The foure and fourty chapitre. How a soule schal dispose it on the owne partie for to distroie alle wetyng and feling of the owne being.
The Question and the Gift of Grace
The soul asks how to destroy its own self–awareness, and is told that this requires a special grace and a corresponding readiness.
But now you ask me how you can destroy this naked knowing and feeling of your own being. For perhaps you think that if it were destroyed, all other hindrances would be destroyed — and if you think that, you're thinking truly.12 But I answer you that without a very special grace, freely given by God, and also a fully matching readiness on your part to receive this grace, this naked knowing and feeling of your being cannot be destroyed in any way.3
Spiritual Sorrow as the Capacity
The readiness for grace is identified as a deep spiritual sorrow that must be exercised with gentle discretion, true and perfect in itself.
And this capacity is nothing else but a strong and deep spiritual sorrow. But in this sorrow you need to have discretion in this way: during this sorrow you must take care that you neither strain your body nor your spirit too roughly, but sit completely still, as if in a craft of sleep, all sobbed out and sunk deep in sorrow.4 This is true sorrow; this is perfect sorrow; and it would be well for the person who could attain this sorrow.
The Universal Reason for Sorrow
Everyone has cause for sorrow, but most of all the one who knows and feels his own being; this sorrow outweighs all others and reveals the absence of perfect sorrow.
Everyone has reason for sorrow, but most especially he feels reason for sorrow who knows and feels that he is. Compared with this, all other sorrows are nothing but play compared to the real thing.5 For the person who knows and feels not only what he is, but that he is, can sorrow in earnest.6 And whoever has never felt this sorrow has reason to sorrow, because he has never yet felt perfect sorrow.
Sorrow’s Cleansing and Its Painful Longing
This sorrow cleanses the soul, makes it ready for joyful oblivion of self, yet brings such pain that the soul nearly despairs, though it never wishes to stop existing but thanks God for being.
This sorrow, when it is experienced, cleanses the soul not only of sin but also of the pain it has deserved for sin.7 And besides that, it makes a soul able to receive that joy which snatches from a person all knowing and feeling of his own being.8 This sorrow, if it is truly conceived, is full of holy desire; otherwise no one in this life could ever endure it or bear it. For if a soul were not somewhat fed with a kind of comfort from its right working, it would otherwise be unable to bear the pain it has from the knowing and feeling of its own being.9 For as often as he would have a true knowing and feeling of his God in purity of spirit, as far as that can be had here, and then feels that he cannot—because he always finds his knowing and feeling as it were occupied and filled with a foul, stinking lump of himself, which must always be hated and despised and forsaken if he is to be God's perfect disciple, taught by God Himself on the mount of perfection—as often he goes nearly mad with sorrow; so much so that he weeps and wails, struggles, curses, and execrates, and, to put it shortly, it seems to him that he bears so heavy a burden of himself that he doesn't care what becomes of him, so long as God were pleased.10 And yet in all this sorrow he does not desire to cease to exist, for that would be the devil's madness and spite against God.11 But he is very glad to be; and he means heartfelt thanks to God for the worthiness and the gift of his being, even though he desires unceasingly to lack the knowing and the feeling of his being.
The Necessary Path to Union
Every soul must experience this sorrow and desire before it can be perfectly united with God in charity, as God teaches according to each one’s capacity.
Every soul must have and feel this sorrow and this desire within itself, either in this way or in some other, as God is pleased to teach His spiritual disciples, according to His good will and their matching capacity in body and soul, in degree and constitution, before the time comes when they can be perfectly united to God in perfect charity—such as may be had here if God is pleased to grant it.1213
Read the original Middle English
Bot now thou askist me how thou maist distroie this nakid wetyng and felyng of thin owen beyng. For paraventure thee think that and it were distroied, alle other lettynges were distroied, and yif thou thinkist thus, thou thinkist right trewly. Bot to this I answere thee, and I sey that withoutyn a ful specyal grace ful frely goven of God and therto a ful acordyng abilnes to resseyve this grace on thi partye, this nakid wetyng and felyng of thi beyng may on no wise be destroyed.
And this abilnes is not elles bot a stronge and a deep goostly sorow. Bot in this sorow nedeth thee to have discrecion on this maner: thou schalt beware in the tyme of this sorow that thou neither to rudely streyne thi body ne thi spirit, bot sit ful stylle, as it were in a slepyng sleight, al forsobbid and forsonken in sorow. This is trewe sorow; this is parfite sorow; and wel were hym that might wynne to this sorow.
Alle men han mater of sorow, bot most specyaly he felith mater of sorow that wote and felith that he is. Alle other sorowes ben unto this in comparison bot as it were gamen to ernest. For he may make sorow ernestly that wote and felith not onli what he is, bot that he is. And whoso felid never this sorow, he may make sorow, for whi he felid yit never parfite sorow.
This sorow, when it is had, clensith the soule, not only of synne, bot also of peyne that he hath deservid for synne. And therto it makith a soule abil to resseive that joye, the whiche revith fro a man alle wetyng and felyng of his beyng. This sorow, yif it be trewly conseyvid, is ful of holy desire; and elles might never man in this liif abide it ne bere it. For ne were it that a soule were sumwhat fed with a maner of counforte of his right worching, elles schuld he not mow bere the pyne that he hath of the wetyng and felyng of his beyng. For as ofte as he wolde have a trewe wetyng and a felyng of his God in purtee of spirit, as it may be here, and sithen felith that he may not -- for he findeth evermore his wetyng and his felyng as it were ocupied and fillyd with a foule stinkyng lumpe of himself, the whiche behoveth alweis be hatid and be dispisid and forsaken, if he schal be Goddes parfite dissiple, lernid of Hymself in the mount of perfeccion -- as ofte he goth ni wood for sorow; insomochel, that he wepith and weilith, strivith, cursith, and banneth, and, schortly to sey, hym thinkith that he berith so hevy a birthen of hymself that he rechith never what worth of hym, so that God were plesid. And yit in al this sorrow he desireth not to unbe, for that were develles woodnes and despite unto God. Bot hym listith right wel be; and he menith ful hertly thankyng to God for the worthines and the gift of his beyng, thof al that he desire unsesingly for to lakke the wetyng and the felyng of his beyng.
This sorow and this desire behovith iche a soule have and fele in itself, outher in this maner or in another, as God vouchethsaaf for to lerne to His goostly disciples, after His weelwyllyng and theire acordyng abylnes in body and soule, in degré and compleccion, er the tyme be that thei mowe parfitely be onid unto God in parfite charité -- soche as may be had here yif God vouchethsaaf.
Notes
- 1 ↩ME 'and it were' is conditional ('if it were'); rendered as 'if' to preserve logical force without archaic 'and'.
- 2 ↩'lettynges' = hindrances/impediments to the work of contemplation, not mere delays.
- 3 ↩'abilnes' here is fitness/aptness to receive grace (not mere natural talent); the next section identifies this readiness with deep spiritual sorrow.
- 4 ↩ME sleight = skill/craft/cunning (cf. sleight of hand). Rendered as 'craft of sleep' for the Cloud's counsel of still, sleep-like cunning rather than forced straining.
- 5 ↩Middle English 'gamen to ernest' contrasts sport/play with serious matter; rendered as 'play next to earnest' to keep the proverbial opposition without archaic diction.
- 6 ↩The contrast is between knowing one's nature or condition ('what he is') and the bare awareness of existence itself ('that he is'), the deeper ground of this sorrow in the Cloud's teaching.
- 7 ↩Middle English peyne here is the penalty (poena) due for sin, not merely emotional distress.
- 8 ↩revith = ravishes/carries off; rendered 'snatches' for the force of sudden taking-away.
- 9 ↩right worching is the Cloud's technical term for proper contemplative activity; kept as 'right working'.
- 10 ↩goth ni wood = goes nearly mad (wood = insane); cursith and banneth are paired curse-forms, rendered 'curses, and execrates'.
- 11 ↩unbe = to un-be, cease existing; kept as 'cease to exist' rather than 'not to be' for clarity.
- 12 ↩ME charité here names the theological virtue of love of God that unites the soul to Him; rendered charity to keep that technical force, not mere warm feeling.
- 13 ↩ME compleccion means humoral bodily temperament/constitution, not facial appearance; rendered constitution.
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A daily portion of stillness
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Chosen Portion is the paced doorway into this collection: it portions the dense mystical treatises into one daily reading plus guided silence, exactly as the 14-day plan teaches.
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