Unkindnesse
The Standard of Friendship
The soul prays for tenderness and then measures its treatment of God against the care it shows a friend.
Lord, make me careful and tender about giving offense.1 In friendship, I first consider whether what I mean to do agrees with my friend's purpose and aim. I would not treat a friend the way I treat You.2
The Contrast Deepens
The soul reflects on defending a friend's reputation and granting a friend's request, while neglecting God in the poor.
If anyone attacks my friend or his good name, it's my honor and my love to clear his reputation of even the slightest stain or hint of blame.3 I could not use a friend as I use You.4 My friend may spit on my finely kept floor. If he wanted gold?56 I lend it at once; but I let the poor—and You within them—starve at the door. I can't treat a friend the way I treat You.7
The Cost of Unkindness
The soul confesses that it pushes away God's grace while yielding to friends, and is convicted by the sacrifice of Christ.
When a friend asks for a place, I give up my claim and leave it open. But when Your grace asks for my heart, I push You away—and I wouldn't treat a friend the way I treat You.8 Yet can any friend ever match what You've done? O, write it in brass: my God spilled His blood on a tree just to purchase my goodwill. Yet I don't treat my enemies the way I treat You.✦✦9
Read the original English
LOrd, make me coy and tender to offend. In friendship, first I think, if that agree, Which I intend, Unto my friends intent and end. I would not use a friend, as I use Thee.
If any touch my friend, or his good name, It is honour and my love to free His blasted fame From the least spot or thought of blame. I could not use a friend, as I use Thee.
My friend may spit upon my curious floore: Would he gave gold? I lend it instantly; But let the poore, And thou within them starve at doore. I cannot use a friend, as I use Thee.
When that my friend pretendeth to a place, I quit my interest, and leave it free: But when thy grace Sues for my heart, I thee displace; Nor would I use a friend, as I use Thee.
Yet can a friend what thou hast done fulfill? O write in brasse, My God upon a tree His bloud did spill Onely to purchase my good-will: Yet use I not my foes, as I use thee.
Scripture echoes
- ↩Acts.5.30;Gal.3.13;1Pet.2.24 — The God of our fathers raised Jesus, whom you killed by hanging him on a tree. Gal.3.13 — Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us—for it is written, "Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree." 1Pet.2.24 — He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that, having died to sins, we might live for righteousness — by whose wounds you were healed.
- ↩Acts.20.28;1Cor.6.20;1Pet.1.18-1Pet.1.19 — Keep watch over yourselves and over the whole flock, in which the Holy Spirit has placed you as overseers, to shepherd the church of God, which he obtained through the blood of his own. 1Cor.6.20 — For you were bought with a price; therefore glorify God in your body. 1Pet.1.18 — knowing that you were not redeemed with perishable things—silver or gold—from your futile way of life handed down from your fathers, 1Pet.1.19 — but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot
Notes
- 1 ↩Early modern coy means reserved or reluctant, not flirtatious; paired with tender to offend, it asks for a delicate unwillingness to wound.
- 2 ↩Herbert's use means treat or deal with, not mere utilitarian exploitation; the sting is that he handles God more carelessly than he would a human friend.
- 3 ↩Early modern 'touch' means assail or cast aspersions on; 'blasted fame' is a reputation blighted by slander, not celebrity.
- 4 ↩Kept 'use' for the poem's refrain force: treat carefully vs. exploit or deal with carelessly; source 'Thee' rendered modern 'You' for divine address.
- 5 ↩Early modern 'curious' means carefully wrought or elaborately kept, not 'strange' or 'inquisitive'.
- 6 ↩Archaic subjunctive/optative sense: 'If he should want gold' / 'Would he have gold?' Rendered as a conditional request for money, which the next sentence answers.
- 7 ↩Herbert's 'use' means treat or deal with, not exploit in the modern commercial sense. Kept as 'treat' for natural contemporary force while preserving the poem's refrain of unequal dealing.
- 8 ↩Early modern 'pretendeth to a place' means makes a claim on a post or preferment, not feigns; 'use' throughout the poem means treat/deal with, not merely exploit.
- 9 ↩Source 'use' continues the poem's earlier sense of how one treats a person; rendered 'treat' for clarity. 'purchase my good-will' keeps the commercial-redemptive image of buying the speaker's favor rather than soft paraphrase.
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