ORATIO LXVII [ol. LXV]. AD SANCTUM JOANNEM EVANGELISTAM. Pro timore damnationis.
Approaching the Beloved Disciple
The pray-er addresses Saint John with awe, confessing both his own unworthiness and the saint's unique intimacy with Christ, yet dares to seek his intercession.
Holy and blessed John, highest of God's evangelists, most beloved of God's apostles — you who were so especially beloved by God among those so especially his own, that a surpassing love became your distinctive mark among them; you are that John to whom it was granted to lean upon that glorious breast of the Most High; you, whom God appointed as a son to his own mother in his place, when he was leaving her in the flesh by dying: to you, O blessed one, so great a friend and so deeply loved of God, to you this little accused man of God draws near to plead, so that through so beloved an intercessor he may escape the wrath of God hanging over him.✦✦ For the sinner reflects, Lord, that his own need drives him to seek an advocate, and there comes to mind that well-known closeness of yours with the One whom he fears as his avenger. Confident, therefore, Lord, through that same closeness regarding your power — since with him you will accomplish whatever you will — and hoping in your tender mercy, because you will not despise a wretch crying out to you in distress, I turn to you, lukewarm though I am, yet with the whole affection of my heart, and I presume to beg that powerful intervention of yours for my sinful soul, so that through you it may be drawn back from the torments to which my many kinds of wickedness drag it. But alas, wretched me! How utterly at odds with that hope are the promises my sins hold out to me! For behold, while I try to take courage through your closeness with God, I am all the more driven to despair by that very same closeness, on account of my depravity against God. And indeed, O beloved of God, since I have sinned against your Beloved, I am certain I have deserved your hatred as well.
The Weight of Guilt
A lament over the horror of sin, showing how guilt alienates the sinner from God, from the saints, from self, and from all creation.
O overwhelming guilt! Guilt against God that offends not only God himself but also those who can intercede with him. It is truly the case that the one who is criminally accountable to God is rightly hateful to the friends of God — and not only to his friends, but certainly to himself and to all his creation. Sins, sins — the more carefully you think about them, the more you shudder! You, yes you — where are you dragging the wretched little person? Where are you leading the one you're deceiving? From what does the unhappy soul fall, and to what is it being hurled — the soul that follows you? What does it lose, I ask, and what does that sorrowful soul gain — the soul that, from the love of God which it could have held onto through innocence, is thrust into the horror of God and of all his creation through your malice? If, then, sins bring down such a universal curse on the one they drag away from God, where will he hide himself, and to whom will he show himself — this wretched person carrying the load of his own sins, which he cannot put down, shuddering and reeking with the wounds and sores of his own offenses, which he cannot heal?
Accused by One's Own Soul
The sinner stands exposed before John as an enemy of God, torn between the truth of self-condemnation and the dread that hinders confession.
Such a one draws near, beloved John of God — such a one draws near before you: my soul. No, this is she — this wretched soul of mine, which, by making herself a friend of this world and burying herself under the sheer weight of her sins, has made herself an enemy of God.✦ Alas! A name accursed in every respect — the name of an enemy of God! Alas! How unjustly was it laid upon me, how justly is it held against me! Anguish! The truth of the matter convicts me as an enemy of God, and the enormity of my dread forbids me to confess. Anguish!
A Cry to the Friends of God
An urgent plea for the merciful friends of God to intervene, renouncing enmity with God while begging for help against divine wrath.
I have provoked God and everything else to take their vengeance on me, and I have kept nothing unharmed in myself to plead for mercy. Sorrows, pains, groans, and howls — where are you present, if you are absent here? Where do you burn with fervor, if you grow lukewarm here? Tear apart my frame by twisting, consume my inward parts by burning, throw my heart into turmoil — if perhaps some mercy may look upon my misery. O you merciful friends of God, have mercy on one so needy — through that mercy which God has shown to you. Come to my help, lest the wrath of God overwhelm me along with his enemies. I do not wish, I renounce, I detest being or being called his enemy — though I confess myself to be his sinner. Come to my help — someone, anyone.
The Sign of the Beloved Disciple
The pray-er appeals to John's identity as the disciple whom Jesus loved, asking not for a defense of sin but for pure intercession.
You, the disciple whom Jesus loved — if you recognize your own sign, I ask you, through this very love, let me recognize your help in such great need. John, John — if you are the disciple whom Jesus loved, I beg you through this very thing: let me, a sinner, be through you the one to whom Jesus may grant forgiveness.✦ If that glorious breast was once your familiar resting place, I ask that through you it may be for me a saving place of mercy.✦ I confess, my Lord, beloved of God — you are rightly angry at your loving God on behalf of this sinner. But surely the Lord is accustomed to being pacified through a friend on behalf of a pleading servant. Therefore, blessed John, you who are endowed with such great love before God — his guilty servant begs you to reconcile him. It is not, beloved of God — it is not against the love of God if you come to the aid of his guilty one: not by defending him, but through intercession. I do not seek a defense of my iniquity, nor do I want a defender if I would betray my confession — I seek one who will intercede. Friend of God, do not consider him — whether of God or of yourself — an enemy, who as much as he can believes through love and confesses that God is your friend.
Shielded by a Beloved Name
A plea for God to act for the sake of his beloved John, because the sinner is God's own handiwork and redeemed servant.
If I believe, if I confess, if I want to love you — granted so great a love of God — I ask you, through this grace given to you, turn away from me the hatred of God that is owed to me.1 Act, Lord, for the sake of your beloved — act, because I am his handiwork and his servant and his redeemed one — act, therefore, for him before him, lest he destroy what he made, lest he slay what he redeemed.234 Act, just as you truly love his work and the confession of his blessed name.
Fleeing Wrath, Finding Refuge
The sinner flees to Christ through John's beloved name, pleading that grace and love overpower just wrath and condemnation.
Jesus, against whom I have sinned unjustly; Lord, whom I have wickedly scorned; Almighty One, whose wrath I have proudly provoked — the lover of your blessed apostle John flees in terror to him, your accused one, your sinner, your offender, however criminal, however shameful, and holds up the name of your beloved between himself and the looming sentence of your just judgment. Through that blessed love, spare the one who seeks his protection. Lord, through whose name you show mercy to your sinner — if you condemn the one who prays through the name of your beloved? Lord, under whose shelter one is safe — if under the name of your beloved one is struck down? Where is there refuge, if under your beloved there is danger? Let him not feel, Lord — let him not feel your hatred — the one who flees to your beloved. Lord, Lord, let my wickedness not have more power to bring damnation than his grace has to bring compassion. Good one, good one, let my hatred not have more power to destroy the work you have made than his love has to spare the servant you have redeemed.
Mercy for the Self-Accused
The prayer closes by appealing to God's hatred of nothing he has made, asking mercy for the self-accusing sinner, and ending with a brief doxology.
Most kind One, who have hated nothing of all that you have made — behold, the one you made and remade. Why, then, will you condemn — Lord — one who accuses himself and calls upon you, if you have hated nothing of all that you have made?✦ Act, then, good Lord, for the sake of him whom you loved more intimately among your disciples, lest you become my condemner — because you alone are savior.✦✦ Blessed are you forever. Amen.
Read the original Latin
Sancte et benedicte Joannes, altissime evangelistarum Dei, dilectissime apostolorum Dei; tu sic praecipue dilecte Deo inter tam praecipue dilectos ejus, ut supereminens dilectio tibi sit proprium signum inter eos; tu ille Joannes, cui familiare fuit recumbere supra illud gloriosum pectus Altissimi; tu, quem Deus substituit matri suae filium pro se, cum corporaliter eam moriendo desereret: Ad te, o beate tam amice et tam amate Dei, ad te exorandum accedit homuncio iste, reus Dei, ut per tam dilectum intercessorem vitet imminentem sibi iram Dei. Cogit namque, Domine, criminosum sua necessitas quaerere interventorem, et occurrit ei illa tua famosa familiaritas apud illum quem timet ultorem. Certus igitur, domine, per eamdem familiaritatem de potestate tua, quoniam apud eum quod voles efficies, et sperans de pietate tua, quia miserum in angustiis ad te clamantem non despicies, ad te me converto, quamvis tepido, toto tamen affectu mentis meae, et potentem illam tuam interventionem praesumo precari peccatrici animae meae, ut per te retrahatur a tormentis, ad quae illam pertrahunt multimodae iniquitates meae. Sed heu me miserum! quam contrarie promittunt mihi mea delicta! Ecce enim dum conor confortari per tuam apud Deum familiaritatem, plus cogor per eamdem deterreri, propter meam contra Deum pravitatem. Etenim, o Dilecte Dei, cum peccavi in dilectorem tuum, certus sum meruisse me odium quoque tuum.
O reatus immoderatus! reatus contra Deum, qui non solum ipsum offendit, sed et illos qui intercedere possunt apud eum. Verum enim est quia criminosus Dei, digne odiosus est amicis Dei, nec solum amicis ejus, sed certe et sibimet, et omni creaturae ejus. Peccata, peccata, quomodo plus horretis plus considerata! Vos namque, vos unde abducitis, quo perducitis miserum homunculum, quem seducitis? Unde cadit, quo praecipitatur infelix anima quae vos sequitur? Quid perdit, inquam, quid acquirit aerumnosa illa, quae ab amore Dei, quem potuit tenere per innocentiam, detruditur in horrorem Dei et omnium creaturarum ejus per vestram malitiam? Si ergo peccata sic universalem exsecrationem contrahunt illi, quem a Deo abstrahunt, ubi se abscondet, cui se ostendet homuncio, circumferens sarcinam peccatorum suorum, quam ipse deponere non potest, horrens et fetens vulneribus et ulceribus delictorum suorum, quae ipse sanare non potest?
Talis accedit, dilecte Dei Joannes, talis accedit coram te anima mea, imo haec est, haec misera anima mea, quae se amicam hujus saeculi faciens, et peccatorum numerositate se obruens, inimicam Dei se constituit. Heu! nomen exsecrandum omni rei, nomen inimici Dei! Heu! quam inique a me attractum, quam juste mihi imputatum! Angustiae! Convincit me inimicum Dei rei veritas, et prohibet confiteri horroris immanitas. Angustiae!
Deum et omnia provocavi ad ulciscendum et nihil mihi reservavi inoffensum ad intercedendum. Moerores, dolores, gemitus, rugitus, ubi adestis, si hic deestis? Ubi fervetis, si hic tepetis? Dirumpite torquendo compagem meam, consumite urendo interiora mea, tumultuamini in praecordiis meis, si qua forte misericordia respiciat miseriam meam. O vos misericordes amici Dei, miseremini tam indigenti, per illam misericordiam quam fecit vobis Deus. Succurrite, ne me obvolvat ira Dei cum inimicis ejus. Nolo, detestor, exsecror esse vel dici inimicus ejus; licet confitear me peccatorem ejus. Succurrite, vel aliquis.
Tu ille, discipule, quem diligebat Jesus, si agnoscis signum tuum, rogo te per hanc dilectionem ipsam, agnoscam in tanta necessitate auxilium tuum. Joannes, Joannes, si tu es discipulus ille quem diligebat Jesus, precor te per hoc ipsum, sim ego per te peccator ille, cui indulgeat Jesus. Si tibi gloriosum pectus illud fuit familiare reclinatorium, rogo sit idem mihi per te salutare propitiatorium. Fateor, Domine mi, dilecte Dei, quia tu juste quoque iratus es in Deum dilectorem tuum peccanti: sed certe solet Dominus per amicum pacari servo supplicanti. Ergo, o beate Joannes, qui tanta dilectione praeditus es apud Deum, te obsecrat reus servus ejus, ut reconcilies eum. Non est, dilecte Dei, non est contra Dei dilectionem, si subvenis reo ejus, non defendendo, sed per intercessionem. Non obtendo iniquitatis meae defensionem, nec opto defendentem si prodo confessionem, et quaero intervenientem. Amice Dei, ne deputes illum Dei vel tuum esse inimicum, qui, quantum potest, amando credit et confitetur Deum tuum esse amicum.
Si credo, si confiteor, si volo amare tibi concessum tantum amorem Dei, rogo te per hanc tibi datam gratiam, averte a me mihi debitum odium Dei. Fac, Domine, propter ipsum amatorem tuum, fac quia sum opus ejus et servus et redemptus ejus, fac ergo propter eum apud eum, ne perdat quod fecit, ne perimat quod redemit. Fac, sicut vere diligis opus ejus et confessionem benedicti nominis ejus.
Jesu, cui inique peccavi; Domine, quem nequiter contempsi; omnipotens, cujus iram superbe irritavi, dilector Joannis beati apostoli tui, ad ipsum te fugit territus reus tuus, peccator tuus, offensor tuus, quantumcunque scelerosus, quantumcunque flagitiosus, obtendit nomen dilecti tui, inter se et imminentem sententiam justi judicii tui. Per illam beatam dilectionem, parce quaerenti ejus tuitionem. Domine, per cujus nomen misereris peccatoris tui, si damnas orantem per nomen dilecti tui? Domine, sub quo tegmine protegitur, si sub nomine dilecti tui percutitur? Ubi est refugium, si sub dilecto tuo est periculum? Non sentiat, Domine, non sentiat odium tuum, qui fugit ad dilectum tuum. Domine, Domine, non plus valeat mea nequitia ad damnationem, quam ejus gratia ad miserationem. Bone, bone, non plus possit odium mei ad perdendum opus, quod fecisti; quam ejus dilectio ad parcendum servo, quem redemisti.
Benignissime, qui nihil odisti eorum quae fecisti, ecce quem fecisti et refecisti. Cur ergo damnabis, Domine, se accusantem, te invocantem, si non odisti aliquid eorum quae fecisti? Fac ergo, bone Domine, propter illum, quem inter discipulos tuos familiarius dilexisti, ne sis mihi damnator, quia tu solus es salvator. Benedictus tu in saecula. Amen.
Scripture echoes
- ↩John.13.23-John.13.25 — One of his disciples—the one whom Jesus loved—was reclining at Jesus' side. John.13.24 — So Simon Peter motioned to him and said to him, 'Tell us who it is he is speaking about.' John.13.25 — So after reclining back against Jesus' chest, that one says to him, 'Lord, who is it?'
- ↩John.19.26-John.19.27 — When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, "Woman, behold, your son." John.19.27 — Then he said to the disciple, 'Behold, your mother.' And from that hour the disciple took her into his own home.
- ↩Jas.4.4 — Adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity toward God? Whoever therefore chooses to be a friend of the world is constituted an enemy of God.
- ↩John.13.23 — One of his disciples—the one whom Jesus loved—was reclining at Jesus' side.
- ↩John.13.25 — So after reclining back against Jesus' chest, that one says to him, 'Lord, who is it?'
- ↩Ps.142.2;Luke.15.18 — My voice to the LORD I cry out; my voice to the LORD I plead. Luke.15.18 — I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you.'
- ↩John.13.23 — One of his disciples—the one whom Jesus loved—was reclining at Jesus' side.
- ↩Luke.2.11;Acts.4.12 — For today a Savior has been born to you, who is Christ the Lord, in the city of David. Acts.4.12 — And there is salvation in no one else; for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.
Notes
- 1 ↩averte a me mihi debitum odium Dei: the double dative (a me / mihi) is rendered 'turn away from me … owed to me' to preserve both the separation and the sense of a debt owed.
- 2 ↩opus ejus: rendered 'his handiwork' to capture the sense of a created work belonging to God.
- 3 ↩ergo: rendered 'therefore' to preserve the inferential force.
- 4 ↩ne … ne: both rendered 'lest' to preserve the negative-purpose force.
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