De mirabili luce Dei. Quod in solo Deo bene sit homini. De variis Dei beneficiis.
The Inaccessible Light and the Soul's Confession
The soul is drawn into the overwhelming brilliance of God's light, confesses its misery in falling from divine unity into worldly multiplicity, and laments its wretched condition apart from God.
Light that no other light can see, radiance that no other radiance perceives; light that darkens every other light, and radiance that blinds every foreign gleam; light from which all light comes, radiance from which every radiance flows; radiance toward which every radiance is darkness, toward which all light is mere obscurity; light to which all darkness is radiance, to which every obscurity is light; highest light, which blindness cannot cloud, which gloom cannot dull, which shadows cannot darken, which no obstacle can block, which no shadow ever separates: light that illuminates all things wholly at once and forever — draw me into the abyss of your brightness, so that I may see you on every side, you in yourself, and myself in you, and all things beneath you. Don't abandon me; don't let the shadows of my ignorance grow, and my sins multiply. For without you, all things are darkness to me, all things evil; because nothing is good without you, the one true and highest good. This I confess, this I know, Lord my God: wherever I am without you, it goes badly for me — apart from you, not only outside myself but also within myself; because every abundance that is not my God is nothing but want to me. I shall be satisfied only when your glory appears (Ps. 16, 15). For indeed, Lord, blessed life of mine, I confess my misery to you: I fell from your unity, the highest and only good; the multiform restlessness of worldly things beat my fall apart through my carnal senses, and scattered me from the one you into many things. And so I found an abundance that was nothing but labor, and a want that was all too plentiful — while I chased one thing after another and was filled by none; while I could not find you, the unchanging, singular, and undivided one good, which if I follow I do not wander, which if I obtain I do not grieve, which if I possess, my whole desire is satisfied. Alas, what a great misery!
The Wretched Soul Flees God for the World
The soul laments its own weakness in fleeing God to pursue the failing world, and pleads with the divine Physician for healing and mercy.
Alas! Lord, my wretched soul flees from you — you, with whom it always abounds and rejoices — and chases after the world, with which it always aches and grieves. The world cries out, 'I am failing!' and you cry out, 'I restore.' And yet my wretched soul follows the one who is failing more than the one who restores. Clearly, this is my weakness. Physician of souls, heal her, so that I may confess to you, salvation of my soul, with my whole heart for all your many kindnesses — by which you have fed me from my youth even into old age and decline.1 I beg you, by your very self: do not abandon me.
The Price of Redemption: God's Humbling Love
The soul recounts the full arc of divine redemption—creation, incarnation, crucifixion, and anointing—celebrating the boundless love by which God gave His own blood to restore a lost servant.
You made me when I did not exist; you redeemed me when I had perished. I had perished, I was dead; you came down to the dead, you took on mortality — you the King came down to a servant. To redeem a servant, you handed yourself over; so that I might live, you took on death, you conquered death; you restored me when you humbled yourself. I had perished, I had gone astray, I was sold into sin; you came for me to redeem me — and you loved me so much that you gave your own blood as the price for me. You loved me more than yourself, because you were willing to die for me. By such a covenant, at so dear a price, you brought me back from exile, you redeemed me from servitude, you drew me back from punishment. You called me by your name, you sealed me with your blood, so that your memory would always be with me and never depart from my heart — you who for me never left the cross. You anointed me with your oil, the oil with which you yourself were anointed, so that I might be called Christian — anointed by you, the Christ.
Mutual Remembrance and the Chronicle of Mercy
The soul recalls that God has inscribed it in His hands and responds with a sweeping catalogue of divine mercies that have accompanied every moment of its life.
And in your hands you have inscribed me, so that my remembrance may always be with you—if only your remembrance of me may continually be with me.✦23 So then, your grace and mercy have always gone before me: from many dangers you have often set me free, my deliverer. When I wandered, you led me back to the way; when I was ignorant, you taught me; when I sinned, you corrected me; when I was sad, you comforted me; when I despaired, you strengthened me; when I fell, you raised me up; when I stood, you held me; when I went, you guided me; when I came, you received me; when I slept, you watched over me; when I cried out, you heard me.45
Read the original Latin
Lux quam non videt alia lux, lumen quod non videt aliud lumen; lux quae obtenebras omnem lucem, et lumen quod excaecas omne extraneum lumen; lux a qua omnis lux, lumen a quo omne lumen; lumen ad quod omne lumen est tenebrae, ad quod omnis lux obscuritas; lux cui omnes tenebrae lumen, cui omnis obscuritas lux; lux suprema quam caecitas non obnubilat, quam caligo non hebetat, quam tenebrae non obfuscant, quam nulla obstantia claudunt, quam nunquam separat aliqua umbra: lux quae illuminas omnia tota simul et semel et semper, absorbe me in claritatis tuae abyssum, ut videam undique te in te, et me in te, et cuncta sub te. Ne derelinquas me; ne accrescant umbrae ignorantiae meae, et multiplicentur delicta mea. Sine te enim omnia mihi sunt tenebrae, omnia mala; quia nihil bonum sine te vero, solo et summo bono. Hoc confiteor, hoc scio, Domine Deus meus, quia ubicumque sum sine te, male est mihi praeter te, non solum extra me, sed etiam in me; quia omnis copia quae non est Deus meus, mihi est egestas. Satiabor tantum cum apparuerit gloria tua (Psal. XVI, 15). Etenim, Domine vita mea beata, ut miseriam meam confitear tibi, ex quo ab unitate tua cecidi, summum et unum bonum; temporalium rerum multiformitas lapsum me per carnales sensus disverberavit, et ab uno te in multa divisit: et facta est mihi abundantia laboriosa, et egestas copiosa, dum aliud et aliud sequebar, et a nullo implebar; dum in te non inveniebar, incommutabile et singulare et indivisum unum bonum, quod secutus non erro, quod consecutus non doleo, quod possidens satiatur totum desiderium meum. Heu miseria magna!
heu me! Domine, misera anima mea te refugit, cum quo semper abundat et gaudet; et sequitur mundum, cum quo semper eget et dolet. Mundus clamat, Deficio; et tu clamas, Reficio: et misera anima mea magis sequitur deficientem, quam reficientem. Plane infirmitas mea haec est. Medice spirituum, sana illam, ut confitear tibi, salus animae meae, toto corde meo super omnibus beneficiis tuis, quibus pascis me a juventute mea et usque in senectam et senium. Te deprecor per te ipsum, ne derelinquas me.
Fecisti me cum non essem, redemisti me cum periissem. Perieram, mortuus fueram; ad mortuum descendisti, mortalitatem suscepisti, ad servum rex descendisti. Ut servum redimeres, te ipsum tradidisti; ut ego viverem, tu mortem suscepisti, mortem vicisti; me restaurasti, cum te humiliasti. Perieram, abieram, in peccatis venumdatus eram; venisti pro me, ut redimeres me: et tantum me dilexisti, ut sanguinem tuum in pretium dares pro me. Dilexisti me plus quam te, quia mori voluisti pro me. Tali pacto, tam caro pretio reduxisti me de exsilio, redemisti me de servitio, retraxisti me de supplicio. Vocasti me nomine tuo, signasti me sanguine tuo, ut memoriale tuum semper esset apud me, et nunquam recederet a corde meo, qui pro me nunquam recessisti a cruce. Unxisti me oleo tuo quo tu unctus fuisti ut a te Christo dicerer christianus.
Et in manibus tuis descripsisti me; ut semper sit memoria mea apud te, si tamen memoria tua jugiter fuerit apud me. Sic igitur gratia tua et misericordia semper praevenerunt me: de multis namque periculis saepe liberasti me, liberator meus; quando erravi, ad viam reduxisti me; quando ignoravi, docuisti me; quando peccavi, corripuisti me; quando fui tristis, consolatus es me; quando desperavi, confortasti me; quando cecidi, erexisti me; quando steti, tenuisti me: quando ivi, duxisti me; quando veni, suscepisti me; quando dormivi, custodisti me; quando clamavi, exaudisti me.
Scripture echoes
- ↩Isa.49.16 — Behold, on your palms I have engraved you; your walls are continually before me.
Notes
- 1 ↩Medice spirituum ('Physician of souls') is a direct address to Christ as healer; salus animae meae ('salvation of my soul') is vocative, not genitive — the speaker addresses Christ as the salvation of the soul.
- 2 ↩The conditional clause 'si tamen memoria tua jugiter fuerit apud me' is concessive in force: the speaker longs for God's continual remembrance of him, even as he asks that his own remembrance of God endure. The verb fuerit is ambiguous between future perfect indicative ('will have been') and perfect subjunctive ('may have been'); the subjunctive reading is preferred here, matching the preceding purpose clause.
- 3 ↩The image of being inscribed in God's hands echoes Isaiah 49:16 ('Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands'). Candidate scripture allusion; final resolution deferred.
- 4 ↩The particle namque is explanatory/confirmative, introducing the grounds for the claim that grace and mercy have always gone before. Rendered implicitly through the colon structure.
- 5 ↩Gratia rendered as 'grace' and misericordia as 'mercy' per lexeme policy. Liberator in the vocative is rendered 'my deliverer' to preserve the direct address.
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