Affliction (I)
The Allure of Early Service
The speaker recalls the initial joy and sweetness of serving God, mistaking consolation for the fullness of the spiritual life.
When you first enticed my heart to yourself, I thought the service splendid: I counted so many joys as my share, besides what I might have from my own store of natural delights, increased by your gracious gifts.1 I looked at your furnishings, so fine, and made them fine to me: your glorious household goods wound around me and enticed me to you.2 Such stars I counted mine: both heaven and earth paid me my wages in a world of joy. What pleasures could I lack, serving the King I served, when joys were my companions?3 Having been argued into hope that way, my thoughts left no room for grief or fear. Therefore my impetuous soul seized on that place, and made her youth and fierceness seek your face.4 At first you gave me milk and sweetnesses; I had my wish and my way. My days were strewn with flowers and happiness; there was no month but May.✦
The Onset of Affliction
Sorrow, sickness, and loss gradually overtake the speaker, revealing the painful reality of human frailty.
But as my years went on, sorrow twisted in and grew, and without my noticing it made a party for woe.5 My flesh began to complain to my soul in pain; sicknesses clung to my bones. Consuming fevers lived in every vein and tuned my breath to groans.67 Sorrow was my whole soul; I scarcely believed I was alive until grief told me bluntly that I lived.8 When I got my health back, you took my life away—and more: my friends die. My joy and edge were gone; a blunted knife was of more use than I was.910 So thin and lean, without shelter or friend, I was blown through by every storm and wind.11
The Academic Entanglement
The speaker reflects on being drawn into an academic vocation, which becomes a source of struggle and half-hearted commitment.
Though my birth and spirit rather took the path that takes the town, you betrayed me to a lingering book and wrapped me in a gown.12 I was entangled in the world of strife before I had the power to change my life. Yet because I often threatened to raise the siege—not acting coyly through all my years—you often melted and dissolved my rage with academic praise. I took your sweetened pill until I came near; I couldn't go away, and I couldn't persevere.
The Deepening Trial
God continues to afflict the speaker, preventing complacency and stirring a longing for usefulness and purpose.
Yet, to keep me from becoming too happy even in my unhappiness—turning my purge into food—you throw me into even more sicknesses.13 So your power pulls me off course—not making your own gift good, but still taking me from my ways.14 Now that I'm here, none of my books can show me what you'll do with me. I read, and sigh, and wish I were a tree—for then I'd surely grow to fruit or shade; at least some bird would trust her household to me, and I would be of use.15
The Paradox of Love
In a final turn, the speaker moves from rebellion to a humble prayer for true love, even in forgottenness.
Even though you trouble me, I must remain meek; in my weakness, I must stand firm.✦16 Well, I will change my service and go look for another master.17 Ah, my dear God! Though I am completely forgotten, don't let me love you if I don't love you.18
Read the original English
WHen first thou didst entice to thee my heart, I thought the service brave: So many joyes I writ down for my part, Besides what I might have Out of my stock of naturall delights, Augmented with thy gracious benefits.
I looked on thy furniture so fine, And made it fine to me: Thy glorious houshold-stuffe did me entwine, And 'tice me unto thee. Such starres I counted mine: both heav'n and earth Payd me my wages in a world of mirth.
What pleasures could I want, whose King I served, Where joyes my fellows were? Thus argu'd into hopes, my thoughts reserved No place for grief or fear. Therefore my sudden soul caught at the place, And made her youth and fiercenesse seek thy face:
At first thou gav'st me milk and sweetnesses; I had my wish and way: My dayes were straw'd with flow'rs and happinesse; There was no moneth but May. But with my yeares sorrow did twist and grow, And made a partie unawares for wo.
My flesh began unto my soul in pain, Sicknesses cleave my bones; Consuming agues dwell in ev'ry vein, And tune my breath to grones. Sorrow was all my soul; I scarce beleeved, Till grief did tell me roundly, that I lived.
When I got health, thou took'st away my life, And more; for my friends die: My mirth and edge was lost; a blunted knife Was of more use then I. Thus thinne and lean without a fence or friend, I was blown through with ev'ry storm and winde.
Whereas my birth and spirit rather took The way that takes the town; Thou didst betray me to a lingring book, And wrap me in a gown. I was entangled in the world of strife, Before I had the power to change my life.
Yet, for I threatned oft the siege to raise, Not simpring all mine age, Thou often didst with Academick praise Melt and dissolve my rage. I took thy sweetned pill, till I came neare; I could not go away, nor persevere.
Yet left perchance I should too happie be In my unhappinesse, Turning my purge to food, thou throwest me Into more sicknesses. Thus doth thy power crosse-bias me, not making Thine own gift good, yet me from my wayes taking.
Now I am here, what thou wilt do with me None of my books will show I reade, and sigh, and wish I were a tree; For sure then I should grow To fruit or shade: at least some bird would trust Her houshold to me, and I should be just.
Yet, though thou troublest me, I must be meek; In weaknesse must be stout. Well, I will change the service, and go seek Some other master out. Ah my deare God! though I am clean forgot, Let me not love thee, if I love thee not.
Scripture echoes
- ↩1Cor.3.2;Heb.5.12-Heb.5.13 — I gave you milk to drink, not solid food, for you were not yet able. But indeed, even now you are not able, Heb.5.12 — For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you still need someone to teach you the basic principles of the oracles of God. You need milk, not solid food. Heb.5.13 — For everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, for he is an infant.
- ↩2Cor.12.9-2Cor.12.10 — And he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." So most gladly I will rather boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 2Cor.12.10 — Therefore I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions and distresses, for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong.
Notes
- 1 ↩Early Modern 'brave' here means fine, splendid, or admirable, not courageous.
- 2 ↩In early modern English, furniture and household-stuff mean the appointments and equipment of a house or court, not modern living-room furniture alone; Herbert is picturing the beautiful furnishings of God's service that first drew him.
- 3 ↩Early modern 'want' = lack, not desire; rendered as 'lack' to keep that sense clear in contemporary English.
- 4 ↩'sudden soul' is Herbert's phrasing for a hasty, eager, impetuous soul; 'caught at the place' means seized on that happy station of service, not a physical location.
- 5 ↩Early modern 'partie' here means a side or faction. Sorrow grows with the years and, unnoticed, forms an alliance on the side of grief.
- 6 ↩Early modern 'began unto' is taken as 'began to complain/address' (the flesh speaking to the soul under pain), not mere chronological onset. Alternative scholarly colorings include the flesh rising against the soul.
- 7 ↩Rendered as 'fevers' (with chills/wasting force kept by 'consuming'); 'ague' is archaic medical diction for intermittent fever.
- 8 ↩Rendered 'bluntly' for frank, plain-spoken force; 'roundly' can also mean thoroughly/fully, but the context favors plain speech that shatters the speaker's disbelief.
- 9 ↩Source 'edge' continues the knife metaphor: keenness, zest, and cutting usefulness, not a literal blade-edge alone.
- 10 ↩Source 'then' is the Early Modern spelling of comparative 'than'.
- 11 ↩Source 'fence' means defense or protection, not a literal barrier only; rendered as 'shelter' for contemporary clarity while keeping the exposure image.
- 12 ↩"the way that takes the town" keeps Herbert's compressed image of the worldly/public path of preferment, as opposed to the scholarly or clerical life of "book" and "gown."
- 13 ↩Early modern medical sense: a purgative (bitter medicine meant to cleanse). Herbert’s image is of treating the hard remedy of affliction as if it were nourishment.
- 14 ↩Herbert’s bowls metaphor: the bias is the weight that curves a bowl’s path; to cross-bias is to force it against that natural curve. Rendered as 'pulls me off course' for modern clarity.
- 15 ↩Herbert's 'just' here means having a rightful, useful place (not merely 'fair'); rendered as 'of use' to carry that force in contemporary English.
- 16 ↩Source 'stout' means resolute/courageous, not bulk; rendered as 'stand firm' to keep that force in modern English.
- 17 ↩'Service' keeps the servant-to-master frame: the speaker briefly considers leaving God's household for another lord.
- 18 ↩'Clean forgot' = utterly forgotten. The closing line is a self-binding paradox: a prayer that his love of God be genuine, not half-hearted or false.
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