R75: Helenger von Disibodenberg an Hildegard von Rupertsberg
Greeting to the Beloved Mother
Helengerus greets Hildegard with deep affection and acknowledges her spiritual excellence while confessing his own unworthiness.
Helengerus, abbot of Saint Disibod. to Hildegard. To Hildegard, his beloved mother, to be embraced above all preciousness! Helengerus. The son and steward of the flock of blessed Disibod — alas, not in deed but in name only. Whatever is better than any worldly good. Since the whole world proclaims with true acclaim that you are enriched with the jubilation of the Holy Spirit. I, who ought to have been first.
Confession of Hidden Weariness
The abbot confesses his long concealment in idle sloth and now, seized by fear and shame, admits he has sought his own advantage rather than the good of those in his care.
and to invite others to your blessedness. Up to this point I've hidden away in idle weariness!1 but now at last I'm seized by fear and shame. I've decided it necessary to greet you with these words. For those whom I ought to benefit — I long to be in charge of them — seeking what's my own — not what belongs to them.
The Weight of the Day
Helengerus describes the real burdens of daily life, his halfhearted service, and the spiritual drought in which the fervor of monastic life has nearly died and devotion to Mary and Christ has been neglected.
And yet the weight of the day and its heat are real. In the Lord's vineyard I have carried my weight up to this point, even if halfheartedly. And with God helping me, I will eventually receive my wages. I have resolved to persevere. But now, my mother, at the Lord's wedding the spiritual wine has completely run out. Because the fervor of our monastic life has nearly died away. For the mother of Jesus is not there! Neither Jesus himself nor his disciples are called upon there.
Humble Plea for Consolation
Acknowledging adversity and his own lack of skill and goodness, the abbot asks Hildegard to direct her consoling writings to his humility so that her name may be inscribed in the book of eternal life, and closes with a farewell.
And so every kind of adversity is set against us. So there's no need to drag you out at any length. Especially since I'm unskilled in speech and knowledge. I know, my mother, I know. That from the sole of my foot to the top of my head there is no goodness in me. Therefore direct your consolation writings to my humility. So that your name may have in Zion the book of eternal life. Farewell.
Read the original Latin
Helengerus abbas sancti Dysibodi. hildegardi. Hildigardi dilectę matri suę supra omnem preciositatem amplectendę! helengerus. filius eius et prouisor ouilis beati Dysibodi heu non opere sed nominetenus. quicquid bono temporali est melius. Cum totus mundus ueraci preconio clamet uos sancti spiritus ditatam esse iubilo. ego qui primus debueram esse.
et alios ad beatitudinem uestram inuitare. hucusque inerti tedio delitui! sed nunc tandem timore et pudore correptus. his uerbis uos salutare necessarium duxi. Nam quibus prodesse deberem. preesse magis studeo. querens quę mea sunt! non quę illorum.
Sed tamen pondus diei et estus. in uinea domini hucusque quamuis tepide portaui. et deo adiuuante donec quandoque denarium percipiam. perseuerare decreui. Uerum nunc mater mi in dominicis nuptijs spiritale uinum omnino defecit. quia feruor monasticę religionis pene deperijt. quoniam mater iesu ibi non est! nec ipse iesus nec discipuli eius aduocantur.
et ideo omnia aduersa contra nos grassantur. Itaque non est opus longa uos protrahi uerbositate! presertim cum imperitus sim sermone atque scientia. Scio mater mi scio. quod a planta pedis usque ad uerticem non est in me bonitas. Consolationis igitur uestrę scripta humilitati meę dirigite! ut nomen uestrum habeat in syon liber eternę uitę. Valete.
Notes
- 1 ↩inerti tedio: the exact case and construction of inerti are uncertain; the sense is 'inert/inactive weariness' or 'weariness of inertia' — the writer confesses to having remained stuck in sluggish inactivity.
Epistolae: Letters to Frederick Barbarossa and Henry II of England companion
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