Meditacio languentis in dilectum et desolacio de sodali, et quomodo ordinatim peruenit ad amoris incendium

Meditacio languentis in dilectum et desolacio de sodali, et quomodo ordinatim peruenit ad amoris incendium

O Jesus, I burn with joy in you, and the heat of love continually stirs within me, so that I may fully embrace you, O most beloved, and be drawn away from everything else I long for. Moreover, troubles arise, and vast solitude blocks the way, while the dwellings of love have yet to be built. But I wish you had shown me a companion on the journey, so that through his encouragement my languor might be lifted, and the bond of unbreakable longing might not be torn apart quickly by your sweetest vision, to the extent that it would bind me so tightly that I couldn't break free from the constraints of the flesh, and stand before your majesty. Meanwhile, rejoicing in the hymns you gave me, I would sweetly dwell with the companion you provided, gathering together in sincere discussions without controversy, truly feasting in the delight of love and sharing love songs with one another, until we were led away from this outer prison into the inner dwelling places, together seeking a seat among the heavenly beings, who in the same way loved Christ. Alas, what should I do? How long will I endure this delay? Where can I flee to find happiness in what I long for? I am needy and hungry, tormented and afflicted, wounded and pale because of the absence of my beloved, for I am pierced by a fierce love, and the hope that is delayed afflicts my soul. From here, the cry of the heart rises, and a melodious thought runs among the choirs of the feast, eager to be lifted up to the hearing of the Most High: when it arrives there, it presents its case and says: O my love! O my honey! O my lyre! O my psalter and song all day long! When will you be moved to my sorrow? O root of my heart, when will you come to me so that you may take my spirit, which is longing for you? You see, I’m wounded in my very being by a splendid pain, and my languor doesn’t ease; rather, it grows more intense, and the present penalties press down on me and sting, so that I hurry to you, from whom alone I hope to find comfort and healing. Meanwhile, who will bring me to the end of my outburst and a peaceful resolution? But who will announce to me the fullness of my joy and the completion of my song, so that from these I might also receive consolation and rejoice with gladness, knowing how near that perfection and the end of my unhappiness is? Therefore, I would raise an excellent cry, and my voice would soothe the harshness of my beloved, so that if it strikes, it would kill once and gradually punish the innocence of my heart, and not always mock me! From this point on, I will be able to proclaim blessedness, and I will possess the most delightful draught of love without any internal impurity; and with all distractions removed, I will remain in the perfection of holiness, singing praises of joy with a heavenly symphony, even while I am in need amidst these troubles; the flame of love has exulted within my innermost being, and the sweet memory of Jesus has delighted my heart, as if my mind were enchanted by music, so that, filled with joy from the greatness I have received from above, I would not feel the poisoned sweetness of unworthy love, which those who flourish in the flesh find so pleasing, nor would earthly turmoil hold me captive. O most beautiful and lovely one in your splendor, remember that I did not fear the fleeting power for your sake, and recall how I cast aside all love that leads the unwary to everything that hinders loving you, God; and I fled from the fleeting beauties that ensnare men and send women into malice. I didn't find it fitting to engage in youthful games, which through impurity enslave innocent minds to foolishness. From now on, I haven't stopped showing you a heart touched by desire; but you also held onto it, so it wouldn't flow away into various desolations of longing, and you placed the memory of your name, and opened a window for contemplation. Finally, I ran to you, devoted, in song; but first my heart burned with the fire of love, and I broke forth within me in loving melodies. If you don't keep these things before your eyes, the multitude of your devotion will remind you that you can't allow those who love you to be consumed beyond measure in their coldness, and you would calm, as I believe, my miseries and my languor, not turning away from your face. Indeed, pain and misery consist in the body. The longing in my soul has persisted until you give what I have desired with such fervor, for my flesh has withered away from the love of you and has become weak among the delights of this life. My soul languishes under the influence of Him, longing to see You whom I have ardently desired, and to be present in those secret places of heaven, where I could rest in the company I have yearned for; and there I would be taken up, where among the angelic hosts I could perfectly enjoy You without end. Look, my innermost being has boiled over, and the heat of love has consumed the hardness of my heart, which I hated; it destroys the mournful joy that corrupts friendship, and it has uprooted the thoughts that were foolish and detestable to examine. Thus, without pretense, I arose to love rightly, having previously slept in various twisted errors of mine, wrapped in obscurities. There, I felt delightfully the sweetness of devotion, where I grieve more for having strayed. Listen, I beg you, my friends, let no one deceive you. These and similar words are uttered in the presence of the Creator from the fire of love, and no one dares to discuss such matters who is alien to the immense love, who is still troubled by the temptation of vain and useless thoughts, who does not have his mind constantly directed to Christ without contradiction, or who is in any way affectionately drawn to the creature, so that the movement of his heart does not fully pass into God, because he feels himself bound to earthly affection. Indeed, it is excellent in love, whose heart sings such songs of love, and hidden in the inner banquet, it does not regard the external distractions. Moreover, wonderfully delighted in eternal desires, he raises himself, gazing into heaven, where, burning with the sweetest love, he is intoxicated by the most delightful draught of the heavenly stream, and surrounded on all sides, indeed transformed, by the ardors of future happiness, so that he may escape all temptations and be established at the summit of the contemplative life, continuing thereafter to sing praises in glory of Christ.