Preces Quotidianae
The Longing for Greater Sorrow
The soul confesses its desire for deeper compunction and its inability to produce it by its own power.
I wish it were more. I'd rejoice if it were more. I grieve because it's not more.1 I long to be capable of more, and I grieve because I'm not capable of more.2 I confess that my sorrow is something to mourn, and I myself mourn what is so worthy of mourning. Oh, who will give me the power to do more and more?✦ I myself, if it were in my hands, would supply it.3 But it's not in my hands; it's not in my power. It is in my hands, yes, to prize a greater measure—and even to will that there be still more.4 To will is ready at hand for me; but to carry it out, I don't find the way.✦
A Prayer for the Gift of Tears
The soul turns to God, asking for the grace of tears and citing biblical examples of penitent weeping.
You, Lord—give; it's in Your power to give. You who turn even flint into standing waters. Give me tears; give a fountain to my head.✦ Give me the grace of tears. Drop down dew from above, you hills, and water the dryness of my desert.✦ Give me this grace, Lord. No gift is more welcome to me—not many riches, not even the best of earthly things—than if You give me tears: such tears as You once granted David, or Jeremiah; such as You granted Mary Magdalene, or Peter.5 At least give me a dripping eye, so that I am not wholly flint.
Not for Washing the Bed
The soul clarifies that its desire for tears is not for dramatic display but for genuine repentance.
Not that I may wash my bed,✦
Read the original Latin
Cuperem ut magis; Gauderem si magis; Doleo, quia non magis. Cupio enim ut magis possem, et Doleo quia magis non possum. Fateor dolendum dolorem meum, Et doleo ipse tam dolendum. Et, O quis mihi det, ut plus magisque possem ? Ego, si penes me esset, prstarem. Sed penes me non est; In potestate mea non est. Penes me quidem est appretiare quod plus magis ; Velle etiam ut plus magis. Velle mihi adjacet; perficere autem non invenio.
Tu, Domine, da, penes Te est ut des. Tu qui vertis vel silicem in aquas stagnantes. Da lacrymas; da fontem capiti meo. Da gratiam lacrymarum. Rorate, colli, desuper, Et rigate ariditatem deserti mei. Da, Domine, gratiam hanc. Nullum mihi donum gratius, Non si opes multas, Non si terrena vel optima ; Quam si mihi laerymas ; Quales Davidi olim, vel Jeremize : Quales Magdalenz, vel Petro indulsisti. Saltem stillantem oculum, Ne totus sim silex.
Non ut stratum meum lavare possim,
Scripture echoes
- ↩Jer.9.1 — Oh, that I had in the wilderness a lodging place for travelers, that I might leave my people and go away from them—for they are all adulterers, a company of traitors.
- ↩Rom.7.18 — For I know that good does not dwell in me—that is, in my flesh. For the willing is present with me, but the working out of the good is not.
- ↩Jer.9.1 — Oh, that I had in the wilderness a lodging place for travelers, that I might leave my people and go away from them—for they are all adulterers, a company of traitors.
- ↩Isa.45.8 — Drop down, O heavens, from above, and let the skies pour down righteousness; let the earth open, that salvation may spring up, and let it cause righteousness to sprout; I, the LORD, have created it.
- ↩Ps.6.6 — For there is no remembrance of you in death; in Sheol, who can give you thanks?
Notes
- 1 ↩Elliptical magis has no expressed complement; surrounding prayer for tears of repentance implies a greater measure of godly sorrow. The third clause keeps the Latin paradox of grieving that the grief is not greater.
- 2 ↩magis remains elliptical with possem/possum (capacity for a greater measure). English supplies 'capable of' for natural modern cadence without naming the object the Latin leaves unspoken.
- 3 ↩Reading prstarem as praestarem ('I would furnish/supply/perform'); the printed form lacks ae and is almost certainly a transcription defect.
- 4 ↩appretiare taken as appretiari/appreciare, 'to value/prize'. quod plus magis is compressed Latin for valuing a greater degree of the sought gift.
- 5 ↩Normalized corrupted forms laerymas→lacrimas/lacrymas, Jeremize→Jeremiae, Magdalenz→Magdalenae; sense is clear from context.
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