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← Orationes sive Meditationes — Collection for Princess Adeliza of Normandy/Book 1 · Orationes sive Meditationes
Chapter 10Ansl.1.10

ORATIO X. AD DEUM. Pro vitiis resecandis, et virtutibus obtinendis.

A Chain of Holy Desires

The heart is moved to seek, find, and love God, while asking for purity, humility, patience, gentleness, and the theological virtues.

Lord my God, grant my heart to desire you, by desiring to seek you, by seeking to find you, by finding to love you, by loving to make amends for my evils, and once redeemed, not to repeat them; grant, Lord my God, my heart repentance, my spirit contrition, my eyes a fountain of tears, my hands the generosity of almsgiving. My king, extinguish in me the desires of the flesh, and kindle the fire of your love. My Redeemer, drive the spirit of pride out of me, and graciously grant me the spirit of your humility. My Savior, remove from me the fury of anger, and in your kindness grant me the shield of patience. My Creator, uproot rancor from my mind, and bestow the sweetness of a gentle mind. Grant me, most merciful Father, firm faith, fitting love, and steadfast charity.

Cutting Away the Vices

Two dense catalogues of vices are confessed and renounced, asking God to cut away interior and exterior disorders.

My ruler, turn away from me the vanity of a restless mind, the inconstancy of a wandering heart, the buffoonery of the mouth, the haughtiness of the eyes, the gluttony of the belly, the reproach of neighbors, the crimes born of slander, the itch of a curious spirit, the greed for riches, the plunder of those in power, the desire for empty glory, the evil of hypocrisy, the poison of flattery, contempt for the poor, oppression of the weak, the burning grip of greed, envy, the rust of malice, and the death of blasphemy. Cut away in me, my Maker, rashness, wrongful obstinacy, restless idleness, drowsy sloth, dullness of mind, blindness of heart, stubbornness of the senses, savagery of manners, disobedience to the good, resistance to counsel, unbridledness of the tongue, plunder of the poor, violence against the powerless, calumny of the innocent, negligence toward subjects, cruelty toward household members, impiety against family, and harshness toward neighbors.

Works of Mercy and Heavenly Desire

A long petition asks for active mercy, imitation of Christ, and the discipline to desire heavenly rather than earthly things.

My God, my mercy, I beg you through your beloved Son: give me works of mercy, devotion to piety, to suffer with the afflicted, to come to the aid of the needy, to run to the help of the wretched, to counsel the erring, to console the sorrowful, to lift up the oppressed, to renew the poor, to warm anew those who weep, to send forgiveness to debtors, to spare me as I sin, to love those who hate me, to return good for evil, to despise no one but to honor all, to imitate the good and beware of the wicked, to embrace virtues and reject vices — patience in adversity, continence in prosperity, guarding my mouth and putting a door around the circumstances of my lips, to tread down earthly things and desire heavenly ones.12

Confession of Unworthiness before Mercy

The sinner confesses unworthiness, yet clings to God’s wonderful mercy, which receives the lost and does not cast away those who turn.

Look, my Creator — I've asked for a lot, even though I've earned not a few things. I confess — alas, I confess! Not only are the gifts I ask for not owed to me, but many things — and exquisite punishments — are owed to me. But my soul — tax collectors, prostitutes, and robbers are received into the Shepherd's embrace, snatched by a moment's repentance of humility from the enemy's jaws. For you, God, Maker of all things — wonderful as you are in all your works — are believed to be still more wonderful in the depths of your tender mercy. That's why you said about yourself through one of your servants: 'His mercies are over all his works' — and we trust you spoke about your whole people as if speaking about each one individually: 'I will not scatter my mercy from him.'3 For you despise no one, you cast away no one, you recoil from no one — unless perhaps someone has madly shrunk back from you. So not only do you not strike in anger — you grant good things to those who provoke you, if they ask. My God, horn of my salvation and my protector.4

The Readiness of God Who Calls Back the Wandering

God’s patience and mercy are praised: He spares the repentant, receives the returning, and calls back those who wander or resist.

Wretched as I am, I have provoked you; I have done wrong in your sight, I have stirred up your fury, I have earned your anger; I have sinned, and you have borne it; I have fallen short, and still you endure. If I repent, you spare me; if I turn back, you receive me; and even while I delay, you stand ready.5 You call back the one who wanders, you invite the one who resists, you rouse the one who has grown sluggish, you embrace the one who returns, you teach the one who is ignorant, you soothe the one who grieves, you raise up the one on the edge of ruin, you restore the one who has fallen, you give generously to the one who asks, you let the one who seeks find, you open to the one who knocks.✦67

Helplessness, Fear, and the Sacrifice of a Broken Heart

Acknowledging helplessness before God, the soul asks for guidance, fears judgment, seeks consolation, and offers a broken heart as sacrifice.

See, Lord God of my salvation — I don't know what to put forward, I don't know what to answer; there is no refuge apart from you, no hiding place open apart from you. You have shown me the way of living well, you have given me knowledge for walking the path; you have threatened me with hell, and you have promised me the glory of paradise. Now, Father of mercies and God of all consolation, pierce my flesh with your fear, so that I may, by fearing, escape the things you threaten, and mercifully restore to me the joy of your salvation, so that I may, by loving, receive the things you promise. My strength, Lord, my firmament, my refuge, and my deliverer — suggest to me what I should think about you, teach me with what words to call upon you, grant me with what works to please you. I know — yes, I know — one thing that pleases you, and another that you do not despise. A broken spirit is a sacrifice to you, and you accept a crushed and humbled heart.✦ Enrich me with these gifts, my God, my redeemer. With these, fortify me against the enemy with protections; from the flames of vice, grant this cooling refuge; from the passions of desire, open a merciful shelter.

In the Day of Battle and Affliction

The prayer asks not to fall away in temptation and begs for shelter, hope, and salvation in spiritual combat.

Lord, make me — the virtue of my salvation — not one of those who believe for a time and fall away in the hour of temptation.✦ Shelter my head in the day of battle; be my hope in the day of affliction, and my salvation in the time of tribulation.✦

Inner Torment and Accusation of Presumption

The soul describes inner conflict between love and fear, confesses unworthiness, and accuses itself of shameless presumption before God.

See, Lord, my light and my salvation: I've asked for the things I lack, I've made known the things I fear, but my conscience torments me, the secrets of my heart reproach me, and what love supplies, fear scatters, zeal incites, fear rebukes — my deeds, my dread — but your godliness instills trust. Your kindness encourages me, my own malice holds me back; and, to speak more truthfully, phantasms of vices occur to my memory — they beat back the boldness of presumptuous minds. For if someone is worthy of hatred, what expression on his face seeks the grace of sinners? When punishment is owed, what recklessness demands glory? It provokes the judge who, having set aside satisfaction for the offense, seeks to be honored with rewards. Guilty of punishment, he insults the King, yet demands to be given an unowed prize. And a foolish son exasperates the sweet affection of his father, who, after inflicting insults, usurps the height of the inheritance before any repentance. What, my Father, do I recall having done?

A Cry of Shameless Need before God

In a single dense sentence, the sinner confesses having earned death yet dares to ask for life, protection, and help from the One provoked.

I have earned death, yet I ask for life. I have provoked my King — and now, shameless, I call on Him for protection. I have scorned the Judge — yet rashly I demand that He be my helper. I was insolent and refused to listen to my Father — whom I presumed to treat as a guardian I could take for granted.89

Late Return and Wounds Heaped on Wounds

Lamenting slow repentance, the soul describes spiritual negligence, self-inflicted wounds, and the fragility of repentance after repeated sin.

Alas for me! How late I come — alas, alas! How slowly I make haste — alas for me! I run on behind my wounds, too proud while still unguarded to watch out for the darts; I failed to look ahead for the missiles — and now, with death so near, I'm anxious. Wound upon wound I've inflicted, because I was not afraid to heap crime upon crime; with fresh decay I've smeared over old scars, because I repaid former sins with present wickedness — and what divine medicine had healed, my own frenzied lust has torn open again. The skin that had been drawn over the wounds and hidden the disease has now rotted as the pus broke through, because repeated wickedness emptied out the mercy that had been granted. I know, of course, what is written: On whatever day the righteous person sins, all their righteous deeds will be forgotten.✦ If the righteousness of the righteous person is destroyed when they fall, how much more the repentance of the sinner who returns to the very same sin?

Complicity in Evil and the Sealed Record of Sin

The sinner recalls complicity in others’ sins, confesses divine omniscience, and hears at last the long-silent God speak in judgment.

How often — like a dog returning to its vomit, and like a pig going right back to its mud wallow — that's how I've returned. So then, confessing is difficult for me, because it's even impossible to recall how many mortal people I taught to sin in their ignorance, persuaded the unwilling to do wrong, compelled those who resisted, went along with those who were willing, how many walkers I've led into a snare, how many who were seeking the way I've revealed a pit to, and I didn't shrink from carrying out evils — yet I wasn't afraid to forget God's gifts.10 But you, righteous Judge, have sealed up my sins as if in a pouch (Job 14:17); you've watched all my paths and counted every one of my steps.11 You were always silent, you held your peace, you were patient. Woe is me! At last you speak, as if in labor.

The Disclosure of All Things before God and the Saints

Imagery of judgment leads to the disclosure of every deed, thought, and word before angels and peoples, with conscience accusing and vices assailing.

God of gods, O Lord, you who stand far above all wickedness — I know you will come in plain sight; I know you will not stay silent forever. When fire blazes up before your face, and a mighty storm breaks loose all around you, when you summon heaven from on high and the earth to set your people apart —✦✦ Look — before so many thousands of peoples all my sins will be laid bare; before so many hosts of angels every one of my crimes will be exposed — not only my deeds, but even my thoughts and, along with them, my words. Before so many judges I will stand helpless, as ever there were those who surpassed me in good works. By so many accusers I will be put to shame, as ever there were those who set me examples of how to live well. By so many witnesses I will be convicted, as ever there were those who warned me with profitable teaching and held themselves up to me in righteous deeds as examples to follow. Lord, my God, I haven't the words to say what I should, nothing comes to mind to answer with — and whether I stand among them now or face that moment of reckoning, conscience presses me hard. The secrets of my heart torment and constrict me. Avarice corners me. Pride levels its accusations. Envy devours me. Lust sets me ablame. Lewdness defiles me. Gluttony disgraces me. Drunkenness leaves me stammering. Slander tears me apart. Ambition trips me up. Greed shackles me. Discord scatters me. Anger throws me into turmoil. Frivolity brings me down. Sloth weighs me on. Hypocrisy deceives me. Flattery breaks me. Favoritism lifts me up only to make me a target. And calumny stings.

A Long Exile among the Things That Condemn

The soul laments its long exile in the world, confesses that former companions and attachments now condemn it, and affirms that no one is justified before God without mercy.

See, my deliverer from the angry nations — see the very people among whom I've lived since the days of my birth, among whom I strove and kept faith; these same pursuits that I once loved condemn me, and the ones I once praised now find me blameworthy. These are the ones I rested in as friends — the teachers I obeyed, the lords I served, the magistrates I trusted, the citizens I lived among, the household I grew old with. Oh, woe is me! My king and my God, my time as a stranger here has stretched on so long. Woe is me, my light — I who lived among the people of Cedar. And since holy David said as much, how much more can I, so wretched, say it too — my soul has been a stranger far too long! My foundation, God — no one living will be justified in your sight. My hope is not in the sons of men; for if you judge them with mercy set aside, you'd find no one just — and unless you go ahead and show mercy to the godless, there'll be no one pious for you to glorify.

Mercy That Leads to Repentance

The soul believes that God’s kindness leads to repentance and rests on the promise that the Father draws those who come.

I believe — for my own salvation I have heard this — that your kindness leads me to repentance.✦ Tower of strength — your lips have spoken what I need: no one can come to me unless my Father who sent me has drawn them.✦✦

Drawn by the Trinity into Hidden Sweetness

A Trinitarian prayer asks to be drawn into God’s fragrance, contemplating His hidden sweetness, fervent love, and the delight of remembering Him.

For because you have instructed me in this way, and have shaped me with such great favor through your training, through every depth of my heart and every effort of my mind, I ask you, almighty Father, with your most beloved Son; and I call upon you, sweetest Offspring, with the most serene Paraclete. Draw me, so that running after you into the fragrance of your ointments, I may be delighted.✦ How great, Lord my God, is the abundance of your sweetness, which you have hidden from those who fear you! You have hidden it, because you have preserved it — not because you have hidden it. You have taken it away, yet thereby you have multiplied it all the more. It is often the case that what is hidden is sought out more diligently, and what is found is loved more ardently; desires deferred in you are not diminished, but grow all the more; therefore your love is not passing, but eternal. Those who love you do not grow lukewarm, but burn with fervor.✦ Your love is not idle; your memory is sweeter than honey, and meditating on you is more pleasant than sweet food.

The Fountain, the Feast, and the Fullness of Consolation

God is praised as living fountain, unfailing food, healing presence, and final rest, where all pain and darkness are absent.

To speak of you is refreshment in fullness, to know you is perfect consolation, to cling to you is eternal life, to be separated from you is everlasting death. A living fountain for those who thirst for you, unfailing food for those who hunger for you.✦ Glory for those who seek you, joy for those who find you.✦ Your fragrance raises the dead, your gaze heals the sick, your light puts all darkness to flight, your presence drives away every sadness. No grief is found in your presence, all pain is far from you, no sorrow dwells with you, and no want. Where you are, there is no hardship, no difficulty in obtaining any good; never is there darkness, nor is the terror of hell named, no blindness of any night is with you, nor the tumult of wickedness; never hunger, thirst, nor want; neither scarcity of cold nor heat lingers around you, no bodily illness, and certainly no corruption of the mind; no jealousy, no strife, and no ambition at all. From that place the anxiety of final things is absent, the dread of death, the toil of old age, and the weakness of sickness; there the suffering of the elements and the changeableness of time are unknown. For this is the great abundance of your sweetness, Lord, which you have hidden from those who fear you, but have fulfilled in those who hope in you.✦

Hidden Treasure and the Perseverance of Seekers

God hides His treasure to increase desire and perseverance, as shown in the woman who sought Christ in the tomb and was rewarded by seeing Him.

What a good hiding-place — one that becomes perfection itself! For this hiding is not reckoned as loss, but rather as preservation, which becomes perfection. O glorious King, how true are your judgments, justified in themselves, truly desirable beyond gold and precious stone, sweeter than honey and honeycomb!✦ O my life, my God, I ask you through the name of my Redeemer, your beloved Son, grant graciously that I may keep them. For I have come to know that in keeping them there is great reward. My glory, my God, you hide your treasure so that you may stir desire in the greedy; you store away your pearl so that you may increase the seeker's love; you delay giving so that you may teach us to ask; you pretend not to hear the petitioner so that you may make them persevere.✦ Finally, you make promises to those who are only beginning, and you grant salvation to none but those who truly persevere. That sorrowful woman shows this clearly: she sought your Christ in the tomb — or rather, you in Christ — while darkness still lingered, the darkness you had kindled so that she would seek. But you vanished from the seeker so that she would persevere. She persevered hoping, and hoped persevering; and because she persevered in hope, she deserved to see you.✦ O blessed vision, and full exultation!

Hope, Perseverance, and the Fear That Leads to Love

Hope and perseverance are celebrated, God’s hiddenness is shown to serve trust, and fear is revealed as the gateway to enduring love.

O highest joy, and desire brought to its fulfillment! O longed-for face, and welcome sight! O blessed hope, and happy perseverance! Unless one hoped, one wouldn't persevere; and unless one persevered, one wouldn't obtain the fruit of hope. This is how you deal with those who fear you, my God, my mercy — you hide yourself from those who fear you, so that you may be found by those who hope in you; in the same way you withdraw from those who seek you, so that you may draw near to those who persevere. Those who distance themselves from you will perish, but those who wait for you will be put to shame.✦ Let those who fear you hope in you, for you are their protector and helper. Through fear one arrives at love. He is to be feared as Lord; he is to be loved as Father.

From Holy Fear to the Grace of Love

The prayer concludes by asking that holy fear produce love and obedience, leading at last to glory.

Your holy fear endures, because it causes those whom you possess to endure. Nothing is lacking to those who fear you, because your eyes are upon them, and your ears are open to their prayers. My mercy and my refuge, my protector and my deliverer: so apply fear to me that you may instill love; so inflict fear that you may increase longing for yourself; and so make me share in the fellowship of those who fear you, that you may also make me one of those who keep your commandments, so that through the servitude of fear I may deserve to attain the grace of love, through which at last I may come to your glory.12 Amen.

Read the original Latin

Domine Deus meus, da cordi meo te desiderare, desiderando quaerere, quaerendo invenire, inveniendo amare, amando mala mea redimere, redempta non iterare; da, Domine Deus meus, cordi meo poenitentiam, spiritui contritionem, oculis lacrymarum fontem, manibus eleemosynae largitatem. Rex meus, exstingue in me desideria carnis, et accende ignem tui amoris. Redemptor meus, expelle a me spiritum superbiae, et concede mihi propitius spiritum humilitatis tuae. Salvator meus, amove a me furorem irae, et indulge mihi benignus scutum patientiae. Creator meus, evelle a me animi rancorem, et largire mitis mentis dulcedinem. Da mihi, clementissime Pater, solidam fidem, spem congruam, charitatem continuam.

Rector meus, averte a me animi vanitatem, mentis inconstantiam, cordis vagationem, oris scurrilitatem, oculorum elationem, ventris ingluviem, opprobria proximorum, scelera detractionum, curiositatis pruriginem, divitiarum cupiditatem, potentatuum rapinam, inanis gloriae appetitum, hypocrisis malum, adulationis venenum, contemptum inopum, oppressionem debilium, avaritiae ardorem, invidiae, rubiginem, blasphemiae mortem. Reseca in me, Factor meus, temeritatem, iniquam pertinaciam, inquietam otiositatem, somnolentam pigritiam, mentis hebetudinem, cordis caecitatem, sensus obstinationem, morum truculentiam, boni inobedientiam, consilii repugnantiam, linguae effrenationem, pauperum praedam, impotentum violentiam, innocentum calumniam, subditorum negligentiam, circa domesticos crudelitatem, adversus familiares impietatem, erga proximos duritiam.

Deus meus, misericordia mea, oro te per dilectum Filium tuum, da mihi opera misericordiae, pietatis studia, compati afflictis, subvenire egenis, sucurrere miseris, consulere erroneis, consolari moestos, relevare oppressos, pauperes recreare, flebiles refovere, dimittere debitoribus, parcere in me peccantibus, odientes me diligere, pro malis bona reddere, neminem despicere, sed omnes honorare, bonos imitari, malos cavere, virtutes amplecti, vitia rejicere, in adversis patientiam, in prosperis continentiam, custodiam oris, et ostium circumstantiae labiis meis, terrena calcare, coelestia desiderare.

Ecce, Plasmator meus, multa rogavi, cum nec pauca promerui. Fateor, heu fateor! non solum quae postulo non debentur dona, sed multa mihi debentur et exquisita supplicia. Sed animam me publicani, meretrices et latrones, qui a faucibus hostis momentaneae poenitudinis humilitate eruti sinu recipiuntur Pastoris. Tu enim factor omnium Deus, licet in cunctis operibus tuis sis mirabilis, mirabilior tamen credideris esse in visceribus pietatis. Unde de temetipso per quemdam servum tuum dixisti: Miserationes ejus super omnia opera ejus; et quasi de singulo loquentem, de universo populo tuo te dixisse confidimus: Misericordiam autem meam non dispergam ab eo. Nullum enim spernis, neminem abjicis, neminem perhorrescis, nisi forte qui te amens exhorruerit. Ergo non modo iratus non percutis, sed te irritantibus bona, si quaesierint, tribuis, Deus meus, cornu salutis meae, et susceptor meus.

Ego infelix te irritavi, ego malum coram te feci, furorem tuum provocavi, iram promerui; peccavi, et passus es; deliqui, et adhuc sustines. Si poenitet, parcis; si revertor, suscipis; insuper dum differo, praestotaris. Revocas errantem, invitas repugnantem, excitas torpentem, amplecteris redeuntem, doces ignorantem, moerentem mulces, a ruina suscitas, post lapsum reparas, petenti largiris, quaerenti inveneris, pulsanti aperis.

Ecce, Domine Deus salutis meae, quid opponam nescio, quid respondeam ignoro; nullum abs te confugium, nullum abs te patet latibulum. Ostendisti mihi bene vivendi viam, dedisti gradiendi scientiam, minatus es mihi gehennam, et pollicitus es mihi paradisi gloriam. Nunc, Pater misericordiarum, et Deus totius consolationis, confige timore tuo carnes meas, quatenus quae minaris, metuendo evadam, et redde mihi propitius laetitiam salutaris tui, ut quae spondes diligendo percipiam. Fortitudo mea, Domine, firmamentum meum, et refugium meum, et liberator meus, suggere mihi quid de te cogitem, doce quibus te sermonibus invocem, da quibus operibus te placem. Scio namque, scio unum, quod placaris; et aliud, quod non spernis. Est utique spiritus contribulatus tibi sacrificium, et acceptas cor contritum et humiliatum. His me, Deus meus, redemptor meus, dita muneribus. His contra inimicum muni protectionibus, hoc de flammis vitiorum praesta refrigerium, hoc a desideriorum passionibus pande pius refugium.

Fac, Domine, virtus salutis meae, ne sim in eorum ordine qui ad tempus credunt et in tempore tentationis recedunt. Obumbra caput meum in die belli, esto spes mea in die afflictionis, et salus in tempore tribulationis.

En, Domine, illuminatio mea et salus mea, rogavi quibus egeo, intimavi quae timeo, sed remordet me conscientia, reprehendunt me cordis secreta, et quod amor ministrat, timor dissipat, zelus incitat, metus increpat; acta mea, formidinem, sed tua ingerit pietas fiduciam. Tua hortatur benignitas, mea retardat malignitas; et, ut verius fatear, occurrunt memoriae phantasmata vitiorum, quae reverberant audaciam praesumentium animorum. Cum enim quis odio dignus sit, qua fronte gratiam peccatorum requirit? Cum poena debetur, qua temeritate gloria poscitur? Lacessit judicem, qui, postposita satisfactione delicti, quaerit praemiis honorari. Regi insultat obnoxius supplicio, qui flagitat donari indebito bravio. Et dulcem patris affectum stultus exacerbat filius, qui, post illatas contumelias, ante poenitudinem haereditatis usurpat celsitudinem. Quid, mi Pater, me egisse recolo?

merui mortem, et peto vitam; commovi Regem meum, cujus impudens nunc invoco praesidium; contempsi Judicem quem temere postulo adjutorem; insolens renui audire patrem, quem deinum praesumo habere tutorem.

Heu mihi! quam sero venio, heu, heu! quam tarde festino, heu me! quia curro post vulnera, dedignans incolumis praecavere jacula; neglexi prospicere tela, modo sollicitor de morte vicina. Vulnera vulneribus inflixi, quia scelera sceleribus addere non timui; recenti tabe cicatrices respersi, quia prisca flagitia modernis iniquitatibus reciprocavi, et quae divina solidaverat medicina, mea resolvit prurigo phrenetica. Cutis, quae superducta vulneribus morbum celaverat, sanie erumpente putruit, quia iterata iniquitas concessam misericordiam exinanivit. Novi quippe scriptum: In quacunque die justus peccaverit, omnes justitiae ejus in oblivione erunt. Si justitia aboletur justi ruentis, quanto magis poenitentia peccatoris in idipsum revertentis?

Quoties ut canis redii ad vomitum, et quasi sus repetii luti volutabrum. Fateri mihi itaque difficile est, quia et recordari est impossibile quot mortalium homines ignorantes peccare docui, nolentibus delinquere persuasi, resistentes coegi, volentibus consensi, quot sane gradientibus laqueum induxi, viam quaerentibus foveam detexi, mala patrare non horrui, donorum Dei oblivisci non metui. Sed tu, juste Judex, signasti quasi in sacculo peccata mea (Job XIV, 17), observasti omnes semitas meas, et cunctos gressus meos dinumerasti. Tacuisti semper, siluisti, patiens fuisti. Vae mihi! demum loqueris quasi parturiens.

Deus deorum, Domine, praestabilis super malitia, novi quia manifeste venies; novi quia non semper silebis, cum in conspectu tuo ignis exardescet, et in circuitu tuo tempestas ingruerit valida, cum advocaveris coelum desursum, et terram discernere populum tuum. Ecce tot millibus populorum nudabuntur omnes iniquitates meae, tot agminibus angelorum patebunt universa scelera mea, non solum actuum, sed etiam cogitationum simulque locutionum. Tot judicibus inops astabo quot me praecesserunt in bono opere. Tot arguentibus confundar quot mihi praebuerunt bene vivendi exempla. Tot convincar testibus quot me monuerunt proficuis sermonibus, seque imitandos justis mihi dederunt actionibus. Domine, mi Deus, non suppetit quid dicam, non occurrit quid respondeam; et seu jam illi intersim discrimini, urget me conscientia, cruciant et cordis arcana, coarctat avaritia, accusat superbia, consumit invidia, inflammat concupiscentia, incestat luxuria, dehonestat gula, con futat ebrietas, detractio lacerat, ambitio supplantat, rapacitas obligat, discordia dissipat, ira perturbat, levitas dejicit, torpor opprimit, hypocrisis fallit, adulatio frangit, favor attollit, calumnia pungit.

Ecce, liberator meus de gentibus iracundis, ecce cum quibus vixi a diebus nativitatis meae, quibus et studui, quibus et fidem servavi; ipsa me studia quae dilexeram damnant, quae laudaveram vituperant. Hi sunt quibus acquievi amici, quibus parui magistri, quibus servivi domini, consules quibus credidi, cives quibus cohabitavi, domestici quibus consenui. Heu mihi! rex meus, et Deus meus, quia incolatus meus prolongatus est. Vae mihi, illumatio mea: qui habitavi cum habitantibus Cedar. Et cum David sanctus dixerit, multum, quanto magis ego infelix dicere possum, nimis incola fuit anima mea! Firmamentum meum, Deus, non justificabitur in conspectu tuo omnis vivens. Spes mea, non est in filiis hominum, quem si remota pietate judicaveris, justum invenias; et nisi praeveneris miserando impium, non erit quem glorifices pium.

Credo namque, salus mea, quod audivi, quoniam benignitas tua ad poenitentiam me adducit. Turris fortitudinis, sonuerunt necessaria mihi labia tua: Nemo potest venire ad me, nisi Pater meus, qui misit me, traxerit eum.

Enim vero quia ita instruxisti me, tantaque propitius institutione formasti, totis medullis cordis, toto nisu mentis te rogo, omnipotens Pater, cum dilectissimo Filio tuo; teque, dulcissima Proles, cum serenissimo invoco Paracleto. Trahe me, quatenus post te currens in odorem unguentorum tuorum delecter. Quam magna, Domine, Deus meus, multitudo dulcedinis tuae, quam abscondisti timentibus te! Abscondisti, quia conservasti, non quia abscondisti. Abstulisti, cum eo magis multiplicasti. Solet aliquando quod absconditur diligentius investigari, et inventum arctius amari; dilata in te non minuuntur, sed magis crescunt desideria; non est ergo tuus amor transitorius, sed aeternus. Qui te diligunt non tepescunt, sed fervescunt. Non est tuus amor otiosus, memoria tua super mel dulcis et meditatio de te plus quam cibus suavis.

De te loqui plena est refectio, te nosse perfecta consolatio, tibi adhaerere vita aeterna, a te separari mors perpetua. Fons vivus his qui te sitiunt, esca indeficiens qui te esuriunt. Gloria te quaerentibus, gaudium invenientibus. Odor tuus suscitat mortuos, respectus curat aegros, lux tua omnem fugat caliginem, visitatio tua cunctam repellit tristitiam. Nullus apud te moeror, procul a te omnis dolor, nulla tecum moestitia, et nulla indigentia. Ubi tu, nulla necessitas, nullius boni est difficultas, nunquam ibi tenebrae, nec terror nominatur gehennae, nullius noctis tecum caecitas, nec tumultus improbitas, nunquam famis sitisque inopia, frigoris nec aestus circa te moratur penuria, non invaletudo corporis, prorsus nec corruptio mentis, non zelus, neque contentio, nec omnino ambitio; illinc abest sollicitudo finis, et cura mortis, labor senectutis, et languor aegritudinis; ibi nescitur passio aeris, et varietas temporis. Haec est enim magna multitudo dulcedinis tuae, Domine, quam abscondisti tementibus te, sed perfecisti sperantibus in te.

O quam bona absconsio, quae efficitur perfectio! non enim haec absconsio aestimatur perditio, sed magis conservatio, quae fit perfectio. O gloriose Rex, quam vera sunt tua judicia justificata in semetipsa, vere desiderabilia super aurum et lapidem pretiosum multum, dulciora super mel et favum! O vita mea, Deus meus, rogo te per nomen Redemptoris mei dilecti Filii tui, largire propitius ut custodiam ea. Cognovi namque quia in custodiendis illis retributio multa. Gloria mea, Deus meus, abscondis thesaurum tuum, ut incites cupidum, recondis margaritam, ut augeas quaerentis amorem; differs dare, ut doceas petere; dissimulas audire petentem, ut facias perseverantem. Postremo, incipientibus promittis; nonnisi vere perseverantibus salutem tribuis, quod plane indicat illa flebilis, quae tuum in sepulcro Christum, imo te in Christo, quaerebat durantibus adhuc tenebris, quam accenderas ut quaereret; sed quaerenti disparebas, ut perseveraret; perseveravit sperans, et speravit perseverans; et quia in spe perseveravit, videre te meruit. O beata visio, et plena exsultatio!

O summum gaudium, et consummantum desiderium! O desiderabilis vultus, et jucundus aspectus! O beata spes, et felix perseverantia! nisi enim speraret, non perseveraret, et nisi perseveraret, spei fructum non perciperet. Sic enim, Deus meus, misericordia mea, absconderis timentibus te, ut inveniaris sperantibus in te; sic elongaris a quaerentibus, ut appropinques perseverantibus: Qui elongant se a te, peribunt; qui autem exspectant te, confundentur. Qui timent te, sperent in te, quoniam protector et adjutor eorum es. Per timorem pervenitur ad amorem. Timendus est, ut Dominus; amandus, ut Pater.

Timor tuus sanctus permanet, quia sanctos permanere facit, quos possidet. Nihil deest timentibus te, quia oculi tui super eos, et aures tuae in preces eorum. Misericordia mea et refugium meum, susceptor meus et liberator meus, sic timorem adhibe mihi quatenus amorem subinferas; sic irroga metum ut tui augeas desiderium; sicque me fac participem timentium te, ut et custodientium mandata tua facias, ut per timoris servitutem ad amoris pertingere merear gratiam, per quam tandem perveniam ad tuam gloriam. Amen.

Scripture echoes

  1. ↩Matt.7.8;Luke.11.10 — For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks, it will be opened. Luke.11.10 — For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks, it will be opened.
  2. ↩Ps.50.19 — You send your mouth toward evil, and your tongue frames deceit.
  3. ↩Luke.8.13 — Those on the rock are those who, when they hear, receive the word with joy; but these have no root, and they believe for a while, and in time of testing fall away.
  4. ↩Ps.16.8;Ps.17.8 — I have set the LORD before me always; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Ps.17.8 — Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings.
  5. ↩Ezek.33.12-Ezek.33.13 — And you, son of man, say to your people: The righteousness of the righteous will not deliver him on the day of his transgression, and the wickedness of the wicked will not make him stumble on the day he turns from his wickedness. And the righteous will not be able to live by his righteousness on the day he sins. Ezek.33.13 — When I say to the righteous that he shall surely live, but he trusts in his own righteousness and does injustice, none of his righteous deeds shall be remembered; for the injustice he has done, he shall die.
  6. ↩Ps.50.3 — Our God comes and will not be silent; a fire devours before him, and around him a great tempest rages.
  7. ↩Ps.50.4 — He calls to the heavens above and to the earth, to judge his people.
  8. ↩Rom.2.4 — Or do you despise the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?
  9. ↩John.6.44 — No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, and I will raise him up on the last day.
  10. ↩2Sam.22.3;Ps.17.3 — The God of my rock, in whom I take refuge— my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold and my refuge, my Savior— from violence you save me. Ps.17.3 — “You have tested my heart; you have examined me in the night; you have tried me and found nothing wrong. I have resolved that my mouth will not transgress.”
  11. ↩Song.1.3-Song.1.4 — The fragrance of your oils is good; your name is poured oil; therefore young women love you. Song.1.4 — Draw me after you—let us run together! The king has brought me into his chambers. We will rejoice and be glad in you; we will remember your love more than wine. The upright love you.
  12. ↩Rev.3.15-Rev.3.16 — I know your works—that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either cold or hot! Rev.3.16 — So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I am about to spit you out of my mouth.
  13. ↩John.4.14;John.6.35 — but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never thirst forever; rather, the water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life John.6.35 — Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life. The one who comes to me will not hunger, and the one who believes in me will never thirst."
  14. ↩Matt.7.7-Matt.7.8 — Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. Matt.7.8 — For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks, it will be opened.
  15. ↩Ps.31.20;Matt.11.25 — How abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you have worked for those who take refuge in you, before the children of man. Matt.11.25 — At that time Jesus answered and said, 'I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, for you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and have revealed them to infants.'" Use "for" to strengthen the prayer's causal movement and reduce repetition with v.26.
  16. ↩Ps.18.8;Ps.20.8 — Then the earth shook and quaked; the foundations of the mountains trembled and shook, because his anger burned against them. Ps.20.8 — These trust in chariots, and these in horses, but we call upon the name of the LORD our God.
  17. ↩Matt.13.45-Matt.13.46 — Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls. Matt.13.46 — who, having found one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it.
  18. ↩John.20.1-John.20.18 — Now on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb early, while it was still dark, and saw the stone already removed from the tomb. John.20.2 — So she runs and comes to Simon Peter and to the other disciple whom Jesus loved, and says to them, 'They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we do not know where they have laid him.' John.20.3 — So Peter and the other disciple went out and were heading to the tomb. John.20.4 — The two were running together, and the other disciple outran Peter and arrived at the tomb first. John.20.5 — And bending down he sees the linen cloths lying there; he did not, however, go in. John.20.6 — So Simon Peter, who had been following him, came also, and went into the tomb, and saw the linen cloths lying there John.20.7 — and the face cloth that had been on his head, not lying with the linen cloths but folded up in one place by itself. John.20.8 — Then the other disciple, the one who had reached the tomb first, also went in, and he saw and believed. John.20.9 — For as yet they did not understand the Scripture, that he must rise from the dead. John.20.10 — Then the disciples went back again to their own homes. John.20.11 — But Mary stood outside at the tomb, weeping. And as she wept, she bent down and looked into the tomb. John.20.12 — and she sees two angels in white sitting, one at the head and one at the feet, where the body of Jesus had been lying. John.20.13 — And they say to her, 'Woman, why are you weeping?' She says to them, 'Because they have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him.' John.20.14 — Having said this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, and she did not know that it was Jesus. John.20.15 — Jesus said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?" She, thinking that he was the gardener, said to him, "Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away." John.20.16 — Jesus said to her, "Mary." She turned and said to him in Hebrew, "Rabboni" (which means "Teacher"). John.20.17 — Jesus said to her, "Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. But go to my brothers and say to them, 'I am ascending to my Father and your Father, and my God and your God.'" John.20.18 — Mary Magdalene went and announced to the disciples, "I have seen the Lord," and she told them these things that he had said to her.
  19. ↩Ps.22.26;Isa.49.23 — From you comes my praise in the great assembly; I will pay my vows before those who fear him. Isa.49.23 — And kings shall be your foster fathers, and their princesses your nursing mothers. They shall bow down to you with their faces to the earth, and lick the dust of your feet. And you shall know that I am the LORD; those who wait for me shall not be put to shame.

Notes

  1. 1 ↩'misericordia mea' is a tender vocative: God addressed as the speaker's own mercy. Rendered 'my mercy' to preserve the intimacy of the Latin rather than the more abstract 'my merciful one'.
  2. 2 ↩'ostium circumstantiae' (literally 'door of circumstance') is a medieval metaphor for guarding speech according to context; rendered 'putting a door around the circumstances of my lips' to keep the concrete image.
  3. 3 ↩The first quotation echoes Psalm 144:9 (Vulg. 143:9): 'Miserationes eius super omnia opera eius.' The second echoes Psalm 144:13 or possibly Hosea, with 'Misericordiam meam non dispergam ab eo' — a divine promise of steadfast mercy.
  4. 4 ↩'Horn of my salvation' (cornu salutis) is a biblical image of strength and deliverance (cf. Luke 1:69, Psalm 18:2). Rendered literally to preserve the scriptural resonance.
  5. 5 ↩praestotaris is a rare/deponent form with uncertain reading; translated as 'you stand ready' following the candidate gloss, but the form is flagged as uncertain in the source.
  6. 6 ↩The closing triad — petenti largiris, quaerenti inveneris, pulsanti aperis — echoes Matthew 7:8 / Luke 11:10 (ask, seek, knock). Candidate allusion held for Moses resolution.
  7. 7 ↩inveneris is morphologically ambiguous between future perfect indicative ('you will have found') and perfect subjunctive ('you find'); rendered as present 'you let… find' to preserve the parallel with the other present-tense verbs in the series.
  8. 8 ↩deinum: the form is unusual, possibly an adjectival or variant use of deus; rendered here as 'a guardian I could take for granted' to capture the sense of presuming on God's protective role.
  9. 9 ↩The semicolons mark sharp antithetical contrasts in the Latin between what the speaker has deserved and what they now presumptuously seek. The translation preserves this parallel structure to convey the speaker's self-accusing tone.
  10. 10 ↩The long quot...quot correlative chain is rendered as parallel 'how many' phrases to preserve the rhetorical force of accumulated guilt; some syntactic ambiguity remains in how tightly the final non horrui/non metui clauses attach to mala patrare and donorum Dei oblivisci respectively.
  11. 11 ↩Job 14:17 citation embedded in the Latin; Moses resolution pending.
  12. 12 ↩The prayer plays on timor (fear/reverence) and amor (love) as paired interior movements; 'servitude of fear' is rendered to preserve the Latin servitus timoris without endorsing servile terror.

Orationes sive Meditationes — Collection for Princess Adeliza of Normandy companion

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