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Chapter 74SermC.1.74

Sermo 74

The Call to Return

The Bridegroom calls the soul back to himself, and though the task of speaking about such mysteries is daunting, love compels the attempt.

"Come back," he says.✦ Clearly the one he calls back is no longer present; yet he had been present, and not long before — for even while he was still departing, he already seemed to be called back. An untimely recall is a sign of one great love and of another great loveliness. Who are these cultivators of charity, these so tireless pursuers of the business of love, whose one object they pursue and whose other they press with such restless love? And for my part, as I remember my promise, it falls to me to assign this place to the Word and to the soul; but for this to be done worthily, or even for a little while, I confess that I need the help of the Word himself. And certainly this discourse would have suited someone more experienced, and more conscious of holy and secret love; but I cannot fail my duty, nor altogether your desires. I see my danger, and I don't hold back; you compel me. You simply compel me to walk in great and wonderful things beyond me.✦

Trembling and Tears Before the Mystery

With fear and compunction the preacher dares to speak of sacred things, knowing that holy trembling excuses boldness and that tears may bear witness to the soul's longing.

Alas! How afraid I am that I'll keep hearing: Why do you recount my delights, and take up my Sacrament through your mouth? Hear me, though—a man who trembles to speak and can't keep silent. Perhaps my very trembling will excuse my boldness; but your edification, if it comes, will do so all the more. And perhaps these tears will be seen likewise. Return, he says. Well. Let him go—he is called back.

The Mystery of Spiritual Change

The preacher asks who can unlock the sacrament of the soul's changing experience of the Word's presence and absence, probing whether the Bridegroom's coming and going implies local or changeable motion in God.

Who would unlock for me the Sacrament of this mutability?1 Who would fittingly unfold for me the Word's going out and returning?2 Is the Bridegroom perhaps acting with fickleness?3 From where, and to where, can he come or go again, he who fills the whole?4 After all, what local motion can one have who is spirit?5 Or what motion of any kind at all do you ascribe to him who is God?6 He is, in fact, altogether unchangeable.

How Scripture Speaks of God's Coming and Going

Following scriptural custom, the preacher explains that the Word's coming and leaving are spoken of through sensible images, yet these changes belong to the soul's feeling, not to the Word's movement.

But whoever can grasp this, let them grasp it. But as for us, as we move cautiously and simply through the exposition of this sacred and mystical utterance, let us follow the custom of Scripture, which speaks of a wisdom hidden in mystery through our words; while it represents God, it insinuates him into our affections; through the signs of perceptible things, through the likenesses of sensible realities, as though through certain humbler vessels of cheaper material, it offers to human minds those things that are precious, unknown, and invisible of God. Therefore let us also follow the custom of this chaste utterance, and let us say that the Word of God is God the bridegroom of the soul, just as he wills both to come to the soul and to leave it again: only, let us perceive that these things happen through the soul's feeling, not through the movement of the Word. When the soul perceives grace because of the Word, it recognizes his presence; when it does not, absence is mourned, and then it seeks his presence again, saying with the Prophet: My face has sought you; your face, Lord, I will seek. Why should it not seek? For when such a sweet bridegroom has been taken away from her, it will not be allowed her in the meantime, I do not say to desire, but even to think of anything else. It remains, therefore, that she eagerly seek the one who is absent, call back the one who is departing. And so the Word is called back, and is called back by the desire of the soul, but of that soul to which he has once granted the sweetness of himself.

The Soul's Unceasing Cry

The soul's desire for the returning Word becomes one continuous cry, a powerful prayer that rests on the Lord's promise to hear the longing of the poor.

Isn't this desire a cry? And a powerful one. In fact: the desire of the poor, it says, the Lord has heard. So when the Word departs, there is in the meantime one continuous voice of the soul — its continuous desire, as it were one unbroken 'Return!' — until he comes back.7

The Boldness of the Bride

The soul that has tasted the Word's sweetness is given boldness to call him back, and the Bridegroom at times withdraws precisely to be sought more eagerly and held more firmly.

And now give me the soul that the Word, the Bridegroom, frequently visits — the one whose familiarity has given her boldness, whose taste has given her hunger, whose contempt for all things has given her freedom from distraction — and I without hesitation assign to her both the voice and the name of the bride; nor would I judge the place that is in his hands to be foreign to her at all. Surely such as this is the one introduced as speaker here. For the one he calls back, he proves beyond doubt to have deserved his presence — even if not his abundance. Otherwise he would not have called him back, but would have merely called him. Furthermore, the word of calling back means to return. And perhaps for this very reason he drew back, so that he might be called back more eagerly and held more firmly. For at times he pretended to be going farther — not because he wanted this, but because he wanted to hear: 'Stay with us, Lord, for it is evening.' And again on another occasion, walking on the sea while the apostles were sailing and laboring at the oars, as if wanting to pass them by — yet even then he did not want that, but rather to test their faith and to draw out prayer from them.

The Word's Spiritual Coming and Going

What the Word once did in bodily form—passing by to be held, departing to be called back—he continues to do spiritually with the devoted soul, visiting and withdrawing at his pleasure.

In sum, as the evangelist says: 'They were troubled, and they cried out, thinking it was a phantom.'✦ So the kind of pious pretense — or rather, salutary dispensation — that the Word at times showed in bodily form back then, the Word of the Spirit does not cease to repeat in its own spiritual way, when a soul devoted to it earnestly occupies itself with it.89 Passing by, it wants to be held; going away, it wants to be called back. For this word is not irrevocable. It goes and returns at its own good pleasure, as if visiting at dawn and suddenly putting to the test. Going away from it has, in a certain sense, a dispensing character; returning, however, is always voluntary — and both are full of judgment.10 But the reason for these things rests with him alone.

A Little While That Feels So Long

The Lord's promise of 'a little while' is short in merit but long in desire, and the soul finds that what suffices for merit can never satisfy love.

Now it's clear that shifts of this kind happen in the soul — the coming and going of the Word — just as he says: 'I go and I come to you'; and again: 'A little while, and you won't see me; and again a little while, and you will see me.'✦ O a little while, and a little while! O, what a long little while! Lord, is it just for a little while that you say we won't see you? Safe be the word of my Lord: it is long, and very, very much so. Yet both are true: short in terms of merit, and long in terms of desire. You have both in the prophet: 'If he delays, wait for him, because he who is coming will come, and he will not be late.'✦ How can he not be late, even if he delays — unless it's because what is enough for merit is not enough for desire?

Holy Boldness and Bridal Freedom

A loving soul disregards its own merit, shuts its eyes to majesty and opens them to pleasure, and with bridal freedom calls the Word back as beloved.

Furthermore, a loving soul is carried by its vows, drawn by its desires, disregards its merits, shuts its eyes to majesty, opens them to pleasure, placing its confidence in salvation, and acting boldly in him. Fearless and shameless at last, she calls back the Word, and with confidence seeks again her own delights, calling with her usual freedom, not 'Lord,' but 'beloved': 'Return, my beloved,' she says, and adds, 'Be like a roe or a young stag over the hearts of Bethel.'✦ But that, later.

The Hidden Coming of the Word

Speaking from experience, the preacher confesses that he never perceives the moment the Word enters or departs, only its presence by inner movement and its absence by loss.

But for now, put up with a little foolishness from me. I want to say — and I'm speaking from experience — how things actually work out for me in this.11 It's not exactly advisable. But if it's truly to help, let me come forward: and if you've made progress, I'll take comfort in my foolishness; if not, I'll own it as mine.12 I admit — and I'm the one the Word has come to — I say this in foolishness, and I say it often.13 And whenever it has entered me more often than I can count, I never noticed the moment it came in. That it was present I sensed; that it had been present I remember; sometimes I could even anticipate its entrance — but never perceive it, and not even its departure.14 For how it comes into my soul, or where it goes again when it leaves — and by what path it enters or goes out — I confess I still don't know. As the text says: You do not know where it comes from or where it is going.✦15

No Footprints in the Soul

The Word enters through no sense, comes from neither outside nor within in any ordinary way, yet is found both above and below and everywhere in the soul that lives in him.

And yet that's no wonder, since this is the one of whom it was said: 'And your footprints will not be known.'16 Truly, it didn't enter through the eyes, because it isn't something colored; nor through the ears, because it made no sound; nor through the nostrils, because it isn't mixed with air but with the mind; it didn't infect the air but made it; nor truly through the throat, because it wasn't chewed or swallowed; and I haven't grasped it through touch, because it isn't tangible.1718 So by what path did it enter? Or perhaps it didn't even enter at all, since it doesn't come from outside? For it isn't one of the things that exist outside. Furthermore, it doesn't come from within me, because that is good — and I know there is no good in me.19 I also climbed higher within myself, and there, above this Word — towering. In my curiosity I descended to what lies lower within me, and yet it was found down there just the same. If I looked outside myself, I found it to be beyond everything external to me; but if I looked within, that innermost reality was there too. And I came to know that what I had read was indeed true: that in him we live, we are moved, and we are. But blessed is the one in whom that innermost reality dwells, who lives for him, who is moved by him.✦20

Recognizing the Word's Presence

Though the Word's ways are unsearchable, its presence is known by the heart's awakening, the wounding of hard hearts, the uprooting of vices, and the inner renewal of the mind.

So you ask, then, since his ways are altogether unsearchable, how could I know he was present?✦ He is living and efficacious: as soon as he came within, he awakened my sleeping soul; he moved and softened and wounded my heart, because it was hard and stony, and badly sound.✦21 He also began to tear out and destroy, to build and to plant, to water what was dry, to illuminate what was dark, to unbar what was closed, to set ablaze what was cold, and to send what was crooked into straight paths and what was rough into level ways — so that my soul might bless the Lord, and all that is within me bless his holy name.✦✦ So then, when the Word, the Bridegroom, came to me several times, he made his entrance known by no outward signs — not by voice, not by appearance, not by gait.✦ In short, I could not detect him by any of his movements, nor did he glide into my inmost parts through any of my senses: only from the movement of my heart, as I said before, did I understand his presence; and from the flight of vices and the restraint of carnal affections, I perceived the power of his virtue; and from the examination or rebuke of my hidden faults, I marveled at the depth of his wisdom; and from however slight an amendment of my habits, I experienced the goodness of his gentleness; and from the renewal and reformation of the spirit of my mind, that is, of my inner self, I perceived, in some measure, the form of his beauty; and from contemplating all these together, I stood in awe at the vastness of his greatness.✦✦✦

Coldness and Return

When the Word withdraws, all inner warmth turns to cold and numbness, and the soul repeats its cry of 'Return' until he comes back, longing for both the eyes of truth and the cheerfulness of grace.

But because all these things, once the Word has withdrawn, go numb and cold right away with a certain weakness—just as when you pull the fire from a boiling pot—and begin to lie there lifeless, it's necessary that my soul be sorrowful as a sign of its leaving, until the Word returns again and my heart grows warm once more inside me; and this, too, is the sign of its return. Since I have such an experience of the Word, is it any wonder if I, too, take on the bride's voice in calling it back when it has withdrawn—though I'm carried by a desire not equal to its own, yet similar, at least in part? For as long as I live, it will be a familiar practice for me, in place of the Word's recall, to use the word of recall—which is, after all, to return. And every time it slips away, I repeat my cry just as often; I won't stop calling out as if after the back of the one who's gone—burning with longing in my heart—so that it may return and give me back the joy of its saving presence, give me back itself. I confess to you, children: in the meantime nothing else pleases me, as long as what alone brings me delight isn't here. And I pray this: that it may not come empty, but full of grace and truth—in its own manner, just as it did yesterday and the day before. In this, it seems to me that the likeness of the roe deer and the young foal may be shown to me, since the truth has the eyes of the roe deer, and grace has the cheerfulness of the young foal.✦

Truth and Grace Together

Neither truth without grace nor grace without truth brings fullness; the seasoning of grace makes truth bearable, and the bridle of truth keeps devotion from becoming insolent and unmeasured.

I need both: truth, which I can't hide from, and grace, which I wouldn't want to. Otherwise, without one or the other, the visit will never be complete, since the severity of truth without grace is burdensome, and the cheerfulness of grace without truth can seem dissolute. Truth is bitter without the seasoning of grace, just as without truth's bridle, devotion itself becomes flighty, unmeasured, and often insolent. How many people has it not profited to have received grace, precisely because they did not equally receive the tempering of truth? For they took more pleasure in it than was fitting, since they did not fear truth's gaze, and did not look to the roe deer's maturity, but gave themselves wholly to the young stag's lightness and high spirits. From this it came about that they were deprived of the very grace in which they had wished to rejoice privately — those to whom it could have been said, even if late in the day: Go then and learn what it means: Serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice with trembling. A certain holy soul had finally said in her own abundance, 'I will not be moved forever': when suddenly she felt the face of the Word turned away from her, and herself not only shaken but troubled; and so in sadness she learned that she had needed, along with the gift of devotion, the weight of truth as well. So the fullness of grace does not lie in grace alone, nor even in truth alone.

The Danger of Knowledge Without Will

To know the good without doing it brings sorrow, and to will the good without being able to accomplish it is equally perilous, for neither truth nor grace alone suffices.

What good is it to know what you ought to do, if you aren't also given the will to do it? What if you do will it, but you can't at all? How many I have known who, once truth was recognized, grew sadder — and all the more because they could no longer take refuge in the excuse of ignorance, knowing what Truth urged yet not doing it.✦

Judas and the Morsel

Even Judas received the gift of grace, but because he did not walk in truth, Satan entered him; grace without truth not only fails to profit but opens the door to destruction.

Since these things are so, neither is enough without the other. I've said too little: it's also not expedient. How do we know this? To the one who knows what is good and does not do it, it is sin; likewise, the servant who knows the will of his lord and does not do what is worthy will be beaten severely.22 But that was for a part of the truth. What part of grace? It is written: And after the morsel, Satan entered into him.✦23 He is speaking of Judas, who, having received the gift of grace, gave room in himself to the devil, because he did not walk in truth with the Teacher of truth—or rather, with Truth herself as his teacher.24

Lame on One Foot

Those who are content with grace alone and do not add truth are like people limping on one foot, and their time will last as long as their prince's, who was a liar from the beginning.

Listen further: he fed them on the finest wheat, and satisfied them with honey from the rock.✦ Whom? The enemies of the Lord have lied to him.✦ Those he fed with honey and the finest grain have become his enemies and lied to him, because they did not join themselves to the truth of grace. Of whom you have elsewhere: 'Foreign sons have lied to me; foreign sons have grown old, and have limped away from their paths.'✦ Why wouldn't they limp, content with only one foot of grace and not adding truth to it? Their time will last forever, therefore, just as their prince's will — he who himself did not stand in truth but was a liar from the beginning, and so heard: 'You have destroyed your wisdom in your beauty.'✦ I do not want beauty that takes wisdom away from me.

One's Own Beauty

The beauty that destroys wisdom is one's own beauty—the beauty of the soul and the angel when it makes wisdom serve self rather than God.

You ask: who is that beauty, so harmful, so ruinous? Your own. Maybe you still don't understand? Listen more plainly. A private person, one's own. We don't blame the gift, but the use of it. In fact, if you've paid attention, he was said to have lost wisdom not in beauty, but in his own beauty. And — unless I'm mistaken — the beauty of both angel and soul is just that.

The Root of Ruin

Ownership is at the root of the loss of wisdom; to have something for oneself is to lose it, and Abraham had glory before men but not before God.

For what are these things, or that, without wisdom — except raw, unshaped material? So that one was not only shaped, but also beautiful. But she lost it when she made it her own: that there is no other way she could have lost her wisdom than by making it serve her own beauty rather than her wisdom.25 Ownership is at the root of it. That he was wise for himself, that he did not give glory to God, that he did not return thanks for grace, that he did not walk in it according to truth but twisted it to his own will — that is why he lost it; indeed, that is what he lost.✦26 Because to have something in this way is to lose it. And if Abraham, it says, was justified by works, he has glory — but not before God.✦ And I say: not I — I say — in a safe place.27

Lost Outside God

Nothing is truly lost that is with God; the only real ruin is estrangement from him, and those who are wise in their own eyes have lost even themselves.

I've lost everything I have that isn't with God. For what is so lost as that which lives in exile outside of God? What is death but the loss of life? So there is no ruin except estrangement from God. Woe to you who are wise in your own eyes and shrewd in your own estimation!✦ Of you it is said: I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and the discernment of the discerning I will reject. They have lost wisdom, because their own wisdom has destroyed them. What haven't they lost, who have even lost themselves?

The Foolish Virgins and Self-Wisdom

The foolish virgins were foolish precisely because they claimed to be wise, and so they heard the dreadful words, 'I do not know you.'

Aren't they truly lost, the ones God doesn't know?

Grace and Truth in the Bridegroom

Grace and truth came through Jesus Christ, and where one is absent the other does not profit but harms; the soul prays that the Word may enter not as judge but as peacemaker, uniting truth's seriousness with grace's joy.

Furthermore, the foolish virgins—and I don't think they were foolish for any other reason than this: by claiming to be wise, they became fools—these, I tell you, have this from God to hear: 'I don't know you.'✦ And likewise those who have usurped the grace of miracles for their own glory will nevertheless hear, 'I have not known you,' so that it may be clearly evident from these things that grace does not profit where truth is not in the intention, but rather does harm.✦ And indeed, both matters rest with the Bridegroom. In fact, 'Grace and truth came through Jesus Christ,' says John the Baptist.✦ If, therefore, when someone knocks at my door with either of these without the other, the Lord Jesus Christ—for he himself is the Word of God, the soul's Bridegroom—will enter indeed, not as Bridegroom, but as judge.✦ Far be it—may this never happen! Let him not enter into judgment with his servant.✦ Let him enter as a peacemaker, let him enter joyful and cheerful; yet let him enter mature and more serious, who with a somewhat sterner countenance of truth in me, while he restrains insolence, purifies joy.

Let Him Come

The chapter closes with a prayer that the Word come like a leaping young gazelle from the mountains of Bethel, joyous and gentle, the bridegroom of the soul, God blessed forever.

Let him enter like a leaping young gazelle, like a watchful roe deer, who by dissembling his fault leaps over punishment, and by showing mercy looks back at it.✦ Let him come down from the mountains of Bethel, joyous and splendid, and as it were coming forth from the Father, sweet and gentle — who does not disdain to be called and to be made the bridegroom of the soul that seeks him, since he is above all things, God blessed forever.✦✦ Amen.

Read the original Latin

Revertere, inquit. Liquet non adesse quem revocat; adfuisse tamen, idque non longe ante: quippe qui dum adhuc abiret, revocari videtur. Intempestiva revocatio, magni unius amoris, magnae alterius amabilitatis indicium est. Qui sunt isti charitatis cultores, amatoriique tam indefessi sectatores negotii, quorum alterum prosequitur, alteram urget tam inquietus amor? Et mihi quidem, ut memini meae promissionis, incumbit assignare hunc locum Verbo et animae; sed ad hoc ut digne vel aliquantisper fiat, ipsius adiutorio Verbi egere me fateor. Et certe sermo iste decuerat magis expertum, magisque conscium sancti et arcani amoris; sed non possum officio deesse meo, non vestris omnino votis. Periculum meum video, et non caveo; vos me cogitis. Prorsus cogitis ambulare in magnis et in mirabilibus super me.

Heu! quam vereor ne subinde audiam: Quare tu enarras delicias meas, et assumis sacramentum meum per os tuum? Audite me tamen hominem qui loqui trepidat, et tacere non potest. Excusabit forsitan ausum trepidatio ipsa mea; magis autem vestra, si provenerit, aedificatio. Et forte hae lacrymae pariter videbuntur. Revertere, ait. Bene. Abibat, revocatur.

Quis mihi reseret huius mutabilitatis sacramentum? Quis mihi digne explicet ire, et redire Verbi? Nunquid levitate utitur sponsus? Unde, quo venire seu denuo ire queat, qui totum implet? Quem denique motum habere localem possit qui spiritus est? Aut quem postremo vel cuiuscunque generis motum das illi qui Deus est? Est quippe omnino incommutabilis.

Verum haec qui potest capere, capiat. Nos autem in expositione sacri mysticique eloquii caute et simpliciter ambulantes, geramus morem Scripturae, quae nostris verbis sapientiam in mysterio absconditam loquitur; nostris affectibus Deum, dum figurat, insinuat; notis rerum sensibilium similitudinibus, tanquam quibusdam vilioris materiae poculis, ea quae pretiosa sunt, ignota et invisibilia Dei, mentibus propinat humanis. Sequamur proinde et nos eloquii casti consuetudinem, dicamusque Verbum Dei Deum sponsum animae, prout vult et venire ad animam, et iterum dimittere eam: tantum ut sensu animae, non Verbi motu, ista fieri sentiamus. Verbi causa, cum sentit gratiam, agnoscit praesentiam: cum non, absentiam queritur, et rursum praesentiam quaerit, dicens cum Propheta: Exquisivit te facies mea; faciem tuam, Domine, requiram. Quidni requirat? Neque enim, subducto sibi tam dulci sponso, interim aliquid aliud non dico desiderare, sed nec cogitare libebit. Restat igitur ut absentem studiose requirat, revocet abeuntem. Ita ergo revocatur Verbum, et revocatur desiderio animae, sed eius animae cui semel indulserit suavitatem sui.

Nunquid non desiderium vox? Et valida. Denique: Desiderium pauperum, inquit, exaudivit Dominus. Verbo igitur abeunte, una interim et continua animae vox, continuum desiderium eius, tanquam unum continuumque Revertere, donec veniat.

Et nunc da mihi animam, quam frequenter Verbum sponsus invisere soleat, cui familiaritas ausum, cui gustus famem, cui contemptus omnium otium dederit: et ego huic incunctanter assigno vocem pariter et nomen sponsae; nec ab ea penitus locum, qui in manibus est, censuerim alienum. Talis nempe inducitur hic loquens. Quem enim revocat, eius absque dubio probat se meruisse praesentiam, etsi non copiam. Alioquin non revocasset illum, sed vocasset. Porro revocationis verbum revertere est. Et forte ideo subtraxit se, quo avidius revocaretur, teneretur fortius. Nam et aliquando simulabat se longius ire, non quia hoc volebat, sed volebat audire: Mane nobiscum, Domine, quoniam advesperascit. Et rursum alia vice super mare ambulans, cum apostoli navigarent et laborarent in remigando, quasi volens praeterire eos, nec tunc quidem istud volebat, sed magis probare fidem, et elicere precem.

Denique, sicut ait evangelista: Turbati sunt, et clamaverunt, putantes phantasma esse. Ergo istiusmodi piam simulationem, imo salutarem dispensationem, quam tunc corporaliter Verbum corpus interdum exhibuit, non cessat identidem Verbum spiritus, modo suo spirituali, cum devota sibi anima sedulo actitare. Praeteriens teneri vult, abiens revocari. Neque enim hoc irrevocabile verbum. It, et redit pro beneplacito suo, quasi visitans diluculo, et subito probans. Et ire quidem illi quodam modo dispensatorium; redire vero semper voluntarium est: utrumque autem plenum iudicii. At penes ipsum horum ratio.

Nunc vero constat in anima fieri huiusmodi vicissitudines euntis et redeuntis Verbi, sicut ait: Vado, et venio ad vos; item: Modicum, et non videbitis me; et iterum modicum, et videbitis me. O modicum et modicum! o modicum longum! Pic Domine, modicum dicis, quod non videbimus te? Salvum sit verbum Domini mei: longum est, et multum valde nimis. Verumtamen utrumque verum: et modicum meritis, et longum votis. Habes utrumque in propheta: Si moram fecerit, inquit, exspecta eum, quia veniens veniet, et non tardabit. Quomodo non tardabit, si moram fecerit, nisi quia quod ad meritum satis est, non est satis ad votum?

Porro anima amans votis fertur, trahitur desideriis, dissimulat merita, maiestati oculos claudit, aperit voluptati, ponens in salutari, et fiducialiter agens in eo. Intrepida denique et inverecunda revocat Verbum, et cum fiducia repetit delicias suas, solita libertate vocans, non Dominum, sed dilectum: Revertere, dilecte mi: et addit: Similis esto capreae, hinnuloque cervorum super mentes Bethel. At istud postea.

Nunc vero sustinete modicum quid insipientiae meae. Volo dicere, nam et hoc pactus sum, quomodo mecum agitur in eiusmodi. Non expedit quidem. Sed prodar sane ut prosim: et, si profeceritis vos, meam insipientiam consolabor; si non, meam insipientiam confitebor. Fateor et mihi adventasse Verbum, in insipientia dico, et pluries. Cumque saepius intraverit ad me, non sensi aliquoties cum intravit. Adesse sensi, adfuisse recordor, interdum et praesentire potui introitum eius, sentire nunquam, sed ne exitum quidem. Nam unde in animam meam venerit, quove abierit denuo eam dimittens; sed et qua vel introierit vel exierit; etiam nunc ignorare me fateor, secundum illud: Nescis unde veniat, aut quo vadat.

Nec mirum tamen, quia ipse est, cui dictum est: Et vestigia tua non cognoscentur. Sane per oculos non intravit, quia non est coloratum; sed neque per aures, quia non sonuit; sed neque per nares, quia non aeri miscetur, sed menti; nec infecit aerem, sed fecit; neque vero per fauces, quia non est mansum vel haustum; nec tactu comperi illud, quia palpabile non est. Qua igitur introivit? An forte nec introivit quidem, quia non deforis venit? Neque enim est unum aliquid ex iis quae foris sunt. Porro nec de intra me venit quoniam bonum est, et scio quoniam non est in me bonum. Ascendi etiam superius meum: et ecce supra hoc Verbum eminens. Ad inferius quoque meum curiosus explorator descendi; et nihilominus infra inventum est.

Si foras aspexi, extra omne exterius meum comperi illud esse; si vero intus, et ipsum interius erat. Et cognovi verum quidem esse quod legeram, quia in ipso vivimus, movemur et sumus : sed ille beatus est, in quo est ipsum, qui illi vivit, qui eo movetur.

Quaeris igitur, cum ita sint omnino investigabiles viae eius, unde adesse norim? Vivum et efficax est: moxque ut intus venit, expergefecit dormitantem animam meam; movit, et mollivit, et vulneravit cor meum, quoniam durum lapideumque erat, et male sanum. Coepit quoque evellere et destruere, aedificare et plantare, rigare arida, tenebrosa illuminare, clausa reserare, frigida inflammare, nec non et mittere prava in directa, et aspera in vias planas; ita ut benediceret anima mea Domino, et omnia quae intra me sunt nomini sancto eius. Ita igitur intrans ad me aliquoties Verbum sponsus, nullis unquam introitum suum indiciis innotescere fecit, non voce, non specie, non incessu. Nullis denique suis motibus compertum est mihi, nullis meis sensibus illapsum penetralibus meis: tantum ex motu cordis, sicut praefatus sum, intellexi praesentiam eius; et ex fuga vitiorum, carnaliumque compressione affectuum adverti potentiam virtutis eius; et ex discussione sive redargutione occultorum meorum admiratus sum profunditatem sapientiae eius; et ex quantulacunque emendatione morum meorum expertus sum bonitatem mansuetudinis eius; et ex renovatione ac reformatione spiritus mentis meae, id est interioris hominis mei, percepi utcunque speciem decoris eius; et ex contuitu horum omnium simul expavi multitudinem magnitudinis eius.

Verum quia haec omnia, ubi abscesserit Verbum, perinde ac si ollae bullienti subtraxeris ignem, quodam illico languore torpentia et frigida iacere incipiunt; atque hoc mihi signum abscessionis eius tristis sit necesse est anima mea, donec iterum revertatur, et solito recalescat cor meum intra me; idque sit reversionis indicium. Tale sane experimentum de Verbo habens, quid mirum si et ego usurpo mihi vocem sponsae in revocando illud, cum se absentaverit, qui etsi non pari, simili tamen vel ex parte desiderio feror? Familiare mihi erit, quoad vixero, pro Verbi revocatione revocationis verbum, quod utique revertere est. Et quoties elabetur, toties repetetur a me; nec cessabo clamitare quasi post tergum abeuntis ardenti desiderio cordis ut redeat, et reddat mihi laetitiam salutaris sui, reddat mihi se ipsum. Fateor vobis, filii, nil aliud interim libet, dum non praesto est quod solum libet. Et hoc oro, ut non vacnum veniat, sed plenum gratiae et veritatis : more utique suo, sicut heri et nudiustertius. In quo mihi similitudinem capreae et hinnuli exhibitum iri posse videtur, cum veritas capreae oculos habeat, gratia hinnuli hilaritatem.

Utraque res necessaria mihi: et veritas quidem, cui abscondi non possim; gratia autem, cui nolim. Alioquin sine alterutra visitatio plena non erit, cum et illius severitas absque hac onerosa, et huius hilaritas absque illa dissoluta possit videri. Amara est veritas sine condimento gratiae; sicut absque veritatis freno levis et nesciens modum, plerumque et insolens ipsa devotio. Quam multis non profuit gratiam percepisse, pro eo quod temperamentum de veritate pariter non acceperunt? Ex hoc enim plus quam oportuit complacuere sibi in ea, dum veriti non sunt veritatis obtutus, dum non respexerunt ad capreae maturitatem, magis autem se totos hinnuli levitati hilaritatique dederunt. Inde factum est, ut in qua privatim exsultare voluerant, gratia privarentur, quibus vel sero dici potuerit: Euntes ergo discite quid sit: Servite Domino in timore, et exsultate ei cum tremore. Dixerat denique sancta anima quaedam in abundantia sua, Non movebor in aeternum: cum subito sensit aversam a se faciem Verbi, seque non modo motam, sed etiam conturbatam; et sic in tristitia didicit opus fuisse sibi, cum munere quidem devotionis, etiam pondere veritatis. Ergo non in sola gratia plenitudo gratiae est, sed ne in sola quidem veritate.

Quid prodest scire, quid te oporteat facere, si non detur et velle facere? Quid, si velis quidem, sed minime possis? Quantos expertus sum agnita veritate tristiores, et ideo magis, quod iam confugere ad ignorantiae excusationem non liceret, scientes, et non facientes quod Veritas hortaretur?

Quae cum ita se habeant, neutrum sine altero, sufficit. Parum dixi: non expedit quoque. Unde id scimus? Scienti, inquit, bonum, et non facienti, peccatum est illi; item: Servus sciens voluntatem domini sui, et non faciens digna vapulabit multis. At istud pro parte veritatis. Pro gratiae quid? Scriptum est: Et post buccellam introivit in eum Satanas. Iudam loquitur, qui accepto munere gratiae, quia in veritate non ambulabat cum veritatis Magistro, vel potius cum magistra Veritate, locum in se diabolo dedit.

Audi adhuc: Cibavit illos ex adipe frumenti, et de petra melle saturavit eos. Quos? Inimici Domini mentiti sunt ei. Quos melle cibavit et adipe, hi mentiti sunt ei facti inimici; quia veritatem gratiae non iunxerunt. De quibus alibi habes: Filii alieni mentiti sunt mihi; filii alieni inveterati sunt, et claudicaverunt a semitis suis. Quidni claudicarent, uno pede gratiae contenti, et non apponentes veritatem? Erit igitur tempus eorum in saecula, sicut et principis ipsorum, qui et ipse in veritate non stetit, sed fuit mendax ab initio, ideoque audivit: Perdidisti in decore tuo sapientiam. Nolo decorem, qui mihi sapientiam tollat.

Quaeris quis ille tam noxius, tamque perniciosus decor? Tuus. Adhuc forte sine intellectu es? Planius audi. Privatus, proprius. Non culpamus donum, sed usum. Denique si advertisti, non in decore, sed in suo decore dictus est ille perdidisse sapientiam. Et, in fallor, unus angeli animaeque decor ipsa est.

Quid enim vel haec vel ille absque sapientia, nisi rudis deformisque materia est? Ea ergo ille non modo formatus, sed et formosus fuit. Sed perdidit eam, cum fecit suam: ut non sit aliud in decore suo quam in sua sapientia perdidisse sapientiam. Proprietas in causa est. Quod sibi sapiens fuit, quod non dedit gloriam Deo, quod non retulit gratiam pro gratia, quod non secundum veritatem ambulavit in ea, sed ad suam eam retorsit voluntatem: istud est cur eam perdidit; imo istud est quod eam perdidit. Etenim sic habere, perdere est. Et si Abraham, inquit, ex operibus iustificatus est, habet gloriam, sed non apud Deum. Et ego: non ego in tuto, inquam.

Perdidi quidquid habeo non apud Deum. Nam quid tam perditum, quam quod extra Deum exsulat? Quid mors, nisi privatio vitae? Ita nihil perditio, nisi alienatio a Deo est. Vae qui sapientes estis in oculis vestris, et eoram vobismetipsis prudentes! de vobis dicitur: Perdam sapientiam sapientium, et prudentiam prudentium reprobabo. Perdiderunt sapientiam, quia sua sapientia perdidit eos. Quid non perdiderunt, qui et ipsi perditi sunt?

An vero non perditi, quos nescit Deus?

Porro autem virgines fatuae, quas quidem non aliunde fatuas puto, nisi quia dicentes se esse sapientes, stultae factae sunt; hae, inquam, a Deo audire habent: Nescio vos. Et item illi, qui gratiam miraculorum ad suam usurpaverunt gloriam, nihilominus audituri sunt, quia non novi vos : ut liquido ex his clarescat, gratiam non prodesse, ubi veritas non est in intentione; sed obesse magis. Et quidem penes sponsum utraque res. Denique: Gratia et veritas per Iesum Christum facta est, ait Ioannes Baptista. Si ergo cum una quavis harum sine altera pulsaverit ad ostium meum Dominus Iesus Christus (ipse est enim Dei Verbum, animae sponsus), intrabit sane non tanquam sponsus, sed tanquam iudex. Absit, nequaquam fiat hoc! Non intret in iudicium cum servo suo. Intret pacificus, intret iucundus et hilaris: maturus tamen et serius intret, qui severiori quodam veritatis vultu in me, dum insolentiam reprimit, purget laetitiam.

Intret quasi hinnulus saliens, quasi caprea circumspectus, qui culpam dissimulando transiliat, poenam miserando respiciat. Intret quasi descendens de montibus Bethel, festivus et splendidus, et quasi procedens a Patre, suavis et mitis, qui non dedignetur dici et fieri sponsus animae quaerentis se, cum sit super omnia Deus benedictus in saecula. Amen.

Scripture echoes

  1. ↩Song.2.10 — My beloved answered and said to me, 'Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come away.'
  2. ↩Ps.130.1 — A Song of Ascents. Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD.
  3. ↩Luke.24.37;John.6.19-John.6.20 — But they were startled and frightened, thinking they were seeing a spirit. John.6.19 — So when they had rowed about twenty-five or thirty stadia, they saw Jesus walking on the sea and coming near the boat, and they were afraid. John.6.20 — But he said to them, "I am. Do not be afraid."
  4. ↩John.16.16-John.16.18 — A little while, and you will no longer see me; and again a little while, and you will see me. John.16.17 — Then some of his disciples said among themselves, "What is this that he is saying to us — 'A little while, and you will not see me; and again a little while, and you will see me' — and, 'I am going to the Father'?" John.16.18 — So they were saying, 'What is this that he says, "a little while"? We do not know what he is talking about.'
  5. ↩Hab.2.3 — For there is still a vision for the appointed time; it hastens toward the end and will not prove false. Though it tarries, wait for it — it will surely come; it will not delay.
  6. ↩Song.2.16-Song.2.17 — My beloved is mine, and I am his — the one who grazes among the lilies. Song.2.17 — Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle or a young stag upon the mountains of Bether.
  7. ↩John.3.8 — The Spirit blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.
  8. ↩Acts.17.28 — For in him we live and move and have our being, as even some of your own poets have said, 'For we are also his offspring.'
  9. ↩Rom.11.33 — Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments, and how inscrutable his ways!
  10. ↩Heb.4.12 — For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, of joints and marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.
  11. ↩Jer.1.10 — See, I have appointed you this day over the nations and over the kingdoms, to pluck up and to break down, to destroy and to overthrow, to build and to plant.
  12. ↩Ps.103.1 — Of David. Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name.
  13. ↩1Kgs.19.12 — And after the earthquake came fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a sound of thin silence.
  14. ↩Eph.4.22-Eph.4.23 — you were taught to put off your former way of life, the old self, which is being corrupted according to the desires of deceit; Eph.4.23 — and be renewed in the spirit of your mind,
  15. ↩Rom.7.22 — For I delight in the law of God, according to the inner person.
  16. ↩Ps.145.3 — Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised; and his greatness is unsearchable.
  17. ↩Song.2.9 — My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, peering through the lattice.
  18. ↩Jas.4.17 — So then, for one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin.
  19. ↩John.13.27 — And after the piece of bread, Satan entered into him. So Jesus said to him, 'What you are doing, do quickly.'
  20. ↩Deut.32.13 — He made him ride on the high places of the earth, and he ate the produce of the field; and he nursed him with honey from the rock, and oil from the flinty crag.
  21. ↩Deut.32.1 — Give ear, O heavens, and I will speak; and let the earth hear the words of my mouth.
  22. ↩Ps.18.45 — At the hearing of the ear they listen to me; the children of foreigners come cringing to me,
  23. ↩Ezek.28.12-Ezek.28.17 — Son of man, take up a lament over the king of Tyre, and say to him: Thus says the Lord God: You are the seal of perfection, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty. Ezek.28.13 — You were in Eden, the garden of God. Every precious stone was your covering: carnelian, topaz, and emerald; chrysolite, onyx, and jasper; sapphire, turquoise, and beryl; and gold, the workmanship of your settings and sockets, was in you. On the day you were created they were prepared. Ezek.28.14 — You were the anointed cherub who covers, and I placed you on the holy mountain of God; you walked in the midst of stones of fire. Ezek.28.15 — You were blameless in your ways from the day you were created, until unrighteousness was found in you. Ezek.28.16 — Through the abundance of your trade, violence filled your midst, and you sinned; so I profaned you from the mountain of God, and I destroyed you, O covering cherub, from among the stones of fire." "From among" reads more naturally aloud than "from the midst of" while preserving the spatial image. Ezek.28.17 — Your heart became proud because of your beauty; you corrupted your wisdom on account of your splendor. I cast you to the earth; I set you before kings, for them to gaze upon you.
  24. ↩1Cor.1.20;Isa.29.14 — Where is the wise one? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? Isa.29.14 — Therefore, behold, I will again deal wonderfully with this people, with a marvelous wonder; and the wisdom of their wise men shall perish, and the understanding of their prudent men shall be hidden.
  25. ↩Jas.2.21-Jas.2.24;Jas.2.23 — Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered Isaac his son upon the altar? Jas.2.22 — You see that faith was working together with his works, and by works faith was made complete. Jas.2.23 — and the scripture was fulfilled that says, "Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness," and he was called friend of God. Jas.2.24 — You see that a person is justified by works and not by faith alone. Jas.2.23 — and the scripture was fulfilled that says, "Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness," and he was called friend of God.
  26. ↩Isa.5.21 — Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, and shrewd in their own sight.
  27. ↩Matt.7.23 — And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you who practice lawlessness.'
  28. ↩Ps.30.4;Matt.7.23 — Sing to the LORD, you his faithful ones, and give thanks to his holy name. Matt.7.23 — And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you who practice lawlessness.'
  29. ↩John.1.17 — For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.
  30. ↩John.1.1 — In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
  31. ↩Ps.143.2;Job.9.32 — And do not bring your servant into judgment, for no one living is righteous before you. Job.9.32 — For he is not a man, as I am, that I might answer him, that we might come together in judgment.
  32. ↩Song.2.9;Song.2.17 — My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, peering through the lattice. Song.2.17 — Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle or a young stag upon the mountains of Bether.
  33. ↩Gen.28.10-Gen.28.19 — And Jacob left Beersheba and went toward Haran. Gen.28.11 — He came to a certain place and stayed there that night, because the sun had set. He took one of the stones of the place and put it under his head, and lay down in that place. Gen.28.12 — And he dreamed, and behold, a ladder was set on the earth, and its top reached to heaven; and behold, the angels of God were ascending and descending on it. Gen.28.13 — And behold, the LORD stood above him and said, "I am the LORD, the God of Abraham your father and the God of Isaac. The land on which you are lying, to you I will give it and to your offspring. Gen.28.14 — And your offspring shall be like the dust of the earth, and you shall spread abroad to the west and to the east and to the north and to the south. And in you and in your offspring shall all the families of the earth be blessed. Gen.28.15 — And behold, I am with you, and I will keep you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you. Gen.28.16 — Then Jacob awoke from his sleep and said, 'Surely the LORD is in this place, and I did not know it.' Gen.28.17 — He was afraid and said, "How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God, and this is the gate of heaven." Gen.28.18 — And Jacob rose early in the morning, and took the stone that he had put under his head, and set it up as a pillar, and poured oil on its top. Gen.28.19 — He called the name of that place Bethel, but Luz was the name of the city at first.
  34. ↩Rom.1.25;2Cor.11.31 — who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. 2Cor.11.31 — The God and Father of the Lord Jesus, the one who is blessed forever, knows that I am not lying.

Notes

  1. 1 ↩reseret: rare verb, here rendered 'unlock' in the sense of laying open or revealing a hidden mystery; could also mean 'reveal'.
  2. 2 ↩et: additive connective preserved as 'and' to keep the paired motion of the Word's departure and return.
  3. 3 ↩nunquid: interrogative particle that can expect a negative answer ('surely not?') or genuinely question ('does... indeed?'). Rendered here as a tentative 'perhaps' to preserve the open, wondering tone.
  4. 4 ↩seu: disjunctive conjunction coordinating the infinitives venire and ire; rendered as 'or' to preserve the alternative question.
  5. 5 ↩localem: technical philosophical adjective meaning 'pertaining to place'; the point is that a purely spiritual being cannot be confined to or move within local space.
  6. 6 ↩aut...vel: pair of disjunctives framing alternative questions; 'aut' opens the new question, 'vel' adds 'any' force within it ('of whatever kind').
  7. 7 ↩revertere could be imperative ('Return!') addressed to the Word or infinitive ('to return'); the rendering takes it as an embedded imperative cry of the soul, consistent with the devotional context of the Song of Songs exposition.
  8. 8 ↩piam simulationem rendered 'pious pretense' captures the surface sense of simulatio; imo salutarem dispensationem reframes it as a wise, saving arrangement. The tension is deliberate in the Latin.
  9. 9 ↩Verbum corpus exhibuit / Verbum spiritus actitare: the contrast is between the Word showing a body and the Word of the Spirit repeatedly working in the soul. The exact referent of Verbum spiritus is left open.
  10. 10 ↩dispensatorium is a rare adjective; rendered 'dispensing character' to capture the sense that the Word's withdrawal is providential, not arbitrary. plenum iudicii: 'full of judgment' preserves the gravity — both movements carry divine weight and discernment.
  11. 11 ↩pactus sum ('I have agreed/settled') is rendered 'speaking from experience' to capture the sense of a settled, lived arrangement with God; alternative: 'I have made this my pact'.
  12. 12 ↩prodar ('let me come forth/be brought out') rendered as active 'let me come forward' to preserve the speaker's willing self-disclosure; consolabor/confitebor rendered 'take comfort'/'own it' to distinguish the two responses.
  13. 13 ↩mihi adventasse Verbum ('the Word to have come to me') rendered with active voice 'the Word has come to me' to preserve the speaker's confession of unmerited encounter.
  14. 14 ↩The series adesse/adfuisse/praesentire/sentire/exitum maps a gradient of awareness; rendered to preserve the distinction between sensing presence, remembering presence, anticipating arrival, and failing to perceive the act of coming or going.
  15. 15 ↩The closing quotation 'Nescis unde veniat, aut quo vadat' echoes John 3:8 ('You do not know where it comes from or where it is going'); final source resolution deferred to tx-08 Moses check.
  16. 16 ↩Quoted span echoes Psalm 76:20 (Vulg. 75:20): 'et vestigia tua non cognoscentur'. Candidate allusion; final source resolution deferred.
  17. 17 ↩mansum: glossed as 'chewed' (from mandere) but could also reflect a form of manere ('remained'). The sense 'chewed' fits the parallel with haustum ('swallowed') and the throat imagery.
  18. 18 ↩nec infecit aerem, sed fecit: the contrast between 'infect' and 'make' suggests the Word doesn't merely tinge or taint the air but positively produces or transforms it.
  19. 19 ↩quoniam bonum est: the antecedent of 'that is good' is ambiguous — it could refer to the good that comes from within, or to the good that the Word brings. The most natural reading in context is that what comes from within is good, yet the speaker knows no such good dwells in him.
  20. 20 ↩The clause 'in ipso vivimus, movemur et sumus' echoes Acts 17:28 ('in ipso enim vivimus et movemur et sumus'); candidate allusion, pending Moses resolution.
  21. 21 ↩male sanum: literally 'badly sound' — the paradox preserves Bernard's image of a heart that is technically alive but deeply disordered.
  22. 22 ↩The Latin closely echoes Luke 4:47 (Vulgate): 'Qui enim scit voluntatem domini sui et non fecit... vapulabit multis.' Final scriptural resolution belongs to a later stage.
  23. 23 ↩Quotation of John 13:27 (Vulgate). Preserved as familiar scriptural cadence.
  24. 24 ↩The Latin plays on magistro (Christ as Teacher of truth) and magistra Veritate (Truth personified as feminine teacher). The vel potius ('or rather') shifts from Christ to personified Truth as the one Judas failed to walk with.
  25. 25 ↩The antecedent of 'eam' and the precise sense of 'decore suo' vs. 'sua sapientia' are compressed in the Latin. The rendering above takes the contrast as: she turned wisdom to the service of her own beauty rather than letting wisdom guide her. An alternative reading is that she lost wisdom by making her beauty her own possession rather than receiving wisdom's beauty.
  26. 26 ↩The repeated quod-clauses are accusative-and-infinitive constructions dependent on an implied 'istud est' or similar. The pronoun 'eam' and 'ea' refer back to wisdom (sapientiam/sapientia). The compressed final contrast 'cur eam perdidit ... quod eam perdidit' is rendered as 'why he lost it ... what he lost' to preserve the distinction between cause and essence.
  27. 27 ↩The Latin 'Et ego: non ego in tuto, inquam' is compressed and elliptical. The sense appears to be a self-correction: 'And I [say] — not that I am safe, I say.' The phrase 'in tuto' (in a safe place) may mean 'not I, who am in a safe place' or 'not I — I say — safely.' The rendering preserves the self-correcting rhythm of the Latin without resolving the ambiguity definitively.

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