God beholdith the monyng of the soule with pite and not with blame, and yet we do nowte but synne, in the which we arn kept in solace and in drede. For He will we turne us to Him, redy clevand to His love, seand that He is our medicyne. And so we must love in longing and in enjoyeing, and whatsover is contrarie to this is not of God but of enmity. Eighty-second chapter.
The Lord Looks with Pity
God shows the soul's moaning, assures that He knows our desire to suffer for love, and looks with pity, not blame, leading us to turn to His mercy.
But here our courteous Lord showed the moaning and mourning of the soul, meaning this: "I know well that you want to live for My love, merrily and gladly suffering all the penance that may come to you."1 But since you don't live without sin, you would suffer for My love all the woe, all the tribulation and distress that might come to you.2 And that is true, but don't be greatly distressed by sin that falls on you against your will. And here I understood this: that the Lord looks on the servant with pity and not with blame, for this passing life does not ask us to live entirely without blame and sin. He loves us endlessly, and we sin habitually. And He shows us this very gently; and then we sorrow and mourn with discretion, turning ourselves to the beholding of His mercy, clinging to His love and goodness, seeing that He is our medicine, knowing that we do nothing but sin.
Kept Secure in Love
Through meekness and mutual love, we please Him, and He declares, 'I keep you fully secure.'
And so, by the meekness we gain through the sight of our sin, faithfully knowing His everlasting love, thanking and praising Him, we please Him. I love you and you love Me, and our love shall not be parted in two, and for your good I suffer. And all this was shown in spiritual understanding, saying these blessed words: I keep you fully secure.
The Higher and Lower Beholding
Julian understands that we are to live in longing and rejoicing, and that in falling and rising we are always kept in one love; the beholding of God is the highest truth, and we are to hold more to the higher beholding which brings solace, while not forsaking the lower which brings humble dread, until we attain our reward.
Because of the great desire I have in our blessed Lord—that we should live this way, in longing and in rejoicing, as this whole lesson of love shows—I understood that everything contrary to us does not come from Him, but from enmity. And He wills that we know it by the sweet, gracious light of His kind love.3 If there is any such lover on earth who is continually kept from falling, I don't know of it, for it was not shown to me. But this was shown: that in falling and in rising, we are always kept precious in one love.4 For when we behold God, we do not fall; when we behold ourselves, we do not stand; and as I see it, both are true. But the beholding of our Lord God is the highest truth. So we are greatly indebted to God that He wills, in this life, to show us this high truth. And I understood that while we are in this life, it is very helpful for us to see both of these at once.5 For the higher beholding keeps us in spiritual solace and true rejoicing in God. The other—that is, the lower beholding—keeps us in dread and makes us ashamed of ourselves. But our good Lord always wills that we keep ourselves much more in the higher beholding, and not leave the knowing of the lower, until we are brought up above, where we will have our Lord Jesus as our reward and be filled with joy and bliss without end.6
Read the original Middle English
But here shewid our curtes Lord the moneing and the morning of the soule, menand thus: I wote wele thou wilt liven for My love, merily and gladly suffrand all the penance that may com to the. But inasmech as thow livest not without synne, thou woldest suffre for My love all the wo, all the tribulation, and disese that myte come to the. And it is soth, but be not mekill agreved with synne that fallith to the agens thy will.
And here I understode that: that the Lord biholdith the servant with pitie and not with blame, for this passing lif askith not to liven al withoute blame and synne. He loveith us endlesly, and we synne customably. And He shewith us full myldely; and than we sorow and mornen discretly, turnand us into the beholding of His mercy, clevand to His love and goodness, seand that He is our medicine, wittand that we doe nowte but synne. And thus be the mekeness that we getten be the syte of our synne, feythfully knowyng His everlasting love, Him thanking and prayseing, we plesyn Him. I love the and thou lovist Me, and our love shall not be departid in two, and for thi profitt I suffre. And all this was shewid in gostly understondyng, seyand these blissid words: I kepe the full sekerly.
And be gret desire that I have in our blissid Lord that we shal leven in this manner, that is to sey, in longing and enjoyeing as all this lesson of love shewith, therby I understode that all that is contrarious to us is not of Him, but of enmyte. And He will that we knowen it be the swete gracious lyt of His kynde love. If any swich lover be in erth which is continuly kept fro falling, I know it not, for it was not shewid me. But this was shewed, that in falling and in ryseing we arn ever preciously kept in one love. For in the beholding of God we fall not; in the beholding of selfe we stond not; and both these ben soth, as to my syte. But the beholdyng of our Lord God is the heyest sothnes.
Than arn we mekil bound to God, that He will in this living shewin us this hey sothness. And I understode that while we be in this life, it is full spedefull to us that we sen both these at onys. For the heyer beholding kepith us in gostly solace and trew enjoying in God. That other, that is the lower beholding, kepith us in drede and makith us ashamyd of ourselfe. But our good Lord will ever that we holden us mekil more in the beholdyng of the heyer, and not levyn the knowing of the lower, into the time that we be browte up above wher we shall have our Lord Jhesus onto our mede, and ben fulfillid of joy and bliss without ende.
Notes
- 1 ↩ME moneing/morning is a mourning-moaning doublet for the soul's lament; both surfaces mean mourning, not daybreak.
- 2 ↩ME disese rendered as distress/affliction, not medical disease.
- 3 ↩kynde love: Julian's kynde can mean natural (of His nature) and kindly; rendered here as kind love to keep both senses without over-specifying.
- 4 ↩preciously kept: rendered kept precious to preserve both careful keeping and the soul's valued status within one undivided love.
- 5 ↩"both these" points back to the two beholdings just shown: the beholding of God (in which we do not fall) and the beholding of self (in which we do not stand).
- 6 ↩"mede" rendered as "reward" (ME meed); "levyn" as "leave" in the sense of abandon or cast aside.
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