, tunc solum minus diligit se ipsum, quando minus diligit Deum. Porro se ipsum qui diligit, cujus perditioni non parcit?

Quomodo ergo alium diliget sicut se ipsum, qui non diligit nec se ipsum! Nam et Apostolus cum ait : Optabam aliquando anathema esse a Christo pro fratribus meis secundum carnem (Rom. ix); ut eos, proposita mirabili charitate sua traheret ad salutem, affectum quidem prodidit, consilium non expressit. At quam diversa in una mente suggerant affectus et ratio, superius satis ostendimus. Unde Apostolus cum diceret : Optabam anathema esse a Christo pro fratribus, verum quidem dixit, quia affectum, quem sentiebat, expressit. Qui si postea dixisset, mallem totum mundum perire, quam me solum a Christo separari, verum nihilominus dixisset, quia rationis consilium prodidisset. Nam et ipse Salvator ex affectu, quo nemo unquam carnem suam odio habuit (Ephes. v), quem a nobis et pro nobis voluntarie suscepit, ut transiret hora passionis optavit (Matth.

xxvi); sed ex consilio rationis, ipse ne transiret effecit. Sed et Scriptura consulte non ait : Diliges proximum tuum, quantum te ipsum ; sed sicut te ipsum (Matth. xxii). Modum ergo diligendi praescripsit, non quantitatem indixit. Sic autem sua sibi exhibeatur dilectio, ut primo animae suae, quae potior sui pars est, consulat ad salutem; deinde corpori ad necessitatem. Quod si aliquando incumbat necessitas alterum contemnendi, etiam corporis patiatur interitum ; dum tamen animae non sustineat detrimentum. Nec hoc est corpus odire; sed animam corpori in dilectione praeferre. Ab hac ergo sui dilectione nunquam recedat; sed ipsa constanter et perseveranter retenta, ad consulendum proximo securus accedat.

Modum autem consulendi ex ea, qua sibi consulit, regula accipiat. Agat ergo cum proximo quantum potest; ut salvus corpore, et sanus sit mente. Nam si alterum horum negligit; profecto proximum, qui ex utroque constat, non diligit. Si vero talis fuerit proximus, qui sine quodam detrimento ad salutem animae non accedat, cum quadam compassione ac cordis contritione carnis ejus patiamur interitum, ut spiritus salvus sit in die Domini. Nulla sane ratione vel praecepto compellitur suae animae perditione animae fraternae comparare salutem, nec sui corporis interitu fraterni corporis interitum propulsare. Nam quod praecipimur animas pro fratribus ponere (I Joan. iii), ad vitae contemptum, non ad animae pertinet detrimentum. Sic enim non ad perditionem, sed potius ponitur ad salutem.

Unde sic animam ponere, ipsi utique animae consulere est. Porro hi qui temporalium dominorum suorum mortem temporalem morte sua temporali propulsant; qui recte id faciunt, non tam pro alieni corporis, quam pro suae animae salute id faciunt. Sic enim habet eorum conscientia, dominis suis fidem esse servandam; ut in tali periculo eorum vitam sui aestiment praeferendam. Qui autem non pro fide servanda, sed pro gloria capessenda, opprobrioque vitando id faciunt, stulte quidem id faciunt; nec tamen pro corpore alieno, sed pro suae famae pretio id faciunt. Sed hoc forte laudabiliter fieri potest, ut ex sola dilectione quis pro alterius corpore suum corpus objiciat; ut autem, non dico pro unius animae, sed etiam pro totius mundi salute suae animae detrimentum sustineat, salvo verae dilectionis ordine fieri non potest : est enim detrimentum animae, ab ejus, qui summe diligendus est, dilectione recedere. Quod aliquando laudabiliter vel saltem culpabiliter fieri posse, quis dicat? A Dei sane dilectione receditur, cum vel aliquid dignum damnatione committitur; vel aliquid sine quo non est salus, omittitur. Sunt praeterea media quaedam, ut lectio, meditatio, labor corporis, jejunium ventris, suavitas orationis, ceteraque hujusmodi : quae omnia pro fraterna salute dispensanda, varianda, mutanda, nonnunquam etiam sunt praetermittenda.

De quibus Apostolus : Non quae sua sunt, inquit, singuli quaerentes ; sed quae aliorum (Philip. ii). Et item : Sicut ergo per omnia omnibus placeo : non quaerens quod mihi utile est, sed quod multis, ut salvi fiant (I Cor. x). Denique quod ait : Optabam anathema esse a Christo pro fratribus (Rom. ix), sic quoque non inconvenienter potest intelligi, ut ab illo orationum suarum secreto, quo inter amplexus Jesu suaviter quiescebat, ab illa ineffabilis contemplationis eminentia, qua coelestium mysteriorum secreta purissimis oculis perlustrabat; ab illa gratissimae compunctionis dulcedine, quae animam illam coelestia sitientem spiritualium affectuum suavissimis stillulis perfundebat; ad mundi strepitum ob fratrum salutem optaverit evocari. Quam evocationem, a Christo separationem ille non ambigit nominandam, qui pro modulo suo vacat et gustat quam dulcis est Dominus (Psal. xxxiii); quam beatus omnis qui sperat in eo.

Porro qui sic a Christo separari, fraterna dilectione provocatus, elegit, vel superiorum auctoritate coactus consensit; providendum sibi est ne obruat ista necessitas, et pereat illa suavitas. Verum quod de lectione vel oratione diximus ; etiam de commodis corporis, imo de ipso corpore sentiendum est; ut quidquid pro sua salute contemnendum, impendendum, variandumque perspexerit, pro salute quoque proximi ad ipsum faciendum agnoscat.

Scripture echoes

  1. ↩Matt.22.39;Lev.19.18 — And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. Lev.19.18 — You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.
  2. ↩Matt.16.26;Mark.8.36 — For what will it benefit a person if they gain the whole world but forfeit their life? Or what will a person give in exchange for their life? Mark.8.36 — For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?
  3. ↩Matt.16.26;Mark.8.36 — For what will it benefit a person if they gain the whole world but forfeit their life? Or what will a person give in exchange for their life? Mark.8.36 — For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?
  4. ↩Rom.9.3 — For I could wish that I myself were accursed, separated from Christ, for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh.
  5. ↩Rom.9.3 — For I could wish that I myself were accursed, separated from Christ, for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh.
  6. ↩Eph.5.29 — For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church.
  7. ↩Matt.26.39-Matt.26.45 — And going forward a little, he fell on his face, praying and saying, 'My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.' Matt.26.40 — And he comes to the disciples and finds them sleeping, and he says to Peter, 'So! You were not able to keep watch with me one hour?' Matt.26.41 — Watch and pray, so that you do not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. Matt.26.42 — Again, for the second time, he went away and prayed, saying, 'My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, let your will be done.' Matt.26.43 — And again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were heavy. Matt.26.44 — And leaving them again, he went away and prayed a third time, saying the same words once more. Matt.26.45 — Then he comes to the disciples and says to them, 'Sleep on now and rest. Look, the hour has come, and the Son of Man is being handed over into the hands of sinners.'
  8. ↩Matt.26.39 — And going forward a little, he fell on his face, praying and saying, 'My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.'
  9. ↩Matt.22.39 — And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
  10. ↩Eph.5.29 — For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church.
  11. ↩1John.3.16 — By this we know love: he laid down his life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.
  12. ↩Phil.2.4 — Let each of you look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
  13. ↩1Cor.10.33 — just as I myself seek to please everyone in all things, not pursuing my own advantage but the advantage of the many, so that they may be saved.
  14. ↩Rom.9.3 — For I could wish that I myself were accursed, separated from Christ, for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh.
  15. ↩Ps.34.9 — Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.
  16. ↩Ps.34.9 — Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.

Notes

  1. 1 ↩Rom 9:3 — the verse is cut off in the Latin; the full Vulgate reads 'for my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh.'
  2. 2 ↩Eph 5:29 — the verse is cut off in the Latin; the full Vulgate reads 'for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it.'
  3. 3 ↩The reference is to Christ's desire for the hour of his passion, echoing passages such as John 12:27 or Matt 26:45; the Latin citation is cut off.
  4. 4 ↩The Latin 'carnis ejus' (his flesh/body) is ambiguous — it could refer to the neighbor's body or the speaker's own flesh. The translation assumes it refers to the neighbor's bodily destruction, which fits the context of allowing a neighbor to come to harm for the sake of his soul.
  5. 5 ↩Anathema here carries the weight of being devoted to destruction or cut off from God's people; Paul uses it to express the extremity of his willingness to be separated from Christ for Israel's sake.
  6. 6 ↩Stillulis (small drops) is a rare medieval form; the image is of compunction's sweetness dripping gently upon the soul.
  7. 7 ↩The paradox: being drawn away from intimate contemplation into active service for others is itself a kind of separation from Christ, yet one undertaken out of love. The one who has tasted God's sweetness understands the cost.
  8. 8 ↩The 'sweetness' (suavitas) refers to the intimate spiritual delight found in contemplative union with Christ, described in the preceding section. The sentence warns that one who leaves that union for the sake of others must still guard against losing it entirely.
  9. 9 ↩The three gerunds (contemnendum, impendendum, variandum) form a triad: to despise, to bestow/give up, and to vary/adapt. The sense is that one's bodily practices—whether reading, prayer, or physical necessities—should be ordered with the same flexibility for a neighbor's good as for one's own salvation.
  10. 10 ↩perspexerit is morphologically ambiguous between future perfect indicative ('he will have perceived') and perfect subjunctive ('he has perceived'). The purpose clause (ut...agnoscat) favors the subjunctive reading, rendered here as 'he has seen' / 'he has discerned.'

Speculum caritatis (The Mirror of Charity) companion

Reorder one love at a time, daily

Use the study map with the free Chosen Portion app's daily readings to work through Aelred at a sustainable pace.

Aelred wrote the Mirror as a rule for daily interior discipline in community, and Chosen Portion carries that discipline forward as a short ordered reading each day.

  • All 3 books and 102 chapters mapped into 4 weekly themes with page-level pointers
  • Aelred's choice-motion-fruit test, turned into a one-page self-examination worksheet
  • 16 discussion questions ready for personal journaling or a 4-session small group
Chosen Portion — Daily Prayer (free iOS app) →