De Matrimoni
The Divine Order of Marriage
Marriage is established by God as a sacred, ordered vocation for the purpose of procreation and service to the Lord.
Marriage, son, is an ordered joining of body and spirit so that you may have children who will be servants of our Lord God and who will receive grace and blessing from God. In the time when God had created the world and had placed Adam and Eve in the earthly paradise, God then joined Adam and Eve in marriage in the earthly paradise; and so you are bound, son—and all who love to be in the order of marriage—to have in marriage that intention according to which God made marriage in the earthly paradise.✦ You're bound, son, to live in the order of marriage or of religious life: for every other estate is at odds with the final purpose for which you were created.
Mutual Service and Fidelity
Spouses are called to mutual service and to honor the binding, sacramental nature of their marital vows.
Dear son, just as God has given you the eyes with which you see and the tongue with which you speak, so he gives you the woman who is to serve you when you take her as your wife; for just as your members, in their proper order, are instruments for serving the body, so your wife is an ordered instrument through whom you yourself are served.1 When you enter into marriage, my son, you commit yourself to serving your wife, and both of you together are to be servants of God, so that God may be loved, known, and praised by you.✦ Marriage, son, is made by the force of words and by the intention of the mind, and it is a vow and a promise that a man cannot break without his wife's consent; and for that reason, son, many men are deceived by many wicked women, and they are falsely bound by the order of marriage, a bond from which they cannot free themselves except by death.23
Virtue and Discernment in Marriage
Maintaining a successful marriage requires personal order, virtue, and prioritizing good upbringing over worldly wealth or status.
Son, keep yourself in good order so you can keep the order of marriage, because without an ordered way of life you can't keep it; and set your wife in good order as much as you can, so she can help you keep your order—for a wicked and disordered woman makes a man leave the order of marriage and turns him aside from it.4 Charity and fear and humility, truth, justice, and the other virtues like these help a person keep the order of marriage; and excess of ornate clothing, adornment of one's looks, and disordered thoughts make a person break the sacrament of marriage.5 Neither the honor of your family, nor wealth in property, nor money is worth as much for keeping the order of marriage as good upbringing is: so, dear son, when you take a wife, don't set your heart on a large dowry, or on beauty of figure, or on honors.67 Because none of those things support the order of marriage as effectively as a good upbringing does.8
Proportion and Headship
Marriage should be entered into with appropriate proportion, and the husband is called to lead his wife toward obedience to God.
Dear son, just as a man's body is large or small, so his limbs suit him; for small men have small hands and small feet, and large men have larger hands and larger feet than small men do. So for this reason, son, it is made clear to you that just as God gives a man the limbs that suit him, so a man should take a wife according to what suits him by age and by the standing of her parents.9 Just as in10 five,11 there are three12 in greater number than two,13 so, son, in the order of marriage the man is greater and nobler than the woman; and for that reason, son, it is fitting that the man rule over his wife, so that he may keep his own nobility, and that through his teaching and through the fear of him his wife may be obedient to our Lord God.1415
Read the original Latin
Matrimoni es, fill, ordonat ajustament corporal e espiritual per aver filis qui sien servidors de nostro Senyor Deu e que de Deu reeben gracia e benediccio.
En aquell temps que Deus hac creat lo mon e hac mes Adam e Eva en paradis terrenal, adoncs feu Deus de Adam e de Eva matrimoni en paradis terrenal; e per so tu est, fill, obligat, e tots aquells qui amen esser en orde de matrimoni, que ages aquella entencio en esser en matrimoni segons la qual Deus feu matrimoni en paradis terrenal.
Obligat est, fill, a esser en orde de matrimoni o de religio: car tot altre estament se descové ab la final entencio per la qual est creat
Amable fill, enaxi com Deus ta donats los ulls ab que veges e la lengua ab que parles, enaxi te dona la fembra quet servesque, adoncs con la prens per muller; car en axi com los teus membres ordonadament sou estruments a servir lo cors, enaxi ta muller es ordonat estrument per la qual si es servit.
Con tu, amable fill, entres en orde de matrimoni, adoncs dones tu metex a servir ta muller, e que amdós ensems siats servidors de Deu, en tal manera que Deus sia amat e conegut e loat per vosaltres.
Matrimoni es, fill, en vertut de paraules e en concebiment de pensa, e es vot e promessio que hom no pot trencar sens volentat de sa muller; e per assó, fill, son enganats molts homens per moltes males fembres, e son ligats falsament per lorde de matrimoni, del qual liam no poden exir sens la mort
Síes ordonat, fill, a tenir orde de matrimoni, car sens ordonat estament nol pots tenir; e ordona ta muller avtant con pusques, com te sia ajudant a tenir ton orde; car malvada fembra e desordonada fa hom exir e fa hom desviar del orde de matrimoni.
Caritat e temor e humilitat, veritat, justicia e les altres vertuts semblants a aqüestes son ajudants a tenir lorde de matrimoni; e sobre fluitat domats vestiments e agensament de faysons e desordonats pensaments fan a hom trencar lo sagrament de matrimoni.
Honrament de parents ne riqueses de possessions ne diners no valen tant a conservar lorde de matrimoni com fan bons nodriments: on per assó, amable fill, con pendrás muller no ages enveja de gran axouar ne de bellea de faysons ne de honraments. car totes aqüestes coses nos covenen tan fortment ab lorde de matrimoni com fan bons nodriments.
Amable fill, segons que es lo cors del home gran o poch, se cové a ell sos membres; car los homens qui son pocs, han poques mans e pochs peus, e los homens qui son grans, han majors mans e majors peus que los pochs. On per assó, fill, es a tu significat que enaxi com Deus dona a hom los membres que li covenen, enaxi hom deu pendre muller segons que li cové per edat de dies e per honrament de parents.
Enaxi com en . v. son . iij. en major nombre que . ij. , enaxi, fill, en orde de matrimoni es major e pus noble lom que la fembra; e per assó, fill, cové quel hom sia senyorejant sa muller, per tal que ell mantenga a si metex sa nobilitat e que per sa doctrina e per sa pahor sia sa muller obedient a nostro Senyor Deu.
Scripture echoes
- ↩Gen.2.18-Gen.2.24 — Then the LORD God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him.' Gen.2.19 — And the LORD God formed from the ground every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. Gen.2.20 — So the man gave names to all the livestock, to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field; but for the man himself, no helper corresponding to him was found." Match v.18 wording for thematic force. Gen.2.21 — So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place. Gen.2.22 — And the LORD God built the rib that He had taken from the man into a woman, and brought her to the man. Gen.2.23 — And the man said, "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one shall be called Woman, for from man this one was taken." Gen.2.24 — Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
- ↩Eph.5.21;1Pet.3.7 — submitting to one another in the fear of Christ 1Pet.3.7 — Husbands, in the same way live with your wives according to knowledge, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since you are also joint heirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Notes
- 1 ↩Catalan «si es servit» is taken as a reflexive/personal passive referring to the addressed son («you yourself are served»), matching «quet servesque» earlier; an impersonal reading («one is served») is possible but weaker in context.
- 2 ↩"en vertut de paraules e en concebiment de pensa" names the classic consent theory of marriage: spoken words plus interior intent. "concebiment de pensa" is rendered as "intention of the mind" (mental consent), not mere imagination.
- 3 ↩"lorde de matrimoni" = l'orde de matrimoni (the order/estate of marriage); "liam" = lligam (bond). "volentat de sa muller" is consent/will of his wife, not mere preference.
- 4 ↩Catalan orde / estament here names the ordered estate or station of marriage (Llull’s “order of marriage”), not merely marital etiquette; ordona ta muller means put/govern your wife in good order, not “command her” alone.
- 5 ↩Reading 'sobre fluitat' as sobrefluïtat (superfluity/excess). 'domats vestiments' is taken as d'ornats vestiments (ornate/showy clothing), the most plausible moral sense in context; the surface form is awkward and may reflect orthography or transmission.
- 6 ↩Old Catalan nodriment can mean nourishment or upbringing/rearing. In this marriage-order context, 'good upbringing' (sound breeding/formation) is the intended sense, not literal food.
- 7 ↩Catalan aixovar/axouar: the bride's dowry or trousseau.
- 8 ↩Read as no s'covenen / no covenen: 'they do not suit/fit,' with nos as the common Old Catalan fusion of no + s.
- 9 ↩Rendered as social standing/honor of the parents' house, not mere ceremonial compliments; matches the chapter's earlier use of honrament for family rank and honor.
- 10 ↩Source sentence is truncated. With s2–s6, the continuous reading is almost certainly: Enaxi com en .v. son .iij. en major nombre que .ij. (“Just as in five, three are greater in number than two”).
- 11 ↩Reading v. as Roman numeral 5 in the reconstructed phrase en .v. son .iij.
- 12 ↩Reading iij. as Roman numeral 3.
- 13 ↩Reading ij. as Roman numeral 2, closing the analogy before the marriage application in s7.
- 14 ↩pahor: Old Catalan 'fear'; here 'sa pahor' is the fear/reverence attached to the husband (the fear of him), not merely generic fright. doctrina rendered as 'teaching' (instruction).
- 15 ↩Leading comma and enaxi continue the corruptly split analogy of s1–s6. lom normalized as l'om ('the man').
Doctrine for Children — Opening companion
Rule yourself daily, not just on retreat
Chosen Portion turns the mirror into a daily practice — a short reading and examining question each morning before you lead anyone.
Chosen Portion makes the mirror daily: the ruler-formation questions this collection preserves become a two-minute morning examination in the app.
- A daily formation reading drawn from centuries of counsel to those in authority
- One pointed examination question a day — two minutes, before the meetings start
- Track your practice over weeks and watch the examined life become a habit