Exclamación VI
The Agony of Longing
The soul expresses the intense pain and loneliness of being separated from God.
Oh, my delight, Lord of all creation and my God! How long must I wait to see you face to face? What remedy do you offer someone who has so little on earth to find any rest in, apart from you? Oh, this long life, this painful life, this life that isn't really a life at all—what utter loneliness, with no remedy anywhere! Then when, Lord—when? How long? What am I to do, my dearest Good—what am I to do?1 Could I ever wish not to long for you?
Surrender to the Divine Will
The soul acknowledges God's sovereign power and chooses to love Him despite the pain of His hidden presence.
O my God and my Creator, you wound me but apply no medicine; you strike me, yet the wound cannot be seen; you kill me, only to leave me more alive! In the end, my Lord, you do whatever you will, for you have all power. So, my God, do you want such a despised worm to suffer these trials? Let it be so, my God, since you will it; I want nothing but to love you.
Fear, Hope, and Redemption
The soul contemplates the paradox of death and the fear of judgment, ultimately resting in the hope of Christ's redemption.
But oh, oh, my Creator! Great pain makes us cry out and speak of what has no remedy until You choose to provide one. And a soul so deeply imprisoned longs for freedom, while longing not to depart in the slightest from what You will. If You will, my glory, let her suffering increase—or relieve it completely. Oh death, death! I don't know who could fear you, since life is found in you. But who wouldn't be afraid after spending part of this life without loving their God?2 And since I am such a person, what am I asking for, and what do I desire? Could it be the punishment my sins have so thoroughly deserved? Do not allow it, my beloved, for my redemption cost You dearly.3
A Call to Patient Endurance
The soul exhorts itself to trust in God's mercy and rely on His grace to endure suffering.
Oh, my soul! Let your God’s will be done; that is what is best for you. Serve him and trust in his mercy, for he will relieve your suffering when your penance for your sins has won some forgiveness for them; don’t seek joy without suffering. Oh, my true Lord and King! I’m not even capable of this unless your sovereign hand and greatness sustain me; with their help, I’ll be able to do anything.4
Read the original Latin
—¡Oh deleite mío, Señor de todo lo criado y Dios mío! ¿Hasta cuándo esperaré ver vuestra presencia? ¿Qué remedio dais a quien tan poco tiene en la tierra para tener algún descanso fuera de Vos? ¡Oh vida larga, oh vida penosa, oh vida que no se vive, oh qué sola soledad, qué sin remedio! Pues, ¿cuándo, Señor, cuándo? , ¿hasta cuándo? , ¿qué haré, Bien mío, qué haré? ¿Por ventura desearé no desearos?
¡Oh mi Dios y mi Criador, que llagáis y no ponéis la medicina; herís y no se ve la llaga; matáis, dejando con más vida! En fin, Señor mío, hacéis lo que queréis como poderoso. Pues un gusano tan despreciado, mi Dios, ¿queréis sufra estas contrariedades? Sea así, mi Dios, pues Vos lo queréis, que yo no quiero sino quereros.
—Mas ¡ay, ay, Criador mío, que el dolor grande hace quejar y decir lo que no tiene remedio hasta que Vos queráis! Y alma tan encarcelada desea su libertad, deseando no salir un punto de lo que Vos queréis. Quered, gloria mía, que crezca su pena, o remediadla del todo. ¡Oh muerte, muerte, no sé quién te teme, pues está en ti la vida! Mas ¿quién no temerá habiendo gastado parte de ella en no amar a su Dios? Y pues soy esta, ¿qué pido y qué deseo? ¿Por ventura el castigo tan bien merecido de mis culpas? No lo permitáis Vos, bien mío, que os costó mucho mi rescate.
—¡Oh ánima mía! Deja hacerse la voluntad de tu Dios; eso te conviene. Sirve y espera en su misericordia, que remediará tu pena, cuando la penitencia de tus culpas haya ganado algún perdón de ellas; no quieras gozar sin padecer. ¡Oh verdadero Señor y Rey mío! , que aun para esto no soy, si no me favorece vuestra soberana mano y grandeza, que con esto todo lo podré.
Notes
- 1 ↩Literally “my Good,” a devotional name for God; “my dearest Good” preserves the theological sense while making the address natural in English.
- 2 ↩The pronoun in the Spanish refers back to life in the preceding sentence.
- 3 ↩Spanish bien mío is an intimate devotional address to God, literally “my good.”
- 4 ↩The elliptical Spanish is rendered as “I’m not even capable of this,” referring back to serving, hoping, doing penance, and accepting suffering.
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