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← Pseudo-Augustine Soliloquia animae ad Deum (Meditations of the Soul to God)/Book 1 · Soliloquia animae ad Deum
Chapter 35PsAug.1.35

Dei ardens desiderium. Beatorum quanta felicitas. Miseria exsilii nostri, et aspiratio ad patriam.

The Soul's Thirst for God

The soul, like a deer panting for water, pours out its burning thirst for the living God, longing to see His face and enter the eternal day of joy that knows no evening.

As the deer longs for streams of water, so my soul longs for you, God.✦ My soul has thirsted for God, the fountain of the living (Ps. LXII, 2), when shall I come and appear before the face of my God?✦ O fountain of life, vein of the waters of the living, when shall I come to the waters of your sweetness, from the desolate, pathless, and waterless land, so that I may see your power and your glory, and satisfy my thirst from the waters of your mercy? I thirst, Lord; fountain of life, satisfy me: I thirst, Lord, I thirst for the living God. O when shall I come and appear, Lord, before your face!✦ Do you think I will see that day — that day, I say, of gladness and joy — the day the Lord has made, so that we may exult and rejoice in it? O splendid day, knowing no evening, having no setting, in which I may hear the voice of praise, the voice of exultation and confession — 'Enter into the joy of your Lord' (Matth.✦

The Vision of Eternal Joy

The soul contemplates the inscrutable blessedness of heaven—joy without sadness, life without death—then laments its prolonged exile and the taunts of those who ask, 'Where is your God?'

Enter into everlasting joy, into the house of the Lord your God, where there are great things, inscrutable things, and wonderful things beyond counting; enter into joy without sadness, which holds eternal gladness, where every good thing will be, and no evil thing will be; where whatever you wish for will be, and whatever you do not wish for will not be; where there will be life that gives life, sweet and lovely, always and ever memorable; where there will be no enemy attacking, no temptation at all, but supreme and sure security, and secure tranquility, and tranquil delight, and delightful happiness, and happy eternity, and eternal blessedness, and the blessed Trinity, and the unity of the Trinity, and the deity of that unity, and the blessed vision of that deity, which is the joy of my Lord!✦✦✦ O joy above joy, surpassing every joy, beyond which there is no joy, when will I enter into you, so that I may see my Lord who dwells in you? I will go and I will see this great vision.✦ What is it that holds me back? Alas, poor me! Because my sojourning has been prolonged (Psalm✦✦ 119:5): alas, poor me!✦ How long will it be said to me, Where is your God? (Psalm✦✦

Waiting for the Savior's Return

Amid derision and delay, the soul clings to the hope of Christ's return, awaiting the transformation of its lowly body into glory and the wedding feast of the Lamb.

(Psalm 41:11)?✦ How long will they keep saying to me, 'Wait, wait some more'? And now — what is there left to hope for? Surely you are — O Lord (Psalm✦ 38:8)?✦ We await the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our body of lowliness to be conformed to the body of his glory (Phil.✦ 3:21).✦ We wait for the Lord — that when he returns from the wedding feast, he may lead us to his own wedding feast.✦

Come, Lord Jesus

The soul cries out with urgent prayer for Christ's coming, pleading to be led from prison and the waves of mortality to the harbor of eternal happiness.

Come, Lord, and don't delay. Come, Lord Jesus, come visit us in peace, and lead this prisoner out of prison, so that we may rejoice before you with a perfect heart. Come, our Savior, come, longed for by all the nations, show us your face, and we will be saved. Come, my light, my Redeemer, lead my soul out of prison to confess your holy name. Psalm 141:8. How long will I, wretched, be tossed about in the waves of my mortality, crying out to you, Lord, and you do not hear? Hear me crying out, Lord, from this great sea, and lead me to the harbor of eternal happiness.

The Blessedness of Those Who Have Arrived

The soul exults in the glory of the saints who have reached the eternal kingdom—clothed in light, crowned with precious stone, resting in the peace that surpasses all understanding.

Happy are those who, led out from the danger of this sea, have deserved to reach in you, O God, the safest harbor! O truly happy, who have arrived from the open sea to the shore, from exile to their homeland, from prison to a palace — now blessed with longed-for rest! Because that prize of eternal glory, which here they sought through many tribulations, they now rejoice in forever, having obtained it in blessed joy. O truly blessed, O three-times and four-times blessed, who, now stripped of all evils, now secure, have deserved to reach the kingdom of beauty because of their own unfading glory! O eternal kingdom, kingdom of all ages, where the light never fails, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding (Phil.✦ IV, 7), in which the souls of the saints rest, and everlasting joy is over their heads: they will obtain joy and exultation, and pain and groaning will flee away!✦ O how glorious is the kingdom in which, Lord, all the saints reign with you, clothed with light as with a garment, wearing on their heads a crown of precious stone (Psal.✦ XX, 4)!✦ O kingdom of everlasting blessedness, where you, Lord, are the hope of the saints and the diadem of glory, seen face to face by the saints, gladdening them on every side in your peace, which surpasses all understanding!✦

The Fullness of Heavenly Joy

The soul enumerates the perfections of the heavenly kingdom—life without death, love without coldness, joy without diminishment—where the highest good is to see always the face of the Lord.

There is infinite joy, happiness without sadness, safety without pain, life without toil, light without darkness, life without death, every good without any evil. There youth never grows old, life knows no end, beauty never fades, love never grows cold, health never withers, joy never diminishes, pain is never felt, groaning is never heard, nothing sad is seen, happiness is always held, no evil is feared — because there the highest good is possessed, which is to see always the face of the Lord of hosts.✦ Happy, then, are those who from the shipwreck of this present life have now deserved to arrive at such great joys.

The Wretchedness of Exile and the Cry for Help

The soul laments its wretched condition, tossed on the stormy sea of exile, and cries out to Christ the morning star standing on the far shore, begging to be drawn safely to harbor by the power of His cross.

Unhappy — alas, we are wretched — we who drag our ship through the waves and stormy whirlpools of this great sea, not knowing whether we'll ever be able to reach the harbor of salvation. Unhappy, I say — whose life is lived in exile, whose path runs through danger, whose end hangs in uncertainty. We don't know our own final day, because all things are kept in reserve, uncertain, for the future; and still we are tossed on the waves of the deep, sighing toward the harbor. O our homeland, homeland secure — from far away we see you. From this sea we greet you, from this valley we sigh toward you; and we press on with tears, if somehow we may arrive at you.✦ Hope of the human race — Christ, God from God, our refuge and strength — your light shines from far off through the dark mists over the storms of the sea, like a star's ray over the waters, so that we may be guided to the harbor. Steer, Lord, our ship by your right hand, by the nail of your cross. Lest we perish in the waves, lest the storm of water swallow us up, lest the deep engulf us — but by the power of your cross, draw us from this sea to you, our only comfort, whom from far off we see as a morning star and sun of justice, standing on the shore of the heavenly homeland, waiting for us — though we can scarcely see you through tearful eyes.✦✦ Look — we your redeemed cry out to you, but we are still your exiles, those you purchased with your precious blood.✦ Hear us, God our Savior, hope of all the ends of the earth, and far off at sea —✦ (Psalm 64, 6): We are tossed on a turbulent sea; you stand on the shore and watch over our dangers. Make us safe, for the sake of your name.✦

Steer Us Safely Home

The soul prays for God to guide it through the perils of the sea so that it may arrive safely in harbor with ship and cargo intact.

Grant us, Lord, to hold the middle course between Scylla and Charybdis, so that with ship and cargo safe we may come safely into harbor.

Read the original Latin

Quemadmodum desiderat cervus ad fontes aquarum, ita desiderat anima mea ad te, Deus. Sitivit anima mea ad Deum fontem vivum (Psal. LXII, 2), quando veniam et apparebo ante faciem Dei mei? O fons vitae, vena aquarum viventium, quando veniam ad aquas dulcedinis tuae de terra deserta, invia et inaquosa, ut videam virtutem tuam et gloriam tuam, et satiem ex aquis misericordiae tuae sitim meam? Sitio, Domine; fons vitae, satia me: sitio, Domine, sitio Deum vivum. O quando veniam et apparebo, Domine, ante faciem tuam! Putasne videbo diem illam, diem, inquam, jucunditatis et laetitiae; diem quam fecit Dominus, ut exsultemus et laetemur in ea? O dies praeclara, nesciens vesperum, non habens occasum, in qua audiam vocem laudis, vocem exsultationis et confessionis, Intra in gaudium Domini tui (Matth.

XXV, 21), intra in gaudium sempiternum, in domum Domini Dei tui, ubi sunt magna et inscrutabilia et mirabilia, quorum non est numerus; intra in gaudium sine tristitia, quod continet aeternam laetitiam, ubi erit omne bonum, et non erit aliquod malum; ubi erit quidquid voles, et non erit quidquid noles; ubi erit vita vitalis, dulcis et amabilis, semperque memorialis; ubi non erit hostis impugnans, nec ulla illecebra, sed summa et certa securitas, et secura tranquillitas, et tranquilla jucunditas, et jucunda felicitas, et felix aeternitas, et aeterna beatitudo, et beata Trinitas, et Trinitatis unitas, et unitatis deitas, et deitatis beata visio, quae est gaudium Domini mei! O gaudium super gaudium, vincens omne gaudium, extra quod non est gaudium, quando intrabo in te, ut videam Dominum meum qui habitat in te? Ibo et videbo visionem hanc grandem. Quid est quod me detinet? Heu me! quia incolatus meus prolongatus est (Psal. CXIX, 5): heu me! quamdiu dicetur mihi, Ubi est Deus tuus (Psal.

XLI, 11)? quamdiu dicetur mihi, Exspecta, reexspecta? Et nunc quae est exspectatio mea? Nonne tu, Domine (Psal. XXXVIII, 8)? Salvatorem exspectamus Dominum Jesum Christum, qui reformabit corpus humilitatis nostrae configuratum corpori claritatis suae (Philipp. III, 21). Exspectamus Dominum quando revertatur a nuptiis, ut inducat nos ad suas nuptias.

Veni, Domine, et noli tardare. Veni, Domine Jesu, veni visitare nos in pace, veni et educ vinctum hunc de carcere, ut laetemur coram te corde perfecto. Veni, Salvator noster, veni, desideratus cunctis gentibus, ostende faciem tuam, et salvi erimus. Veni, lux mea, Redemptor meus, educ de carcere animam meam ad confitendum nomini sancto tuo (Psal. CXLI, 8). Quamdiu miser jactabor in fluctibus mortalitatis meae, clamans ad te, Domine, et non exaudis? Audi clamantem, Domine, de hoc mari magno, et educ me ad portum felicitatis aeternae.

Felices qui de periculo maris hujus educti ad te Deum portum tutissimum pervenire meruerunt! O vere felices, qui de pelago ad littus, de exsilio ad patriam, de carcere ad palatium pervenerunt, optata jam quiete beati; quia bravium illud perpetuae gloriae, quod hic per multas tribulationes quaesierunt, jam felici jucunditate adepti, laetantur in perpetuum! O vere beati, o terque quaterque beati, qui jam omnium malorum exuti, securi jam de sua immarcescibili gloria ad regnum decoris pervenire meruerunt! O regnum aeternum, regnum omnium saeculorum, ubi lumen indeficiens, et pax Dei quae exsuperat omnem sensum (Philipp. IV, 7), in qua sanctorum animae requiescunt, et laetitia sempiterna super capita eorum: gaudium et exsultationem obtinebunt, et fugiet dolor et gemitus! O quam gloriosum est regnum in quo tecum, Domine, regnant omnes sancti, amicti lumine sicut vestimento, habentes in capite suo coronam de lapide pretioso (Psal. XX, 4)! O regnum beatitudinis sempiternae, ubi tu, Domine, spes sanctorum et diadema gloriae, facie ad faciem videris a sanctis, laetificans eos undique in pace tua quae exsuperat omnem sensum!

Ibi gaudium infinitum, laetitia sine tristitia, salus sine dolore, vita sine labore, lux sine tenebris, vita sine morte, omne bonum sine omni malo. Ibi juventus nunquam senescit, ibi vita terminum nescit, ubi decor nunquam pallescit, ubi amor nunquam tepescit, ubi sanitas nunquam marcescit, ubi gaudium nunquam decrescit, ubi dolor nunquam sentitur, ubi gemitus nunquam auditur, ubi triste nihil videtur, ubi laetitia semper habetur, ubi malum nullum timetur; quoniam ibi summum bonum possidetur, quod est semper videre faciem Domini virtutum. Felices igitur qui de naufraga vita praesenti ad tanta gaudia jam pervenire meruerunt.

Infelices heu nos et miseri, qui per hujus maris magni fluctus procellosasque voragines navem trahimus, ignorantes an ad portum salutis pervenire valeamus. Infelices, inquam, quorum est vita in exsilio, via in periculo, finis in dubio; nescientes finem nostrum, quia omnia in futurum reservantur incerta, et adhuc in pelagi fluctibus versamur, suspirantes ad portum. O patria nostra, patria secura, a longe te videmus. Ab hoc mari te salutamus, ab hac valle ad te suspiramus; et nitimur cum lacrymis si quo modo ad te perveniamus. Spes humani generis Christe, Deus de Deo, refugium nostrum et virtus, cujus lumen a longe inter caliginosas nebulas super maris procellas, quasi stellae maris radius oculos nostros irradiat, ut dirigamur ad portum, guberna, Domine, navem nostram tua dextera, clavo crucis tuae, ne pereamus in fluctibus, ne nos demergat tempestas aquae, neque absorbeat nos profundum; sed virtute crucis tuae trahe nos ab hoc pelago ad te, solamen unicum nostrum, quem a longe quasi stellam matutinam et solem justitiae vix lacrymantibus oculis in littore coelestis patriae nos exspectantem videmus. En ad te clamamus redempti tui, sed et nunc exsules tui, quos pretioso sanguine redemisti. Exaudi nos Deus salutaris noster, spes omnium finium terrae, et in mari longe (Psal. LXIV, 6): in mari turbulento versamur; tu in littore stans aspicis pericula nostra, salvos nos fac propter nomen tuum.

Da nobis, Domine, inter Scyllam et Charibdim ita tenere medium, ut salva navi et mercibus securi perveniamus ad portum.

Scripture echoes

  1. ↩Ps.41.2 — Blessed is the one who has regard for the poor; in the day of trouble, the LORD delivers him.
  2. ↩Ps.62.2 — Only before God is my soul silent; from him comes my salvation.
  3. ↩Ps.41.2-Ps.41.3 — Blessed is the one who has regard for the poor; in the day of trouble, the LORD delivers him. Ps.41.3 — The LORD will keep him alive and preserve him; he will be called blessed in the land. Do not give him over to the will of his enemies.
  4. ↩Matt.25.21 — His master said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful servant. You were faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.'
  5. ↩Rev.21.3-Rev.21.4 — And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man, and he will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them [as their God].' Rev.21.4 — And he will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more; neither mourning, nor crying, nor pain will be any more, for the former things have passed away.
  6. ↩Ps.16.11 — You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
  7. ↩Ps.119.5 — Oh that my ways were established to keep your statutes!
  8. ↩Exod.33.13;Num.12.8 — And now, if I have found favor in your eyes, please make known to me your ways, so that I may know you, in order that I may find favor in your eyes. And see that this nation is your people. Num.12.8 — Mouth to mouth I speak with him, plainly and not in riddles; the form of the LORD he beholds. So why were you not afraid to speak against my servant Moses?
  9. ↩Ps.119.5 — Oh that my ways were established to keep your statutes!
  10. ↩Gen.23.4;1Chr.29.15 — I am a foreigner and settler among you. Grant me a burial site among you, so that I may bury my dead out of my sight. 1Chr.29.15 — For we are sojourners before you and resident aliens, like all our fathers; our days on the earth are like a shadow, and there is no hope.
  11. ↩Ps.119.5 — Oh that my ways were established to keep your statutes!
  12. ↩Ps.42.3;Ps.80.10 — My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before the face of God? Ps.80.10 — You cleared the ground before it, and it took deep root and filled the land.
  13. ↩Ps.42.10 — I say to God, my Rock, 'Why have you forgotten me? Why must I walk in darkness under the oppression of the enemy?'
  14. ↩Ps.41.11 — But you, O LORD, be gracious to me, and raise me up, that I may repay them.
  15. ↩Ps.38.8 — For my loins are filled with burning, and there is no soundness in my flesh.
  16. ↩Ps.38.8 — For my loins are filled with burning, and there is no soundness in my flesh.
  17. ↩Phil.3.21 — who will transform the body of our humiliation to be conformed to the body of his glory, according to the power that enables him to subject all things to himself.
  18. ↩Phil.3.21 — who will transform the body of our humiliation to be conformed to the body of his glory, according to the power that enables him to subject all things to himself.
  19. ↩Rev.19.9 — And he said to me, "Write: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb." And he said to me, "These are the true words of God."
  20. ↩Phil.4.7 — And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
  21. ↩Phil.4.7 — And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
  22. ↩Ps.103.2 — Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits.
  23. ↩Ps.20.4 — May he remember all your grain offerings and fatten your burnt offering. Selah.
  24. ↩Phil.4.7 — And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
  25. ↩Ps.17.15;1Cor.13.12;Rev.22.4 — “But I, in righteousness, shall behold your face; I shall be satisfied when I awake with your likeness.” 1Cor.13.12 — For now we see in a mirror, dimly; but then face to face. Now I know in part; but then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. Rev.22.4 — And they will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads.
  26. ↩Ps.83.7 — the tents of Edom and the Ishmaelites, Moab and the Hagrites,
  27. ↩Rev.22.16 — I, Jesus, have sent my angel to testify to you these things for the churches. I am the root and the offspring of David, the bright morning star.
  28. ↩2Pet.1.19 — And we have the prophetic word more fully confirmed, to which you do well to pay attention as to a lamp shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts.
  29. ↩1Pet.1.19 — but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot
  30. ↩Ps.64.6 — They strengthen themselves in an evil word; they tell of hiding snares; they say, "Who will see them?"
  31. ↩Ps.64.5-Ps.64.6 — They aim to shoot the blameless from hiding; suddenly they shoot at him and do not fear. Ps.64.6 — They strengthen themselves in an evil word; they tell of hiding snares; they say, "Who will see them?"

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